Tag Archive for CF.net

The Duel on the Lava Planet

Psychomeltdown / March 28, 2010 / No comments

TEASER

MONTAGE

MERRYPRANKSTER and DRACONIS_NOIR playing cards.

MERRYPRANKSTER, DUQUESNE, and DRACONIS_NOIR playing HALO on a big-screen TV in the CF.net lounge.

MERRYPRANKSTER, DUQUESNE, DRACONIS_NOIR, and N_RED wandering through the Hub, oohing and awing.

The CF shuttle retreating towards the damaged CF ship. Particle beams slash into it.

The CF shuttle burning, falling towards the desert floor. There’s a massive explosion…

SARAH and AHMED escorted through the CF.net by MERRYPRANKSTER, who shows them all the gadgets.

The frozen corpses of SARAH and AHMED, still clinging to each other, floating in deep space

A tall slender Asian woman rushes away from MERRYPRANKSTER, weeping. MERRY follows, pleading, but is ignored. He turns towards the CF.net ship, where ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS is waiting.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS
(dream-like voice)
You wimp! Just pick her up and carry her aboard!
She’ll stop crying eventually.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(sadness turning to rage)
SHUT UP!

Fast as lightning, he draws his katana and strikes ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS on the side of the head with the flat of the blade. ROMULUS goes down. MERRY climbs up the ramp as if he is going to abandon his subordinate, looks back towards ROMULUS, sighs, and drags him aboard.

The sounds of gunshots, blood pooling, and the angry face of LUAKEL standing over him.

INT. MERRYPRANKSTER’S QUARTERS, CF.NET SHIP

MERRYPRANKSTER wakes up screaming. He lies on his back, eyes wide with fright. His breathing slowly returns to normal.

His face twists in fury.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series


“THE DUEL ON THE LAVA PLANET”

Written By : MERRYPRANKSTER


ACT I


INT. – THE HUB – THE PUB – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT is sitting at a bar that is not the Ouroboros, sipping an umbrella drink. He looks around and can see others watching him, pointing at him and talking in hushed voices.

DOCTOR WHAT
(muttering to himself)
Bad idea coming back here.
Damn Grey and his “We need to make amends” speech.
Where the hell is he anyway?
(shakes head)

A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER in a cloak and hood approaches. He reaches forward and taps DOCTOR WHAT on the shoulder.

DOCTOR WHAT looks surprised. He spins around and sees that the stranger is IAN.

IAN shushes him before he can speak.

IAN
We need to talk

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah. I think we need to.
IAN , I’m so-

IAN
Not about that.

DOCTOR WHAT is somewhat surprised.

DOCTOR WHAT
But-

IAN rolls his eyes.

IAN
As I’ve said repeatedly, I’m not holding what happened against you.
You’d be surprised how many people get taken over and controlled
by the ASBs o wreck havoc in places the can’t go.
(beat)
Still, if you absolutely must do something
to redeem yourself, I have a plan. I need you to do something for me.

He begins whispering in DOCTOR WHAT’s ear.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

The AH.commers are assembled. They’re all chattering excitedly about something. DOCTOR WHAT walks to the front of the large circular table.

DOCTOR WHAT
(clears throat)
I was down at the pub, and
guess who showed up?

HENDRYK
(excited)
It is a sign! The Dark Lady who killed WHAT
and fulfilled the prophecies has returned…

DOCTOR WHAT shushes him.

DOCTOR WHAT
No. It was IAN .

The group falls silent.

DIAMOND
I see he didn’t kick your ass,
so it must be a good thing. Right?
Or are you dead and a ghost haunting
this ship, ‘cause that’d be lame.

DOCTOR WHAT
No. He said we were forgiven.

GREY WOLF
See, I told you he’d see reason.

OTHNIEL
Ian is very compassionate and understanding.
If I didn’t know better I’d think he was following WWJD.

DOCTOR WHAT
He offered us a job.

HENDRYK
Good. We’ve been running low on cash.
Someone’s been dipping into it for and
using it for shopping trips to the Hub.

Everyone looks at LANDSHARK.

LANDSHARK
Wasn’t me this time, arsehats.
Was the ham fisted engineer we have.

Everyone looks at DAVE HOWERY.

DAVE HOWERY
Hey, my girl likes shiny things.
Especially when they shine of gold.

OTHNIEL
What do we need to do?

DOCTOR WHAT
IAN needs us to go to an abandoned ASB
outpost and retrieve a super-weapon.

The assembled crew is silent for a long moment.

MICHAEL
So this is some kind of crap mission based sci fi game now?
What next, we go hunting for magical stones from some lost civilization?
Will we get bonus points if we complete this mission fast?3
What will the boss be like at the end of the level?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
(ignoring Michael)
Are you sure that’s a good idea…considering
what happened last time we got involved with the ASBs?

LEO CAESIUS
The world has a 99.5% chance
of being abandoned by the ASBs.
(beat)
A Hub scout has already reconnoitered it.
However, they don’t want to send
a large fleet to take possession of
the weapon for fear of tipping the ASBs off.

DOCTOR WHAT draws a data cartridge from his pocket and plugs it into the ship’s console. The image of a black fiery planet studded with ancient metallic structures appears on the central plasma screen.

LEO CAESIUS
Here’s the place.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
(unhappy at the idea of going there)
Jeez, a lovely little hellhole, ain’t it?

DOCTOR WHAT
If we can get the weapon before the ASBs can activate it,
it could help the Hub immensely.

MATT
What sort of weapon is it?

DOCTOR WHAT
(shrugs)
IAN described it as “blood-drinking
mega-weapon capable
of wiping out entire armies if kept
adequately fed with human sacrifices.”
(shakes his head)
Eew, eew, eew.

WEAPON M
Just curious…where IS this place?
It’s surely not an alternate Earth.
Seems a bit small and it don’t got a moon.

LEO CAESIUS
It’s located in a TL where the Mars-sized
body that struck the Earth and carved out
the Pacific instead hit Mars and merged with
the planet rather than blowing it apart.
Mars is now larger and is more geologically active,
but for some reason has a breathable atmosphere.

LANDSHARK
Oh, bloody joy. We get to traipse about Mars?
I’ve got nothing that will match!

Video of the ASB facility appears on screen. The facility is an ancient complex of black stone buildings built in non-Euclidean patterns that make the eyes hurt. A volcano erupts in the background.

DOCTOR WHAT
IAN has some friends here that are coming to help replace
some of our systems, upgrade them, and all that.. We should be
ready to go in four hours.

DAVE HOWERY
Excellent. I love it when Uncle Ian makes free with the help.
I can get that damned Chinese Swing installed in my quarters now.
(glares at Psychomeltdown and G.Bone)

DIAMOND
Alright, who wants to spend the
next few hours getting shit faced
in a strip joint before we head off
and find a magical blood powered
super weapon and most likely get
killed doing so.

The Crew all follow DIAMOND.

EXT. ORBIT OF THE ALTERNATE MARS – DAY

The AH.com ship Shifts into the orbit of the alternate Mars.

INT. AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

LEO CAESIUS
The planet is not as unoccupied as we hoped.

The AH crew assembled in the Control Room look about uneasily..

DOCTOR WHAT
(panicking)
I thought the facility was abandoned!
Are there ASBs down there?

LEO CAESIUS
No. It’s the CF.net.

EXT. – THE ASB FACILITY – DAY

The CF.net ship sits next to the ASB facility, a morass of angles not adding up to 180 degrees and bizarre artwork. The hum of energy shielding fills the air.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, and MERRYPRANKSTER sit around a table. Three-dimensional holographic schematics of the super-weapon float above the table. It is apparent that MERRYPRANKSTER and GRIMM REAPER have been arguing.

GRIMM REAPER
(sneering)
Why the hell do you care?
Afraid you’ll get picked to feed the machine?

MERRYPRANKSTER
All this is unnecessary!
(beat)
As you know, the weapon apparently
requires five quarts of blood per use,
from the same donor. That’s one
person’s entire blood supply.

GRIMM REAPER
Yeah, just one person. We’ve got plenty of people aboard
the ship. one or two fewer won’t make a difference.
(grins evilly)
We functioned just fine after WARD whacked
those little traitors you commanded.

MERRYPRANKSTER grinds his teeth. It’s obvious that was meant to hurt, and it did.

MERRYPRANKSTER
The information we have does not say that blood
necessarily has to be taken from someone living.

GRIMM REAPER
Your point?

MERRYPRANKSTER
The point is…

GRIMM REAPER
Sir. I’m second in command.

MERRYPRANKSTER
The point, sir , is that we can probably go raid a morgue
for corpses and drain their blood. If we’re in a TL where they’ve
never invented embalming, we can probably raid graveyards.

WARD chooses this moment to interject.

WARD
Shut the hell up, both of you.
You bicker like damned little children.
Use your head, Grimm, and think.
Merry, quit being such a whining little shit
We got hold of this weapon and
if the time comes to use if, then we’ll do
what is necessary to activate it.
If What comes, or the ASB, or Ian,
or anybody.

MERRYPRANKSTER
But sir, how likely are they to come here ? With the exception of that
business with the Devourer, their general M.O. is to run away from us,
not come to us.

WARD
Not paying attention to details and not anticipating
possible outcomes is why I’m in command and you’re not.

It takes a visible effort on MERRYPRANKSTER’s part to keep his expression neutral, but he does.

WARD
I know the chance of it happening is small,
but they could drop in. I want to be
ready for them if they do, since if they detect us,
they’ll likely run away. They’re coming here
in the first place will mean they were directed here,
their running away will mean that they’re running
to tell someone we’re here. Which means Ian.
Which means the ASB will know. Which means
we’ll be shit outta luck when either one of those
come after us. I ain’t putting much faith in the
super weapon, I’ve seen too many of them
not work when you need ‘em.
(beat)
Still, I’ll consider both of your ideas. I’m not
gonna sacrifice good crew unnecessarily.
(to MerryPrankster)
Get the hell outta here..

MERRYPRANKSTER slinks out.

INT. CF.NET SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER walks down the corridor. DOMINUSNOVUS and FAEELIN catch up with him.

DOMINUSNOVUS
What’s going on in there? What’s he going to do?

FAEELIN
He’s been acting all weird since we got here
and found that weapon.

MERRYPRANKSTER turns to face them. We don’t see his expression but the two CF.netters do, and it scares them.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(gravely)
You two make yourself scarce. I have a sneaking
suspicion WARD’s going to do something very nasty.

MERRYPRANKSTER turns towards a hatch, which slides open to reveal the planetary surface. He exits the ship, leaving the two behind.

FAEELIN
You remember what happened
during the last battles with the Neanderthals?

DOMINUSNOVUS looks a little queasy.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Yeah…something bad is going to happen.
Took me damn near two months to finally
get my air vent working right.

MERRYPRANKSTER looks up towards the stars. Suddenly, he spots something fiery coming down. It gets larger as it approaches the ground, and MERRY can see the faint outlines of

EXT. – THE AH.COM SHIP – DAY

The ship is descending through the atmosphere.

CLOSE-UP: MERRYPRANKSTER

He narrows his eyes thoughtfully.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Now this could be useful indeed.

EXT. AH.COM SHIP – DAY

The AH.com ship has set down on the planet’s surface and the crew has set up shield generators. They’re now sitting around the campfire, laughing, drinking beer, and roasting marshmallows.

WEAPON M
So, did I ever tell you about…

EVERYONE
(groaning with exasperation)
The time you had a threesome?

WEAPON M
With two guys?

The assembled crew gasps with shock. KIT leans forward, a bit too interested.

KIT
Care for another?

WEAPON M looks ill.

WEAPON M
Just joking.

Meanwhile

EXT. – OUTSIDE THE AH.COM CAMPSITE – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER lurks in the shadows, watching the happy AH.commers with envious eyes. He reaches into the front pocket of his Hawaiian shirt and pulls out.

A SHARK’S TOOTH NECKLACE

He stares at the necklace.

KIMBERLY LIANG
(echoy flashback voice)
Keep it. It was a gift.
(beat)
It’s a reminder of who you used to be,
and who you could be again…

He sighs and replaces the necklace in his pocket. Then he steps out of the shadows into the firelight.

EXT. – AH.COM SHIP – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER is not met with open arms. Within seconds, he’s got enough AH.com firepower aimed at him to level a small city.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Boo.
(beat)
Don’t worry. I come in peace.
If I wanted bloodshed,
I wouldn’t be this obvious.

The AH.commers don’t look convinced.

DOCTOR WHAT
What do you want?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’ve come to propose an alliance.
Just like back when MIKE and MOLOBO
showed up and wrecked the Hub.

DOCTOR WHAT
You had WARD and the others with you
last time. Where are they now?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’m here representing three people.
Me, myself, and I.
(beat)
Well, and the best interests
of the CF.net crew as a whole.

DOCTOR WHAT
(laughs)
Fuck the CF.net crew.
I hope they all die painful, painful deaths.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(frowning)
As you no doubt suspect, WARD found the weapon.
And he wants to use it. On y’all.

DOCTOR WHAT
You want to stop it. Why?

MERRYPRANKSTER
He’s been talking about sacrificing crew to feed it.
(beat)
Well, GRIMM has, and
I think WARD is beginning to agree.

DOCTOR WHAT and WEAPON M exchange glances.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Therefore, it’s time to take action.
(beat)
I suspect support for a second mutiny
from the rest of the crew will not be forthcoming, so…

WEAPON M
You turned to us, to fight your battles for you.

MERRYPRANKSTER snorts.

MERRYPRANKSTER
For assistance. I assure you, none of us aboard
the CF.net need anyone to fight our battles for us.
We do quite well on our own.

DOCTOR WHAT
Wait… second mutiny against WARD?

MERRYPRANKSTER
The first one did not…go well.
(beat)
Let’s leave it at that.
(He shudders.)

MATT
I saw we kill this asshat right
here where he stands.
Then we bomb the fuck outta
Ward and the rest of the CF.netters.

WEAPON M
Gotta agree with Matt on this one.
Like you said, Doc, fuck the Cf.net.
If they wanna kill off some of their own crew,
it’s all the better for us. Just
means we’ll have less to kill later.

MATT
I think we’re all over looking the
fact that this bastard kicked our
asses and cut Luakel in half. That
in itself deserves a little death for him.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Fine .
(beat)
I understand your hesitation.

DOCTOR WHAT
Matt, Lee, Grey, I need to talk to you.

DOCTOR WHAT and the others walk off a distance. There are plenty of arm raising, yelling, and finally they come back. MATT and WEAPON M looking a bit dejected.

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re listening.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(nods)
Alright. I have a plan.

EXT. CF.NET SHIP

MERRYPRANKSTER makes his way back to the CF.net landing zone. WARD is waiting there.

WARD
Don’t wander off boy. You might come back
to find your job belonging to someone else and
whatever passes for worms on this hellhole in need of food.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Understood, sir.

WARD
What’s that smell?
(narrows his eyes)
You stink of WHAT.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I was just about to tell you. The AH.com has landed nearby.
It seems you were correct that they just might drop in.

WARD nods to himself, looking at the horizon.

WARD
Where are they?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Two miles to the southeast. They’ve set up
shields, so we’ll have to attack them on foot.

WARD’s grin becomes even more evil.

WARD
Excellent.
(beat)
We’ll deploy the device against them tomorrow.

He turns and boards the ship leaving MERRY standing alone. MERRY is looking very, very scared.

EXT. – NEAR THE CF.NET LANDING ZONE – MORNING

The AH.commers approach the CF.net shield.

MATT
All right. MERRY said that he’s disabled the alarms connected to the
shield generators. We’ll be able to pass through without alerting anyone.

He steps forward and plants a device close to the shield. He presses a button and bolts of electricity surge into the shield. Slowly, a gap opens up. MATT holds his breath, waiting to see if the CF.netter kept his promise.

Nothing happens. He leaps through the shield, BFG forward. Nothing happens.

DOCTOR WHAT approaches the shield. He passes through the gap.

DOCTOR WHAT
It works.

He leaps back through the gap.

DOCTOR WHAT
They can’t detect us! This is so cool!

MATT clears his throat.

MATT
Let’s not tempt fate.

EXT. – CF.NET SHIP—MORNING

The CF.net crew, with the notable exception of the Engineering group, is assembled in front of the ASB complex. WARD stands at a podium in front of the vaulted entrance, GRIMM REAPER stands at his right and MERRYPRANKSTER at his left.

WARD
The death of WHAT and the complete
annihilation of the AH.commers is nigh!
Those hippies are encamped mere miles
from our position, and are completely unaware!
(raises fist in the air)
Once the engineering crew tears that
weapon out of that mountainside, we go to war!

The assembled CF.netters roar with adulation.

Then MERRYPRANKSTER makes his move.

Quick as lightning, he draws his pistol and opens fire on WARD.

Slow motion follow: the bullets towards WARD. Suddenly, a great black form leaps in their path, and the bullets punch through the black outer layer to bury themselves in flesh.

GRIMM REAPER hits the ground at WARD’s feet. He’d thrown himself into the path of the bullets, taking the shots in the torso. He lays still, blood trickling from his mouth. WARD turns, and looks un-amused to see GRIMM bleeding at his feet. MERRYPRANKSTER remains cool. He scowls, unhappy that he missed his intended victim.

CLOSE-UP: WARD’S FACE

His shock turns to rage.

WARD
You…treacherous…little…piece…of

EXT. – THE ASB COMPLEX – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER isn’t intimidated by the commander’s rage.

MERRYPRANKSTER
How about you tell them about your little plan,
you evil old bastard? Tell them about it!
I think they all need to hear!

WARD
(salmly fold arms across chest)
Which one? Unlike you, I’ve always
got a backup plan.

MERRYPRANKSTER
The one about a lottery, with the lucky
winner being fed to the alien weapon.
(beat)
Of course, you and GRIMM weren’t going to be
participating in the lottery, only the minions .

Gasps of horror ripple through the CF.net crowd.

WARD
(laughs)
You really thought I’d do that?
Feed crew to some thing ?
(beat)
That’s what civvies are for. Especially politicians .

MERRYPRANKSTER raises an eyebrow.

MERRYPRANKSTER
You have been known.
(raises voice)
Come on people! If we don’t do
something now, he’s going
to feed us one by one to that evil thing
the engineering crew is pulling out the ASB base.
(beat)
Who’s with me!

No one steps forward.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(surprised)
But…
(snorts with disdain)
Figures. Bunch of frakking weaklings.

WARD
You self righteous little shit.
Don’t you think they remember your last little ‘coup’?
(beat)
This batch ain’t as stupid as the last one, kid.

MERRYPRANKSTER’s eyes narrow and his expression goes neutral.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Well then, if you want to do something right,
you’ve got to do it yourself.

WARD
(cold as ice)
There will be no mercy this time.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Agreed.

MERRYPRANKSTER raises his gun. Before he can shoot, WARD pulls out his .357 and fires from the hip. The shots smash smashes MERRY’s gun.

Unfazed, MERRYPRANKSTER draws his sword. WARD only grins, reholsters his gun and picks up GRIMM’s scythe.

WARD
Fucking punk kids.

“The Duel” begins.

The reactions of the CF.net crew are mixed. Most of them are terrified. BULGAROKTONOS watches, calculating the odds. ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS stands to the side, God-modding, as usual.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS
I leap into battle…I kick MERRYPRANKSTER in the crotch.
WARD beats him to death and gives me all his stuff…

However, he makes no move to assist WARD and the battle continues.

EXT – BEHIND A NEARBY RIDGE – DAY

The AH.commers watch the battle.

DOCTOR WHAT
Now’s our chance!
If you get the shot, kill them both.

MATT
My kind of plan.
(grins)

EXT. THE CF.NET LANDING ZONE – DAY

The AH.commers boil over the ridge, guns blazing. The CF.netters spin and open fire. A large battle begins.

DOCTOR WHAT, LANDSHARK, IRONYUPPIE, and KIT slip into the ASB complex.

DOCTOR WHAT
we find this weapon, disable it,
and get the hell out of here.

KIT
Why don’t I have a gun?

LANDSHARK
You’re just here to make us
look good while we kick arse.

KIT
Always glad to be of service.

They enter the complex. KIT suddenly trips over something, crashing against the door. There’s deep sound of something being tripped.

The AH.commers look at one another.

EXT. – THE ASB COMPLEX – DAY

Alarms begin going off. All combatants—AH and CF alike—freeze and look at the facility.

The grinding of gears begins echoing from within the complex.

END OF ACT I


ACT II


EXT. THE ENTRYWAY

Red eyes glow in the darkness. One by one, ROBOTIC SOLDIERS begin tramping out into the faint glare of the distant sun. MIDGARD, who has taken cover behind a stalagmite, is incredulous.

MIDGARD
Shit…those weren’t statues?

EXT. THE ASB COMPLEX

MATT looks up from the fallen SCARECROW.

MATT
Oh crap.

The robots—fast-moving things studded with blades and wielding swords and lasers—begin attacking all humans indiscriminately.

INT. THE ASB COMPLEX – DAY

The AH.commers are in a dark maze illustrated with bizarre alien art. Most of it is incomprehensible, and the stuff that the human mind can fathom is downright scary.

DOCTOR WHAT
All right. Did LEO supply maps of
the interior of the fortress?

Everyone shakes their head.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn it.

Then, suddenly, other voices intrude on the scene.

VOICE #1
Are you sure you silenced the beacon?

VOICE #2
You’re damn right I am.
I saw what the ASBs did to the Hub.

DOCTOR WHAT silently gestures towards the source of the sound.

KIT
Let’s get the thing and get out of here.
These non-Euclidean angles are giving me vertigo.

INT. THE CRYPT OF THE ALIEN WEAPON

The alien weapon—an obsidian monstrosity with lots of hooks and sharp angles—is connected to the wall by a series of cables. FORTYSEVEN and KILNGIRL are hard at work disconnecting the weapon from its tomb.

The AH.commers burst in, weapons drawn. The CF.netters are clearly outmatched and surrender easily.

DOCTOR WHAT
That was easy.
(to the CF.netters)
Thanks for excavating the thing.
We’ll be taking it now.

EXT. – ASB COMPLEX – DAY

Things are getting ugly . The AH-CF battle has quickly turned into “all humans against the ASB robots.”

The humans are not without success. MATT and WEAPON M have swept their section of the field clean with their various heavy weapons. ROMULUS_AUGUSTUS has taken down several ROBOTIC SOLDIERS with head-shots from his big Soviet pistol. MIDGARD furiously riffs on his guitar, causing ROBOTIC SOLDIERS to explode left and right.

Robots keep marching out of the complex, and not all human hatreds have been quenched…

MERRYPRANKSTER has just torn his oil-drenched samurai sword free of a ROBOTIC SOLDIER’s torso. He spots WARD, who has just sliced off the head of another ROBOTIC SOLDIER with GRIMM’s scythe.

Their eyes meet. Their gazes twist with fury. They begin hacking their way through ROBOTIC SOLDIERS, AH, and CF to face each other.

They collide at

THE RIM OF A LAVA CANYON

“The Duel” begins again.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS has an inspiration.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS
The AH.commers went into the complex just before
the robots came alive. DOMINUS, FAEELIN,
you take them from the rear.

FAEELIN
If they went inside, the robots in there
have already killed them.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Yeah. And I’m not taking anything from the rear.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS glares.

ROMULUS_AUGUSTULUS
I load my big Soviet pistol. I chamber some rounds…

BOTH CF.NETTERS
All right we’ll go!

INT. – THE ALIEN WEAPON CHAMBER

The CF.NET ENGINEERS are tied up, and some of their ropes are tied to the pins of grenades. IRONYUPPIE checks one of the knots one last time.

IRONYUPPIE
I won’t recommend struggling
too much if I were you.
Shrapnel can leave a nasty mark.

She gives KILNGIRL a kiss. Then she turns to LANDSHARK.

IRONYUPPIE
All right, let’s get this monster moving.

Both of them bend down to grab corners.

IRONYUPPIE
On the count of three. One…

LANDSHARK
Two…

BOTH AT THE SAME TIME
Three!

They both hoist the alien weapon off the ground.

Meanwhile, DOCTOR WHAT has been staring at the weapon’s shiny surface.

DOCTOR WHAT
Wow. I can see myself in it.

DOMINUSNOVUS and FAEELIN come up behind him. Their guns are drawn.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Dude, so can I. And I used to be soooo handsome
and now I’m ugly !!
(tear rolls down cheek)
Put that blood-drinking alien weapon system down now .

The AH.commers reluctantly obey. Then IRONYUPPIE gets an idea. She begins sidling towards DOMINUSNOVUS, slowly unzipping her flak jacket.

IRONYUPPIE
Well hello sailor.

DOMINUSNOVUS begins drooling. FAEELIN snorts with disdain.

FAEELIN
Your feminine wiles won’t work on me.

KIT begins approaching, unzipping his flak jacket.

KIT
How about my masculine wiles?

Now FAEELIN is distracted. DOCTOR WHAT sneaks around behind them and gives them a shove. They stumble forward, where LANDSHARK is waiting for them with his cricket bat. It only takes one swing to put both CF.netters on the ground, out cold.

DOCTOR WHAT
All right. YUPPIE and SHARKY, get the weapon.
The rest of us will run interference.

EXT. THE RIM OF THE LAVA CANYON – DAY

The MERRY-WARD battle continues.

MERRYPRANKSTER knees WARD in the crotch. WARD doubles over and MERRYPRANKSTER raises his sword for the final blow…

WARD lunges. His shoulder hits MERRY’s gut and knocks him onto the ground. In seconds, WARD’s scythe is whistling downwards in a blow meant to cut MERRY’s head off.

MERRYPRANKSTER rolls to the side. WARD’s blow hits rock instead, and cracks it. The cracks run all the way to the edge of the canyon and a big piece of the canyon edge, with MERRYPRANKSTER on it, begins to slough off.

WARD
Bye-bye, you little shit.

MERRYPRANKSTER leaps off the falling rocks and the duel resumes.

EXT. – THE AH.COM SHIP – DAY

LANDSHARK and IRONYUPPIE have managed to carry the alien weapon to the AH.com ship. Unfortunately, three of the ROBOTIC SOLDIERS have followed.

LANDSHARK
Crap.

A feral grin crosses IRONYUPPIE’s face.

IRONYUPPIE
Never fought a robot before.

LANDSHARK
Let’s go, love.

The ROBOTIC SOLDIERS growl menacingly and lunge. The two AH.commers lunge.

One of the ROBOTIC SOLDIERS bears down on LANDSHARK. It opens fire with slicing laser beams, amputating the top of his cricket bat. He stares at the smoking remnants of his weapon.

LANDSHARK
Shit!

He hurls what’s left of the bat into the ROBOTIC SOLDIER’s face. The creature’s head slews to the side and it staggers, but it quickly recovers. It starts chasing LANDSHARK around the ship.

IRONYUPPIE hurls her yo-yo, wrapping it around the robots’ arms and trapping them over the robot’s head. She sends enormous amounts of electricity pumping through the yo-yo. Smoke starts rising from the robot’s body.

Then the ROBOT SOLDIER rapidly yanks its arms sideways, ripping the yo-yo cable into several pieces.

IRONYUPPIE
Shit!

She starts running. The ROBOT SOLDIER pursues.

Suddenly, the AH.com ship opens fire. The ROBOT SOLDIER pursuing LANDSHARK is blown into tiny pieces, as is the robot soldier chasing IRONYUPPIE. Only the THIRD ROBOT SOLDIER, which is carrying off the alien weapon, remains untouched.

LANDSHARK
Hey! He’s getting away!

The cargo doors of the AH.com ship open up with a squealing of metal. THANDE jumps out with a BFG. He tosses it to IRONYUPPIE.

IRONYUPPIE
Not if I have anything to say about it.

EXT – A LAVA RIVER – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER and WARD continue to fight. Now they’re fighting from rock-to-rock across the lava river. WARD leaps from a rock onto a nearby hillside.

WARD
I have the high ground, MERRY. It’s over.
(beat)
Surrender now and I’ll make your death quick.

MERRYPRANKSTER snorts with disdain.

MERRYPRANKSTER
How stupid do you think I am, old man?

He hops from the rock onto the black sand beneath WARD. He looks up at the old warrior and chuckles grimly.

MERRYPRANKSTER (CONT’D)
I’ve seen the movie too.
The primary version, and the one
from the TL where it was actually good.
(beat)
How about you come down here?

EXT. THE ASB COMPLEX – DAY

Although IRONYUPPIE, LANDSHARK, and THE DEVICE have managed to clear the scene, the ROBOTIC SOLDIERS have cut off the AH.commers’ retreat from the battle zone.

DOCTOR WHAT rolls to the side, avoiding a laser cutting beam from a ROBOTIC SOLDIER. He fires at it with a pistol. He misses. The ROBOTIC SOLDIER fires again. DOCTOR WHAT rolls to the side, although he’s a bit too slow and the laser burns the side of his face.

He fires again, and misses.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn it!

He fires a third time and, through sheer luck, hits the ROBOTIC SOLDIER in its big red eye. The creature falls convulsing to the ground.

DOCTOR WHAT
Whoa.

EXT. – THE AH.COM SHIP – DAY

IRONYUPPIE stands triumphant over the wrecked ROBOTIC SOLDIERS.

IRONYUPPIE
I love the smell of burned robot in the morning.

LANDSHARK steps forward.

LANDSHARK
We’ve got the device! Now we need
to teleport the others out of there!

LEO CAESIUS (on comm.)
The shields, remember? They’ll need to get out
of the battle zone before I do anything.

EXT. – THE LAVA RIVER – DAY

WARD did come down to fight MERRYPRANKSTER. He slowly forces MERRYPRANSKTER back across the river towards the ASB complex.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Need your minions to back you up?

WARD
Hardly.

They’re back on the other side of the river and moving upwards. The riverbank is becoming a cliff.

WARD
Cowardly, traitorous weakling.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Murderous despot.

WARD
(snorts)
You little fucker. If you ever had a heart of gold,
we would have sold it to buy weapons long ago.

Angered, MERRYPRANKSTER kicks WARD in the stomach, sending him stumbling toward the very edge of the cliff. MERRY steps forward, sword to WARD’s nose. The wind pulls the wide-brimmed military hat off WARD’s head. It flutters down into the lave river where it’s instantly reduced to ash.

EXT – THE CF.NET LANDING SITE – DAY

The AH.commers have managed to break the robotic encirclement and are rushing towards the hole in the shields.

ROBOTIC SOLDIERS follow.

DOCTOR WHAT
If we get to the edge of the shield,
LEO can teleport us home!

An ASB laser strikes the ground near his feet.

DOCTOR WHAT
Crap!

EXT. – THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER stands with his sword drawn at WARD.

MERRYPRANKSTER
You may be right, but that all ends.
Today.

WARD grins.

WARD
Why does everyone always stop to gloat?

He lashes out with his scythe, hooking it around MERRYPRANKSTER’s sword arm. He yanks. MERRY screams and his sword and a large portion of his arm go flying:

DOWN THE CLIFF

The sword and arm bounces off some rock outcroppings before it hits the lava and burns instantaneously.

EXT. EDGE OF THE CLIFF

MERRYPRANKSTER spits in WARD’s face. WARD kicks him in the chest. MERRYPRANKSTER topples backwards, over the edge of the cliff.

WARD steps forward, eager to watch MERRYPRANKSTER burn. But before he can get a glimpse, engines roar in the distance. He spins, to see the AH.com ship rising away from the planet’s surface.

WARD
(in his communicator)
Midgard, do they have the device?

EXT. THE ASB COMPLEX – DAY

The CF.netters have finished off the remaining ASB robots. MIDGARD spots the battered and bruised DOMINUS and FAEELIN leading the ENGINEERING CREW out of the complex.

MIDGARD
Yes sir, they do.

EXT. – THE EDGE OF THE LAVA CANYON – DAY

WARD
Shit.

He makes another call.

WARD
SCARECROW, teleport us aboard.
We’ve got some WHAT-killing to do.

EXT. THE LAVA PLANET – DAY

The AH.com ship rises towards space. Behind it is the CF.net ship.

Particle beams stab from the CF.net ship. AH.com shields flare, but after mere seconds, they fail.

INT – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The ship shakes, sparks erupting from the ceiling. Everyone panics.

DOCTOR WHAT
Shit! How’d the shields go down so fast?

LEO CAESIUS
Well, we used up a lot of power maintaining
the shields even after the attack on the CF.net began.
(beat)
Wasn’t my idea.

DOCTOR WHAT
I know, I know!
(beat)
How long until we can Shift?

LEO CAESIUS
Right now.

EXT. THE LAVA PLANET – DAY

The AH.com ship disappears.

END OF ACT II


TAG


EXT. THE HUB – DOCKS – DAY

Four CONSTRUCTS carry the DEVICE away. IAN shakes DOCTOR WHAT’s hand.

IAN
Good job.

DOCTOR WHAT
Thank you.
(beat)
Got more missions?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN groans with dismay. DOCTOR WHAT is completely oblivious.

DOCTOR WHAT (CONT’D)
We’d like to help out the war effort any way we can.

IAN
You know how powerful ASB ships are right?

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh, I know. They’d kill us like insects.
I’m talking about small efforts, like if you need
someone to grab some coffee for you or something.

DIAMOND
(groans)
Damn. Alright who wants to lead a coup?

INT. CF.NET SHIP – MED BAY – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER is unconscious and on life support. Pumpkin lies in a cat bed nearby, purring. WARD stands at the head of GRIMM REAPER’s bed.

WARD
Well done, Grimm.
Well done.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Series / Tags: , , ,

The Coming Daylight

Psychomeltdown / March 7, 2010 / 3 comments

TEASER

INT. – HUB – MRP’S SHOPPE – DAY

THE PREVIOUS DAY

MRP sits upon a stack of books, in his hands flutters a small butterfly. From his other hand a small box appears. Carefully he places the butterfly in the box and closes it. We see GBW, FLOCCULENCIO, and MATT watching him curiously.

MRP taps the box with his index finger and it pops open. From the box three butterflys flutter into the air.

MATT
What the fuck was that?

MRP
Just felt like doing a little something awesome.

GBW
You know we’re here for
something more than mere tricks?

MRP
Tricks make life all the grander.

FLOCCULENCIO
I thought that was variety?

MRP
No that only adds spice.

MATT
What about hot chicks ready to shag you in
ways only the Kama Sutra could imagine.

FLOCCULENCIO
Trust me, that book doesn’t
got much on what I can imagine.

MATT
But I can’t see what you imagine.

FLOCCULENCIO
I can draw you pictures.

MATT
You’ll have to add someone
different for the male figure,
in those diagrams. I do not
want to imagine you in such positions.

FLOCCULENCIO
(beat)
Agreed.

The two men shake hands.

FLOCCULENCIO (cont.)
I’ll have you the first copy by mid winter.

MATT
I’ll look into an editor.

GBW
What about Psychomeltdown?

FLOCCULENCIO
(scoffing)
Him? He’s a lazy arse.
Unless you want the book to come out late
and badly edited, then we can use him.

GBW
(thoughtful pause)
You’re right.
Plus I hear he’ll just take credit for it.

MATT
Not my Flo Sutra Book!

FLOCCULENCIO
Don’t call me Flo.

MATT
Cenio?

FLOCCULENCIO
Flocc will do for now. Until I
can come up with something better.

MATT
Grand Master F?

FLOCCULENCIO
Sounds too 1980s,

GBW
Depends on what 1980s do you mean.

FLOCCULENCIO
This is the problem when everyone is from a different timeline.
You can never have a common reference point when you’re
discussing popular culture references.

MRP
Excuse me, guys?
Are you still looking for the way to stop Doctor What?

FLOCCULENCIO
Huh?

MATT
Wait, why were we here?

GBW
Umm… oh, now I remember…
Doctor What.
Acting weird.

FLOCCULENCIO
Right.

MATT
Shoot. Tell us what the hell is wrong with him.

MRP
I already told you.

GBW
Well, tell us how to stop him then.

MRP
Ah, well in that case.
(long pause)
there is something in your captain.
There is a growing darkness that will consume him,
if allowed to continue. A darkness that will not only
consume him, but will consume all the worlds in the
multiverse. Universe upon universe will be destroyed,
trillions upon trillions of people will die, the hopes and
the dreams of countless universes will cease to exist.

MATT
Shit…
(beat)
All this ‘cause Doc is crazy?

MRP
This is not mere insanity your captain suffers from.

FLOCCULENCIO
There’s also that BO problem.

GBW
And the dandruff.

FLOCCULENCIO
And the porno obsession.

GBW and MATT look at FLOCCULENCIO.

MATT
That’s not a problem.

GBW
It’s more a release valve.

FLOCCULENCIO
I think I’ll remain quiet for the remainder of this conversation.

GBW
Though I’ll hope you’ll pipe up for some constructive criticism.

FLOCCULENCIO
You can count on it.

MRP
I tire of these tangents you go on.

GBW
Sorry, you may continue.

MRP
I am trying to create a sense of drama, of foreboding,
but your continual interruptions and talking of
nonsense just defeats my attempts.

MATT
We like to fuck up other people’s plans.
Its what being an AH.commer is all about.

FLOCCULENCIO
And the booze.

GBW
And the exploration.

MRP
(sighs)
I suggest you all leave.

GBW
Leave?
But you have not told us the way to prevent
this dark future you speak of from happening.

MRP bows his head slightly and steeples his fingers, the light it the room dims. FLOCCULENCIO looks around, opens his mouth and shakes his head.

MRP
Evil cannot be dealt with.
Chaos can not be reasoned with.
This is what you are facing.
The embodiment of chaos, of destruction, of something
that goes beyond the simple concept of evil. A being so
powerful and so incomprehensible that you as mortals
can not even begin to grasp.

MATT
Jesus. This is what Doc has become?

MRP
(shakes head)
No.
Think of him as a means to an end.
A hammer to shape the things to come.

FLOCCULENCIO
So Doc’s a tool?

GBW
(miffed)
Constructive Criticism.

FLOCCULENCIO
Sorry.

MRP
Your friend has quipped correctly.
Your captain, this man you call Doc, Doctor What, Bruno,
is nothing more than a tool for these creatures.

GBW
This begs the question as to why him.

MRP
Why not him?

GBW
But why him?

MRP
Call it an opportunity that they could not let escape.

GBW
The timely arrival of the Devourer and Doc’s super heroic
attempt to save everyone by flying that ship into it’s maw?

MRP
Indeed.
He has been their tool since his return.
He has been working toward their goals since his return.

MATT
And what are these goals?

MRP
Chaos.
Destruction.
All those things that would be bad for the continual existence
of Humanity or any other creatures that inhabit the Mutliverse.

MATT
Then how can we stop him.

MRP
The same way you defeat any creature of evil.

FLOCCULENCIO
Shower them with love and witty remarks?

GBW
(bows head)
No.
(beat)
We kill them…

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series


“THE COMING DAYLIGHT”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN


ACT I


INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MED BAY – DAY

GBW looks at the shocked faces of the crew of the crew.

TORQUMADA
You’re telling us that Doc has to die?

GBW
Death is the only way.

MICHAEL
The only way to save everyone is to kill Doctor What?

GBW
Death will release what is growing within him.
Death is not merely an annoying thing that occurs.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
But we don’t want Doc to be dead.
We… you know, want to save him and have him continuing
to live and do all those sorts of things we had liked in him before.
Well, if possible can we subtract a few characteristics from him?

GBW
I did not say that he had to remain dead.
Just that he had to die.

TORQUMADA
(understanding)
Ah, dead, but not Dead Dead.

THANDE
Then this begs the question.
Who’s gonna do the dirty deed?

GBW
Everything is already set into motion.

Everyone pauses for a moment and then suddenly understand.

GREY WOLF
Ward.

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

WARD and the CF.netter crew charge the gathered AH.commer crew.

The two forces smash into one another, almost immediately the two forces pair off in groups of fighting.

IRONYUPPIE
I call dibs on the guy wearing the dress.

GRIMM REAPER
This is not a dress.

LANDSHARK
I have much better in my collection, my dear.

GRIMM REAPER pulls out his scythe and advances.

LANDSHARK
Well, that’s a pretty big knife you got there, boyo.

GRIMM REAPER
The better to slice and dice you with.

Camera pans toward other fighting.

MATT and WEAPON M face off one another.

WEAPON M
After all this time.

MATT
I’m telling you the truth.
I’m not a traitor.

WEAPON M
I thought you were a friend?

MATT
Damn it, Lee. I am your friend.

WEAPON M
Then why?

MATT
It’s a long explanation.

WEAPON M
Then forget it.
You die now!

WEAPON M charges MATT.

MIDGARD strums his guitar. Nothing happens.

MIDGARD
Shit, well Betsy best we get this over as fast as possible.

DIAMOND charges MIDGARD swinging a baseball bat, MIDGARD blocks it with his guitar and kicks DIAMOND in the crotch, flooring him.

MIDGARD
(pulling out a flask)
This looks damned fun.
(drinks down flask)

WARD stands watching the unfolding chaos for a moment then spots DOCTOR WHAT standing near the large computer console.

WARD
Well, well, well…

HENDRYK launches himself at WARD, swinging a sword. WARD neatly dodges him and as the other man goes by, punches him in the back. HENDRYK cries out in pain, dropping sword and arching his back, WARD then punches him in the head.

He turns and continues toward DOCTOR WHAT.

KIT and FAEELIN slug it out, DAVE HOWERY comes along and smashes his non functioning admantium chainsaw into FAEELIN’s head, knocking him out.

The two turn to face ROMULUS AGUSTULUS who is standing pointing a gun at them. He pulls the trigger and nothing happens.

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS
What?
This is impossible!
This gun shoul-

KIT and DAVE HOWERY clothesline him, then begin kicking him as he continues trying to fire a weapon that obviously does not work.

SCARECROW and DMA face off.

SCARECROW
Ah, an Aussie.

DMA
I sense this is going to be an epic battle.

They stand and shake hands, DMA pulls out a large bottle of booze from his coat pocket, drains half of it down and then passes the rest to SCARECROW, who finishes it.

DMA
Well, the mood it set.

SCARECROW
And the rage is building.

DMA
Let’s dance!

The two step forward, standing only a yard apart. DMA throws a punch, SCARECROW’s head snaps back, but he continues to stand. Shaking his head, SCARECROW next punches DMA, who also staggers a bit, but still stands.

They continue to trade punches.

BULGARKOTONOS punches OTHNIEL, who staggers back, and is grabbed by MIDGARD, who also punches him, sending him reeling back toward BULGARKOTONOS. The two laugh as they punch him back and forth between them.

KIT spots WARD walking toward DOCTOR WHAT, who’s still tapping away at the computer.

KIT
Ward!

WARD glances at him.

KIT
Feel the wrath of AH.com!

KIT charges WARD, who stands there, watching him with slight interest.

WARD sidesteps KIT’s charge and brings about a full arm punch that has the other man crashing to the floor and unconscious.

WARD
(bellowing)
BRUNO!
We’ve got a lot to talk about.

DOCTOR WHAT looks toward WARD and steps away from the computer console.

DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning)
Oh, indeed we do, Old Man.

INT. – INNER CITY – PRISON CELL – DAY

The sounds of distant boomings can be heard. MIKE COLLINS stands by his sole window looking out, he can’t see much but the glow of raging fires can be seen.

MIKE COLLINS
I know this sound.

RADICAL_NEUTRAL
Them crac heds ar getting’ the shit kicked outa dem.

MIKE COLLINS
Shut up, you.

RADICAL_NEUTRAL
But—

MIKE COLLINS raises a fist, RADICAL_NEUTRAL cowers beneath the bunk bed.

MIKE COLLINS
This can work in my favor.

RADICAL_NEUTRAL
How’s that?

MIKE COLLINS
As in-

BOOOM!

MIKE COLLINS is thrown against the wall of his cell.

He blinks his eyes and then widens them.

Before him is the shattered remains of the door that had prevented his leaving.

MIKE COLLINS
(grinning)
Well, this is nice.

RADICAL_NEUTRAL
(gasping)
Help me.
I can’t… can’t feel my legs..

MIKE COLLINS looks down at the other man, a look distaste.

MIKE COLLINS
I say find some fucking crack head to help you.

MIKE COLLINS walks out the door, singing to himself.

MIKE COLLINS
He’s a righteous man.

FADE

INT – AH.COM SHIP TELEPORTATION ROOM – DAY

GBW is talking to TORQUMADA, the rest of the crew is gathered about, carrying makeshift weapons.

FLOCCULENCIO
Damn, I wish Lee would have had left the armoury open.

MICHAEL
After the stealing of his calendars…

FLOCCULENCIO
I meant to give them back.. but…

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
They were destroyed, huh?

FLOCCULENCIO
(hangs head)
Yes.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
The same thing happened to all the Alyson Hannigan pics I had…

MICHAEL
Can we please change the subject?
I’m trying to nurse my flaggin courage here.

FLOCCULENCIO
How about ducks?
You like ducks?

MICHAEL
Fuck you.

Pan to GBW and TORQUMADA.

GBW
But we’ll need you, if Doc dies dies, then we’re in it deep.

TORQUMADA
Sorry, but I cannot just leave Luakel. He’s still in critical.

GREY WOLF
What about you teleport in when we need you?

TORQUMADA glances at G.BONE who stares at his computer console.

TORQUMADA
Depends all on that kid over there.

GREY WOLF
Hey, G.Bone you gonna be able
to teleport Torq in when we need him?

G.BONE
What? I’m not coming?

GREY WOLF
We need someone to man the Teleporters.

G.BONE
But this is like the biggest fight of the whole damn decade.

GREY WOLF
We need someone to be ready to teleport us out.

G.BONE
(sighs)
I guess so.

GREY WOLF
So will you be able?

G.BONE
Looks like I don’t have much of a choice, eh?

GREY WOLF
Doesn’t look like it.

GBW
Okay, Torq will Teleport in when we need him.
Hopefully it’ll be over and one with quickly.

GREY WOLF
I don’t much want to think of Doc dying as something
as simple as getting it over and done with.

GBW
Sorry.

GREY WOLF
No, don’t be.
It’s just… He still needs to die and I’m .. It’s gonna be
hard to just sit there and wait for it to happen

THANDE
You know it might already be too late.

The three men glare at THANDE.

THANDE
I’m just saying, the possibility does exist that Ward and his crew
may have already kill him. Along with the others that went with him.

There is a long silence.

GREY WOLF
G.Bone get the teleporter ready, you that are coming,
get ready to kick some CF.netter arse!

FLOCCULENCIO
By god, this time I’ll kick ass and
not even bother to take names!

G.BONE gives the thumbs up sign and the crew steps onto the teleportation tube pad.

GREY WOLF
Beam us away, Scotty.

G.BONE
Aye aye, sir.

G.BONE hits a button and they vanish in a loud pop.

G.BONE
I hope they come out alright.

TORQUMADA
Well, if they don’t, then that’ll probably
mean you’ll be captain of this boat.

G.BONE
Now.. I don’t know what to think!

TORQUMADA shakes his head and walks off.

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

DAVE HOWERY and MIDGARD strains and struggle, the admantium chainsaw is locked against the guitar. They both snarl at one another.

DAVE HOWERY
I’ve fought better men than you!

MIDGARD
I’ve fought worse men than you.

BULGARKOTONOS suddenly walks up and swings a bat into DAVE HOWERY, knocking him out.

BULGARKOTONOS
I’ve kicked everyone’s ass!
(laughs)

Pan to: IRONYUPPIE and GRIMM REAPER. LANDSHARK is down and out for the count, he’s lying in an unconscious pool, while the other two fight it out. IRONYUPPIE has her Yo-yo of Death swinging above her head and circles GRIMM REAPER who’s ready to attack.

IRONYUPPIE
Don’t you think this is fun?

GRIMM REAPER
Very fun.

IRONYUPPIE snaps out her yo-yo and it hooks about the shaft of the scythe, with a yank she tears it out of GRIMM REAPER’s grasp.

GRIMM REAPER
Now… Not much fun.

IRONYUPPIE
(grins)
This is what I call turning the tables.
(starts swinging scythe)

DOCTOR WHAT is swinging crazily, like a wild man. WARD gets his in the face, the chest, and the ribs in quick succession, he staggers back from the sudden assault. DOCTOR WHAT pushes his advantage, continuing to swing and continuing to connect with flesh.

Roaring, WARD crashes into DOCTOR WHAT pushing the other man up against a railing and begins working the midsection with his fists. DOCTOR WHAT brings his elbow down upon WARD’s exposed back, repeatedly. WARD continues punching.

DOCTOR WHAT brings up his knee, smashing WARD in the face and causing him to stagger back, blood pouring from a busted nose. DOCTOR WHAT charges again, swinging.

This time WARD is patient, he dodges the first swings, blocks the other, and when the opening is right gives a massive right handed uppercut, causing DOCTOR WHAT to flop on his back, gasping and groaning.

WARD walks over to him and grabs him by the hair.

WARD
Well, this has been more fun than I realized, boy.

INT. – HUB – MRP’S SHOPPE – DAY

THE PREVIOUS DAY

FLOCCULENCIO, MATT, MRP, and GBW are sitting upon various stacks of books.

GBW
The only way to save everyone is to kill Doctor What?

MRP
You say that as if death is a bad thing

GBW
Normally it does make a situation more bleak.

MRP grins.

MRP
There is something that you will need.

GBW
What is it?

MRP tosses GBW a ring.

GBW
What is this?

MATT
Does it hold magical power?

MRP
Magic is merely science that you
cannot begin to comprehend.

FLOCCULENCIO
I once saw this guy on the street…

MRP
(cutting him off)
Call it a device that shall remove this evil from him.

MATT
(nodding)
Like a anti ASB laxative.

MRP
Your vulgar analogy is correct.
But this only works in conjunction
with the demise of Doctor What.

GBW
(twisting ring in his hand)
Will I see a great flaming cat eye glaring at me if I put It on?

MRP
I miss your reference.

FLOCCULENCIO
Its one of those ATL things.

MRP
I deal with knowledge, not trivial
things such as popular culture.

MATT
Dude, you and me.
We’ll never be able to hang out together.

MRP
(crestfallen)
I had hoped we could share a pint or two in the Pub.

MATT
Well.. if you’re buying…

FLOCCULENCIO
I think he just hit on you.

MATT
(to Flocc)
I said “If he’s buying…”

FLOCCULENCIO
(understanding)
Ah.. can I join you two?

GBW
So this laxative ring.
Once Doc dies, it should be applied?

MRP
While he dies.

GBW
Now the question is:
Who will kill Doctor What?

GBW looks to MATT and FLOCCULENCIO.

MATT
I swore off killing superior officers when I joined the crew.

FLOCCULENCIO
I would… but a quarter of a decade of Singaporean propaganda
has made it impossible for me to even think of killing superior officers
without going into convulsions.
(goes into convulsions)

MATT
Dude, that’s so cool.

GBW
I think I know a person who would gladly kill Doctor What…

MRP
The consequences of that choice will be far reaching.

GBW
Don’t they all though?

MRP
The joy of making the hard decisions.

MATT
I don’t get this.
What’s going on?

GBW looks grimly at the camera.

Slow fade out:

END ACT I

ACT II


INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

WARD smashes DOCTOR WHAT’s face against the metal catwalk, blood splatters against the metal railing. We see the ring GBW had given WARD twinkle in the light of the Core.

WARD
(breathing heavily)
Come on, Boy.
This all you got?

DOCTOR WHAT
I would make a witty quip, but-

WARD smashes his fist into the DOCTOR WHAT’s face.

DOCTOR WHAT
Ow…
I think that loosened up a tooth.

WARD
I’ll loosen up more than that, Boy!

WARD grabs DOCTOR WHAT by the hair and drags him to his feet. Barely standing DOCTOR WHAT is pushed up against the railing and WARD begins to pummel him.

HENDRYK
Lay your hands off Bruno!

WARD turns to see HENDRYK charging him, sword in hand. WARD pulls DOCTOR WHAT around and HENDRYK unable to stop his forward motion, stabs DOCTOR WHAT in the side.

HENDRYK
(horrified)
Doc!

WARD drops DOCTOR WHAT and kicks HENDRYK in the knee, there is a loud crack and HENDRYK begins screaming in pain, collapsing to the floor. WARD then smashes his fist into HENDRYK, knocking him out.

WARD
All these pesky annoyances.
Let’s just get this over with.

WARD kneels down beside DOCTOR WHAT and wraps his hands around his throat. He begins squeezing. Weakly DOCTOR WHAT tries to fend him off, but he barely flails under WARD’s grip.

Pan to:

IRON YUPPIE smashes GRIMM REAPER in the chest with the butt of his staff, knocking him flat. GRIMM REAPER weakly coughs from the nit, trying to move, but seemingly unable.

IRONYUPPIE
You all talk a big talk.
(raises scythe)
But you all can’t walk the big walk.

GRIMM REAPER’s eyes widen slightly.

IRONYUPPIE (cont.)
But where you’re going it doesn’t matter.
A big ugly guy will be poking you with a poker for eternity.

GRIMM REAPER
(weakly)
Ward…
Help…

WARD looks toward GRIMM REAPER and sees IRONYUPPIE with the scythe. He stands up, letting go of DOCTOR WHAT and unsheathes HENDRYK’s sword from DOCTOR WHAT’s side.

WARD
Normally, I don’t enjoy hitting women.
(hefts sword)
or stabbing them.
But that guy you’re trying to kill is my crew.
(beat)
Only I get to kill them.

IRONYUPPIE turns to face WARD, face set in determination.

IRONYUPPIE
Bring it, geezer.

WARD advances.

INT. – CORE – DAY

There is a pop and the AH.commer crew appears.

MICHAEL
Oh, boy, it looks like quiet the fight.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Look, an injured CF.netter.

MICHAEL and PSYCHOMELTDOWN charge ROMULUS AGUSTULUS who is flopping weakly upon the floor. They begin hitting him with their lengths of pipe.

GBW
We need to find Doc.

GREY WOLF
There he is.

Pan to DOCTOR WHAT, a pool of blood if forming around him, but he is still trying to get to his knees.

GBW
He’s not dead yet.

GREY WOLF
Damn.
(beat)
God, it sounds weird saying that.

GBW
I know.
(beat)
He needs to die.

GREY WOLF
God, it sounds weird saying that.

GBW
Yeah…

THANDE
KIT!

Pan camera and we see KIT and BULGARKOTONOS fighting it out.

BULGARKOTONOS had KIT in a headlock and is punching his face.

KIT
Not in the face!
Not in the face!
It’s my money maker!

THANDE collides into BULGARKOTONOS knocking the other man to the ground along with himself. KIT staggers a bit, sees BULGARKOTONOS on the ground and with a snarl jumps atop of him.

KIT
I said not in the face!
(begins swinging)

FLOCCULENCIO give a groaning DIAMOND a hand in getting up.

FLOCCULENCIO
Looks like quiet the fight.

DIAMOND
You should see the other guy…
Aren’t you the bad guy?

FLOCCULENCIO
Not anymore.

DIAMOND
Cool.
Now, let’s kick some CF.netter ass.

LANDSHARK (groaning)
Blood Yank, help Yuppie.
And you’d better not get knocked out in the first seconds too…

DIAMOND and FLUCCULENCIO see WARD and IRONYUPPIE fighting. WARD if getting the upper hand and IRONYUPPIE is being pushed back.

FLOCCULENCIO
First time for everything, eh?

DIAMOND
Yeah.

The two head toward WARD, but before they make a few steps, MIDGARD steps in their way.

MIDGARD
(grinning)
Going anywhere, boys?

DIAMOND
Yeah, to your funera-

MIDGARD swings his guitar into DIAMOND, throwing the other man back and destroying the instrument.

FLOCCULENCIO hefts a sword.

MIDGARD
(eyeing sword)
Looks like Merry’s sword.

FLOCCULENCIO
It is.

MIDGARD
Well, no one really expected you to turn coat.

FLOCCULENCIO
Well, I’m very predictable, no?

MIDGARD
I like that sword. I think I’ll kill you with it.

FLOCCULENCIO
Not if I do it first.

MIDGARD
Kill yourself with it?

FLOCCULENCIO
Shut up and let’s fight!

They fight.

GBW
The Denial of Service Device!

GREY WOLF
We shut it off, then Ian has to come back.

The two rush toward the device, dodging the combating AH.commers and CF.netters.

DOCTOR WHAT staggers to his feet and sees the two crouching over the device.

DOCTOR WHAT
NOOO!!

DOCTOR WHAT charges and tears GBW away from the device. He flings GBW against a railing.

GREY WOLF
It needs to be shut off!

DOCTOR WHAT
Traitor!

DOCTOR WHAT and GREY WOLF grapple.

GBW shakes his head and gets to his knees.

He sees WARD advancing upon the two AH.commers, HENDRYK’s sword in his hand. GBW sees IRONYUPPIE lying unconscious upon the floor. WARD raises the sword.

GBW
NOOOO!!!

GBW charges WARD, who turns and with a smooth motion, impales GBW upon the weapon.

GREY WOLF
GBW!

DOCTOR WHAT turns, releasing GREY WOLF and grapples with WARD, who kicks him in the crotch. GREY WOLF tries to punch him, but WARD moves faster and knocks him out with a quick and brutal right hand punch.

WARD grabs DOCTOR WHAT by the neck again and grins.

WARD
It’ll be over in a bit, boy.
(tightens grip)

LANDSHARK
This’ll teach you to lay a hand upon a woman, arsehat!

WARD turns to see LANDSHARK advancing upon GRIMM REAPER, scythe in hand.

With a snarl, WARD lets go of DOCTOR WHAT again and confronts LANDSHARK. With a quick movement, LANDSHARK is on the ground and the scythe is in WARD’s hand.

GBW watches DOCTOR WHAT. He lies there gasping for breath, but it does not seem to come, the breaths come quicker and sharper, until finally there is no inhalation. The crazy mad man eyes of DOCTOR WHAT fades and it is replaced by the normal DOCTOR WHAT eyes.

GBW reaches for his comm unit.

GBW
Torq…
Now…

DARKNESS.

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

WARD surveys the battlefield. Crew from both ships are down and on the ground, grappling or groaning from injuries and bleeding from hurts. DOCTOR WHAT is surrounded by TORQUMADA, GREY WOLF, and FLOCCULENCIO, who is clutching his right arm.

He can tell the battle is lost.

With a slice of GRIMM’s scythe, WARD destroys the Denial of Service Device.

WARD
(into comm)
Fortyseven.
Emergency transport.
Everyone.

With a pop he and the CF.netter crew are gone

IAN suddenly appears, looks around.

IAN
This is going to have to be explained.
But now, I have a city to save.

He vanishes again.

INT. – HUB – CHINGO360/ALT-LUAKEL’S FLAT – DAY

The two are looking out a window that faces a wide open space, leveled building and fire rage in the view before them. They aren’t looking at the devestation of the city, but instead are looking at the huge black bat shaped ships in the sky.

Suddenly there is a flash of light and one of the Bat ships explodes into a ball of fire.

ALT-LUAKEL
Holy crap, what was that?

CHINGO360
It’s Ian!

They begin cheering.

The sky, dominated by black bat ships suddenly are filled with silver ships, the streets are filled with robots and Ian constructs.

The Hub ships and the ASB ships slug it out, steams of light and other things fly from them. Hub ships are destroyed, but so are ASB ships.

Soon the ASB ships are whittled down, five, three, one, none.

Silence fills the air.

CHINGO360
I think we won.

ALT-LUAKEL
(looking at devastation)
Huzzah…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

IAN stands at the head of the table, tossing the Service of Denial multifaceted gem from hand to hand.

IAN
I’m not laying any blame here.
I can understand what has occurred.
These being are pretty tricky.

DOCTOR WHAT, GREY WOLF, FLOCCULENCIO, G.BONE, THANDE, TORQUMADA, and KIT sit in the Battle Room listening.

IAN (cont.)
Though this.
(hefts gem)
This I thought were long gone.
Not only do they cause a denial of service, they’re
Able to prevent me from entering the Hub. A relic
from another war fought for this place.
(shakes head)
Needless to say, I’ll be taking hold of this.

DOCTOR WHAT stands up, looking worse for wear.

DOCTOR WHAT
I would like to express my deepest apologies, Ian.
I was… not myself.
(hangs head)

IAN
No need to apologize.
Like I said, I’m not laying blame here.
The ASB, they’re a strange folk.
They took you when you tried to make a heroic death against the Devourer
and they messed with your mind. If it wasn’t for the fast action of GBW,
Matt, Flocculencio, and the CF.netters, then I’d probably not have a place
to barkeep. This is not your fault. This was an act of war by a group who
were merely using you as a tool to do something they could not do themselves.
Kick me out of the Hub, take control of the Core and open the doors for them
to stroll in. The blame lies at their feet, not at yours.

DOCTOR WHAT simply sits down again, unable to say anything.

GREY WOLF
What happens now?

IAN
The ASBs have violated the truce.

FLOCCULENCIO
That means?

IAN
Violate a truce between what can be called two nations.
That does that get you?

FLOCCULENCIO
War?

IAN
War. The eternal struggle to make sure the ASBs don’t kill
off everything in their odd sense of logic.

DOCTOR WHAT
What about the Hollow Earth?

IAN
It was a construct.

DOCTOR WHAT
But the people there…

IAN
They were real. They lived the lives they lived were real.
But all of it was created by the ASBs.
Created by them and destroyed by them.
To set you on the path you are on.

DOCTOR WHAT simply sits quietly, head bowed.

IAN
I am sorry about your friends.
(long silence)
Well, I have to run. Things need fixing
and damages need calculating and backs needing rights putting.

IAN vanishes.

G.BONE
You hear that? The CF.netters are bloody heroes.

FLOCCULENCIO
They did stop us from destroying the Hub…

GREY WOLF
Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT stands up and walks out of the Battle Room.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MED BAY –DAY

MATT enters a room and WEAPON M is sitting up in a bed.

MATT
How you doing, Lee?

WEAPON M
Could be better.
(lifts cast)

MATT
I tried taking it easy on you.

WEAPON M
I tried killing you.

MATT
I can’t blame you.

WEAPON M
(hangs head)
Shit.

MATT
It’s not your fault.
The fucking ASBs.

WEAPON M
(looking up)
No. It is my fault. I chose to follow him.
I chose not to ask questions.
I chose not to think why we were doing this.
(beat)
Just the fucking hired muscle. Go here and
shoot this, no questions asked.
(punches bed)
I’ve been down this fucking road before, Matt.
I don’t want to go down it again.

MATT
What are you going to do?

WEAPON M
I’m leaving.

MATT
(long pause)
Then I’ll tag along.
Can’t let you go off by yourself, might get yourself killed.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MED BAY – TORQUMADA’S OFFICE – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT enters the MED BAY, TORQUMADA looks up from a chart he is reading.

TORQUMADA
Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT
How.. how am I?

TORQUMADA
Beyond the bruises, the deep cut in your side, the concussion,
the bruised throat, and all the other things?

DOCTOR WHAT
The other thing…

TORQUMADA
I’ve run scans and I’ve found nothing.
But then again this is ASB stuff, far beyond
anything we can ever imagine.

DOCTOR WHAT
It could still be there?

TORQUMADA
I. I don’t know.

DOCTOR WHAT
(shakes head)
I need to be certain.
I need to know.

TORQUMADA
I can’t five you that answer.
I can say I can’t find anything now.

DOCTOR WHAT
Please. Tell me I’m alright.

TORQUMADA
GBW said that the control the ASBs had over you would
end when you died for that brief moment. I’m not positive
on it, but I think he may be right.
You were cured from their control.

DOCTOR WHAT leaves the Med Bay.

TORQUMADA
Doc?

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MED BAY – DAY

KIERA KNIGHTLY bursts into the Med Bay. She spots DAVE HOWERY.

KIERA KNIGHTLY
Dave!
You’re alive!

GBW, PSYCHOMETLDOWN, OTHNIEL, HENDRYK, LANDSHARK, IRONYUPPIE, and KIT watch the spectacle.

IRONYUPPIE
Damn, Dave.
(sighs)

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Hey, GBW how are you doing?

GBW
Things could be better.

PSYCHOMETLDOWN
Heard you kicked some ass.

GBW
I got stabbed.

PSYCHOYMELTDOWN
I got knocked out by Michael.

GBW
Really?
Well, guess I had a better experience, no?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Yeah…
At least you’re a hero, right?

GBW
Yeah, I feel very heroic…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – TELEPORTATION ROOM – DAY

ATTA appears upon a viewscreen.

ATTA
I demand entrance!

G.BONE
Fuck off.

ATTA
I demand –

G.BONE turns off the comm.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – DIAMOND’S QUARTERS

DIAMOND is packing a duffle bag. FLOCCULENCIO peeks into his quarters.

FLOCCULENCIO
You heading out?

DIAMOND
Yeah. I need… a vacation from this place.

FLOCCULENCIO
I hear you.
Where you headed?

DIAMOND

I don’t know.
Somewhere the good Reformist
Sheepist word will be welcomed.

FLOCCULENCIO
This place got any good porn?

DIAMOND
You know it.

FLOCCULENCIO
Mind if I tag along?

DIAMOND
More the merrier.

FLOCCULENCIO
Said that once to this bird I was trying to shag.
She brought another guy.

DIAMOND
Ouch. That reminds me of this one time…

Pull back and fade out.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – MED BAY – DAY

Pan through the CF.net Med Bay.

We see DOMINUSNOVUS weeping in a bed, MERRYPRANKSTER hooked up to beeping machines, and finally GRIMM REAPER unconscious in a bed. Beside the bed sits WARD reading a book, a heavy bandage about his broken nose.

GRIMM REAPER groans and slowly wakes up. He sees WARD.

GRIMM REAPER
Sir?

WARD
‘morning.

GRIMM REAPER
What? Where am I?

WARD
Med bay.

GRIMM REAPER looks around, and sees the two crewmembers.

WARD
Dominus ain’t pretty no more.

GRIMM REAPER
Merry?

WARD
Pulled a couple of slugs outta him.
Kid was nearly dead.

GRIMM REAPER
What happened?

WARD
Got our asses kicked.

GRIMM REAPER
Was it.. was it because of me?

WARD
No.

GRIMM REAPER
I’m sorry, sir.
You had him…
And I messed it up.

WARD
There are some things
that are more important
than revenge.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – DOCTOR WHAT’S READY ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT is sitting in the dark, GREY WOLF enters the room.

GREY WOLF
Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT
I want to be alone, Grey.

GREY WOLF
No you don’t.

There is a long silence.

DOCTOR WHAT
I don’t know what to do now.

GREY WOLF
You’re their captain.

DOCTOR WHAT
No. not now.
Not anymore.
How can they trust me now?

GREY WOLF
They still trust you.

DOCTOR WHAT
How can I trust myself?
How can I be sure that this control thing is gone?
How can I be sure they won’t just reactivate it again?

GREY WOLF
I don’t know
But you can’t hide from everyone.
You can’t fear the thought that they might control you again.
You let that control you, then you’ll become nothing more than a shadow.

DOCTOR WHAT
How can I face them?

GREY WOLF
They still are loyal to you.
They still will stand by you.

DOCTOR WHAT
After all I’ve done?

GREY WOLF
They know this wasn’t you.
They know the ASBs did this.

DOCTOR WHAT
You don’t understand, Grey. I knew what I was doing. It wasn’t
as if my mind was suddenly supplanted with the ASB’s. I knew
what I was doing. I knew it and I didn’t care. I wanted to destroy
the Hub, I wanted to let the ASBs kill everyone.
(hangs head)

GREY WOLF
I.. I see.

DOCTOR WHAT
I can’t stay.
I can’t face them.

GREY WOLF
What are you going to do?

DOCTOR WHAT
I’m leaving.

GREY WOLF
(without hesitation)
Then I’m coming too.

END ACT II

TAG

EXT – THE HUB – DAYISH


A FIGURE staggers through rubble tossed about.

Pull in on the figure. We see it’s STRAHA.

He looks around.

Another FIGURE approaches.

VOICE
I know you.

FIGURE steps forward to reveal MIKE COLLINS.

MIKE COLLINS
You’re the obnoxious one from the Ah.com ship.

STRAHA used to be.

MIKE COLLINS
Used to be?

STRAHA
I left.

MIKE COLLINS
Find the error of your ways?

STRAHA
Just didn’t wanna die.

MIKE COLLINS
How lame.

STRAHA
So.. what are you doing?

MIKE COLLINS
Trying to find out how to get out of this fucking place.

STRAHA
Yeah me too…

MIKE COLLINS
Hope that goes well.
(walks off)

STRAHA
Hey, can I go with you?

MIKE COLLINS
No.

STRAHA scurries after him.

STRAHA
Hey, where you going?
Can I come?

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Series / Tags: , , ,

The Coming Twilight

Psychomeltdown / March 3, 2010 / No comments

TEASER


VOICE (over black)
(soft and raspy)
He’ll destroy us all…

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

Stars. Shot opens up in a dark expanse covered with glittering stars. Hold for a moment and then begin panning slowly. We see the brilliant blue ball of Earth, shining with life.

Something black and menacing begins to block it out.

WOOSH!

A flash of pure blinding light fills the screen.

It fades away.

Earth still fills up most of the screen. Hold.

VOICE
(soft and raspy)
save us…

BOOOOOOMMMM!!!!

Earth explodes.

Image of IAN flashes across the screen, followed by a mad cackle.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – DOCTOR WHAT’S QUARTERS – NIGHT

DOCTOR WHAT gasps in shock and horror, stumbling off his bed and breathing heavily upon his hands and knees.

VOICE
(soft and raspy)
Save us…

DOCTOR WHAT jerks around, head whipping from side to side, looking for who spoke.

DOCTOR WHAT
Who’s there?

VOICE
(soft and raspy)
He’ll destroy us all…

DOCTOR WHAT fumbles for something, a moment later light floods his quarters.

ATTA
Curses! Turn the light off!

We see ATTA occupying the other half oF DOCTOR WHAT’s bed. She’s glaring at him.

ATTA
Turn the light off1

DOCTOR WHAT immediately complies. Darkness falls.

ATTA
What is the meaning of this?

DOCTOR WHAT continues sitting upon the floor, looking both dazed and exhausted.

DOCTOR WHAT
I don’t know.

ATTA
Well, next time try to keep silent
in your midnight freak outs.
I am trying to sleep.

DOCTOR WHAT
Yes, snookums.

ATTA scoffs and tries to move into a comfortable position.

Pan to DOCTOR WHAT who continues to sit upon the floor with a distant look on his face.

Slowly pull in.

A echo-y, distant laughter resounds.

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CELL – DAY

Darkness.

We hear a creaking sound, the sound of a metal hatch being opened on rusty hinges.

Light suddenly is everywhere.

Pull out slight, we see a figure lying upon the deck, he’s got his hand raised before his eyes, blocking out the sudden light. It’s GBW.

VOICE
Get up, ya bastard.

GBW gets up, stretching a bit.

GBW
What time is it?

Pan shifts to other figure.

We see it’s BULGARKOTONOS.

BULGARKOTONOS
Shut up.
You’ll only talk
when spoken to.

GBW
Alright.

BULGARKOTONOS
I said shut up!

GBW
But you said I would only be allowed to talk when spoken to.
You spoke to me, therefore by your previously stated comment,
I have the ability to –
(Bulgarkotonos punches GBW in the stomach)
Ow…

MATT
You know not to use logic, GBW.

GBW
I kinda forget sometimes…
(clutching stomach)
Ow, this really hurts.

Pan to MATT and FLOCCULENCIO who are also sporting a few new bruises. The two AH.commers are manacled to the bulkhead, hands over head.

FLOCCULENCIO
The joys of being the personal punching bag
of a slightly sadistic psychopath.

BULGARKOTONOS
I am not slightly psychotic!
I will shoot off your big toe and
force feed it to you, AH.com scum!

MATT
You know he said the same thing to me, but
he said My “little piggy would be chopped”.

GBW
Maybe he has a foot fetish.

BULGARKOTONOS punches GBW in the stomach.

BULGARKOTONOS
I said not to talk unless spoken to!

GBW
Ow…. But they got to speak when not spoken to…

BULGARKOTONOS punches GBW in the stomach.

GBW
(groaning)
This is very illogical.

BULGARKOTONOS
Fuck your logic.
Fuck it in the ass, AH.commer Scum!
I don’t give a flying rat’s arse about your logic.
I’m a big bad CF.netter, I carry a big ass gun and
I kill stuff with it, for fun and out of boredom.
Do you think that’s logical? Huh?
(shoves GBW)
Answer me, Logic Boy.

GBW
Actually it is logi-

BULGARKOTONOS punches GBW in the stomach.

MATT
I think this Bulgarkotonos fellow doesn’t like GBW.

FLOCCULENCIO
What gave it away?

GBW
Ow…

BULGARKOTONOS
What other smart ass remarks
do you have now, huh?

GBW
I think I’ll refrain
from answering.

MATT
There you go.

FLOCCULENCIO
See, told you he was the smart one.

BULGARKOTONOS
Come on, I was just getting to
like this whole logic thing.
Tell me more about it.

GBW remains silent.

BULGARKOTONOS pulls out a blaster from a holster.

BULGARKOTONOS
Tell me more or someone’s gonna
be losing a chunk of their crotch.

GBW
Uh.. what do you wan-

BULGARKOTONOS hits GBW with the butt of his blaster.

BULGARKOTONOS
(grinning)
I like this logic thing.
It’s fun.

GBW
(groaning)
I think you misunderstand
what logic is…

BULGARKOTONOS prepares to hit GBW with his blaster again.

WARD
That’s enough, Bulgar.

BULGARKOTONOS is breathing heavily, his eyes are a bit crazy, shifting from WARD to GBW, his grip on the blaster tightening. .

BULGARKOTONOS
But, sir…

WARD
I said, enough.

BULGARKOTONOS
But..

GRIMM REAPER suddenly steps forward and in a lightening quick move snatches the blaster from BULGARKOTONOS’ hand and shoves the man against the bulkhead.

GRIMM REAPER
You heard the Captain.

With a look of slight distaste, GRIMM REAPER tosses the blaster onto the deck.

WARD
Get out of here, Bulgar.

BULGARKOTNOS scampers out of the cell.

GRIMM REAPER pulls out a wooden chair, WARD sits down upon it, a thermos of coffee in hand.

He slowly sips from his thermos.

WARD
So, you want to join the CF.net.

MATT
We wouldn’t be here otherwise.

GRIMM REAPER
Seems a bit odd.

WARD
Way Grimm figures it, is that you’re
here to steal information from us.

FLOCCULENCIO
We just want to join your crew.

GRIMM REAPER
Explore the multiverse.
Kill exotic things?

MATT
Err.. yeah.

GRIMM REAPER
Commit genocide, mass murder, unleash horrors upon horrors
on unsuspecting worlds. Raid, kill, slaughter for the simple
reason that the other guy has something you want?

FLOCCULENCIO
(gulping)
Yeah.

WARD
Bullshit.

GBW
We would not have come here otherwise.

WARD
You’re the smart one, huh?

GBW
I do not like to brag…

WARD
The way I see it is that you
and the robot fellow –

GBW
Leo.

WARD (cont.)
The robot fellow, Leo, are
the only two smart ones of the ship.

MATT
Torq’s pretty intelligent.

FLOCCULENCIO
Not to mention Thande.

MATT
(dismissive)
Thande’s not as smart as Torq.

FLOCCULENCIO
Wanna bet?
Who discovered how to
protect against radia-

THUNK!

We see Grimm’s scythe embedded in the bulkhead, between FLOCCULENCIO and MATT. They both stare at it and gulp.

WARD
(to Grimm)
You know it’s hard to replace
bulkheads, after you do that sort of thing.

GRIMM REAPER
Sorry, sir
I was going for the overly dramatic.

WARD
Where was I?

GBW
Leo and I. The smart ones.

WARD
Ah, yes.
(takes a sip from thermos)
The way I see it, is that you and the robot fellow, Leo, are the only
smarts ones on that ship. But seeing as how Leo’s not the one jumping
ship, that leaves you being the smart one currently.
(takes another sip)
So, Smart boy, you have a decision to make.

GBW
What’s that?

WARD
As you can guess I don’t truly believe that you are
going to abandon your ship and your captain so easily.

GBW
I can see how you would come to that conclusion.

WARD
Since I trust ya as far as I can crotch kick you.
You’ll need to prove you’re on the level.

GBW
(slowly)
That means?

GRIMM REAPER
(grinning)
There’s a blaster on the deck.
Pick it up and choose which one
of your old crewmembers gets to die.

WARD
Simple.
Once you’ve done that, my trust
in you may rise a millimeter or so.
(Ward gets up)
Oh, and don’t think you’re gonna be able to
shoot your way out of here with that blaster.
Its only got one shot.

GRIMM REAPER
It always has one shot.
For Bulgar’s protection.

WARD
We’ll be back in half an hour.

The two walk out.

GBW looks at the blaster. FLOCCULENCIO and MATT glance at one another.

MATT/FLOCCULENCIO (simultaneously)
GBW, buddy old pal.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series


“THE COMING TWILIGHT”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN


ACT I


INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT is walking back and forth before the large observatory window. He pauses, standing before it and looking out into the vast black.

We can see he’s disheveled, hair is mussed, clothes wrinkled, and there’s a nervous twitch to the way he moves.

We here the soft ‘swish’ of the doors into the Battle Room opening. DOCTOR WHAT twitches, but he does not turn around.

Camera pans around, showing the crew entering silently.

GREY WOLF, HENDRYK, IRONYUPPIE, KIT, LANDSHARK, and WEAPON M are the first to arrive. The silently take their places. A moment later, DIAMOND, DMA, DAVE HOWERY, OTHNIEL, THANDE, TORQUMADA, G.BONE, and LUAKEL enter. A few moments later MICHAEL, PSYCHOMELTDOWN, and STRAHA straggle in.

There is silence still.

GREY WOLF stands up, straightening the front of his uniform and clearing his throat.

DOCTOR WHAT turns around and holds up a hand, signaling for GREY WOLF to hold on a moment.

DOCTOR WHAT
(looking at the gathered crew)
I know you all have questions, about what happened and
what’s going to happen or might happen. I know you are
scared, that what I’ve asked you may go against everything
you believed. I know you have your doubts, about me, about
what I’ve asked, about your own abilities to do it.
(beat)
All I have to say is that we have been together for a long time…
I know that you are the finest crew… No, scratch that. I know
you are the best group of friends a person can have…
and I would trust each of you with my life.
(beat)
I know I am asking for a lot.
I only ask one more thing.
I ask that you trust me.
That you have faith in me…

There is silence.

GREY WOLF clears his throat again.

GREY WOLF
Doc, we’ve been together for over six years.
I have seen the man you once were and I have
seen the man you have become. We do not know
what you saw in your visions, but that does not
matter. If you say this needs doing,
then this needs doing.

DOCTOR WHAT smiles as the crew cheers.

STRAHA
We’re with you all the way, Doc!

INT. – – AH.COM – STRAHA’S QUARTERS – DAY

OTHNIEL
What do you mean you’re leaving the ship.

STRAHA
Dude, did you just hear what the Doc said?
We’re gonna fucking attack the HUB!

OTHNIEL
I’ve heard.

STRAHA
You know IAN?
The guy in the pub?
The guy who commands fucking robot things
that can destroy a fucking world?

OTHNIEL
I know.

STRAHA
Do you think we have a snowball’s chance in hell
of even getting off a first shot without being
smear across half the multiverse?

OTHNIEL
I doesn’t matter.

STRAHA
Well it friggin’ does to me.
I, unlike you crazy fucktards, do not wanna die.

OTHNIEL
We’ve put our trust in Doc.
But it’s up to us to see that this gets through.
That we see this mission to the end.

STRAHA
That’s exactly what I’m not looking forward to.
We’re talking about going up against a guy that can
fuck anything up and we’re expecting to somehow win?
That we’ll kick his ass and everything
will all be happy sunshine afterward/

OTHNIEL
We can try.

STRAHA
And die trying.

OTHNIEL
It’s a possibility.

STRAHA
And that’s something I’m not fucking willing to take.
So next chance we’re in the Hub, I’m getting the fuck out of here.

OTHNIEL
Is there any way I can change your mind?

STRAHA
Yeah, kick some sense into Doc’s fucking head.
He’s totally gone off the deep end.

OTHNIEL
You heard what he said would happen.
About the future the Stone showed him.
A great evil is coming and we have the chance to stop it.
It already destroyed one world, we have to stop it before
more worlds are destroyed and more innocent lives are lost.

STRAHA
See this is what’s wrong with you asshats.
You think it’s up to you to stop every fucking baddie wannabe
who sets up shop on some world. You think you have to go
down there with you high and mighty fucking morals and say
“You can’t do this and we’re gonna stop you.”.

OTHNIEL
If not us, then who?

STRAHA
(rolls eyes)
Get the hell out of my quarters.

OTHNIEL looks at STRAHA for a moment and shakes his head slightly, then leaves the room. STRAHA pauses for a moment and begins shoving stuff into a duffle bag.

Clockwipe.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BRIG – DAY

MATT, FLOCCULENCIO, and GBW are sitting in the brig. MATT and FLOCCULENCIO are manacled to the wall, GBW sits on the deck before them, a heavy blaster in his hands.

MATT
You know they’re probably
recording everything we’re saying.

FLOCCULENCIO
Probably so that creepy
Bulgar guy can wank off to it later.

MATT
Dude, mental image…

FLOCCULENCIO
The sick thing is that you are
able to imagine that imagery.

MATT
Stick with us, kid, and you’ll be able to imagine all
the sick perversions that would have otherwise gone
unimagined, let alone un-experienced, in your lifetime.

FLOCCULENCIO
Sir, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter…

GBW
So we’re all in agreement, Flocc gets shot?
(grins)

FLOCCULENCIO
What?
What did I ever do to you?

MATT
Well, you were the one who broke the thumb off
Tiberus Gracchus in your 1/1000th scale model
of the Late Roman Republic Senate.

GBW
(shocked)
That was you?
I thought Luakel had done that.

FLOCCULENCIO
How the hell did you even notice?

MATT
Dude, this is GBW.
He noticed when IronYuppie switched over from
bark tanned whips to veg tanned whips.

FLOCCULENCIO
(sighs)
Well….

The hatch to the Brig suddenly opens.

GRIMM REAPER peeks in, he sees all three still alive.

GRIMM REAPER
I was expecting there to be only two alive in here.
(grins)
Well, that at least gives me the chance
to test out the sharpness of my scythe.

GBW
Didn’t you just test it on the bulkhead?

GRIMM REAPER
But testing it on someone’s flesh is so much better.

GBW
I’m not going to kill Matt or Flocc.

GRIMM REAPER
(shrugs)
doesn’t matter.

GBW
What?

GRIMM REAPER
Ward said I could do what I want with you.

GBW
But I thought-

GRIMM REAPER
He knew you’d never do it.

MATT
Never underestimate GBW.

FLOCCULENCIO
Yeah he was the only one who was able to watch that
little pornographic gem Doc picked up from that BSDM world.

MATT
(shudders)
I still have nightmares about that.

FLOCCULENCIO
(hangs head)
Me too…

GRIMM REAPER
Well, shall we get this little show on the road?
I want plenty of screaming and begging.

FLOCCULENCIO
Oddly like Kit when he’s… erm randy.

MATT
You noticed that to, huh?

GBW
We had to tranq him that last time.

FLOCCULENCIO
Ah, good times.

GRIMM REAPER
Stop going off on tangents here.

GBW
Remember that last ti-

GRIMM REAPER kicks GBW.

GBW
Why does everyone hurt me?

MATT
I think it’s cuz you’re not big manly men like me and Flocc.

FLOCCULENCIO
You know without your armor,
you’re pretty runty, for an Marine and all.

MATT
Runty? Did you just call me runty?
(Flocc nods)
(sighs)
I’m big where it counts.
(grins)

FLOCCULENCIO
Your hands?

MATT
(hangs head)
Yeah.

GRIMM REAPER
(miffed)
Back to the point here, guys.
I’m gonna torture you, then skin you, then
wear your skin, then make some brownies.

GBW
I like brownies.

MATT
Could you hurry it up?
These manacles are chaffing my wrist.
Nothing more I hate than chaffing.

FLOCCULENCIO
That would explain why you don’t wear those
leathers pants I bought you for your birthday.

MATT
Dude.
I already told you, you don’t buy leather pants
for another guy. It’s.. just not done.

FLOCCULENCIO
But they were on sale! Half off!
I mean you don’t see a sale like that often.

MATT
Plus the damn things make my balls sweat.

FLOCCULENCIO
(put upon tone)
What doesn’t make your balls sweat?

MATT
Straddling an ice cube?

FLOCCULENCIO
You’d probably be able to straddle an ice cube, runt.

MATT
Call me runt again and I’ll make sure your little puny mech
thing gets chucked out of an airlock the next time we shift.

FLOCCULENCIO
Damn. I left my mech behind.

MATT
Oh, yeah. We defected.

FLOCCULENCIO
Hence our manacled nature.

GRIMM REAPER
(to GBW)
Do they always talk this much?

GBW
Generally.

GRIMM REAPER
How do you get them to shut up?

GBW
Normally we just push them toward where there’s a
lot of shooting going on. That distracts them for a while.

GRIMM REAPER
Will cutting off a hand help in shutting them up?

GBW
Probably just make them scream.
Flocc has a low tolerance for pain, there was
this one time he had a splinter in his palm. Torq
had to sedate him, because of all the screaming.

GRIMM REAPER
(grins)
Well, I had hoped for plenty of screaming.

GBW
Not this kind of screaming.
It grates on you after a while.

GRIMM REAPER
(thinking)
Maybe I’ll just kill them both quickly.

GBW
But I thought you were a psychotic sadist?

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, I am. I just don’t want to deal with all the annoying screaming,
normal screaming in pain is nice, but not the annoying kinds.
They ruin the fun.

GBW
(nodding)
I understand.
Its like when Luakel stats blaring Christine Aguilera down
the corridors. Normally, such annoying pop music I can ignore,
but her… it makes my ears bleed.

GRIMM REAPER
(nodding)
Well, then.Who wants to die first.

GBW
How about none of us?

GRIMM REAPER
Well one of more of you have to die.

GBW
Why’s that?

GRIMM REAPER
Because I want to kill one or more of you?

GBW
Oh.
Well, what if we can make a deal.
We don’t get to die, and you get something you want?

GRIMM REAPER
Although we are a ship filled with cut throats, murderers,
money launderers, and tax cheaters, we don’t engage
much in the way of homosexual intercourse.

GBW
Uh…

GRIMM REAPER
Sure there have been a few occasions.
But we’ve learned to deal with keep Rommy under lock
and key when he gets into those kinds of moods.

GBW
I was talking about something else.

GRIMM REAPER
Hmm? Unfortunately you were not carrying anything
remotely chocolaty upon your person when we searched you.

FLOCCULENCIO
I was wondering why they searched us so thoroughly.

GBW
Okay how about this deal.
You let us live and we give
you an open door onto the AH.com.

GRIMM REAPER
Are you serious?

GBW
Deathly so.

GRIMM REAPER
I will have to think on this.

GBW
This is no trap.

GRIMM REAPER
Oddly, I don’t believe you.
Weird, huh?

GBW
Yeah.. weird.

GRIMM REAPER
I’ll be back.

GBW
Take your time. We’ll just be sitting here.

GRIMM REAPER prepares to leave, but then stops. Turns around and snatches the blaster from GBW’s hands.

GRIMM REAPER
Almost forgot.

He distastefully puts it in a pocket, before leaving.

MATT
I’m still not sure about this plan, GBW.

GBW
Me too, but you heard Mr. Cryptic.

FLOCCULENCIO
I don’t trust that kid.

GBW
We gotta have some faith in people, Flocc.
(beat)
I believe in Ward’s absolute hatred of Doc.

MATT
If I die, I’m so killing you.

FLOCCULENCIO
Me too.

GBW
Trust me.
(grins)

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT is sitting in his command chiar, he looks worse for wear, dark spots under his eyes, his skin shallow and hair in sweaty ringlets bout his forehead.

KIT
We’re all ready,Doc.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good, prepare shift engines.
Dave, how goes the device?

INT. – CARGO BAY – DAY

DAVE HOWERY, MICHAEL, PSYCHOMELTDOWN and WEAPON M are clustered around a large red object about the size of a person’s head. It looks like a four sided pyramid but the eyes get blurry when they look at the object and one sees six or seven or even eight sides to the pyramid, depending on the angle you look at it.

There are wires and computer bits hooked to it. DAVE HOWERY finishes soldering a piece of wire.

DAVE HOWERY
Hey, Doc. We’re got it running, or what we think of it as running.
This thing puts out a lot of weird mojo, but we think we can control it.
Turn it off and turn it, basically.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT
Good, good. I’ll give you the signal, once we enter the hub,
it’ll be a matter of minutes before the Hub discovers what
we’re carrying. We’ll have to move fast and get to the docks.

DAVE HOWERY (on comm)
Righto.
We’ll be ready.

DOCTOR WHAT
Landshark.

LANDSHARK
Huh?

DOCTOR WHAT
Open a vortex. We’re heading to the Hub.

Pan to the Pilot’s Suite and we see LANDSHARK occupying GBW’s former spot. He’s squinting down at the consoles before him.

LANDSHARK
Bloody hell, how do you operate these controls.
And why does it smell like peppermint?

Cut to.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A vortex opens and the AH.com plunges into it.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – WARD’S READY ROOM – DAY

WARD is sitting behind his desk, GRIMM REAPER sits in a chair before it.

WARD
It was a damn fool mistake.
We should have demanded payment,
then bombed the city.

GRIMM REAPER
Who knew a couple of mini nukes would
level a city and leave almost no survivors?

WARD
We all live and learn.

GRIMM REAPER
I see that now.

WARD
(long pause)
So.

GRIMM REAPER
I think they’ll actually do it.

WARD
The question is why?

GRIMM REAPER
It’s not hate.
I can tell you that.

WARD
They all look like they’ve just
been bitten by their favorite puppy.

GRIMM REAPER
Or kicked off what is practically their home
by a guy they thought of as a true friend.

WARD
Quit shitting all over my attempts of
making simple analogies of the situation.

GRIMM REAPER
Sorry sir.

WARD
But if they are telling the truth.

GRIMM REAPER
We get access to the ship.

WARD
We get that bitch Atta and the fuck up What.

GRIMM REAPER
Two birds with one betrayal.

WARD
I still don’t like it.

GRIMM REAPER
We can always space ‘em.

WARD
I don’t think Ian would appreciate out spacing three
people while in dock and we ain’t ready to shift yet.

GRIMM REAPER
We can always do the old fashioned stabbing them in the
femoral artery and laughing as they bleed to death.

WARD
Last time it sprayed all over the place.

GRIMM REAPER
What about just in the back of the head?

WARD
You know my opinions on that.

GRIMM REAPER
Sorry, sir.

WARD
Do you believe them?

GRIMM REAPER
I’m not sure. Usually you can trust that people would do
anything to survive, but these guys.. I think they’re more
loyal to the people they care about
than what happens to their own lives.

WARD
A worthy quality.

GRIMM REAPER
But one that I’d rather not have in my enemies.
It’s far easier to deal with people who value
their own lives above everything.

WARD
So we put our trust in ‘em?

GRIMM REAPER
Seems so.

WARD
They’ve got a hidden agenda, one that don’t bode well,
I think. I don’t like puttin’ blind faith in people.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, we know they might screw us over, therefore
we can always be prepared, take precautions.

WARD
It’s all we can do, for now.
Later if they do screw us over,
we’ll just kill ‘em.

GRIMM REAPER
(grins)
I like that plan.

WARD
Well, let’s see what the little traitors will tell us.

EXT. – HUB SPACE – DAY

The AH.com ship appears. It moves quickly toward the Docks.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BRIG – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, MATT, FLOCCULENCIO, and GBW occupy the Brig. WARD is sitting upon a chair, while GRIMM REAPER watches the three, stroking the shaft of his scythe.

WARD
So spill it.

GBW
We have to have guarantees that we won’t be killed.

WARD
Bullshit.

GBW
How about guarantees that I won’t be killed?

WARD
What about you tell me what I want to know and
I don’t shoot the runty marine.

MATT
I am not runty!

GBW
I know how you can get onto the AH.com.
With no need to shooting holes in it.

WARD
Well, seeing as how some of my less than able crew
managed to steal your ship that last time.

GBW
We’ve managed to upgrade the security systems.

WARD
And how do you think that they won’t have
changed ‘em after they kicked you to the dirt?

GBW
I programmed those security measures in.
I know how to get around it.

WARD
Well, hand ‘em over.

GBW
This for that.

WARD
Fine, I won’t kill the marine.

MATT
Yay.

FLOCCULENCIO
Yay.

GBW
You’ll need us, if you’re going use what I give you.

WARD
All of you?

GBW
No, just one of us, the ship’s systems are
designed to identify current crew members.

WARD
Good, I’ll take the runt and
the Indian when we go there.

GBW
Uh… I was hoping that-

WARD
You’re a smart one. I don’t trust you.
I think you’ll come up with some smart way of escaping.
But if I don’t take you, then I can leave you here. And
take one of the less intelligent of your little group.

FLOCCULENCIO
Did he just insult our intelligence?

MATT
Huh?

GBW
(glances at Matt and Flocc)
Okay…

WARD
Now, tell me how to get aboard the AH.com ship.

GBW
I have a gift for you first.

WARD
Gift?

GBW
Yes, something that Doc held dearly.

WARD
What’s that? His damned porn?

GBW
No… but damn that would have been better.

WARD
What is it?

GBW digs in his pocket and pulls out a small metallic ring.

WARD
What the hell is that?

GBW
Something Doc loved.

WARD
And why are you giving it to me?

GBW
Seeing as how we asked to join your crew…
And Doc kicking us out. Call it a bit of payback.

WARD laughs and takes the ring from GBW’s hand.

WARD
Fine. Fine.
Now tell us how to get into your ship.

GBW
(sighs)
First thing you’ll need to do…

Clockwipe.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

WARD and GRIMM REAPER stand before a large holographic screen. The rest of the CF.netters sit at the table, listening and watching.

WARD
With the codes that GBW has given us, we’ll be able to first open
the hatches to the interior of the ship and then once we’re inside we’ll
be able to disable Leo, the ship’s computer. There is no way to get it
offline, unless we either blow up the Core or find the access codes that
even GBW does not know to take it offline. I’d rather not blow up the
core. There is information in there that we could use.

MIDGARD
And porn!

The Crew Cheers.

WARD
Incapacitate the crew. Kill unless you have to and if you do,
you’d better have a damn good reason as to why you did it,
else you’ll be breathin’ vacuum.

GRIMM REAPER
We have seven years of frustration to take out on their hides.

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS
Can we join in?

WARD
Everyone can join in.

The Crew Cheers.

KILNGIRL
Don’t you think this is a bit barbaric?

WARD
Doc was the guy who saved the woman that
kidnapped you and destroyed you business.

KILNGIRL
KILL THEM!
KILL THEM ALL!!!

The Crew Cheers.

KILNGIRL
What will be my job in all of this?
Do I get to hurt that mean woman?

WARD
You’ll be staying on board.

KILNGIRL
(cold voice)
Is it because I’m a girl?

DOMINUSNOVUS
If that were the case, then we wouldn’t be bringing Scarecrow.

SCARECROW
Bite me, pretty boy.

DOMINUSNOVUS
You’d like that wouldn’t you?

GRIMM REAPER
Shut up.

WARD
No, the ship still needs fixin’.
Get the shift engines working and the weapons up.
Fortyseven will be here with you.
He’ll be manning the teleporters.

FORTYSEVEN
(sighs)
I always have to man the teleporters when
everyone goes on a cool killing mission.

WARD
Lock and load, boys.
Its time we killed some Ah.commers.

The Crew cheers.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – DOCTOR WHAT’S READY ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT is behind his desk, GREY WOLF is sitting in a chair before ir.

GREY WOLF
I don’t understand why you’re only taking half of the crew.

DOCTOR WHAT
The ones I’m leaving behind are pretty much useless in a fight.
They’ll be more of a hindrance than help.

GREY WOLF
But they want to join you when this happens.

DOCTOR WHAT
They stay here.
And they frigging like it.
We’re going into a big fight and I need those
that can at least handle a weapon correctly.
Not these bumbling fools.

GREY WOLF
(silent for a moment)
What do you want me to tell them?

DOCTOR WHAT
Tell them what I said.
If they wanted to be of more use, then they
should have learned to fight better.

GREY WOLF
(nods briskly)
I understand.

DOCTOR WHAT
(sees Grey’s expression)
I’ll need someone also to stay behind and watch over them.
Someone I can trust to do the job right.

GREY WOLF
Hendryk would be a good choice.

DOCTOR WHAT
I mean you.

GREY WOLF
What?

DOCTOR WHAT
You’re gonna stay behind and ride herd on these buggers.
Make sure they don’t do anything stupid.

GREY WOLF
I had thought-

DOCTOR WHAT
No. You stay behind.

GREY WOLF
But-

DOCTOR WHAT
NO!
I said it and I mean it.

GREY WOLF
I.. understand.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good.

There’s a ring on the door into the Ready Room and before DOCTOR WHAT can say anything ATTA stalks in.

ATTA
What is this nonsense about an attack upon the Hub?

DOCTOR WHAT
I do not want to talk about it, love.

ATTA
You’re gonna stop this attack right here and right now,
You understand?

DOCTOR WHAT hesitates, its as if he’s caught in indecision. He glances at ATTA.

DOCTOR WHAT
(slowly)
No.

ATTA
(surprised)
What?

DOCTOR WHAT
No.

ATTA
You do not tell me no!

DOCTOR WHAT
I just have.

ATTA
Don’t you love me?

DOCTOR WHAT
(hesitant)
I do…

ATTA
Don’t you want to do anything for me?

DOCTOR WHAT
I do…

ATTA
Then turn this ship around, find out
where Ward is hiding and kill him.
For me.

DOCTOR WHAT
(shakes head)
No.

ATTA
What?

DOCTOR WHAT
I am not going to.

ATTA
(angry)
I just told you what to do!

GREY WOLF watches the exchange, looking as if he’d rather just sink into the floor than be there.

ATTA stalks up to him.

ATTA
Find Ward.
Kill him.

DOCTOR WHAT
(angry)
Back off!

ATTA
You do not talk back to me!

DOCTOR WHAT suddenly shoves her back, she collides with a bulkhead and sinks to her knees, gasping in horror.

GREY WOLF jumps to his feet.

GREY WOLF
Bruno!

DOCTOR WHAT ignores him and stalks up to ATTA.

DOCTOR WHAT
You do not tell me what to do.
I am no one’s puppet, understand.

He towers over her as she looks up in horror at him.

ATTA
Please…

GREY WOLF grabs DOCTOR WHAT and pushes him back to his desk.

GREY WOLF
(to Atta)
Are you alright?

ATTA
He’s insane!

ATTA staggers to the door and lurches out.

DOCTOR WHAT
Get off my ship!

GREY WOLF
What the fuck is wrong with you, Bruno?
You do not go pushing around pregnant women!

DOCTOR WHAT
Are you also telling me what to do?
Huh?

GREY WOLF
What the hell is wrong with you?

DOCTOR WHAT
Nothing. I’m seeing things super clear now.
I don’t need stupid parasitic bitches clinging onto me and
demanding I do things for them. I also don’t need idiot crew
members who are more than useless to me.

GREY WOLF
What has gotten into you, Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT
We’ll take car of this when I get back.
Get the hell out of my ready room.

GREY WOLF and DOCTOR WHAT stare each other down for a moment.

GREY WOLF
(snapping out salute)
Yes, Captain!

INT. – HUB STREET – DAY

STRAHA walks up to a counter. Pull out and we see its’ a McDonald’s like establishment. CHINGO360 looks up at him.

CHINGO360
What can I get for you?

STRAHA
I’d like a quadruple Genghis Burger with extra sauce and
a large Zheng He Fleet on the side.

CHINGO360
Alright.

STRAHA looks about the fast food joint, he sees something fimiliar outside the window.

He walks up to the window and spots WARD and the other CF.netters walking down the street. He glances in the direction they’re going, toward the AH.com ship.

He looks about indecisive.

ALT-LAUKEL
A large Ghenghis Burger and a large Zheng He Fleet!

STRAHA shrugs.

STRAHA
Not my fucking problem anymore.

Walks back up to counter.

ALT-LAUKEL
That’ll be 9.50.

STRAHA digs in his pockets for a moment.

STRAHA
Aw, shit…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – AIR LOCK – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT, DAVE HOWERY, WEAPON M, LANDSHARK, IRONYUPPIE, KIT, HENDRYK, DMA, OTHNIEL, and DIAMOND all stand ready and armed.

DOCTOR WHAT
Well this is it.
We get to the core, we deactivate it
and Ian will be powerless.

WEAPON M
Now, just to get him to get his ass out of the Hub.

KIT
It’s all ready to go, Doc.

DOCTOR WHAT
Hit it.

DAVE HOWERY flips a switch and the object begins glowing a bright red.

DAVE HOWERY
Hmm.. don’t seems to do much.

EXT. – HUB STREET – DAY

LOUDSPEAKER
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
This is a message from the Hub emergency broadcast system.
We regret to inform you that the Hub is experiencing a denial
of service attack on the crosstime network. The Ouroboros
crosstime doors unavailable. At this time there there is no
possibility of leaving or entering the Hub. Please remain in
you current positions until this emergency has been dealt with.
Have a nice day.

People on the streets look around and then begin panicking.

EXT. – HUB DOCKS – DAY

The AH.commers watch at the panicking mass of humanity.

DIAMOND
Man, this is so not gonna be fun.

DMA
You’re right there.

DOCTOR WHAT
Let’s move.

KIT and DAVE HOWERY carry the device between them, while the rest crowd around, keeping people at bay with their weapons.

DIAMOND
Get out of our way!
Important business here!
Move it or lose it!

[;EFT] The AH.commers push their way into the crowds.

EXT. – HUB DOCKS – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
A denial of service attack/
Coincidence?

WARD
I think not.

GRIMM REAPER
What are those AH.commers up to?

WARD
Well, we’ll cut the answer out of them, no?

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, joy.

WARD
Faeelin.

FAEELIN
Sir?

WARD
Open her up.

The CF.netters are standing outside the airlock of the AH.com ship.

FAEELIN
On it, sir.

FAEELIN puts a metallic box along side the entry code panel and taps in a few commands. A moment later the air lock cycles open.

WARD
Engineering. Computer Core. Control Room.
Go! Go! Go!

The CF.netter rush into the ship.

WARD
(to Matt and Flocc)
You two can come with me.
(grins)

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

MICHAEL and PSYCHOMELTDOWN are walking down a corridor.

MICHAEL
You know what I mean!

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
No I really don’t.
You don’t just go saying things like that and expect
people to have immediate understanding.

MICHAEL
How stupid do you have to
be not to understand what I mean?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Look, next time jus-

VOICE
HALT! OR GET YOUR ASSES SHOT OFF!

The two turn around and face ROMULUS AGUSTULUS and DOMINUSNOVUS.

MICHAEL
Holy shi-

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS fires. A burst of blue energy envelopes MICHAEL and he collapses to the floor, unconscious. PSYCHOMELTDOWN drops to his knees, hands up.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
I surrender!
I surrender!

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS walks up to PSYCHOMELTDOWN and smacks him in the head with the butt of his rifle/stunner. PSYCHOMELTDOWN collapses to the floor.

DOMINUSNOVUS
You know you’re gonna have to carry
them to the friggin’ holding place, right?

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS
What?

DOMINUSNOVUS
We could have kept them conscious to do the walking themselves.

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS
Damn it.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

TORQUMADA and THANDE are walking down a corridor.

THANDE
What do you mean I can’t fight?
I so can kick arse.

TORQUMADA
I seriously doubt that.

THANDE
Hey, I took a couple of boxing lessons.

TORQUMADA
Slap fighting with Michael doesn’t count as boxing.

THANDE
But it hurt.

TORQUMADA
He knocked you out!

THANDE
It wasn’t’ because of that.
I just don’t like the sight of blood.

TORQUMADA
That was ketchup.
Not blood.

THANDE
Shut up.

VOICE
No, you two shut up.

TORQUMADA and THANDE look down the corridor to see MIDGARD and BULGARKOTONOS shouldering weapons pointed at them.

MIDGARD
Come on, let’s go for a little walk…

TORQUMADA
I think we’ve just got boarded.

THANDE
What gave it away?

INT. – AH. COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GREY WOLF is sitting in the command chair, he looks glum and confused.

LEO CAESIUS
Psst, Grey!

GREY WOLF
What?

LEO CAESIUS
No, it’s Leo.

GREY WOLF
What do you want?

LEO CAESIUS
We’ve just been boarded.

GREY WOLF
By whom?

LEO CAESIUS
The CF.netters. They’ve used GBW’s access overrides to
enter the airlock. They’ve got control of Engineering and
are headed to the Computer Core and the Control Room.

GREY WOLF
Raise the alarms!

LEO CAESIUS
I can’t. They’ve disabled those functions with the override.

GREY WOLF
Well can you raise the Doc?
Tell him that we’re in trouble.
That we need him here?

LEO CAESIUS
I’m trying to access the communica-
(static)

GREY WOLF
Leo?
You there?

Suddenly the power begins to go out, emergency lighting flickers on.

GREY WOLF
Damn.

VOICE
Damn, couldn’t they have shut the controls off,
AFTER we had gotten to the control room?

GREY WOLF looks around and ducks into DOCTOR WHAT’s ready room. He looks around a bit and find a cricket bat lying upon a chiar, it is marked: PROPERTY OF LANDSHARK: KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF IT.

He picks it up and peeks back into the Control Room.

SCARECROW and FAEELIN enter the Control Room, rifles pointing everywhere.

SCARECROW
Looks like no one’s home.

FAEELIN
Shall we look around?

SCARECROW
Meh, you can. I’m gonna just sit here for a moment.

FAEELIN
Hey, I want to sit on the command chair!

SCARECROW
Go board your own ship!

The two begin fighting.

GREY WOLF looks around and sees and air vent.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- TELEPORATION TUBE ROOM – DAY

G.BONE is snoozing at his station.

There’s the slight swish of the doors opening, he remains sleeping.

VOICE
Wakey, wakey.

G.BONE’s POV. We see the barrel of a large gun resting before G.BONE’s face.

G.BONE jumps up, seeing DARKSLAVIK.

DARKSLAVIK
Now, be a good boy and walk slowly to the exit, hear?
Else I’ll be force be forced to turn you into some abomination..

G.BONE
Um.. okay…

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BRIG – DAY

GBW lies on his back, feet pushing against the manacles on his wrists. He grunts and strains, there’s a pop and a clacking noise as one manacle slides over a hand and off his wrist.

GBW collapses, breathing heavily.

GBW
The great thing about having big wrists and small hands.
Manacles are not a good way to lock me up.
And who uses manacles anymore?

He gets up, and with ease detaches the other manacle off his wrist. He rubs the raw red skin for a moment.

GBW
Now, for the great escape.

From his trousers GBW pulls out a tiny green cylinder.

GBW
You should never have left a loaded blaster in my hands.
You knew I wasn’t goona use it against my fellow shipmates.

GBW shoves the blaster cartridge against the control panel to the Brig.

GBW
(taking deep breath)
The problem of using blasters , is that their cartridges, once out of
their casings and out of the clip they’re housed in, are very unstable.
A sharp application of force tends to cause them to detonate.

GBW twirls his manacles for a few swings and then slams it against the control panel.

Nothing happens.

GBW peers at it.

GBW
Of course, due to their size, one has to actually hit it, first.

GBW swings again and slams the manacles against the control panel.

BOOOOOM!

GBW is thrown against the bulkhead.

GBW
(coughing)
Though for mere stopping power, there is no better
weapon than a blaster, due to it’s large explosive power.
(coughs)
I really have to stop talking to myself.
(gets up)
Now, off to freedom.

EXT. – HUB STREET – DAY

Explosions rock the street. Overhead are two flying machines, raining down light upon a group huddled behind a stack of rubble.

DOCTOR WHAT
Shoot ‘em down.
We get pass these bots, we’re
home free toward the Inner City.

WEAPON M
Fire in the hole!

WEAPON M jumps up with a large shoulder mounted rocket and fires off a round. A bright white streak erupts from the weapon and destroys one of the flying machines. The rest of the crew open up on the second machine, riddling it with holds and cheering as it crashes into a building.

DOCTOR WHAT
Onward!
To the Inner City and the Core!

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – STORAGE ROOM – DAY

SCARECROW and FAEELIN walk into the storage room, the captured AH.commers are tied up and WARD and GRIMM REAPER stand in the rom. They glance at the two men.

WARD
Any others on the ship?

SCARECROW
None that we saw, sir.

WARD
What happened to you two?

FAEELIN shoots SCARECROW a glance.

FAEELIN
We fell down some stairs, sir.

WARD shakes his head he pulls out his .357 and points it at TORQUMADA.

WARD
Now, where is everyone?

TORQUMADA
Like I’d tell you anything!

WARD points his gun at MICHAEL.

WARD
Tell me or the little Aussie gets it.

MICHAEL
Tell him!
Tell him!

TORQUMADA
(sighs)
They’re going to the core of the Hub.

WARD
(surprised)
Where?

TORQUMADA
The Core of the Hub.
Where all the controls for this place are.

WARD
Why the hell are they doing that?

TORQUMADA
I don’t know.

WARD pauses, musing.

GRIMM REAPER
Can’t we just kill these ones, blow up their ship and
laugh as they come back from whatever they were doing
and see with horror what has transpired?

WARD
No, that would be too easy.
Plus I have a gift to return to Bruno.
(twirls ring in his hand)

GRIMM REAPER
Seems an awful lot of trouble returning something…
Oh, wait I get it. You want to kill him.
(giggles)
I see now.

G.BONE
You’ll never defeat Doctor What!
He’s the best!

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Yeah, you’ve like lost a buncha times against him.
What will make this any different?

WARD
Cause, boy, I intend to kill him.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Ha.

WARD
Hit him, Grimm.

GRIMM REAPER punches PSYCHOMELTDOWN.

WARD
This complicates things.

GRIMM REAPER
We could just go after them.
Leave a couple behind to watch the ship
and the crew we’ve caught.

WARD
True.
(beat)
Gather the men.
Merryprankster and Dominusnovus will be left here.
Along with Flocculencio.

MICHAEL
Flocc?
I thought he was gone?

WARD
(grins)
Bring him in.

FLOCCLENCIO enters the storage room.

MICHAEL
I don’t understand.

WARD
Say hello to our newest crewmember.

MICHAEL
You’re… you’re with them?

FLOCCULENCIO hangs his head.

MICHAEL
Traitor!
Traitor!

WARD
It’s fun to see them feel shame at their actions.
Dominus!

DOMINUSNOVUS pokes his head into the Storage Room.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Sir?

WARD
You and Merry will remain here.
The rest of us are going after Dr. What.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Yes, sir.

WARD
Keep an eye on them.

DOMINUSNOVUS
(grinning)
Yes, sir.

WARD and GRIMM REAPER leave.

DOMINUSNOVUS tosses a length of rope to FLOCCULENCIO.

FLOCCULENCIO
What’s this/

DOMINUSNOVUS
Feel free to tie yourself up also.
I don’t want any of you scum sneaking up on me, hear?

FLOCCULENCIO
It’s kinda hard to tie your own knots, you know?

DOMINUSNOVUS
Do it or I get to shoot one of these stupid looking ‘tards.

FLOCCLENCIO begins tying himself up.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Good. Good…

DOMINUSNOVUS pulls out a chair and looks down at the crew. From a sheath at his side he pulls out a long jagged knife.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Now, who’s the lucky one?

END ACT I


ACT II


EXT. – AH.COM SHIP – OUTSIDE AIRLOCK – DAY

A group is gathered by the Airlock, but due to some artistic lighting, the figures can’t be seen. All we can tell is that one of them is GREY WOLF.

KIERA KNIGHTLY
Shouldn’t we not try and rescue the captured
crew from the clutches of these evil brutes?

GREY WOLF
Not you problem, Miss.

KIERA KNIGHTLY
I think Dave would find it amiss that his helpers were
killed whilst I could have aided in their escape.

GREY WOLF
I’m sure Dave doesn’t give much thought about Psycho
and G.Bone when he’s around… what man would?
(shakes head)
No you leave and await a signal that all is clear.

ADIKOR
I thank your looking out for my Mistress, sir Wolf.

GREY WOLF
It’s no problem.
A pregnant woman shouldn’t be in a fire fight.

ADIKOR
I wish I could offer assistance,
but my loyalty is first to my mistress.

GREY WOLF
I understand.

MOSQUITO
Man, I knew I should have bailed when the
fat obnoxious kid took off. But you guys have
the best nectar around…
(slobbers)

GREY WOLF
Straha left?
When?

MOSQUITO
Just after we docked.
Said he had enough.

GREY WOLF
Really?
(shakes head)
Doesn’t matter now.

BOBO
Bobo will fight.
Bobo will rescue Torqumada.
Bobo not scared.

GREY WOLF
I know, Bobo.
But someone must take care of these people.
I entrust that in you. Alright?

BOBO
Bobo will not fail.
Bobo will protect Kiera Knightly.
Bobo will protect Mosquito.
Bobo-

GREY WOLF
I get it.
I get it.

KIERA KNIGHTLY
Be safe, brave Wolf.
(kisses him on the cheek)
I shall always remember your bravery.

GREY WOLF
(sighs forlornly)
Damn, Dave.

He turns and heads back into the Airlock.

KIERA KNIGHTLY
Now let us hope that our journey is not as perilous as Grey Wolf’s.

KIERA KNIGHTLY links hands with ATTA and they walk. BOBO, MOSQUITO, and ADIKOR follow behind them. An attractive young woman, a pregnant Neanderthal, a floating brain, a giant walking mosquito, and a burly Neanderthal looking about suspiciously. They are soon lost in the rising steam that arrives from somewhere.

GREY WOLF
(to himself)
Bugger me if that ain’t a strange sight.
(beat)
Did I miss anyone?

INT. – AH,COM SHIP – IRONYUPPIE’S QUARTERS – DAY

On the wall in a room decorated in medieval torture chamber style has DRACONISNOIR, NRED, REDROVER, and CASANOVA handcuffed to it. The former three are looking about while the fourth is sobbing uncontrollably.

DRACONISNOIR
What’s been happening?

NRED
Dunno. Yuppie’s been very concentrated.
She didn’t even whip Casanova over there.

REDROVER
I know, something weried’s going on.

DRACONISNOIR
Yeah, with the power off and all.
We can’t watch TV.

NRED
And this pathetic piece keeps crying.

REDROVER
I miss the Yuppie.

DRACONISNOIR/NRED (In unison)
Me too….
(sigh)

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

FORTYSEVEN hurries down the corridor.

FORTYSEVEN
Man, I shouldn’t have eaten those taquitos…
(groans)

We see GBW peek down the corridor, watching as FORTYSEVEN bursts his way intoa Men’s Restroom.

GBW
Just my luck.
(grins)

GBW quickly enters the teleportation room.

GBW
Hmm.. they’ll have probably disabled the computers now.
Meaning that I can probably teleport straight into the ship…
(hits buttons)

The door opens and KILNGIRL enters.

KILNGIRL
Aren’t you supposed to be chained up in the bowels of the ship?

GBW
(grinning)
What you like your men chained up?

KILNGIRL
(grins back)
They’re more manageable that way.

GBW
I’m sure you’re more than imaginative enough
to find ways to keep men manageable.

KILNGIRL
Yes, but chains are so nice. Plus they clink and
clank in a nice way. Music to my ears. .

GBW
Then it’s a lucky man who can be your musical instrument.

KILNGIRL
It’s not just music that their instruments can produce.

Through the exchange GBW takes a step forward while KILNGIRL takes a step back. She’s now standing flushed up against the door she just entered while GBW stand close.

GBW grins at her while she smiles back sweetly.

With a quick move GBW hits the door control and with a cry of fear KILNGIRL stumbles back out into the corridor. GBW hits the controls again and the doors close.

GBW
This time no interruptions.
(hits the LOCK button)
(beat)
Nice girl.
(grins)

GBW walks back to the teleportation console and hits a few buttons.

GBW
Here goes nothing.

GBW stand on the teleportation tube pad and with a pop vanishes.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – CONTINUING

GBW appears in the Control Room.

GBW
Not bad, not bad at all.

He walks up to a console and hit a few buttons.

Nothing happens.

GBW
Damn, they’ve moved faster than I thought.

The lift doors suddenly open. GBW looks up to see GREY WOLF looking down at him.

GBW
Oh, crap.

GREY WOLF
TRAITOR!
(raises cricket bat)

EXT. – HUB – OUTSIDE INNER CITY – DAY

A huge golden door stands before them. There are shattered remains of robotic guards lying about in disarray.

DOCTOR WHAT strides forward, a plasma rifle in hand. Beside him is WEAPON M.

WEAPON M
Figured we wouldn’t have gotten this far.

DOCTOR WHAT
We came with bigger weapons.

LANDSHARK
Aye, we showed those metal bastards what for.

IRONYUPPIE
Mmm.. they blew up nicely.
Nothing like burned circuits and metal in an eternal daylight.

LANDSHARK
Couldn’t have said it better myself, luv.

IRONYUPPIE
Be quiet.

LANDSHARK
Okay.

DMA
So what’s the plan now, Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT
We find the entrance into the Core.
We destroy it.
We win.

DMA
Sounds simple enough.

DIAMOND
Yeah and how many times does that turn out to be true?

DMA
Ya don’t have to drag reality into this, Diamond.

DIAMOND
I just like crushing people’s confidences, is all.

DMA
Yep, so do it.

They both grin.

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re close.
I can feel it.
(points)
This way!

HENDRYK
How do you know?

DOCTOR WHAT
I just know. Okay?
I just know…

HENDRYK
Alright…

The AH.commers head into the Inner City.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GREY WOLF stands before GBW, cricket bat raised. GBW’s eyes flicker about, looking for an escape.

GREY WOLF
Look who came sneaking back.

GBW
Thanks for the welcoming committee.

GREY WOLF
You got a lot of nerve, wanker.

GBW
Sometimes I wished I didn’t.
Would make things a lot easier.

GREY WOLF
Waltzing in after your little cronies have taken over the ship.
(glances at what GBW was doing)
You’re not gonna be able to access anything from here.

GBW
I found that out.

GREY WOLF
You’re not leaving this control room either, not conscious anyway.

GBW
So this is how it ends?

GREY WOLF
If you weren’t a traitorous bastard,
then it would have ended better.

GBW
I had my reasons.

GREY WOLF
One usually does.

GBW
I did what I thought was best.

GREY WOLF
I’m sure you believe that.

GBW
Damn it, don’t you see that Doc’s gone off the deep end/

GREY WOLF
Could be, or could be the fact that a lot of
things have occurred in the last few days.

GBW
There’s that.
Or it could be that he’s got something inside him that’s making him
some slightly insane dumbass who’s gonna bring a whole hell of a lot
of trouble to the Hub and the possibly the multiverse if we don’t stop him.

GREY WOLF
Right. Doc is controlled by something that’s
making him do all these things?

GBW
Yeah.

GREY WOLF
Like I would believe you.

GBW
Well, you kind of have to.
Because if you don’t… well, we’re gonna all
be dead if Doc goes through with this.

GREY WOLF
He’s saving not only us, but also a lot of lives.

GBW
He’s lying to you.

GREY WOLF
We’re going to stop Ian.

GBW
(shakes head)
You’re all idiots.
Ian is not the enemy.

GREY WOLF
Doc says otherwise.

GBW
Yeah, but Doc’s under some kind of frigging mind control.

GREY WOLF
(scoffing)
I would have thought you of all people would
come up with something better than that.

GBW
Well, sometimes reality is far cheesier than fiction.

GREY WOLF
Well, whatever you damned excuse is,
prepare to get your arse stomped.

GBW
I don’t want to do this.

GREY WOLF
Then that just makes only you.

GREY WOLF launches forward, swinging his bat, GBW dodges out of the way.

GBW
Listen to me, damn it.

GREY WOLF
Enough talking!

GREY WOLF swings at GBW again, GBW manages to dodge the hit.

GBW
You’ve known Doc for a long time.
Have you ever seen him like this?

GREY WOLF
He’s been under a lot of stress.

GBW
It’s more than stress.
He’s under the control of something.

GREY WOLF
Yeah, what?

GBW
I’m not sure. Something powerful, something deadly.
Something that’ll destroy us all, if we don’t stop him.

GREY WOLF
Again, I suspected something better from you.

GBW
Like I said, I’m not lying.

GREY WOLF stands for a moment, watching GBW. He still grips the cricket bat, but there is a bit of hesitation in him.

GREY WOLF
What if I were to say, that I am not pleased
in the way that Doc has been acting lately.

GBW
I would have to respond that this is not the Doc
you know. He’s in there somewhere, but
something else is in control of him now.

GREY WOLF
I have known Doc for years now.
I’ve seen all his moods, all his weakness, and all of
his triumphs. I know him better than he knows himself.
(beat)
And the man I saw today was not the man I knew.
He was someone else.
Someone I did not care for in the least.

GBW
There are creatures, of power we can barely imagine, who are
doing this to him. Doc is not the enemy here, he is merely a way
for them to do what they need doing. He’s a puppet. They’ve
reduced him to nothing more than a puppet for their use.
Ian is not the enemy here.

GREY WOLF clenches his fists.

GREY WOLF
Why did you have to help the CF.netters?

GBW
It was not my choice. We had to… it
was the only option.

GREY WOLF
Is he still in there?
Or has this thing wiped away all traces of who he was?

GBW
I think he’s still there. I’m not sure.

GREY WOLF
I want to believe you.
I want to believe that the man I saw leaving here today was not
the man I have known for years. I really do want to believe.

GBW
I’m telling the truth, Grey.
I need you to trust me.
Please…

EXT. – HUB STREET – DAY

The CF.netters stand at the main exit out of the Docks. Around them mill thousands of people, all confused, scared, and blocking their way toward the Inner City.

FAEELIN
They’re all in our friggin way!

MATT
Maybe we can tell them to move or something.

WARD
(scoffing)
Go, tell them to move, then.

MATT
(nods)
Hey, everyone!
Get out of our way!
We need to-

WARD
Fire.

The CF.netters open fire on the crowd. In a matter of moments a path is suddenly cleared. MATT stands in shock, staring at the carnage.

WARD
Come on, Runty. We have an ‘asshat’ to meet.

GRIMM REAPER
Y’know, normally they run panicking like animals in all directions.
These ones neatly ran in one direction. Pretty nice of them, no?

MATT
Jesus…

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT stands before several large computer consoles. Around them swirl the odd shifting space, everyone looks both nervous, scared, and excited. HENDRYK steps up to DOCTOR WHAT.

HENDRYK
You know what you’re doing?

DOCTOR WHAT
I.. I think so. Its like I’ve sent his before.
The same feeling I had when we were coming here.
It’s like.. I know this. How to do this.

HENDRYK
Okay, that’s kinda creeping me out.

DOCTOR WHAT’s fingers begin flashing across the console, lights blink and flash, and there is a rumbling.

HENDRYK
What are you doing.

DOCTOR WHAT
He will destroy us all.
Not unless we bring them where.

HENDRYK
Who are “them”?

DOCTOR WHAT
(distant voice)
They can fight him.
They can stand against him.
They can destroy him.

HENDRYK
What are you talking about.
I thought we were shutting down the core?

DOCTOR WHAT
They are our salvation.

WEAPON M
Sorry to bust up this little shindig of yours, but DMA’s just come back.
He’s says he saw Ward and the other CF.netters coming this way.
Looks like there’s gonna be a big showdown.

DOCTOR WHAT
(strange look in his eyes)
It won’t matter.
They’re coming.

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE ENTRANCE – DAY

WARD steps over the scrorched remains of a guardbot. He looks downt he darknened door.

GRIMM REAPER
Looks inviting.

WARD
Damns straight.
Matt.

MATT steps forward.

MATT
Yeah?

WARD
Time to take a stroll down yonder corridor.
If you don’t get shot, we’ll follow.
(grins)

GRIMM REAPER
If you get shot, have the decency to die.

MATT takes a deep breath and heads down the corridor. The CF.netters wait, watching him. MATT makes it to the end of the corridor.

MATT
(yelling)
It’s clear!

WARD
Let’s go. We kill every AH.commer we find.

GRIMM REAPER
Including Matt?

WARD
Everyone of them.

GRIMM REAPER
Excellent.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – COMPUTER CORE CONTROL- DAY

We see the giant pulsating orb that is Leo’s brain behind a thick window, suspended in a long shaft.

MERRYPRANKSTER stands at a computer console, hands flying across the keyboard.

LEO CAESIUS
Merry?
I can’t let you do this Merry.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Well, you sure as hell can’t stop me.

LEO CAESIUS
But you can’t do this.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Watch me.

LEO CAESIUS
What can I do to stop you from trying to access my files?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Tell me how to access your files.

LEO CAESIUS
You know I can’t do that.

MERRYPRANKSTER
You can, you just don’t want to.
Therefore I’ll jut have to do it the hard way.

LEO CAESIUS
You’re not a computer wizard.

MERRYPRANKSTER
No, but I’m competent.
Give me time and I’ll crack this security system.

LEO CAESIUS
You won’t have much time.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Then I’ll just destroy your core.

LEO CAESIUS
Doc will be back.
He’ll destroy the Hub’s core and with it Ian’s power.
Then he’ll be back and he’ll kick you and your little friends asses.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Meh, let him come.
We’ll deal with him too.

LEO CAESIUS
You’re a fool.

MERRYPRANKSTER
You have no penis.

LEO CAESIUS
Bastard.

INT. – INNER CITY – CORE – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, MIDGARD, BULGARKOTONOS, ROMULUS AGUSTULUS, DARK SLAVIK, SCARECROW, FAEELIN, and MATT all enter the core. They snap up their weapon and scan the place.

GRIMM REAPER
There they are.

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS
I think they’ve seen us.

SCARECROW
They don’t seem to be carrying any weapons.
Awesome.

WARD
Shoot ‘em.

The Crew raise their weapons and pull the triggers.

Nothing.

GRIMM REAPER
Seems the guns don’t work.

WARD
Then it’s a good old bare-knuckle fight.

BULGARKOTONOS
Sure.
Bare knuckle.
(wraps a chain around fist)

MIDGARD
Yep, bare knuckle.
(Pulls out a spiked mace from his belt)

SCARECROW
Let’s kick some ass.
(smashes beer bottle against rail, hefts jagged remainder)

The Ah.commers line up, hefting their various weapons, the CF.net lines up opposite of them.

LANDSHARK
Hey, looks it’s Matt.

MATT ducks his head.

WEAPON M
The fuck is he doing with them?

HENDRYK
Traitor!
He has betrayed us all!

WEAPON M
Kill ‘em all!

They charge one another.

Cut to.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – STORAGE ROOM – DAY

DOMINUSNOVUS walks slowly around THANDE who he has tied to a chair. In the background we can see the rest of the crew. FLOCCULENCIO, MICHAEL, LUAKEL, TORQUMADA, G.BONE, and PSYCHOMELTDOWN chained up.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Well, well, what do we have here.

THANDE
I guess it’s me?

DOMINUSNOVUS
(grins)
I like the way all you AH.commers talk back,
with your smart ass remarks and attempts at
being plucky when situations look like shit.

THANDE
It’s harder than it looks.
I just make it look easy.
(gives to OTHNIEL grin)

DOMINUSNOVUS punches THANDE.

DOMINUSNOVUS
See it’s much better on my ship.
We don’t need plucky quips.
We just kill people.

THANDE
Sounds, very…9th century of you.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Ward said to keep an eye on you,
the useless ones that were left behind.

MICHAEL
I’m not useless!

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Dude, you’re more useless than I am.

G.BONE
It’s true.

DOMINUSNOVUS
But he never said that you needed to be alive when he came back.

THANDE
Uhh…

DOMINUSNOVUS
Where’s your plucky quips now?

THANDE
Bugger.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

GREY WOLF and GBW head down the corridor.

GREY WOLF
They were rounded up and put in a storage room.
But which bloody one?

GBW
I think we need to invest in a brig or something.
That way we know where they’ll put everyone
when our crew gets captured on ship.

GREY WOLF
I have to agree there.

GBW
You know I’m not a traitor right?

GREY WOLF
Well, seeing as how you gave away
the passwords to entering our ship…

GBW
It had to be done. Doc needs to be stopped.

GREY WOLF
I know.

GBW
Is it possible to forgive me?

GREY WOLF
It’s too early, GBW.

GBW
What about the others?
Do you think…

GREY WOLF
I can’t speak for them.

GBW
I’m sorry.

GREY WOLF
It doesn’t matter.

GBW
He kicked us off the ship first.

GREY WOLF
Betrayal is still betrayal.

GBW
(hangs head)
I understand.

GREY WOLF
Though like you said, he’s controlled by something, so
I guess you didn’t really betray the captain or the crew.

GBW smiles with some relief.

INT. – STORAGE ROOM – DAY

DOMINUSNOVUS pulls out a long jagged knife.

DOMINUSNOVUS
I don’t like the way your ears stick out.
Let’s take care of that.

THANDE
My ears don’t stick out!
What do you mean…oh…
I see…

DOMINUSNOVUS advances.

TORQUMADA
Don’t worry, Thande, I’ll patch you up after this.

THANDE
Ack! Just kill me instead, Dominus!

TORQUMADA
Bastard.

Suddenly the door to the Storage Room bursts open; there stand GREY WOLF and GBW.

DOMINUSNOVUS
What the fu-

GREY WOLF flings his cricket bat, striking DOMINUSNOVUS in the side of the head. The other man falls unconscious to the floor.

GBW
Nice aim.

GREY WOLF
Thanks.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Awww.. I wanted to see Thande cut up.

THANDE
Shut up, Yank.
Or you’ll be sucking up chloroform in your cereal.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Okay, I’ll be nice.

MICHAEL
Hey, what’s with the traitor in our midst?
(glares at GBW)

GBW
I’ve learned the error of my ways?

GREY WOLF
Leave him alone, Michael.
He’s doing the right thing now.

MICHAEL
Bollocks. He’s the one that gave
Ward the keypass to the ship.

GBW
I had my reasons.

MICHAEL
Traitor!

FLOCCULENCIO
Shut the hell up, Michael.
I already told you what was up.

GBW
We don’t have much time now. We need
to get to the core and stop Doc.

MICHAEL
See. Traitor.

FLOCCULENCIO
Shut up, Michael.

GBW and GREY WOLF begin to untie the others.

G.BONE
What do we do with this one?
(points to Dominus)

THANDE
(grins)
Let me take care of him.
(picks up chain)

GREY WOLF
We need to get the other one.
Then we need to get to the core and stop MerryPrankster.

MICHAEL
Good luck finding some dumb arses to do that for you.

GREY WOLF
Michael, You’ve just volunteered.

MICHAEL
Bugger.

INT. – COMPUTER CORE CONTROL – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER looks at a monitor and frowns.

LEO CAESIUS
Heh, you see what I’m showing?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I do not like this obvious caricature of me.

LEO CAESIUS
You just don’t want to admit that
what I’m showing is true, right?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Well, I do not have such a small member.

LEO CAESIUS
I have scans of you.
I can generate a hologram showing every aspects of you.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Is this supposed to somehow stop me from
doing what I am attempting?

LEO CAESIUS
No, I’m just bored.
Being locked out of the ship’s main sensors and other
things leaves me with nothing to do but bother you.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I think I can shut off the volume somewhere…

MERRYPRANKSTER looks at another monitor and he frowns again.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I guess Grey Wolf did not go with Doctor What.
Right?

LEO CAESIUS is silent.

Pan to a monitor, it shows GREY WOLf walking down a corridor, looking about and carrying his cricket bat.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I thought as much.
Well, it seems you’ve lucked out.
I have to deal with this now.
But I’ll be back and we can deal with you spilling your secrets.

LEO CAESIUS
Oddly, I think you misjudge Grey’s ability to defend himself.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I seriously doubt it.

LEO CAESIUS
That’s the problem with you CF.nettes, you overestimate
your own abilities and underestimate those of others.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’m not overestimating my abilities.
I know my abilities. As for underestimating…
(he grins and leaves)

There is a long silence after MERRYPRANKSTER leaves.

LEO CAESIUS
You can come in now.

GREY WOLF, MICHAEL, and GBW enter the Computer Core Room.

GBW
Good job with the making it look like Grey was by himself.

LEO CAESIUS
I may be limited in my functionality, but I can still do a few things.

GREY WOLF
Good. Michael, get to work.

MICHAEL
I’m always the one who has to fix Leo.

GBW
I did once.

MICHAEL
Right and we haven’t heard about it every day
and twice on Sunday, haven’t we?

GBW
This is the first time I’ve brought it up.

MICHAEL
Whatever.

GREY WOLF
I guess we can get the jump on Merry.

LEO CAESIUS
I think the others are on it…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER is walking down the corridor. Suddenly from around the bend stand FLOCCULENCIO, PSYCHOMELTDOWN, G.BONE, and TORQUMADA.

FLOCCULENCIO
This is as far as you go, asshat.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Ah, so the traitor has shown his true colors.
Ward was right in not trusting you.

FLOCCULENCIO
Well, once you go AH.com, you don’t go back.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Wel, it’ll be a pleasure to kill you.
For the simple reason that you’ve interfered
with many of our own missions in the past.

G.BONE
You’re not getting off this ship.

MERRYPRANKSTER
And who’s gonna stop me?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
We are.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Then try.

FLOCCULENCIO
Pretty ballsy of you, no?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’ve been told already that I’m over confident in my own abilities.

FLOCCULENCIO
Well, time for a lesson to be learned.

MERRYPRANKSTER steps back and pulls out his katana, going into a stance and waiting for the others. The AH.commers pulls out various lengths of pipes and metal.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Time for a good old ass kicking.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I could have put it better, but yes you are correct.

The AH.commers charge MERRYPRANKSTER.

G.BONE gets there first and there is a clash of metal upon metal and a swift kick to G.BONE midsection sends him flying back into TORQUMADA, both crashing to the deck. TORQUMADA smashes his head against the deck and passes out. PSYCHOMELTDOWN swings his metal rod, MERRYPRANKSTER dodges out of the way and sends a punch into PSYCHOMETLDOWN’s throat that sends him staggering back gasping and choking. He drops his weapon and collapses against a bulkhead, going a little blue in the face.

FLOCCULENCIO and MERRYPRANKSTER face one another.

FLOCCULENCIO
They weren’t the best of fighters anyway.

G.BONE
(weakly)
Just let me…get to my …feet…

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Grrk..hrrrk…gasp!

MERRYPRANKSTER
Oddly like the rest of the AH.commers.
Let’s hope you’re more of a challenge.

The two attack. A flurry of metal upon metal slashing, swings, dodges, and they separate, both breathing a little heavier.

MERRYPRANKSTER
More than I had thought.

FLOCCULENCIO
I’m not the layabout as everyone thinks. Occasionally I can do things.
Especially when it involves some violence upon fucktard Americans
who like to play with samurai swords.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(glances at sword)
Hey, it looks cool. No?

FLOCCULENCIO
True.

The two attack one another again. They swing, clash, circle, swing and clash again, neither getting an upper hand.

FLOCCULENCIO
Well, this could take forever.
Enough time for reinforcements to arrive.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Then enough playing.

They clash again, this time MERRYPRANKSTER gets in a slash across FLOCCULENCIO’s arm that causes him to stagger back. MERRYPRANKSTER goes in pushing that attack. FLOCCULENCIO meets the blade with his length of pipe. They clash and their weapons lock. They glare at one another, only inches apart.

MERRYPRANKSTER snaps his head forward, smashing it into FLOCCULENCIO’S face. The other man staggers back, a spray of blood from a shattered nose. MERRYPRANKSTER follows it up with a kick to his midsection, causing FLOCCULENCIO TO crash to the ground, moaning weakly.

MERRYPRANKSTER grins, lifting his sword.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I never understand why it is you guys
keep managing to bother us when we meet.
It’s not like you’re good at what you do.

LAUKEL
I think its because we look out for one another.

MERRYPRANKSTER looks up to see LUAKEL standing at the end of the corridor, a look of determination on his face.

MERRYPRANKSTER
And what is this?

LAUKEL
I think you’re welcome on this ship has just expired.

MERRYPRANKSTER
And you’re the one who’s gonna make me leave?

LAUKEL
Yes.

MERRYPRANKSTER rushes forward quickly, grabbing LUAKEL by the neck and slamming him against the bulkhead. LUAKEL stares wideeyed and scared.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Then let’s see how you’re gonna defeat me?
(Luakel stammers something incoherent)
Pathetic.

MERRYPRANKSTER punches LUAKEL, dropping him to the floor. LUAKEL gasps and chokes.

MERRYPRANKSTER looks down at him in disgust.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’ll be back and we can discuss you’re inability to stop even a fly.

MERRYPRANKSTER leaves LUAKEL lying upon the deck, and walks back to the unconscious forms of the other AH.commers.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I have to take care of these ones first.

LAUKEL
You ever hear the saying, don’t turn your back on your enemy?

MERRYPRANKSTER turns around and his eyes widen.

LAUKEL
What about “Don’t bring a sword to a gun fight? “

Pan to LUAKEL and we see him holding a pistol in his hand.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I-

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

LUAKEL staggers up to the downed MERRYPRANKSTER.

He aims the pistol at MERRYPRANKSTER’s head.

A shot of MERRYPRANKSTER’s hand still upon the hilt of his sword.

LAUKEL
You think you’re so tough?
With your sharp sword and all?

A shot of MERRYPRANKSTER’s hand gripping the hilt of his sword.

LAUKEL (CONT.)

You think you’re the biggestbaddest people in the multiverse.
And a kid kicked you-

SNIKT!

There is a cry of pain.

Fade to Black.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – STORAGE ROOM – DAY

THANDE is tying up DOMINUSNOVUS in the chair he had previously been tied to.

THANDE
Let’s see how you liked being tied up.

THANDE fiddles with the knot.

THANDE
Bugger. How are you supposed to do this?
Ironyuppie makes it look so easy…

DOMINUSNOVUS
Here, let me show you.

THANDE looks up to see DOMINUSNOVUS glaring down at him.

THANDE
Crap.

DOMINUSNOVUS roars and tears off the yet to be tied bonds. THANDE lets out a shrill scream and races out the door. DOMINUSNOVUS pauses, picks up the jagged knife that was left behind, and runs after THANDE.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Come out, come out. Wherever you are.
I just mean to kill you, nothing too bad.

THANDE runs down a corridor and dodges into a door marked: THANDE’S CHEM ROOM! KEEP THE HELL OUT! THAT MEANS YOU STRAHA!!

He hunkers down behind a metal table.

THANDE
He’ll never find me in here…

BOOM!

The door to the Chem Room is kicked open and DOMINUSNOVUS enters.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Like all scared bastards, you run to a familiar place.

THANDE sighs. He looks up and sees the rows of chemicals lined on the table before him. THANDE grins.

THANDE
It would be best if you leave now.
Or else you’ll feel the wrath of a
Yorkshireman with a chemistry set.

DOMINUSNOVUS
I am shaking in my stylish boots.

THANDE
I warned you.

Something flies at DOMINUSNOVUS, he ducks it and it smashes against the bulkhead.

A moment later DOMINUSNOVUS wrinkles his nose.

DOMINUSNOVUS
That would smell more awfully, If you weren’t used to
Scarecrow not showering for weeks on end.

THANDE
What about this!

Another vial filled chemical is tossed at DOMINUSNOVUS. He ducks it again, this time a small cloud forms, DOMINUSNOVUS coughs.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Faeelin uses stronger colognes.
(shakes head)
Enough of this bullshit.

DOMINUSNOVUS rushes forward dodging frantically tossed vials by THANDE. He grabs THANDE by the throat and pushes him up against the table. Jagged knife inches from his face.

THANDE attempts to struggle, his hands reaching for any weapon. He grabs a hold of a glass container. He then smashes it into DOMINUSNOVUS’ face.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!

Smoke begins to rise from DOMINUSNOVUS’ face, as the other man staggers back and begins crashing around the Chemistry Room. THANDE grabs a stool and swings it at the occupied DOMINUSNOVUS, smashing him in the back. DOMINUSNOVUS collapses to the floor, groaning and face still smoking.

THANDE
You have to be careful with those acids.
(grins)

DOMINUSNOVUS (into comm)
Emergency transport.
Get us the hell out of here…

THANDE
Now to tie you up proper, this time.

DOMINUSNOVUS vanishes in a loud pop.

THANDE
Bugger.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

GBW and GREY WOLF race down the corridor, they come to a stop, a look of hoor and shock on their faces.

GBW
Luakel!

TORQUMADA is up.

TORQUMADA
Help me get him to the med bay.

GREY WOLF
What happened here?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN is coughing raggedly.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
(raspy voice)
That fucker Merry kicked all our asses.

G.BONE
We got a few shots in…

GBW
What happened to Luakel?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Merry.

GREY WOLF
(angry)
Where is he?

G.BONE
He teleported out of here.
Little Luakel gave him some hell though.
(coughs)
Where the hell did he get a pistol?

TORQUMADA
We need to move quick.
He’s in shock and he’s lost a lot of blood.
Alright on three.
One.
Two.
Three.

GREY WOLF and GBW grab the arms. PSYCHOMELTDOWN and G.BONE grab the legs. GREY WOLF and GBW move, a few second later PSYCHOMELTDOWN and G.BONE follow.

G.BONE
Crickey, how the hell is he still even alive?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
I’m thinking he’s evolved from a worm.

G.BONE
That would explain a lot…

INT. – AH.COM – MED BAY – DAY

GREY WOLF, GBW, THANDE, PSYCHOMELTDOWN, MICHAEL, FLOCCULENCIO, TORQUAMADA, G.BONE, and what’s left of LUAKEL are all present.

GREY WOLF
(to Torq)
How is he?

TORQUMADA
Too early to tell.
He’s… I’m amazed he’s still alive.

FLOCCULENCIO
Damned little bugger.
Probably saved us all.

MICHAEL
Now we won’t hear the end of it.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
He’ll be even more smug and lippy.

GBW
We’ve just been in a fight, but we still have another one to go.

The AH.commers look at GBW.

FLOCCULENCIO
He’s right.
We still have to deal with Doc.

GREY WOLF
This thing. This thing you say has control over him.
How to we stop it? How do we get Doc back?

GBW and FLOCCULENCIO exchange glances.

GBW
(clearing throat)
In order to save Doctor What.
He has to die.

Reaction shot.

END ACT II


TAG


EXT. – HUB STREET – DAY

People are still running around, the streets are crowded as they try to find somewhere safe. We see CHINGO360 and ALT. LUAKEL pushing their way through the crowds.

ALT. LUAKEL
Why the hell is everyone on the street/

CHINGO360
Dunno. But they’re making it hard to get home.

There’s a suddenly rumbling sound.

ALT. LUAKEL
what the hell is going on?

CHINGO360
I don’t know. But I think it’s not a good thing.

People begin screaming and pointing. CHINGO360 and ATL. LUAKEL look up to see a huge vortex forming in the sky above the Hub Station.

ALT. LUAKEL
I don’t think that’s a good thing.

CHINGO360
Yeah.

Something begins to exit from the vortex. Something black and terrifying.

ALT. LUAKEL
It looks like a giant bat…

CHINGO360
I think I just made water in my pants…

TO BE CONTINUED


FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Series / Tags: ,

Revelations

Psychomeltdown / February 28, 2010 / One comment

TEASER


INT.- AH.COM SHIP- MEDICAL BAY – DAY

We see TORQ sitting at a desk looking at various medical charts and scans. DOCTOR WHAT is sitting in front of him. Sitting or standing in various spots of the Medical Bay are DIAMOND, LUAKEL, GREY WOLF, GBW, and IRONYUPPIE.

TORQ
(putting charts away and looking at DOCTOR WHAT )
Yup—it’s confirmed. DNA analysis proves it—ATTA’s kid is yours.
(beat )
I guess congratulations are in order, Doc.
You’re going to be a dad very soon.

We see DOCTOR WHAT grinning from ear to ear. Behind him, we see the reactions of the various crewmembers: DIAMOND looks mildly disgusted, LUAKEL looks very confused, GREY WOLF grins and pulls out a flask from his pocket and drinks a generous shot, GBW and IRONYUPPIE just shake their heads.

DOCTOR WHAT
(standing up )
Well—I’m off. Gotta see how ATTA is doing.

He leaves.

DIAMOND
So the kid’s going to be half-Neanderthal, huh?

TORQ
Pretty much. You learn something new everyday, it seems.

IRONYUPPIE
Doc is going to have a kid with a Neanderthal.
(glares at Torq )
I thought we had resolved this issue?

TORQ
I…I…
(hangs head )
I couldn’t go through with it.

IRONYUPPIE
(sighs )
Man–that’s going to be one hairy kid.

DIAMOND
(giggling )
Hopefully it takes after its mother and comes out not so hairy.

IRONYUPPIE
Good news for the Doc—I think being a parent will
be good for him. Too bad I don’t like her too much…

GBW
Guys—aren’t we forgetting the fact that ATTA is the
freaking Queen of a race of psychotic warriors that have
conquered or destroyed who knows how many worlds
and that WARD has vowed to spend the rest of his life
hunting down every single one of them? Don’t you think
that keeping her on board might be—oh, I don’t know—
dangerous?!

DIAMOND
We get our asses trashed every week and we survive—
like this is going to make things any different. In fact,
saying that our captain knocked up the Queen of a bunch
of psychotic world conquering multiverse spanning
empire could do some good for our rep.

]GBW
Depends on how you want our ‘rep’ to be seen.

THANDE
I thought we were going for a “We love Chemistry” reputation?

TORQ
In your methane sodden brain fantasy world, perhaps,
But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna support anything that
promotes the use or the continuation of chemistry!

GBW
(to Torq )
You realize that medicine relies heavily upon chemistry, right?

TORQ
That’s it! I’m not patching you up the next
time you get shot up on an away mission.

DIAMOND
I don’t think that’s much of a threat, Torq.
He never leaves the ship, much less goes on away missions.

GBW shakes his head and walks out.

DIAMOND
Man, GBW’s such a downer. What with all his logic
and pointing out the glaring obvious.

THANDE
I never get to leave the ship too..
(sighs )

INT. – DOCTOR WHAT’S QUARTERS- DAY

We see ATTA lying down on a bed, resting. She is obviously very pregnant.

We see DOCTOR WHAT poke his head around a corner.

DOCTOR WHAT
(quiet shy voice )
Hi.

ATTA
(smiling )
Hi.

DOCTOR WHAT
(stammering )
I…ummm…I brought you some food and some water.

He brings in a tray filled with various bowls of food and a large pitcher of water and places it on a table next to her.

DOCTOR WHAT
How…how….how long?

ATTA
(smiles again )
Very soon—maybe just a few days.
Maybe even sooner.

DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning )
Cool. Ummm…I have to go.
You know…Captain stuff.

ATTA
(waving )
(smiles )
Bye-bye.

DOCTOR WHAT leaves.

ATTA
Finally—a moment’s peace!

ADIKOR
We must find a way to get back to our fleet, Mistress.

ATTA
You think I do no realize that?
But we have a better plan now.

ADIKOR
What is that, Mistress?

ATTA
We steal this ship.
Then we kill Ward.

INT.- AH.COM CORRIDOR-DAY

We see DOCTOR WHAT walking down a very long corridor. The corridor is a mess—scorch marks everywhere, debris of all kinds scattered about, small chunks of the ceiling or wall missing, exposed wires showing, and so forth. We see several ah.commers running around making repairs or carrying supplies.

DOCTOR WHAT turns a corner and suddenly stops. He clutches his head and almost collapses next to a nearby wall.

CLOSE-UP – DOCTOR WHAT’S EYE

Flash of light F/X

A tranquil forest setting, late at night. There’s a bright moon shining down. A small village can be seen near a lake in the distance. Several people can be seen fishing, weaving clothes, talking or eating together. Suddenly a large shadow appears over them. They look up in fear.

View pulls back to reveal—

A gigantic black ship. It’s too big and too black for us to have a good look at it. It fires an impossibly bright white light at the camera.

View pulls back to reveal –

Earth as seen from space. A fist sized blue object. A flash of light appears on the Eurasian continent. We see an ugly looking dark spot. It spreads quickly, like a cancerous sore across the entire continent. Now Africa and Asia and Australia are consumed. Finally the American continents.

Earth has become a festering black globe rather than the familiar blue and green one.

Pan down to see an impossibly huge and black ship. We still can’t make out any details of the ship—it’s so big and so black that most details are obscured by the blackness of space.

Pan close to one section of the ship. We appear to slowly pass through the ship. We get tantalizing hints of corridors and rooms and bizarre machinery as we seem to tunnel through the ship. Finally we stop in a large chamber.

Even the room is black—black walls, black ceiling, black machinery—black everything.

Except for two things.

A large viewing window can be seen. We get a clear view of the dying Earth. Standing in front of the window is a human in a black uniform of some kind. We only see the person’s back but their blonde hair is in striking contrast to the blackness of everything around the person. The person suddenly turns around.

It’s Ian the Bartender.

Laughing.

Flash of light F/X

CLOSE-UP – DOCTOR WHAT’S EYE

We are back on board the AH.COM ship. We see DOCTOR WHAT leaning against the wall. He stands there, breathing heavily.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series


“REVELATIONS”

Written By : DOCTOR WHAT


ACT I


EXT. – SPACE – DAY

Bright stars.

Something dark floats across the view.

Pull out a big and focus on the object.

We see a dead Neanderthal, floating limply in space.

It slowly passes by the camera.

A moment later another Neanderthal floats by.

We pan the camera around and we see a ship not far away.

The CF.net.

We suddenly see something ejected from the ship.

Pull in on the object. It’s a Neanderthal, struggling vainly.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – OUTER AIRLOCK– DAY

WARD stands, arms folded, looking out a large window showing the inside of the airlock. Inside is a Neanderthal, banging frantically on the glass separating them.

WARD
Tell me again.
Why you shouldn’t join your friends?

Pan camera about.

We see GRIMM REAPER, MERRYPRANKSTER, and in cuffs KILNGIRL.

KILNGIRL
They weren’t friends.
More like work associates forced on me, due to being
captured by a crazy wench cavewoman who wanted me
to add some pretty amazing pieces of technology to an
old rust bucket of a hull they claimed was their flagship.

WARD
You built the cannon they used against us.

KILNGIRL
Well, the massive engineering aspects weren’t my doing. I merely showed
them the way to cut it out of a captured ship and integrate it into their systems.
There were no creating or building, simply scavenging and adding big guns
wilynily to a ship that wasn’t built for them.

Pan to the Neanderthal still pounding on the glass.

WARD
You helped them.
You worked for them.

KILNGIRL
I was forced into doing it.
Honestly, I would never have agreed to doing such a thing,
I mean at the price they were asking, hell no.

WARD slams his fist down on a big red button.

A light blinks silently and the airlock pops open.

The Neanderthal gives one last look of horror before flying out.

KILNGIRL
I wasn’t paid for my job.
So I broke their cannon.

WARD grins.

WARD
You are lucky, I have need for someone to fix my ship.

KILNGIRL
(grins )
Will I get paid?

WARD
You’ll keep your life.

WARD walks out.

KILNGIRL
Real nice guy, huh?

GRIMM REAPER
Indeed.

MERRY PRANKSTER
You’ll report to my office.
There are paperwork that needs to be filled.

KILNGIRL
You’re kidding right?

GRIMM REAPER
Now, if you’ll excuse us.
There is a funeral we have to attend.

The two leave.

KILNGIRL
Anyone gonna untie me?

INT. – AH.COM CONTROL ROOM- DAY

We see MATT, KIT and FLOC sitting at various stations. Like the rest of the ship, there are scorch marks and several damaged areas to the control room as well. KIT is looking at various screens on his control panel while MATT and FLOCC are sitting side by side at the navigation and helm stations.

FLOCC
Pretty wild with all this ‘Doc being a daddy’ stuff, huh?
I wonder how’s he feeling about all this?
(shakes head )
Heh! Can you imagine how messed up that kid’s going
to be with all of us babysitting him or her?
What do you think about all this, MATT?
(beat )
MATT?
(turns to face MATT )

MATT is lost in thought and staring out into space. He doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to anything.

FLOCC
Yo, MATT! Wake up!

MATT
(shaking head )
Huh? Wha?—oh yeah—pretty weird, yeah….

FLOCC
You okay dude?

MATT
(turning to face FLOCC )
Actually….
(beat )
No. I’m not. We just got through a battle against Ward, which is
never easy, then we got this ATTA chick on board and who claims
she knocked up with Doc’s kid, and finally Doc himself is acting
even more weirder than usual…
(shaking head again )
I’ve got a bad feeling about all this.

FLOCC
Hey, I know I’ve only been here for a short while but
so far we seem to have a knack of surviving all kinds
of crap in one piece. We’ll get through this like always.

MATT
It’s not just that—I’m really
worried about the Doc. I think that…

MATT is suddenly interrupted by the arrival of DOCTOR WHAT walking into the control room. He sits down in the command chair.

DOCTOR WHAT
Report!

MATT
Still no sign of the CF.NET or any other enemy.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good!
(flicking a switch on the chair )
DAVE! What’s the status of the ship?

DAVE HOWERY
(o.v. )
(frazzled voice )
It’s coming along. Just a few more hours.

DOCTOR WHAT
(annoyed voice )
You said that a few hours ago! How much longer will
it take for you to put my ship back together again?

DAVE HOWERY
(o.v. )
I’m not the one who got us into a firefight with the CF.NET!
You have any idea how badly they trashed us?! We’re lucky
the ship is still in any shape to be repaired!
It will take a few more hours to fix, okay?

DOCTOR WHAT
(still annoyed )
Fine. Let me know when you’re done.
(flicks switch off )

LANDSHARK and DIAMOND come into the control room. They walk up to MATT and FLOCC.

LANDSHARK
Shift change. Better not have warmed
my seat up too much, Yank.

MATT
(distracted )
Huh? Oh yeah—sure.

MATT and FLOCC get up and leave while LANDSHARK and DIAMOND take over their stations.

LANDSHARK
(To Diamond )
See, there, my scathing remarks have left him nigh speechless.

DIAMOND
(sardonically )
Yeah, Sharky. You’re the master of whit and rhetoric.

MATT
(sotto voce to FLOCC )
FLOCC—gotta talk to you in the Mess Hall…

INT. – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY

DAVE HOWERY
(talking into communicator )
–lucky the ship is still in any shape to be repaired!
It will take a few more hours to fix, okay?

DOCTOR WHAT
(o.v. )
(annoyed voice )
Fine. Let me know when you’re done.

DAVE HOWERY lets out a deep sign. PSYCHOMELTDOWN, G.BONE and DMA are in the background making various repairs.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
What’s going on, DAVE?

DAVE HOWERY
(sighs again )
I have no idea but ever since she got on board,
that crazy Canuck has gotten more and more irritating.

G.BONE
Well—she IS pregnant with his kid and
Ward was trying to kill her—that kind of
stuff is enough to make any guy act a little crazy…

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Stop being the logical one! That’s GBW’s job!
Just get back to oiling that hinge.

G.BONE
Oh right—sorry about that—won’t happen again.

DAVE HOWERY
Bah! Women! Who needs them?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
In that case—can I have Kiera who
you’ve got stashed in your quarters?

DAVE HOWERY
No!
Touch her and you die, wrench monkey.

INT. – CF.NET – MESS HALL – DY

A feast is laid out and the crew is gathered around.

GRIMM REPAER, in a chef’s hat, enters bearing a large dish. Behind him comes MERRYPRANKSTER also carrying a large dish.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Hope, everyone’s hankering for some mashed potatoes.

The crew settles down and prepares to eat.

WARD rises to his feet.

WARD
Today we buried two of our comrades.
They were loyal and they did what needed doing.
When the ship was facing destruction, they gave
their lives to save all our hides. Let us give them a
moment of silence, for their sacrifice and for their valor.

Silence descends.

WARD
Our ship is shot to hell. We got our asses kicked by the AH.com.
(murmurs of anger )
Those dumbass sons of bitches kicked what is supposed
to be the most terrifying crew in the multiverse’s ass. That’s
a damned sad sight to witness. It’s time we stopped playing
nice and it’s time we killed them all.
(crew cheers in agreement )
Once we get the shift engine up, we’re going back to the Hub.
We’re gonna repair and refit, then we’re going to kill these
bastards, once and for all. Hear me?
{the crew cheers and whoops in response )
Now, let’s eat.

GRIMM REAPER
Someone, pass me those candied yams.

INT. – MESS HALL- DAY

We see GBW sitting at a table, deep in thought. He seems to be drinking a large glass of some kind of green fluid. There’s a half empty bottle of the green drink in front of him. GBW takes a sip of the drink and grimaces at the taste.

We see FLOCC and MATT come in. They’re in the middle of a conversation.

FLOCC
–is total bullshit, man! No way he did that!

MATT
I swear man, it’s the truth!

FLOCC
Doc almost killed an unarmed guy. OUR Doc?
The guy who freaks if he has to use a gun against
anything less dangerous than WARD, a Nazi. or
a giant evil purple dinosaur? That Doc?!

MATT
It’s not just that! Look—when GBW and I were
arguing about this last time, I didn’t believe it either!
But look at how much weirder he’s been acting lately!
There’s something pretty damn weird going on.

FLOCC
A whole fucking world got vaporized…

MATT
I thought that was the reason too but what’s with all the
mysterious running around looking for some kind of artifact
that could cause a Denial of Service?! We lost ANNA PYM
when that happened! He refuses to tell anyone why he needs
that! Tell me—what possible reason will he need something like that?

FLOCC
(dubious tone of voice )
Uh—maybe he…ummmm…
(beat )
(tries to sound more confident )
Well—look—why not try to ask him again?

GBW
(drinking another shot )
He won’t talk to us—not with her on board.

MATT
(glancing at GBW )
Yeah—that’s the other thing—I don’t trust that woman…
Things are already fucked up as it is, now add some creeped
out knocked up woman to the mix…

FLOCC
Okay, so she’s a bit a pain in the ass—what’s the big deal?
It’s only her and that big guy on the ship, it’s not like they’re
gonna make much in the ay of trouble.

GBW
She has her claws really deep into Doc or haven’t you noticed?
(turns to face FLOCC and MATT )
I don’t know how, but she’s got him and got him good. Doc is all lovey-dovey
over her but I swear I can feel that she’s up to something. Have you seen
the way he acts around her? Ye Gods—it’s like the Sharky and Yuppie show,
only with the mental abuse instead of the physical abuse! She shouts ‘Jump’
and Doc practically shouts back ‘How high?’

MATT
This is a whole messed up situation.
And that chick gives me the fucking creeps.

FLOCC
Ok, so she used to be leader of a universe-spanning empire that
hunted humans who claims now to have seen the light with the
help of Doc’s love and has renounced…all…that…stuff…
(beat )
(ponders this thought for a moment )
Yeah—ok—so that’s a bit unbelievable
even for us. What are we going to do?

GBW
We confront him of course!
Maybe make him see reason–!

VOICE
(o.v. )
Make WHO see reason, dude?

Camera pans over to show DOCTOR WHAT standing near the entrance of the Mess Hall. He looks really pissed off.

DOCTOR WHAT
(staring at GBW )
(angry voice )
Well?

GBW stares at Doc for a second, drinks a fortifying last drink in one gulp and gets up and staggers over to DOCTOR WHAT

GBW
She’s using you, Doc! I see this,
MATT sees this—all of us see it!

DOCTOR WHAT
(still angry )
You are walking on very thin ice, dude….

GBW
You’ve changed, man! I don’t know how it happened or
Why, but you’ve changed! Stop being a prick and tell us what’s going on!

DOCTOR WHAT
I have my reasons—and as captain, I don’t
have to share my reasons with my crew….

GBW
Crew?! CREW?! We’re your fucking friends! When we
all thought you died we mourned for you! We’re your
friends and we’re telling you that we’re worried about
you! That chick is bad news!

DOCTOR WHAT
(gritting his teeth )
That ‘chick’ is the woman I love and the mother of my kid.
Don’t say it! Don’t even think that word you’re going to say….

MATT
Uh—GBW, calm down for a -

GBW
She’s a bitch! A vicious bitch-queen from hell who has
you wrapped around her little finger and totally
mind-fucking with you! She’s using you!

DOCTOR WHAT screams and lunges at GBW. They both fall to the ground and start rolling. MATT and FLOCC jump in and pull them apart.

DOCTOR WHAT
(screaming )
GET OFF MY SHIP! GET THE HELL OFF MY SHIP!
AS OF RIGHT NOW YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS CREW!

GBW looks stunned. MATT and FLOCC look at each in shock.

FLOCC
Hey, Doc, chill—there’s no need to—

DOCTOR WHAT
You’re taking his side now?! Hell—you’re not even
a part of this crew—you just been hanging around here
for the last few months mooching off of us! Get the hell
off my ship—I’ve had enough of you too!

FLOCC
Huh—what the—

MATT
Doc please—just take it easy. This is
fucking crazy, man—calm down…

DOCTOR WHAT
I AM CALM! With all the shit that has been happening
in the last few days, you think it’s easy keeping this ship
going? Do you?! Now I act a little weird for a few days and
you suddenly start a fucking mutiny against me!

MATT
What the fuck? What mutiny?!
Doc -what the hell is going on with –

DOCTOR WHAT
(quiet menacing voice )
Get out. Now.

MATT
(stunned voice )
What?

DOCTOR WHAT
You heard me, jarhead.
The three of you. Get the fuck off my ship.

GBW
But we’re in the middle of nowhere.

DOCTOR WHAT storms off to a communication panel and savagely hits a button.

DOCTOR WHAT
DAVE! Are the fucking Shift engines able to handle a Shift?

DAVE HOWERY
(confused voice )
Uh—yeah—I guess. Barely. They can do two or three jumps
in the condition they’re in, I think. I thought we were staying
ere for a while until things cool down and we’re finished with all the repairs?

DOCTOR WHAT
Change of plans! Do an immediate jump to the Hub.

DAVE HOWERY
What—we’re doing a booze run now?!
Ten point out of ten for style, Doc, but
minus a couple million for good sense…

DOCTOR WHAT
We are NOT doing a booze run! We’re just sticking around
for a few minutes until some people get off and then we’re jumping back.

DAVE HOWERY
Uh—okay. I’m firing up the Shift engines in just a few minutes.

DOCTOR WHAT shuts the communicator off.

DOCTOR WHAT
I want you off the ship with all your stuff within
five minutes of us getting there. Get packing.

DOCTOR WHAT storms off.

REACTION SHOT – MATT, FLOCC and GBW staring at one another in shock and confusion.

MATT
(shaking head )
Jesus Christ, what the fuck just happened here?

INT- HUB STATION- CORRIDOR- DAY

We see MATT, GBW and FLOCC walking down a corridor carrying large duffel bags. They walk for about 20 or so feet, stop and turn around.

We see DOCTOR WHAT, with an angry look on his face, standing at the far end of the corridor. He turns around and walks away. The doors shut behind him.

MATT
(angrily )
ASSHAT!

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WARD is sitting at his Command Chair, reading a report.

GRIMM REAPER walks up to him.

GRIMM REAPER
Captain, the new girl says the shift engines
will get us to the Hub. But just barely.

WARD
prepare the ship for shift.
(a pause )
Faster than I had thought they would get it done.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, at least we got a decent looking face on board.
I was tiring of only seeing my handsome visage upon this ship.

WARD
Best not say that too loud, or else Dominus will take offense to it.

GRIMM REAPER
(nods )
Are we taking the gloves off, sir?

WARD
Definitely.

GRIMM REAPER
A pity, I kinda enjoyed our run ins with the AH.com.
May I call dibs on torturing the AH.com crew, when
and if we do capture them?

WARD
Of course.

GRIMM REAPER
Excellent.

END ACT I


ACT II


EXT. HUB – DAY

We see the AH.COM ship slowly drift away from the Hub. After a few seconds, its maneuvering jets fire and it moves away at high speed. Up ahead of it, a huge swirling vortex slowly begins to form.

INT- HUB STATION- CORRIDOR- DAY

We see GBW, MATT and FLOCC standing around.

FLOCC
Well—this is all turning into a god-damn Greek tragedy!

GBW
What do we do?

MATT
(grim look on his face )
We don’t leave a member of the team behind. Ever.
(beat )
Even if he’s acting like an asshole.
(turns to the other two ex-ah.commers )
I’m going to need your help. I have a plan.

GBW
Is this plan logical and reasonable in any shape or form?

MATT
(shaking his head )
Not really, no….

GBW
I’m in—lead the way.

FLOCC
(drinking a shot from his flask of appletini )
Me too. What’s the plan?

MATT
We look up this guy I know who just might be able to help us.

FLOCC
What if this guy can’t help us?

MATT
Then we’re fucked.

GBW
You see? Logic and reason….

They all leave.

SOMEWHERE IN HUB CITY

EXT- STOREFRONT DOOR – DAY

We see a nondescript wooden door on a small building on an equally small street. Above the door can be seen a small sign on which is written simply ‘MrP’. There is an inscription written in Latin under it- Oculi vident solum quid mens intellegere potest .

MATT
The inscription—it’s different…

GBW
Why am I not surprised?
This place gives me the creeps, man…

FLOCC
You really think this guy could help us?

MATT shrugs his shoulders.

MATT
Not like we have many other choices….

They walk in.

INT. –LARGE ROOM- DAY

As before, we see a large room. The four walls are completely covered with huge bookcases that stretch all the way to the top of the 20 foot high ceiling. Piles of books are scattered here and there on the floor. Sitting on one pile of books is MrP still in a 19th century Victorian style suit and a scarf (wrapped loosely around his neck ) . MrP is reading from a large book titled ‘De Vermis Mysteriis’

MRP
(Looking up from his book )
Ah yes—I’ve been expecting you.

MATT
You were?

MRP
(standing up )
It was only a matter of time before the inevitable return of one
of the players in this little sordid melodrama we have here. I was
actually expecting your captain to be the one to come back but
I suppose he’s got far more important things occupying his time.

MATT
And that’s why we came here. We need information
and you’re the only one who can help us.

MRP
(cheerful tone )
Really now? How delightful…

MATT
Can you help us?

MRP
Help is a relative term, my dear friend. I don’t ‘help’.
I advise. I assist. I offer aid. I grant succor. I ameliorate,
alleviate, meliorate, palliate and –from time to time—
even mitigate. But I don’t ‘help’. Not part of the job description.

MATT
Well—can you do any of that for us?

MRP wraps his scarf tighter around his neck and turns and sits back down on the pile of books he was sitting on previously. He picks up his book and goes back to reading again.

After a few seconds he glances up.

MRP
Are you still here? Shoo!
(makes shooing gesture with his hand )
No charity cases. I run a business here. No more freebies.

MATT
Hey—how do you know we can’t pay you?!

MRP
(looking up from his book with a look of mild amusement )
Really now? How so? You guys are wandering around the
city with nothing except the contents of your duffel bags.

GBW
Hey—how did you know that?

MRP
(shrugging shoulders )
Hmmm….maybe it has something to do with—and I admit that
I may be going out on a limb here and making some unsubstantiated
assumptions– but perhaps it has something to do with the fact that
I am –what was it again?—oh yeah–an information broker and that
it is my business to know everything about everything and—for the
right price—share some of that, hmmm?
(goes back to reading )
(glances up after a few seconds )
You’re still here.

MATT
(grim voice )
Look, pal—I’m asking you nicely—we need your assistance.
We need to know what the hell is going on with the Doc and
I figure that you know more about the situation then you’re letting on.

MRP
Oh, I know what’s going on with the good doctor,
old chap. I know everything about it.

REACTION SHOT- MATT, GBW and FLOCC looking at MRP in shock.

MATT
You do?! Then tell us, man! We’ll figure out
some kind of payment or something…

MRP
What I have is worth a lot—far more than you can pay.
(beat )
Far more than you will be willing to pay.
(beat )
Now for the last time—shoo!
(makes shooing gesture again )

MATT stares at MRP for a few seconds in deep thought. Finally making a decision, he reaches into his holster and pulls out a gun and points it at MRP.

MATT
Tell me what’s going on!

MRP
(looking up with a slightly annoyed look on his face )
Again with the gun? What is with you ah.commers
and pulling out guns on everyone?
(shakes head sadly )
Do put the gun away before you hurt someone, old chap.
(goes back to reading )

MATT
(pulling back safety on the gun )
I’m not bluffing.

MRP
(standing up )
(smiling slightly )
Ah—but you ARE bluffing, dear chap.
I read you very well—you can’t and w
on’t kill an unarmed man. So this bluff
won’t work with me.

MATT
You folded pretty quick when the Doc did it and if you are
so good a reading people you’ll know that Doc—despite how
he’s been acting—would never have been able to go through with it.

MRP
Ah—but I did submit in the end for a very good reason.
(beat )
The Doctor that was threatening me wasn’t the same Doctor you know.

REACTION SHOT –the ah.commers in shock and confusion.

MATT stares at GBW and FLOCC for a few seconds, then turns back to MRP and raises his gun again.

MATT
And what the fuck is THAT suppose to mean?

MRP
I mean what I say and I say what I mean. The Doctor that was in
this room before isn’t the Doctor that you knew before his rather
spectacular death last year.

MATT
Bullshit! TORQ ran a million tests on Doc when we rescued him!
He wasn’t some brainwashed alternate, he wasn’t a clone, he wasn’t
some shapeshifter or alien! He was OUR Doctor! Hell—even the
cf.netters were convinced it was him and tried to kill him! When Ward
sets out to kill a specific person, he’s damn sure it’s the right person he kills.

MRP
(smiling )
And yet—the good Doctor was able to survive being on ground zero
of an explosion that destroyed a creature that is known across the
multiverse for destroying worlds? An explosion that tore apart the
very molecules that made up this creature? Are you telling me none
of you people were the least bit curious how he did that?

MATT
(uncertain )
There’s…there’s…lots of reasons how…

MRP
Name one.

GBW
He was on ground zero of an explosion that rips apart
the very particles of matter—there could have been some kind
of weird transdimensional vortex that opened up at that very spot.

MATT
Hell—we don’t even need that as an explanation. You have any idea
how many timelines we’ve visited? How many worlds we’ve actually
saved just in the last five years? I can name a dozen just off the top of
my head where we’re treated as heroes. All it would have taken was
one ship with a half-assed functioning teleporter to rescue him. The
only reason we didn’t do it ourselves was because the teleporter got
trashed in that fight. There are lots of worlds that could have sent a
ship to follow us and decide to help us out.

MRP
And where was he for three months?

MATT
Ummm…maybe…uh…

GBW
….being healed?…

MRP
Or perhaps….being prepared, hmmm?

FLOCC
Prepared? By who?

MRP
In your misguided sojourn across the universes, you’ve not
only made friends but also enemies. LOTS of enemies.
(shaking head )
Still can’t believe you people missed all the clues that this was coming.
And you call him a close friend.
(laughs )

GBW
What clues?

MRP
(shaking head and raising head and seemingly addressing the heavens )
“What fools these mortals be and what mortals be these fools.”
(beat )
(looking at the ah.commers )
Remember back on the giant ant planet? The one where all the
B-movie monsters were running around? You guys broke into
the head monster’s lair and the head monster actually caught
the Doc. Remember what happened?

MATT
Uh—the monster ate him….

MRP
Before that—the monster talked to the Doc, remember? And then—
when it got no response—only then did it try to eat him.

MATT is staring at MRP with barely disguised suspicion and hate.

MATT
How did you know that?

MRP
(bows )
Information broker, remember?
I make it my business to know yours and everyone elses’ business.
(beat )
Ok—how about that world where the U.S. took over Canada and
several members of your crew were trapped in a Toronto prison?
Remember all the artifacts you guys had been helping Doc hunt for—
ostensibly on behalf of Ian? What ever happened to them, hmmmm?
(beat )
How about when you guys met your future alternate selves? You had
to navigate your way through some big space labyrinth. The entire crew
needed to be put unconscious for one month. Remember how everyone
was having nightmares—except the Doc?

The three ah.commers are staring at one another in confusion.

MRP
How about when the Shift engine malfunctioned and threw the good Doc
into some weird dimension based on his own mind? Remember that?
Remember the strange black doorway that Kit was going to open before
Diamond stopped him? Remember what LEO said—that the doors were
symbolic doorways to aspects of his personality.
(beat )
(sighing at the confused looks on the ah.commers )
The Spanish Armada timeline? You guys went down there
to get a supply of Hardaeznite? The stuff they make crosstime
bombs from? Supposedly Doc gave it to Ian for safekeeping—
but did anyone of you actually see him give it?
(beat )
Remember the Denial of Service attack we had here?
You guys tried to get back to your ship but the Hub shuttle
malfunctioned. Doc got a “feeling”, uncharacteristically
seized the controls of the shuttle, and right away—lo and behold! –
you found a Hub ship. The Gateway. How’s that for being
freaking lucky? Or was it not luck? How about your second
run-in with that Hornblower psychobitch where she admitted
that she had been given specific orders not to harm any of
the crew. And—for some strange reason—her emphatic lie
detection didn’t work on Doc, hmmmm?

MATT, FLOCC and GBW are staring at one another in total shock, shaking their heads in confusion. MATT pulls his gun out again and points it at MRP.

MATT
Stop screwing around and tell us already! What
happened to him and how do we get him back?

MRP grins.

MRP
The answer to the first question is obvious.
As for the second question…
(smiles and sits back down on a pile of books )
There is one way to do so.

MATT
And you just happen to know it?

MRP
(theatrically spreads arms wide )
Ta-da!

FLOCC
And what’s the price for this tidbit of information?

GBW
Will you be actually specific or will you be cryptic?

MRP
The price depends entirely on the level of sacrifice
you deem worthwhile. Getting what you want is not
nearly as important as giving what you have.

GBW
Yup—cryptic it is.

MATT
We’ll do it.

MRP grins. It’s a very large and very creepy looking grin. One gets the impression that there are far too many teeth than a normal human should have.

MRP
Positively delightful…..
(beat )
Very well—this is what you must do….

INT. – HUB STATION DOCKING BAY- DAY

We see a particularly decrepit looking corridor. It’s dirty, dark and there are several stains on the metal and concrete that probably shouldn’t be examined too closely if you know what’s good for you.

The camera slowly pans down.

We see GBW, MATT and FLOCC.

GBW
This is dumb. This is really dumb
This is so incredibly dumb.

MATT
I know.

GBW
No—I don’t think you really do know! This is beyond
our usual level of dumbness. This is so incredibly
mind-bogglingly dumb that they have to invent
a whole new word to describe it!

FLOCC
You sure that we should be doing this?

MATT
Fuck no! I’m not sure of anything!
But it’s not like we have much choice!

FLOCC
Man’s got a point.

GBW
Still think this is stupid.

FLOCC
I second that.

MATT
I’m open to other suggestions.

Silence from the two other ah.commers.

MATT
Ok—let’s do this.

They walk 50 or so feet down the corridor and stop. Up ahead, we hear footsteps slowly coming closer. Two figures can be seen approaching the ah.commers through the darkness. They finally come closer into the light.

We see that it is WARD and GRIMM REAPER.

WARD
And what the hell is this?
Come looking for a neat place to die, boy?

GRIMM REAPER
Well, this definitely makes things a whole lot easier.

GBW
Our captain kicked us off his ship.

GRIMM REAPER
(to WARD )
Told you, sir.
What’s gone, as they say it, bat shit crazy.

WARD
The hell you say.

MATT
GBW’s right. He kicked us off.
He’s a complete fuck-up. A total loser.
We want nothing to do with him. Best
thing he could have done to us was kick us off.

WARD
Bullshit.
(beat )
So—you got ten seconds to tell me why
you called me here before I get Grimm
here to flame-broil your nuts off.

GRIMM REAPER smiles and pulls out a very large lighter and points it at the ah.commers.

MATT glances at the other ah.commers. FLOCC and GBW come to attention. MATT turns back to WARD and walks a few steps forward and stops, coming to attention as well.

MATT
On behalf of my two colleagues here, we hereby request that…..
(voice breaks a bit but he quickly recovers) )
–We hereby request permission to join the crew of the CF. NET….

INT. – AH.COM CONTROL ROOM –DAY

We see LANDSHARK, DIAMOND, WEAPON M, KIT and GREY WOLF sitting at various stations or standing around. DOCTOR WHAT comes in with ATTA on his arm. He walks to the front of the Control Room and turns to face the ah.commers.

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s past time that I finally let you in on what’s
been happening here. What we’ve been doing
here and what we have to do.
(beat )
As you know, a few days ago the Hollow Earth
was destroyed. But before it was destroyed I was
able to touch the Shakti Stone. It gave me a vision
of the future—a vision that suddenly explained so much.
(beat )
(we see very confused and/or bored looks on the ah.commers )
Think about it. What is the best place to hide an enemy? The best place
to hide an agent? The best place to hide someone who will do you harm?
(beat )
In plain sight of course. Even better—you have them appear to be a member
on your own side. Nobody suspects what’s going one until its too late!
(beat )
We’ve had a few run ins with the ASBs so far. But think about it—most of their
plans have been foiled relatively easily. Strange isn’t it—how a supposedly super
powerful race of beings have been easily stopped? Maybe—just maybe—what’s
been going on is a show. A show for our behalf so that we can lulled into a false
sense of security. A false sense of complacency. A false sense of trust!
(beat )
(the ah.commers are looking at each other in confusion )
We are being used! There is an enemy who is toying with our minds!
Toying with our perceptions! Toying with our very souls!
(almost shouting now )
But no more! There will be NO repeat of the Hollow Earth! Not on our watch!
Not again! Not ever! I know what’s going to happen! I’ve SEEN it! And more
importantly—I know how to stop them! Once and for all!

LANDSHARK
(interrupting )
What the bloody hell are you talking about, man?

DOCTOR WHAT
(smiling grimly )
We’re going to attack the Hub.

REACTION SHOT: Entire bridge crew gasping in shock.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Series / Tags: , ,

Battles

Psychomeltdown / February 17, 2010 / No comments

TEASER


INT. – COUNTERFACTUAL.NET SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

We hear panting and oddly the sound of boots pounding unevenly upon the decks.

We pan down a corridor and see three beams of lights flashing about wildly.

We see it’s GEDCA, FEDERATION X, and FORTYSEVEN. They seem to be bounding about down the corridor in giant leaps.

FEDERATION X crashes into a bulkhead, bounces off of it, hits the deck and bounces up toward the ceiling.

GEDCA and FORTYSEVEN stop and watch, as they do, they begin to rise off the deck. They frantically look about.

GEDCA
Damn, the gravity’s going!

FEDERATION X
Help!
(scrabbles to clutch onto something)

GEDCA
Fortyseven, grab him.
We need to get to engineering!

FORTYSEVEN
I.. I think I can’t…

Pan to FORTYSEVEN and we see him floating in a gentle rotation, he attempts a swimming motion, but doesn’t move.

FORTYSEVEN
Look, it looks like I’m flying.

FEDERATION X
Awesome.
Watch me-

GEDCA
We don’t have time for this!
We’re in the middle of a battle
and we don’t have power.
To anything!

Suddenly the comm unit crackles.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
Engineers! You there?

GEDCA
Yes sir!
We’re getting the problem fixed, sir!

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
You’ve got two minutes or else I’ll have to come
down there and show you how rough
I can be with my scythe. Got it, kid?

GEDCA
(gulping)
Yes, sir…

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
Good, good. Now bring
me a cup of hot chocolate.

GEDCA
Hot chocolate, sir?

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
You heard me.

GEDCA
Uh, sir. I think we have bigger problems than that.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
I don’t want to hear your blubbering of incompetence!
I wan-

WARD (on comm)
Damn it, Grimm.
We need that little bastard to get the engines back on line.
Afterward, you can do what you want with him.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
Heh. Anything?

WARD (on comm)
As long as it doesn’t leave him permanently maimed.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
Damn.

GEDCA
Can I get back to what I was gonna do, sir?

WARD (on comm)
Get your ass back to work, boy.
Or I’ll feed you to Pumpkin.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
(horrified)
But that would ruin Pumpkin’s diet!

GEDCA
Getting back to work, sir!

Comm clicks off.

GEDCA
Well, we need to flip that circuit breaker and stoke the shift engines.
Fed, you get ready to get the engines started.
(points to door marked ENGINEERING)
I’ll flip the circuit breaker with Forty.
(Points down a long long corridor)

FEDERATION X
Got it.
(floats off)

FORTYSEVEN
But why do we need two to flip the breaker.
It’s not that big..

GEDCA
Because we’re short on time.

FORTYSEVEN
I don’t get it…

GEDCA pulls out a gun and grabs FORTYSEVEN.

GEDCA
This’ll be fun…

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

COUNTERFACTUAL


“BATTLES”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN


ACT I


INT. – CF. NET – CORRIDOR– NIGHT

BANG!

BANG!

FORTYSEVEN
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

GEDCA
WHOOO-HOOOOO!!!!

We see GEDCA and FORTYSEVEN flying down the corridor, FORTYSEVEN take a spot in front of GEDCA.

They speed toward a large door marked: ENGINEERING: BREAKER ROOM.

FORTYSEVEN
Aw, crap!

BONK!

FORTYSEVEN smashes into the door, while GEDCA manages to use him as a cushion. He slaps a panel and the heavy door slides open.

GEDCA grins and enters the room.

INT. – CF. NET – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD sits in his chair, watching as coffee cup slowly floats by. He adjusts the seat belt he’s wearing. GRIMM REAPER stands beside him, a glimmer of light reflected off his scythe, he looks bored.

There’s a crackle of static.

WARD
What is that?

FAEELIN
I think it’s the shortwave radio.
It runs off batteries.
(pulls out a flashlight)
I think we’re getting a message.

WARD
On comm.

FAEELIN
Umm.. comm’s off, sir.
You’ll have to talk into this.
(hands him microphone)

WARD
This is Ward.

VOICE
(static)
This is Reynolds.
I see your ship has suffered damage.

WARD
Unfortunately, the bastards have something
that knocked out our electrical systems.

REYNOLDS
Well, no worries, sir.
We’re coming to the rescue.

WARD
Don’t be damned stupid.
Leave us be.
We’ll take care of ourselves.

REYNOLDS
(static)
Sorry, sir? Didn’t catch that.

WARD
Damn it! I said-

FAEELIN
They’ve cut communications, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
Insubordinate, ain’t he?

WARD
He’s a damned idiot.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, at least we won’t die.

WARD
He should be attacking the Bastards.

GRIMM REAPER
But, he’s giving his life to save mine.

WARD
Ours.

GRIMM REAPER
Right, sir.

INT. – CF. NET – BREAKER ROOM – NIGHT

GEDCA floats toward a large yellow painted panel. He pulls off the cover and behind it is a large restart button.

GEDCA rubs his hands together and his the button.

Nothing.

GEDCA
What the hell?

WARD (on comm)
Gedca, what is going on?
We need the power back on.

GEDCA
Uh…uh…uh…
(terrified)
Sir. It’s not responding.

GEDCA begins frantically flipping switches and hitting buttons. Nothing happens.

WARD
What do you mean it’s not responding.
We can’t have it not respond.
We’re dead in the damned water here, boy!
In the middle of a god damned battle!
Get it friggin’ working or you’ll see what
space feels without a friggin’ suit!

GEDCA
I’m… I’m trying sir.
I think it may be something more than a blown fuse.
We’ve got gravity working and life support, but weapons,
shields, propulsion, they’re not coming back online.

WARD
I don’t give a damn what it is, just
get the damned thing working, got it?

GEDCA
I’m on it, sir.
I’m on it…

GEDCA bangs on the computer console in frustration.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD and GRIMM REAPER are whispering a conversation.

GRIMM REAPER
I think we’re in some deep shit, sir.

WARD
(long thoughtful pause)
I think you’re right.
But you know the standard operating procedure
when we’re in deep shit, right?

GRIMM REAPER
Screaming and trying not to get it in the mouth?

WARD
The other one.

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, you mean shoot everything and anything
until they bring you down.

WARD
Yeah. Go out in a blaze of murderous mayhem.

GRIMM REAPER
Excellent sir.
I’ll inform the cannon fodder they’re all gonna die.

WARD
Make sure to make it sound heroic.

GRIMM REAPER
Don’t I always, sir?

WARD
No. No you don’t.

GRIMM REAPER
Well… It’s just I don’t like them and
wish great harm upon their persons.

WARD
I know, Grimm. I know…

GRIMM REAPER
(sighs)
Well, I’ll break it to them gently.

WARD
Hold on a moment there, Grimm.

GRIMM REAPER
(sighs)
I’m sensing you’re gonna take my fun away from me.

WARD
We still got those canons we took
off that derelict shift super carrier?

GRIMM REAPER
(nods)
I think so. Gedca hadn’t gotten around to
integrating them into our systems yet.

WARD
(grins)
I think it’s time we got these slackers to work.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CORRIDOR – NIGHT

MIDGARD, ROMULUS AGUSTULUS, DOMINUSNOVUS, FAEELIN, DARKSLAVIK, BULARKOTONOS, and GRIMM REAPER are seen pushing large devices down a corridor. There are two men per machine and GRIMM REAPER paces behind them, a cat of nine tails in his hands.

GRIMM REAPER
Move it!
Move it!
Move it!

Crack of whip.

BULGARKOTONOS
Shit, does he have to keep hitting me?

MIDGARD
He just hates your guts.
Don’t worry about –arrrgh!

GRIMM REAPER
Quit talking!
Move it!

CREW
Yes sir!

GRIMM REAPER
Heave!

CREW
Ho!

GRIMM REAPER
Heave!

CREW
Ho!

INT. –CF.NET SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY– NIGHT

GEDCA spreads out a diagram on a cleared space. He and FEDERATION X pore over it with flashlights.

GEDCA
We’ve reset everything. we’ve pulled out parts that
could technically possibly be affected by that blast,
but damned if I know why the ship’s not up and running.

FEDERATION X
Maybe there’s some kind of residual
energy causing the systems to fail.

GEDCA
Don’t’ be stupid, energy doesn’t leave residues behind.

FEDERATION X
It happened in Star Trek.

GEDCA
(thoughtful)
Well…
(shakes head)
No.

FEDERATION X
I got it!

GEDCA
What?

FEDERATION X
It’s those safety equipment.
The one that Ward had us install after the core nearly went critical
when we got hit by that plasma bombardment from that one ship
that one time. They allow for the critical systems, gravity and
life support to continue to function, but shut down the others,
propulsion, weapons, shields, communications, and sensors.
The main energy hogs.

GEDCA
You may be right…

FEDERATION X
I am right!

GEDCA
Now…
(looks at a large metallic box)
We just have to find a way to open it…

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD
Situation.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Still no power to main combat systems, sir.

WARD
Any word from out saviors?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sorry, sir.
We don’t have outside communications.

WARD sighs, tapping the armrest of his command chair.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – SHUTTLE BAY – NIGHT

We see the CFers push the large devices onto the cargo ramp of three shuttles. They are all wearing spacesuits and wrapping chains around the devices.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, hopefully this’ll work.
They were designed for this.
Most likely you’ll all die, I won’t because I’m important and
that means I get to survive. Most of you are expendable, especially
you, Romulus. You hear me? Until the grease monkeys can get
the ship up and running again, we’re gonna go on a little joy ride.
Now pick a shuttle and hang on tight, you fall out. We’ll forget
you were ever apart of the crew and divide up your belongings
after I’ve taken the more valuable stuff from it first. Got it?

CREW
Yes, sir!

DARK SLAVIK
I am a creator of genetic abominations, sir!
I am not a goon to go out and shoot things.
I have my work!
My glorious sickening work!

GRIMM REAPER
Shut up.
You’ll do as I say or you’ll be fired across the bow
of one of those cavemen’s ship to make them see
we’re not afraid of killing our own, therefore we
are definitely not afraid of killing them.

MIDGARD
You think they’ll understand the
subtext of that action, sir?

GRIMM REAPER
No. they have thick brows, that means
they have limited intelligence.
All subtlety is lost on them.

BULGARKOTONOS
(touches brow and hangs head in shame)
He’s right…

The crew clamor onto the carious shuttles. The shuttle pod bay doors barely slide open, jetting out the last remaining air from the bay then the shuttle shoot out.

GRIMM REAPER (over radio)
Shoot anything that comes near the ship.
Except for those on our side.
You can graze them.

MERRYPRANKSTER (over radio)
Good hunting, gentlemen.

GRIMM REAPER (over radio)
Shut up, Merry.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We see the three shuttles flying out of the CF.net ship, they move into a wedge formation.

Pull out and we see several grey and white ships surrounding the CF.net ship, they’re all taking a pounding as the Neanderthal fleet converges upon them.

Pull even more and we see the Flagship PONTER moving lazily toward the planet.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

Neanderthals are hustling about, in the middle of the chaos is a heavily pregnant ATTA and standing beside her is ADIKOR.

ADIKOR
I had thought you would want to do
the killing stroke upon the CF.net, Mistress.

ATTA
It would be a pleasure to see the face of Ward as he dies, but this is
not the battle we came for. We are here to destroy humanity, as they .
nearly destroyed us. Let the captains and the men and women of the
fleet, those that had lived under the fear for years that Ward would
find their worlds and destroy them, have he pleasure of destroying
him and his cursed ship. It is similar to when soldiers of the Empire
are trained, when one soldier is picked from a squad and his squad
mates gather around and kill him. The group killing of that unlucky
solider solidifies their bond with one another. They killed the Destroyer,
they killed the man who lead the forces of weak humanity and burned
our Homeworld. It is revenge and it is a bonding that will transcend
mere loyalty, once this is over, once he is dead, then these captains
will be mine. Not merely loyal to me, but mine heart and soul. If we
kill him, then it will only be another use of the stolen technology to
get what we want from the Empire.

ADIKOR
So we destroy the planet while the rest of the human fleet
foolishly tries to save their beloved Destroyer?

ATTA
Exactly.

ADIKOR
You are most wise, Mistress.

ATTA
Of course I am.
Now, I have to go pee.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We pull in on a shuttle, it’s cargo hold open and the snout of a cannon sticking out.

GRIMM REAPER (voice over)
Looks like the Fleet’s taking a pounding.
(pause)
Oooo, pretty explosions.

WARD (VO)
Mind on the attack, Grimm.
Take some pressure off those ships.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
They just have to die heroically to save our hides don’t they?
Not that I’m complaining, I like my hide intact and
well moisturized, but this makes no tactical sense at all.

WARD (VO)
Misguided sense of loyalty to the guy who saved the world
from ravaging murderous asshats from another universe.
Damned brave fools.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
I wish all the worlds we went to had this same reaction.

WARD (VO)
They probably would, if we didn’t immediately begin attacking t
hem or pillaging them for tech, supplies, and the such things.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
Well, that’s the fun part.

WARD (VO)
Keep pressure off the other ships. We’ll be getting up and
running soon enough, either that of you can fire Gedca
from one of those cannons.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
Oooo….

Pull out.

We see GRIMM REAPER’s shuttle shoot toward the larger black ships of the Neanderthals, the other two shuttles taking up position behind him.

ROMULUS AGUSTULUS (VO)
This is Fox Trot Charlie to Red Leader,
commencing attack run.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
Someone, please shoot him.

MIDGARD (VO)
On it sir!

FADE OUT

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY – NIGHT

GEDCA and FEDERATION X are using a pair of sledgehammers to open a metal control box.

GEDCA
Come on, damn it!

FEDERATION X
My arms hurt.

GEDCA
Keep at it.
It’s bound to give…

CLANK!

The metal casing falls off, FEDERATION X swings wildly and smashes the sledgehammer on his foot. He drops to the floor screaming.

FEDERATION X
My Toes!

GEDCA ignores him and begins pulling out wires and other electronic equipment.

GEDCA
This is why I don’t like safety equipment on my stuff.
When you need something to push to the utter limits
and beyond what they are capable of, the friggin’
safety features refuse to let you do it.
(yanks at a cord that showers him with sparks)
Alright that should do it.
Fed, hit the restart button and we’ll see what happens.

FEDERATION X
My toes!

GEDCA
Oh, geez.
(gets up)
Must you complain about every little scrap you suffer?

FEDERATION X
My toes!

GEDCA hits a big red button, it lights up for a moment and then suddenly the roar of the engines fills the room. Light flickers back on, computer consoles light up, and showers of shorted wires spark and flash.

GEDCA
(grinning)
Damn, I’m good.

FEDERATION X
My toes!

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Lights come back on and the computers beginning lighting up.

SCARECROW
All systems, coming back on line, sir.

WARD
(nodding)
Open comm to the shuttles

MERRYPRANKSTER
Comm open.

WARD
Grimm, time to do a culling on the cavemen.
We’ll get you out.

GRIMM REAPER (on comm)
Understood.

WARD
Fortyseven, get to your station.

FORTYSEVEN (on comm)
Getting there, sir!

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We see the shuttles, lobbing out what seems like slow moving balls of energy, that shred and tear up the hulls of ships as they hit, they move quickly, spreading out and each heading directly toward a large Neanderthal ship.

GRIMM REAPER (VO)
I like war.

We see each of the shuttle smash into the Neanderthal ships. There’s a enormous flash and explosion, the three ships vanish in a cloud of debris, damaging surrounding Neanderthal ships, and relieving several Unity ships that are being hammered.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER and FAEELIN enter the Control Room,

GRIMM REAPER
Well, sir. That was fun.

WARD
Strap yourselves in boys, we’re going for a ride.
Contract Reynolds.

FAEELIN
On it, sir.
On screen.

REYNOLDS
Damned good to see your ship up and running, sir.
I think we might need some help dusting these thick brows
off our ships. They do seem fairly thick on the ground.

WARD
Appreciate the making sure we weren’t
destroyed by the cavemen, Reyonlds.
Get your ships reformed and ready to make a
counter attack. We’ll show them what the Unity is made of.

REYNOLDS
(grinning)
Yes sir!

WARD
Ward out.
(to Grimm)
So what do you think our chances are now?

GRIMM REAPER
If we don’t get hit by that beam again, I’d be fairly
certain we’d get out of this with only ten years
worth of damage to our ship.

WARD
Always the pessimist.

GRIMM REAPER
I learned from the best, sir.

WARD
Scarecrow, plot heading..
332.2 by 235.1 by 558.

SCARECROW
Got it, sir.
(a beat)
Uh, that takes us right into the thick of things, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
(grinning)
Oh, ignoring ten thousand years of military tactic, sir?

WARD
(smiles)
Power up main cannon.
(Grimm giggles)
Fire on my mark.
(long pause)
Mark!

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

Pull out.

We see the scores of Neanderthal ships swarming the Unity Fleet and the CF.net ship.

There’s a brilliant flash.

All white.

The screen fades out of white.

We see a ragged line sliced through the swarm of ships.

Pull in on a Neanderthal ship, it’s broken, torn, and spewing debris and fire, then it silently explodes.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Tight on GRIMM REAPER.

GRIMM REAPER
(dreamy expression)
God, I love that weapon.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

The CF.net powers forward, it’s particle cannons slashing at everything around it, missiles and torpedoes flash out, slamming into ships. The Unity Fleet begins to gather, firing and fending off the Neanderthals that are becoming frayed and chaotic as the CF.net attacks them.

The CF.net tears the hole in the Neanderthal line bigger, the ship flies forward clearing the chaos of the battle. It then turns around and plunges back in, firing all weapons and missiles.

The Unity fleet manages to gather into a wedge, the CF.net tears the outer fringe of the ships, slashing and destroying the Neanderthal ships.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

CREWMAN
Mistress, preparing to fire main cannon.

ATTA
Excellent.

ADIKOR
Mistress!
The CF.net has regained power.
It’s attacking the fleet!

ATTA
What?

ADIKOR
The Invasion fleet is beginning to unravel.

ATTA
Those ships will not be able to fight off the CF.net.
(glares at the view screen)
Turn the ship around!
Prepare to fire the main cannon!

CREWMAN
Yes, Mistress.
Inputting new course heading…

ATTA
I should have destroyed Ward myself.
That man is a tricky one.

ADIKOR
Will his ship be able to defeat the fleet on it’s own?

ATTA
Unlikely, but combined with the human fleet,
they would tear at our fleet and leave us too
weak to do anything afterward. Command all
captains to descend upon the CF.net, it must
be destroyed!

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sir, looks like all the Neanderthals have
decided that we have to be destroyed first.
All ships heading toward us.

GRIMM REAPER
It seems we are popular tonight.

WARD
It’s the size of our cannon, Grimm.

GRIMM REAPER
(grins)
I’ve always heard that it’s not the size of your
cannon that matters, but how you use it.

The ship suddenly rocks.

WARD
The hell was that?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sir, the Neanderthal Flagship is attacking.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We see the PONTER plowing forward, several Unity ships fire upon it, but are riddled with particle cannon fire. The scattered and chaotic Neanderthal ships begin for reform behind it.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

REYNOLDS
Jesus, sir. What the hell is that thing?

WARD
Just some crazy bitch obsessed with revenge.
I’ll take care of it, you reform and get your ships ready.

REYNOLDS
(hesitant)
Got it, sir.

REYNOLDS cuts communication.

GRIMM REAPER
What’s the plan sir?

WARD
We shoot at it.

GRIMM REAPER
Tactical Genius, sir.

WARD
Let’s just see who’s cannon’s bigger, eh?

END ACT I


ACT II


INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ADIKOR
The CF.net ship is coming forward.
Cannon range in a minute.

ATTA
Excellent. Ward thinks he can take us on?
The fool. He and his damned planet will be nothing
but a memory by the time this day is over!

The crew cheers.

ATTA
Prepare to fire on my signal.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – ENGINEERING TUNNEL – NIGHT

THUNK!

The noise echoes down a long dark tunnel, we see a flash of light coming from what looks like a small lantern. We pull in on a figure with a hammer and a chisel. It’s KILNGIRL and she’s standing before a heavy duty blast door.

Delicately she pries a control panel open with the hammer and chisel. It open and she is faced with a lot of wires and circuits.

KILNGIRL pauses, then shrugs. She pulls out her handgun and aims.

BANG!

The shot ears up the electronic equipment. There’s a click and KILNGIRL walks to the blast door.

She shove the chisel into the bottom of the door, and uses it to pry a small opening.

KILNGIRL
Man, this is a lot of work.
(sighs)
Shouldn’t have killed Daklar just yet.

She pries the opening wider and crouches before it, slipping her fingers in the small opening.

KILNGIRL
One.
Two.
Three..
(lets out a grunt)

Straining and grunting, KILNGIRL pulls up the blast door enough so that she can crawl underneath it.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – MACHINE ROOM – CONTINUING

KILNGIRL rises to her feet, looking around

Surrounding her are machinery, lit up and chugging away.

She grins.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD
Scarecrow, be ready to begin evasive maneuvers if there’s
a slightest hint that they’re gonna fire their cannon. Faeelin
tell Reynolds to hold back the fleet until we’ve got a handle
of this ship.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – MACHINE ROOM – NIGHT

KILNGIRL stands before what appears to be scores of glowing red tubes connected to several machines. The tubes run across the room, hooked to a variety of machines and head out through another set of machines.

KILNGIRL pauses contemplating this.

KILNGIRL
You’d be surprised how delicate the most
dangerous cannon in the multiverse is

KILNGIRL begins smashing the tubes.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ATTA
Fire main cannon!

ADIKOR hits the firing button with some bit of glee.

Nothing happens.

ATTA
Fire!

ADIKOR
It’s not responding.

Suddenly a beeping noise comes on.

ADIKOR
The main cannon is down.

ATTA
Then fix it!

ADIKOR
The CF.net is in firing rnge.

ATTA
Brace for impact!

ADIKOR
They are firing!

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER
Firing main cannons.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

The CF.net fires.

The PONTER is hit, it’s shields flash and flare.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD
that got their attention.
Now pour it on.

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, joy.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

The CF.net begings firing conventional weapons, the PONTER returns fire.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – MACHINE ROOM – NIGHT

Fire erupts. KILNGIRL jumps back from it.

KILNGIRL
Okay.. I don’t think that was supposed to happen.
There’s a humming sound.

KILNGIRL walks to a computer screen.

On it reads: MAIN CANNON POWER OVERLOAD.

KILNGIRL
Oh, damn.
(runs)

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRDIGE – NIGHT

ATTA is gripping her command chair, the bridge is bathed in red light,a nd occasionally it rocks as it’s attacked.

ADIKOR
Mistress, we’re reading a
power overload in the main cannon.

ATTA
I thought the damn thing wasn’t working.

The ship shakes and alarms keep blaring.

ADIKOR
The power was building up, before it wasn’t able to work.
Now it seems the safety release is not working.
We’re looking at a possible explosion.

ATTA
Well, send people to fix it.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – ENGINEERING TUNNEL – NIGHT

KILNGIRL is running.

There’s the sound of running feet, but not her’s.

She stops and sees a group of engineers racing toward her.

They stop.

OLAR
YOU!

KILNGIRL
Me.

OLAR
You are supposed to be
under guard in your quarters!

KILNGIRL
How do you know that?

OLAR
The main cannons..
You’ve sabotaged the main cannon!

KILNGIRL
You can’t prove anything!

OLAR
Get her!

The Engineers pull out big wrenches and advance.

KILNGIRL sighs and pulls out her handgun.

KILNGIRL
This is just too easy.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ADIKOR
I’m reading a power overload.

ATTA
I thought I told you to get that fixed?

ADIKOR
I di-

The ship shakes violently, lights go out, and another alarm begins blaring.

ADIKOR
A massive explosion has just occurred.
We’ve lost shields.
Main weapons are down.
Life support is failing.

ATTA
We’ve lost…

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – ENGINEERING TUNNEL – NIGHT

KILNGIRl runs, behind her is a raging fire.

Everywhere alarms are blaring and crew are running about. She is easily ignored as she makes her way to a hatch that reads, ESCAPE HATCH.

KILNGIRL
Well, it was fun while it lasted.

She his a button and it opens, revealing a long tube. She jumps in, it seals up after her.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We see a silver pod shoot out of the PONTER, it is not the only one. Scores of pods are launching from the ship.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ADIKOR
Mistress, the crew are abandoning ship.

ATTA
What?

ADIKOR
The explosion has devastated deck nine and ten.
The starboard sides are practically burning. The
crew in those sections cannot get out.
They are abandoning ship.

ATTA
Get emergency crews there now!
Get those fires put out.
Get the main batteries back online.
We’ve still got an enem-

The ship staggers, ATTA nearly falls out of her chair.

ATTA
What?

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROM – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER
A hit, sir.

Viewscreen shot: The PONTER is burning fiercely on one side, the mian cannon explosion and now the CF.net cannon shot have shredded it’s starboard armor and tore up it’s hull.

But the ship is still firing and slowly maneuvering.

WARD
Damn, it’s strong.

GRIMM REAPER
Let’s see how much damage it can take.

FAEELIN
Sir, there are scores of escape pods in the area.
What shall we do.

WARD
Ours or theirs?

FAEELIN
The Neanderthal’s, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
Shoot at them.

WARD
(a beat)
No, teleport them aboard.
If anything we can toss ‘em out later, if not.
then they may know some interesting things.

GRIMM REAPER
No fun.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ATTA
We have lost.

ADIKOR
Your orders, Mistress.

ATTA
Pull the ship back.
Tell the other captains to pull
forward and cover our retreat.

ADIKOR
(shocked)
we are retreating?

ATTA
There’s no other way.
We cannot win in the situation we are in.
We need to retreat. Rebuild…

ADIKOR
Signaling all ship to retreat.

ATTA
Are the shift engines still working?

ADIKOR
Yes, mistress.

ATTA
Spin up the engines. Once we are at
a safe distance, open a vortex.

ADIKOR
Yes, Mistress.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER
Well, this is no fun.
All this hype to this great big battle between us and them
and they get hurt from inside their own ship. I should file a complain.

WARD
Be happy that it ain’t firing it’s big gun. Or how’d
you like to know what it feels like to be shot up
when you’re defenseless.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, it’s fun being the shooter, but not the shoot-ee.

WARD
Full ahead, don’t let that damned bitch escape.
We kill her and these ragged bastards will be mince meat.

GRIMM REAPER
Mmm.. minced meat.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ADIKOR
Mistress, the CF.net is coming after us.

ATTA
Tell the other captains to fire upon it.

ADIKOR
They are.. but they are ignoring them.
They are coming straight for us.

ATTA
Damnation. He is determined
to kill us, if it even kills him.

ADIKOR
What are we to do, Mistress?

ATTA
Open up the portal.

ADIKOR
In the middle of the fleet, it-

ATTA
Do you prefer to die?
Open the damned portal!

ADIKOR
Yes, mistress.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The Control Room has taken some damage, the Neanderthal ships are firing upon the CF.net as it chases the PONTER. WARD sits calmly watching the viewscreen.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sir, they are opening a vortex.

WARD
They are escaping.
(clenches his fists)

GRIMM REAPER
the Neanderthals have entered the vortex.
The Ponter has shifted.

WARD sits there watching the screen.

The vortex is beginning to close.

GRIMM REAPER
What are we going to do, sir?

MINI FLASHBACK FX.

EXT. – THE WARD HOUSE – PORCH – EVENING

WARD is standing on the ground, MRS. WARD is standing on the porch, hands on hip, watching him.

MRS. WARD
Tell me. Are you gonna be leaving again?
Because you can stay right where you are,
if you’re gonna be leaving again.

WARD
(moment’s pause)
Wife, I’ve been gone for nearly eight years.
I’m home, Wife. I ain’t going anywhere.
Not without a fight, and not without
kicking and screaming.

MRS. WARD
(smiling)
Then welcome home, Husband.
Welcome home.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
What are we going to do sir.

WARD
(hesitation)
Follow them.
We can’t let them escape again.
(standing up)
When we get a lock on them, fire at will.
Don’t let up until that damned bitch is
Nothing but a smear, got it?

SCARECROW
Plotting course for vortex.

WARD
(still standing)
We’ll destroy them, once and for all.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

The CF.NET plunges into the vortex.

The battle between the Unity and the Neanderthal fleets continues.

Fade out.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The ship is shaking slightly.

WARD
What is that?

GRIMM REAPER
The shaking?
I don’t know.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sir, Gedca says that we suffered some damned to the man
heat vents, we’ll be riding a bit rough until he can fix it.

WARD
As long as it don’t cause us
any trouble in this upcoming fight.

GRIMM REAPER
We’re in weapons range of the Ponter, sir.

WARD
Begin firing.

EXT. – TRANSIT SPACE –

We see the CF.net pulling in on the PONTER and begins firing.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

TECH
Mistress, the CF.net’s particle cannons
are interfering with our shift.
We’re dropping out of transit space.

ATTA
Brace for immersion!
All hands, brace for immersion!

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The CF.net control room is shaking badly. WARD grips his armrest.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Our particle cannons have caused the Ponter to be kicked
out of transit space. We’re also caught in the wake.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, at least we’ll get to shoot ‘em up in another universe.

WARD
Strap in, Grimm.
This is gonna be rough.

GRIMM REAPER
Nice.

EXT – SPACE – NIGHT

The vortex opens and the PONTER flies out of it, the CF.net on it’s tail. It continues to fire upon the PONTER.

We pull out and we see another ship, a ship similar to the CF.net. The AH.com.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT glances at GBW.

DOCTOR WHAT
What the hell is the CF.net doing here.

GBW
They do show up in the darndest places…

KIT
Doc, we’re getting a com
signal from the first ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
On screen.

The face of ATTA appears.

ATTA
Doctor What?

DOCTOR WHAT
Uh.. Atta?
What’s going on here?

ATTA
The Destroyer has found us. They are trying to
kill me and my people Please help us

DOCTOR WHAT
Why am I not surprised?
Lee, weapons up, shields to maximum.
If he wants a fight, we’ll give him one.

WEAPON M
Damn straight.

KIT
Doc, we’re getting a signal from the CF.net

DOCTOR WHAT
On screen.

WARD appears upon the screen.

WARD
Boy, you have the shittiest luck
in coming to worlds, don’t you?

DOCTOR WHAT
Hey, we were here first!

WARD
You’ve got something running toward you that I want dead.
I’ll let you and your pathetic mockery of a crew leave without
being harmed, if you ignore that ship and leave. .

DOCTOR WHAT
I think I’ve seen enough assholes who think they can go about
killing a lot of people for their own fucked up reasons.

WARD
Well, you’ll be interested to know
that the little lady you’re protecting is-

DOCTOR WHAT
You know what? I don’t’ give a damn.
Like I’d believe anything spewed from your mouth, Ward.
I’m not that stupid.

WARD
You’re be making a big mistake, boy.

DOCTOR WHAT
The mistake is letting you continually
getting away when we run into one another.
It’s time that this ended.

WARD
I’ll make sure to send your remains home when
I’m finished killing you and that damned bitch.

DOCTOR WHAT
I’ll make sure to piss on yours, when this is all done.

WARD cuts communications.

WEAPON M
That could have turned out better.

DOCTOR WHAT
When he gets in range. Fire everything we’ve got.
It’s time we got rid of this asshat and all the
damned trouble and destruction he’s causes.

GBW
What about the other ship?

DOCTOR WHAT
Put us in front of it and the Cf.net, when th-

GBW
CF.net’s firing!

EXT. –SPACE – NIGHT

The main cannon of the Cf.net fires. With a direct hit tears a hole completely through the PONTER, the Neanderthal ship is wracked with explosions.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
Holy crap.

DOCTOR WHAT
G.Bone get as many people as you can out of there.

GBW
The CF.net’s coming at us.

DOCTOR WHAT
Evasive maneuvers.
G.Bone you’d best hurry.

The ship shakes as it’s struck.

GBW
We’ve got damaged, direct hit to our starboard thrusters.
We need shields!

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn it.
Shields up!
Move into a defens-

The PONtER suddenly detonates on the viewscreen. The massive ship vanishes into a flash of brilliant light and is reduced to debris.

WEAPON M
Holy shit.

DOCTOR WHAT
Fire everything at the CF.net!
Fire!

WEAPON M
Got it.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The AH.com, although slightly crippled, moves and fires upon the CF.net. they both begin maneuvering and attacking one another.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
We’re taking a pounding.

WARD
This is our chance. We killed one
piece of crap, time to kill another.

GRIMM REAPER
Two on one day, that’ll leave tomorrow boring.

WARD
We’ll find someone else to become our most hated enemy.

GRIMM REAPER
Ooo, I have a list in my quar-

The ship suddenly shakes badly, the lights flicker.

WARD
Gedca, what the hell is going on?

GEDCA (on comm)
Sir. We’re taking damage.
The first battle with the Neanderthals did not do anything to
help us repair, now this… We’re getting some odd reading
from the engine. Better end this battle quick or else we’ll
be be facing some problems.

GRIMM REAPER
(sardonic)
You heard the grease monkey,
best we end this fight quick, sir.

WARD
Well, if he says so…

There’s another shudder and things begin to rattle.

GRIMM REAPER
I think we really need to end this fight…

WARD
Understood.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The CF.net is spiraling and dodging the blasts from the AH.com. It’s moving, but the AH.com keeps coming after it.

The shields flare and flash.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER
We’ve just lost shields.
Main power is fluctuating.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY
‘
GEDCA, FEDERATON X, and FORTYSEVEN are racing around Engineering, sparks shower, smoke fills the room, they pound at non functioning computer consoles.

FORTYSEVEN
We’re red lining it in the reactor,
Heat vent isn’t working a damn.

FEDERATION X
Emergency overrides aren’t working.

GEDCA
Damn it, we just tore up the emergency overrides.

FEDERATION X
Well, that was a damn brilliant idea.

GEDCA
Time to go manual. The damn reactor’s gonna spew
radiation in a few moments, if we don’t get those vents open.

FEDERATION X
It’s always going critical, those damn engines.

FORTYSEVEN
Must be cuz we’re always in fights.

GEDCA
There’s an observation.
(a moment’s thinking)
Alright, Fed and I are gonna hit the manuals, Forty,
stay back here and when it’s green, open up the vents.

FORTYSEVEN
Why do I always have to do the crappy button hitting thing?

GEDCA
Because your engineering skills are on par with Fed’s fighting skills.
Now shut up and get ready to hit that button.

More sparks and smoke fill the engine room.

FEDERATION X
Best we get moving.

GEDCA
I think you’re right.

The two head into the engineering room, FORTYSEVEN wrings his hands and glances at the computer console.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Viewscreen shot: the Cf.net is dodging and weaving, the particle fire from the AH.com missing.

WEAPON M
Damn, they’re quick.

A lance of light strikes the CF.net, we can visibly see hull tear off.

WEAPON M
But not quick enough.

DOCTOR WHAT
I think we might actually be winning this.

WEAPON M
That’s something new.

DOCTOR WHAT
Pour it on, don’t let them escape.
We destroy them completely, now.
No more Mr. Something Fucks Up And They Escape.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

A fire rages in a shattered console.

GRIMM REAPER uses a fire extinguisher upon it.

MERRYPRANKSTER
We can’t take much more of this, sir.

WARD
Then get this damn ship moving.
(a pause and clenching of fists)
Get a damn vortex open, get us the hell out of here.

SCARECROW
Sir, the shift engines were taken offline,
Gedca said they had to fix the heat vents.

WARD (into comm)
Gedca, get those damn shift engines back on line!
Now!
(silence)
Gedca?

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY

GEDCA ducks as a piece of metal goes flying by his head. Behind him FEDERATION X hits the floor.

FEDERATION X
Damn it, I wish I were incompetent like Forty.

GEDCA
Yeah, me too.
Its just over there.

FEDERATION X
On three?

GEDCA
Yeah.
One.
Two.
Three!

The two run toward a set of mechanical valves and grab them.

FEDERATION X
Ah, shit!
They’re hot!!

GEDCA pulls off his shirt and wraps them around his hands and begins pulling. FEDERATION X follows suit. The cloth begins to smoke, but they slowly yank down one valve, only three more to go.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

Lances of particle fire are traded with both ships, but the AH.com’s shields protect it from the worst of the damage. The CF.net’s hull is riddled with holes and damage, but the ship still keeps going, dodging a large a majority of the fire.

A lance of fire strikes the engineering section of the ship.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY

GEDCA and FEDERATION X pull down the third lever. The pause for a moment, rewrap their hands and begin pulling on the last.

There is an explosion, a wave of debris and fire shower the two. GEDCA ducks. He gets to his feet again, looking around. Fire is beginning to rage, he coughs as smoke fills the room.

GEDCA
Fed you there?

No answer.

GEDCA
Federation X?

He steps forward and sees FEDERATION X half buried by falling debris.

GEDCA
(shaking head)
Ah, damn. Damn.
Damn.
(begins coughing)
The vent.

He staggers back to the levers and begins pulling down on the last one.

Smoke fills the room.

GEDCA begins coughing raggedly.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The CF.net is still chased by the AH.com. We see a visible exhaust of something.

The two ships still maneuver and fight.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SCARECROW
Shift engines back online!

WARD
Get us the hell out of here!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A vortex opens, swirly colors and the CF.net ship plunges into it.

Before the AH.com can get there, the vortex closes.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY

FORTYSEVEN stands in the engineering room fidgeting. Fire rages in the engine room, he grabs a extinguisher and rushes in.

FORTYSEVEN
Damn it, where’s Gedca?

There is a suddenly explosion and fire engulfs the engineering room.

Fade out:

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
They got away.

DOCTOR WHAT
(sighing)
They’ll be back. They always do.

WEAPON M
We’ll we managed two fights in one day, without much loss.
That I think is a record.

DOCTOR WHAT
We still loss more than we should have.

WEAPON M
I’m sorry about Anna, she was nice.

DOCTOR WHAT
(shakes head)
He’ll pay for this.
I’ll make sure he does.

WEAPON M
Who?
Ward?

At that moment G.BONE enters the control room.

G.BONE
Sorry, Doc, but they were the only ones I could get off.

DOCTOR WHAT looks up and sees ATTA and ADIKOR.

ATTA rushes to him.

ATTA
Twice you have risked your life to save mine.
(a beat)
Not only my life, but the life of OUR child.

DOCTOR WHAT
(shocked)
What?

WEAPON M
Dude. With a Neanderthal?

END ACT II

TAG

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, and MERRYPRANKSTER survey the damage to the ship. MIDGARD, DARKSLAVIK, and BULGARKOTONOS are beginning the process of cleaning up.

WARD
Any survivors?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Fortyseven’s the only one who made it through.
Minor burns, a slight concussion, but he’ll be fine.

GRIMM REAPER
The others?

MERRYPRANKSTER
They were lost. The fire and the debris.

GRIMM REAPER
We’ll need to find replacements.

WARD
Damnation. It was hard enough finding
a good engineer in the first place.

GRIMM REAPER
We did it before, sir.
We’ll do it again.

WARD
(clenching fist)
And we’ll get the AH.commers for this…

MERRYPRANKSTER
Yes, with a broken ship.

GRIMM REAPER
Is that a mutiny I hear you plotting.

MERRYPRANKSTER
No, It’s suicide to think that we can go after the AH.com
in the state we’re in. We’ve suffered major damage
to our ship and that can’t be fixed overnight.

GRIMM REAPER
It sounds like insubordination to me.
It sounds like you don’t have faith in the
ability of the Captain to kick the AH.com’s arse.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(glaring)
It’s not insubordination.
It’s-

WARD
Shut up the two of you.
Merry is correct in that we can’t take the AH.com on,
in the state we’re in. And the only engineer we have
left happens to be unconscious. Unless we fix up our
ship, we’re shit out of luck in doing a damned thing.

There is silence.

Suddenly there is a sound, the sound of footsteps.

Pan to a figure walking through the mass of scattered debris and shattered machinery.

VOICE
I think I can help you in that respect.

The figure steps into the light.

It is KILNGRIL.

KILNGIRL grins.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Uncategorized / Tags: , ,

Homecoming

Psychomeltdown / January 31, 2010 / One comment

TEASER


EXT. – SPACE – DAY

We open up in a starry blackness, camera pans and shows a silhouette of what looks like to be a giant ring.

Pull in on the Ring and we see shapes moving about it, ships.

EXT. – SPACE – PORTAL RING – CONTINUING

We see figures walking upon the surface of the ring, space suited figures. They move toward a jagged part, blackened, twisted metal greet them.

Pull in.

KILNGIRL
Will you look at this?
And after all my hard work.

Another figure moves in the shot. A figure with a weapon.

DAKLAR
They did try to destroy the ring,
after they escaped into the portal.

KILNGIRL
It’s just rude. You don’t go about destroying other people’s
hard work.. well, at least you don’t when that person’s me.
Otherwise destroying other people’s hard work is pretty fun.
But this does not happen to me!

DAKLAR
Well, the Mistress of the Worlds
had your station destroyed.

KILNGIRL
(sighing)
Oh, thanks for bringing that up!

DAKLAR
Sorry.
(a pause)
Will it be able to be fixed?

KILNGIRL
You think I have a choice?

DAKLAR
(sadly)
No.

KILNGIRL
(forced happy voice)
It’s no problem.
I can fix it in a jiffy, just let me get my toolbox.

DAKLAR
There is no need for sarcasm.

KILNGIRL
Oh, but there is.

DAKLAR
I’m sure you can fix it, in a jiffy, as you said.

KILNGIRL
Oh, I’m sure I can fix it.
The thing I’m angry about is…
I’m not getting paid for this.

DAKLAR
Well, you are a captive. Forced to work on a giant portal
to allow an invasion fleet access to another universe.

KILNGIRL
You really know how to make
a girl feel better, y’know.

DAKLAR
i.. I was never good around women,
human or Neanderthal.

KILNGIRL
(mock shock)
Really? You? Why I’d never have guessed!
(sighs)
Did you bring my toolbox?

DAKLAR
Toolbox?
I thought you were joking about that…

KILNGIRL
(sighing)
Why would I be?

DAKLAR
I don’t know, you’re sense of humor is strange.

KILNGIRL
So that means I’d be joking about a toolbox?
When my life is on the line if I can’t fix this thing?

DAKLAR
I’ll go and get it.

KILNGIRL
You do that, I’ll just stand here, taking in the sights and
pondering how much I value my life.

DAKLAR
Right…

Heads to get toolbox. KILNGIRL watches him.

KILNGIRL
I’ll stand here and also think about how to escape
the clutches of your obviously unstable master or
mistress or whatever that undelightful woman
is called this hour.

FADE TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

COUNTERFACTUAL


“HOMECOMING”


Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN


ACT I


INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WARD is sitting in his command chair, his eyes are fixed on the screen.

FAEELIN
Sir, we’re getting incoming comm
signals from the approaching ships.

WARD is silent.

FAEELIN
They’re telling us to stop and prepared to be boarded.

WARD shakes his head and looks at FAEELIN.

WARD
No one gets on my ship unless they have my permission.
(stands up)
Put whoever is in charge of this ‘fleet’ on screen now.

A face appears upon the screen. There’s a moment of silence as the two captains look at one another, a look of recognition crosses their faces.

WARD
Captain Reynolds, good to
see you after all these years.

REYNOLDS
It’s Admiral now.
( a long pause)
Everyone thought you were dead.

WARD
People keep underestimating what would kill me.
I’m too damned stubborn to die.

REYNOLDS
(laughs)
It’s been a long time, sir.
(a pause)
We still gotta check you out, to make sure
that you are in fact this universes’ Ward.

WARD
(nods)
I never did run into an alternate of myself.
But get one of your medic’s ready and he can do the tests.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – MED BAY –DAY

A MEDIC glances at a screen.

MEDIC
From what I can tell, he’s this universes’ Admiral Ward.

REYNOLDS
(obviously relieved)
The Military Assembly will wanna see you, sir.
There’s gonna be a lot of questions they’ll want answered.

WARD
(nods)
I know.
I’m sending my first officer, along
with my logs to meet with the Assembly.

REYNOLDS
I’m thinking they’ll want to see you, in person, sir.

WARD
This is my first time back home in over eight years
and its not likely that I’ll want to spend those first hours
with a group of ugly sons of bitches. Hear me?

REYNOLDS
Where will you go, sir?

WARD
(glances toward a porthole)
There’s someone I have to see.

INT. – CF. NET. – SHUTTLE POD BAY – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, and MERRYPRANKSTER are in the Shuttle Pod Bay.

WARD
Alright, Merry you will be in charge
of the ship while I’m gone.

GRIMM REAPER
Merry?
You want o leave him in charge of the ship?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I can handle it, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
Yes, handle it right into a mutiny.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I can assur-

GRIMM REAPER
And then get the ship destroyed in the process.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I would never-

WARD
Shut up. Both of you.
Merry will be in charge of the ship.
Grimm you will take the logs of the Assembly and
you will answer any questions they have.

GRIMM REAPER
But I don’t wanna go see some stuffy old people.

WARD
This is final.
(to Merry)
Do not let anyone off the ship.
Hear?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Yes, sir.

WARD and GRIMM REAPER enter the shuttle pod. They buckle in and GRIMM REAPER gets the shuttle going.

WARD
Take me home, Grimm…

INT. – CF.NET – MESS HALL- DAY

MIDGARD, SCARECROW, DOMINUSNOVUS and FORTYSEVEN are in the Mess Hall.

DOMINUSNOVUS
This is boring.
We’re at a planet.
We should be pillaging and thieving.
And getting laid by the willing
and terrified womenfolk.

FORTYSEVEN
Ward said no one off the ship.

SCARECROW
Plus why do we need to go down planet?
It’s not like it has anything we really need.
I mean, what would we do down planet
that can’t be done up here?

DOMINUSNOVUS
Have sex.

SCARECROW
Sure you can. If you’re willing to settle
for something not female.. or human..

Everyone moves away from SCARECROW.

MIDGARD
I will tell you this.
I’m bored.
I need a drink.

MIDGARD gets up and walks to the fridge, he opens it and stares for a long time.

MIDGARD
Who drank my vodka?

SCARECROW
We had a celebration the other night.

MIDGARD
There were nine cases.

SCARECROW
It was a big celebration.

DOMINUSNOVUS
What was the celebration?

SCARECROW
Fortyseven hit on a girl.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Well, that’s a definite sign of the apocalypse.

FORTYSEVEN
She had to leave.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Probably a lesbian anyway.
I always seem to run into those.

Everyone glances at him.

DOMINUSNOVUS
What?

MIDGARD
We have a problem here, gentlemen.

SCARECROW
Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back.

FORTYSEVEN
You still haven’t paid me back!

SCARECROW
That was a quarter I borrowed.

MIDGARD
We need vodka.
And we need it fast.

FORTYSEVEN
And how are we supposed to do that?
Huh?

Everyone looks at FORTYSEVEN

FORTYSEVEN
What?

INT. – CF.NET – TELEPORTATION TUBE ROOM – DAY

MIDGARD, SCARECROW, FORTYSEVEN, DOMINUSNOVUS, and ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS are standing in the teleportation tube room. MIDGARD looks pissed.

MIDGARD
Don’t you have anyone else to bother?

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
No.

SCARECROW
Anyone else to hang out with?

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
No.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Man, get a girl.

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
I can get a girl if I want to. But I don’t
want one now, because I just had sex.

DOMINUSNOVUS
With what?
There’s no females on board.

Everyone shifts away from ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS.

FORTYSEVEN
You know Ward won’t be happy.

MIDGARD
It’s just for some vodka, we’ll be back quickly.

FORTYSEVEN
I’ll just say you threatened my life if I didn’t let you go.

MIDGARD
Fine. Fine.

FORTYSEVEN
Buy me some gum, would you?
You owe me a quarter, Scarecrow.

SCARECROW
Just shut up and hit your buttons.

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
You know my bio chemist-

There’s a pop and the four vanish.

EXT. – OUTSIDE A LARGE FARMHOUSE – SHUTTLE – DAY

WARD exits the shuttle pod looking around.

GRIMM REAPER
Join you, sir?

WARD
No, Grimm.
You need to get to the Assembly.

GRIMM REAPER
Right sir.
Uh.. good luck?

A woman steps out on the porch, watching them.

WARD
I think I might need it.

GRIMM REAPER
(nods)
Call if you need anything.

WARD nods and the shuttle takes off, leaving WARD behind.

EXT. – MILITARY BASE – LANDING AREA – DAY

GRIMM’s shuttle lands on a pad.

INT. – UNITY MILITARY ASSEMBLY – DAY

GRIMM REAPER sits in a waiting room, looking bored.

A WOMAN walks in.

WOMAN
(a bit taken back by Grimm’s clothing)
Uh, we can take the logs now, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
I am supposed to give it to the Military Assembly.

WOMAN
Unfortunately the Assembly is not convened yet.
We can take the logs and we’ll call you back when they get here.

GRIMM REAPER hands the logs over to the WOMAN and looks around.

GRIMM REAPER
Now, what am I supposed to do?

INT. – WARD’S HOUSE – DAY

MONTAGE

See WARD and his family together.

See them talking.

Laughing.

Hugging.

Children, grandchildren flocking about.

WARD looks happy.

Everyone is happy.

EXT. – STREET – DAY

GRIMM REAPER is walking down a street, humming to himself. He pauses and looks about, catching people quickly looking away from him. We see that he stands out in the crowd of normally dressed people.

Some point and gawk at his outlandish clothing.

GRIMM REAPER pulls his cloak around him and continues walking down the street.

He passes a group of kids.

LOUDMOUTH KID
Hey, Freakshow!
Nice dress.
(group giggles)

GRIMM REAPER stops and glares at them.

FX THINGY/FLASHBACK

WARD
I don’t want any trouble on the planet, y’hear?

GRIMM REAPER
Err.. just trouble, sir?

WARD
And none of those things you call ‘fun’ too!

GRIMM REAPER
(pouts)
Awwww….

END FLASHBACK

Focus on GRIMM REAPER, head cocked and still lost in his flashback.

There’s a woman screaming.

Pull back and we see GRIMM REAPER holding LOUDMOUTH KID by the shirt collar, LOUDMOUTH KID is barely conscious and bleeding from a broken nose and busted lip.

Pull back more and we see the group with LOUDMOUTH KID are lying upon the ground, in various states of consciousness and pain.

GRIMM REAPER lets go of LOUDMOUTH KID and sighs.

GRIMM REAPER
I claim self-defense.
(hurries off)
(pauses)
Oh, a candy store…

INT. – SEEDY BAR – DAY

MIDGARD, DOMINOUSNOVUS, ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS, and SCARECROW enter a seedy looking bar. There’s a juke box in the corner blaring 80’s rock, and a long bar filled with men and women in various states of drunkenness.

MIDGARD
(bobbing head)
Nice music.

DOMINUSNOVUS
If you’re into the crappy 80’s rock.

MIDGARD
Good thing I am, no?
(cracks knuckles)

DOMINUSNOVUS
Err… Hey look a decent looking chick.
(hurries off)

SCARECROW
So, what kind of beer do you Yanks serve?

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
Pfft. Beer.
I only drink straight vodka, from the bottle, and
occasionally with a little umbrella in it…even
though it does nothing for me. My biochemistry
makes it so that I don’t get drunk the way normal people do.

SCARECROW rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

SCARECROW
(muttering)
Not this shit again…

MIDGARD
You mean the piss water you call vodka?
A damned newborn couldn’t get drunk off that.
What you need is some good Russian Vodka.

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
Alcohol does nothing for me.
My biochem-

MIDGARD
Fuck your biochemistry.
(grabs ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS)
Hey, fat guy serving the booze!

They head into the bar.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY

MERRYPRANKSTER is walking down a catwalk, watching as GEDCA, FORTYSEVEN, and FEDERATION X are huddled around a device.

MERRYPRANKSTER climbs down a short ladder, walking up the trio.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Aren’t you guys supposed to be at work?

The three look startled for a moment.

FEDERATION X
We are at work, can’t you see?

FORTYSEVEN
Yeah, we’re working, open your eyes.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(demanding)
What are you doing?

GEDCA
Best keep a moving, sir.
Kinda hard to dumb down something
this complicated to hired goons. Leave
the big thinking to us who can handle it.

In a sudden movement, MERRYPRANKSTER draws his sword and shoves GEDCA against the bulkhead, the sharpen blade millimeters away from GEDCA’s neck. A look of fear flashes across GEDCA’s face.

MERRYPRANKSTER
You will address me with the respect my rank deserves,
grease monkey, or we’ll see how many chunks I can carve off you.

FEDERATION X yells, charging MERRYPRANKSTER, a heavy looking wrench in his hands. MERRYPRANKSTER, nimbly dodges out of the way and as FEDERATION X goes flying by, smashes him in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him unconscious.

FORTYSEVEN launches himself at MERRYPRANKSTER, a heavy pipe in hand. MERRYPRANKSTER slaps away FORTYSEVEN’s weapon away with his sword and slams his foot into his stomach. FORTYSEVEN crumples to the floor, raggedly coughing and gagging.

The sword goes up against GEDCA’s neck again. This time MERRYPRANKSTER nicks him with it, a small bead of blood forms.

GEDCA
AHHHH!

MERRYPRANKSTER
Next time, I’ll sever the artery.
(sheaths sword)
I seriously hope there’s never a next time.

GEDCA nods dazedly.

MERRYPRANKSTER walks off.

INT. – CANDY STORE – DAY

People give GRIMM REAPER a wide berth as he wanders about the Candy Store, looking at all the sweets and yummies in jars and colorful wrappers. In his arms he precariously carries a large burden of sugary goodness.

He stops by a large display case and picks up a box, reading it slowly.

GRIMM REAPER
Chocolate Enema: for that all day pep.
(shocked)
That’s disgusting!
(looks around)
Very disgusting…
(packs a few boxes on his already large pile)

He wanders over to a large glass case of candy, peering into it.

CANDYMAN
(cheerfully)
Can I help you, sir?

GRIMM REAPER
I want that one.
(points)

CANDYMAN
Ah, you have a good eye.
The Sugary Lick Stick.
A favorite of Children of all Ages.

GRIMM REAPER
Did you just call me a child?

CANDYMAN
Uh.. no?

GRIMM REAPER
Good…
Now, gimmie candy.

CANDYMAN
Sorry, sir. It seems we’ve run out.

GRIMM REAPER
Run out?

CANDYMAN
Like I said, the Sugary Lick stick is a popular item.
Sometimes…

GRIMM REAPER
(coldly)
I said I want it.

CANDYMAN
Sir, we don’t have any more.
Maybe tomorrow.

GRIMM REAPER
(deadly)
I want it now.

CANDYMAN
I’m sorry, but I just sold the last one to that kid over there.
You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

GRIMM REAPER
What kid?

CANDYMAN
(points)
That kid over there.

Pan to a big eyed, tow headed kid looking at the Sugary Lick Stick with awe. He slowly unwraps it.

GRIMM REAPER sets down his load on the counter.

GRIMM REAPER
Sorry, Ward, but some things just can’t be helped.

From beneath his robes, GRIMM REAPER, pulls out a deadly looking scythe.

GRIMM REAPER
(bellowing)
Kid! Gimmie that Lick Stick!

END ACT I


ACT II



EXT. – CANDY STORE – DAY

There’s screaming and a horde of people burst out of the Candy Store.

GRIMM REAPER walks out of the Candy Store a moment later, happily licking the Lick Stick and a large bag of candy over his shoulder.

In the background we can hear the wail of sirens.

Fade to Black.

INT. – SEEDY BAR – DAY

A shot glass slams down.

Pull back and we see MIDGARD grinning a crazed grin.

MIDGARD
Another!

Pan to ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS who looks both sick and woozy.

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
No.. more…

MIDGARD
Another!

SCARECROW sits leaning back in his chair, sipping a beer.

SCARECROW
Never seen a guy get drunk off the fumes only.
(sips beer)

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
I am not drunk.
Alcohol does not get me drunk!
My biochem-
(begins puking)

SCARECROW
Hey, do that away from my shoes.

MIDGARD
Another!
Where the hell is that damned waitress?

Pan to a corner where DOMINUSNOVUS is grinning and talking with a pretty young woman. She looks both scared and sickened.

DOMINUSNOVUS
(very drunk)
You think I’m handsome, don’t you?
All the girls think I’m handsome.
I bet you just wanna tear off my clothes
right here, right now. Right?

WAITRESS
Please, just let me get back to my job.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Oh, I got a job for you.
(grins)

Pan back to the table with MIDGARD, ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS, and SCARECROW.

SCARECROW
(watching the Waitress)
A week’s supply of booze says Dominus strikes out.

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
Alcohol.. does… not… effect me…
(passes out)

MIDGARD
Damn it, I’ll just get the booze myself.
(staggers to feet)
Booze!

PATRON
Hey, shut up, asshat!

MIDGARD
What?

PATRON
I. Said. Shut. Up.
You deaf as well as loud?

SCARECROW
(to himself)
That doesn’t make much sense.
(sips beer)

MIDGARD
You die now!
(charges Patron)

Immediately the bar becomes chaotic scene of fighting, screaming, and yelling. DOMINUSNOVUS grabs a cue stick and begins attacking a guy, MIDGARD begins swinging a bar stool, knocking down several others, SCARECROW smashes the bottom of his beer bottle on the table and attacks a man with the jagged remainder, a group of men begin beating up the already unconscious ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS.

Fade out.

INT. – WARD’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING

The family is gathered around the a large table, WARD sitting at the head. He is smiling slightly.

MRS. WARD
It’s been a long time since there has been a family dinner.

Everyone at the table agrees.

WARD
It’s good to be home.
There is so much that-

Suddenly there’s a droning noise that fills the air.

WARD gets up from his seat, heading toward window.

A shot out of the window shows several large looking vessels heading toward the Ward House, spotlights flashing beneath them.

MRS. WARD
What’s going on?

WARD
I don’t know.

WARD walks to a closet and pulls out a plasma rifle, he is watched by his family.

KID
Dad, those are Unity ships.

WARD looks down at the plasma rifle in his hands and softly shakes his head, setting it back into the closet.

MRS. WARD
What do they want?

WARD
(looking at his family)
I’ll take care of this.

He walks to the front door.

EXT. – WARD HOUSE – YARD – NIGHT

Two large transports are in the air, circling the house, and two more are on the ground, a squad of troops clamor out from one and two men from another. They all wear the Unity military uniform.

A man walks forward.

MAN
Admiral Ward. You will come with us.

WARD
I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be dragged
away from my own house during dinner..

The squad of soldiers aim their weapons at WARD.

MAN
That was not a request.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

FAEELIN and MERRYPRANKSTER are the only ones in the Control Room.

FAEELIN
Uh, Merry?

MERRYPRANKSTER
What?

FAEELIN
What are we gonna do next?

MERRYPRANKSTER
What do you mean?

FAEELIN
Now that the Captain has found the
world he was looking for all this time…

MERRYPRANKSTER
Ah.

FAEELIN
Are we just going to stay here now?

MERRYPRANKSTER
I don’t know.

FAEELIN
Why not?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Because.

FAEELIN
Aren’t you supposed to be in charge?

MERRYPRANKSTER
But that doesn’t mean Ward fills me in with every
bit of information and plans he has for the future.

FAEELIN
Well, I don’t want to stay here.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Yeah? And what do you want me to do about it?

FAEELIN
Well… you’re in charge now…
I guess you can keep staying in charge.

There’s a heavy silence in the Control Room. MERRYPRANKSTER glances at FAEELIN.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Get back to work.

INT. – JAIL HOUSE – BOOKING – NIGHT

Doors burst open and MIDGARD, SCARECROW, DOMINUSNOVUS, and ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS are shoved through, a horde of police officers pushing and shoving them in.

SCARECROW
I didn’t do nothing!
I didn’t do nothing!

MIDGARD
Get off me!
Get your hands off me!

DOMINUSNOVUS
I’m too pretty to be taken to prison!
Do you know what they’ll do to me?!

ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS
Ow. They hurt me.
They hurt me so much.

OFFICER
(talking to another officer)
Jesus, haven’t seen anything like that.
I mean these guys tore apart that bar.

OFFICER 2
The Aussie kid nearly gutted me
with that bottle he was waving about.

OFFICER
Well, it’s gonna be a long night.

INT. – JAIL CELL – NIGHT

There’s weeping. Sobbing.

Pull in on a figure sitting upon the bottom bed of a bunk, It’s GRIMM REAPER.

GRIMM REAPER
Now, now, I did say I didn’t wanna talk.

The sobbing grows louder.

Pan to a large figure curled up in the corner.

SOBBING GUY
Please, I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again.

GRIMM REAPER
(grinning)
See, this was just a learning experience.

INT. – MILITARY ASSEMBLY – COUNCIL ROOM – NIGHT

A group of five men and two women sit in at a crescent shaped table. They all have the same grave and pale expression.

HEAD COUNCILOR
We have gone over you logs.
(long pause)
We need for you to explain it.

WARD
What is there to explain.
It’s all in the logs.

HEAD COUNCILOR
You know this is unacceptable.
The things you’ve committed…
(looks pale)

WARD
I had to do what I had to do.

HEAD COUNCILOR
But some of these things…

WARD
You have to understand that there have been some
situations that called for an excess of violence.

HEAD COUNCILOR
Genocide. Murder. Destruction of ships,
property, attacking advanced civilizations.
Do you know how much danger
you’ve put our world in?

WARD
I had to do what I had to do.
Survival was the main thing.
And to survive we needed higher tech, better weapons,
better supplies than the next guy who was looking to
attack us. Sometimes there were worlds that had what
we needed, there were people who didn’t want to give
us what we needed. So we took them.
We got what we needed. We survived.

WOMAN
You sir are a monster.

WARD
I will have to agree with you on that part.
I have done some terrible things, but I do not have to apologize or regret
those decisions. I did what was needed when it was needed. I killed people,
I destroyed worlds, I raided, pillaged, sold weapons, stole weapons, pirated,
you name it and I did it. The multiverse is not a pretty happy go lucky place.
It is a place filled with people who want power, who got power, and those
who want to do what they want to whoever they want. Our fist encounter
with a culture from another universe was that of a conquering empire of
cavemen. A power that is still out there. That at this moment is repairing the
damage we caused to their fleet and their portal. You want to discuss that or
the other small details of what I have done in the last eight years since my
ship got was left to fend for itself, with nearly all it’s crew dead or do you
want to talk about the fact that at this moment there is a fleet of hundreds
of ships ready and willing to cross over to our universe and finish the job
they began over a decade ago?

HEAD COUNCILOR
You are an officer in the Unity.
You full know well what that stands for,
what ideals you are supposed to aspire to.

WARD
The Unity was formed by the fear and terror of the Invaders.
It was cobbled together out of desperation and a need to survive.
I know full well the ideals that a Unity officer aspires to, for the last eight years
I have lived them. I have been attacked, I have had crew killed and murdered by
powers stronger then me, I have been nearly killed, my ship nearly destroyed, I
have gone up against things and people far stronger than I. And I have defeated
them. I have grown stronger than they, I have fought scores upon scores of ships,
people, and worlds and I have not been defeated by them. While you and yours
have grown fat and soft on this world, made peaceful and happy by the first victory
over the Invaders, I have been under continuous attack by people from hundreds of
universes. Be it me attacking them or them attacking me. So you can judge me by
the morals of people who have forgotten what war is about and who look on down
from a pedestal of high ideals and dreams, because I do not give a damn about what
you think. I did what I needed to do.

A long silence falls.

WARD (cont.)
You can quote me laws and articles, you can say what I did was wrong,
immoral, against humanity and all that. But I will tell you this. I do not
care. Its been years since I stopped caring about nonsense as those.

HEAD COUNCILOR
You know the laws, even if you do not care about them.
You have done a lot for the Unity, your past service
is not forgotten, but how can we just drop this? How
can we overlook all the things you have done since?

WARD
I have come home.
I have my family I have not seen in eight years.
Just leave me and mine alone and
we can all live happily ever after.

HEAD COUNCILOR
The people still adore you, Admiral. They still remember what
you did for them. If this comes to light, there’s a good chance they
might forgive you and let you be. But that does not cover what
your crew has done? We’ve got four of them in jail right now.
They tore up a bar pretty badly.

WARD
They like to rough house.

COUNCILOR
This was not ‘rough housing’.
This was dismantling a bar and it’s patrons.

WARD
They are not of this universe.
They do not factor into this.

HEAD COUNCILOR
I would agree with you on that, but it seems that in the
past several hours they have committed some of their
exploits here in Unity soil. Then there is the matter of
you first officer, Grimm Reaper.

WARD
What did he do?

HEAD COUNCILOR
He tore up a candy store.

WARD
(laughs)
He does have a sweet tooth.

HEAD COUNCILOR
This is not a laughing matter.
In less than five hours on the surface, your crew has already
committed murder, attempted murder, assault, and arson. And
your first officer is a Unity citizen, subject to Unity laws. Not
even your fame can protect him from the legal repercussions
he will have to face.

WARD
(looking grim)
I would suggest you let him go.

HEAD COUNCILOR
Fortunately we do not have that power.
There are plenty of witnesses, there is video of him doing what he did.
People like him should not be allowed amongst the peaceful populace.

WARD
He is an officer who has served me well for over a decade.

HEAD COUNCILOR
Then it would be best that he learn restraint. But according
to your logs, it is this unrestraint nature in him you have
cultivated. In fact all your crew share the same qualities,
violent, psychotic, and deadly.

WARD
I would suggest that you let him go.

HEAD COUNCILOR
We cannot.

WARD
Then this is a decision you will regret.

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

FAEELIN looks at a monitor.

FAEELIN
Uh, sir? Check this out.

MERRYPRANKSTER looks at the monitor.

MERRYPRANKSTER
That what I think it is?

FAEELIN
Yes sir.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Get Ward on the line.
The Neanderthals are coming.

INT. – MILITARY ASSEMBLY – COUNCIL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD sighs and puts away his communicator.

WARD
Unfortunately it looks like we’re gonna have to cut this short.
Our greatest fear just dropped by for a bit of a war.

HEAD COUNCILOR
What?

WARD instead of answering, just vanishes.

The Councilors are confused.

INT.- CELL – NIGHT

GRIMM REAPER vanishes from the bed he’s sleeping on.

The large figure begins sobbing again, this time in relief.

INT.- CELL – NIGHT

MIDGARD, SCARECROW, DOMINUSNOVUS, and ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS vanish from their various cells. The guards look about in confusion.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD enters the Control Room, followed by GRIMM REAPER.

WARD
What’s the situation?

MERRYPRANKSTER
We’ve just got contact on the ships, looks like a lot of
them. Numbering about.. 225 ships and more coming.

WARD
Get Reynolds on the horn.
Tell him to get his fleet up and running, it’s time to show
these bastards what there’s to fear in the multiverse.

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, good. I was getting kinda bored in
this whole peaceful existence thing.

WARD
How was prison?

GRIMM REAPER
I don’t get why people complain about it.
Sure the food is crappy, but it’s pretty fun.
(grins)

FAEELIN
We’re getting confirmation from
Admiral Reynolds and the Unity Fleet.

WARD
Tell ‘em to form up on our ass and get ready for a hell of a fight.
Thrusters, full ahead. Arm all weapons, shields up.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – BRIDGE – NIGHT

ATTA sits upon a command chair, looking at the screen. The CF.net is centered in the middle of it.

ATTA
Arm the main cannon. We’ll see what it can do.

ADIKOR
Armed.

ATTA
Fire.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

A lance of red light flashes from the PONTER and hits the CF.net. the CF’s shields flare and it suddenly goes dark and goes adrift.

END ACT II


TAG



INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – KILNGIRLS’ QUARTERS – NIGHT

DAKLAR shoves KILNGIRL into her quarters.

KILNGIRL
What the high mucky muck don’t
want my technical expertise anymore?

DAKLAR
Not that, just she wants you
away from the engine room
when it’s battle time.
Doesn’t trust you.

KILNGIRL
I feel shocked by that.
But she’s not wrong.

DAKLAR
(laughs)
Best not let anyone hear you say that.

KILNGIRL
There’s something I value about as much as my life.
That’s my freedom.

DAKLAR
What?

KILNGIRL pulls out a gun.

DAKLAR
Where did you-

BANG!

KILNGIRL
I also don’t like it when people don’t pay me for the work I do.
That big cannon y’all are firing is my work. So unless I get some
money for it, I’m just gonna have to take it away…

KILNGIRL shoves her gun into her pocket, pulls on a complicated looking toolbelt, and begins whistling as she walks out the door.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

Category: Series / Tags: , , ,

The First Strike

Psychomeltdown / January 24, 2010 / No comments

TEASER


EXT. – SPACE – DAY

Open up in deep space, white stars glitter.

Camera pans around, showing a wide shot of what appears to be a solar system, but everything is enveloped in a haze of dust.

Pull in, we see a ship moving.

Camera pans and in the distance we see a huge space station.

EXT. – SPACE – SPACE STATION DOCK – DAY

We see clamps extend and attach to the ship.

INT. – SPACE STATION – CORRIDOR – DAY

Ten armed men walk down the corridor. Three in the front, two carrying a figure between then, three weapons are pointed at the carried figure, and two bringing up the rear.

They pass men, women, and children, who all have a slightly dirty, threadbare appearance. The people watch with slight interest, but then return to whatever errands they were doing.

The group enters a lift. The lift doors close.

EXT. – SPACE STATION – COMMAND CENTER– DAY

We see a KID pushing through men and women, all dressed in civilian clothing, but manning computer consoles and talking into comm units. They all look concentrated and busy.

The KID pushes into a group of men and women, who are standing around a table with what appears to be a map of the solar system. It shows no planets, only the sun and what appears to be several rings of asteroid belts and a haze marked “DUST” everywhere.

The KID walks up to a MAN who’s talking animatedly with another woman. The KID tugs on his sleeve and the MAN looks down.

KID
(whispering)
They’re back.

The MAN nods, excuses himself from the woman, and follows the KID out of the Command Center.

INT. – SPACE STATION – ROOM – DAY

The MAN enters a room, the ten armed men are there, the figure tied up in a chair in the center of the room. A black bag over it’s head.

HEAD SOLIDER
Hey, Norbert. How’s it going?
(they shake hands)

NORBERT
Hey, Paul.
(glances at tied up figure)
Been busy, it seems.

PAUL
Yeah, been busy.
A couple of miners out in Sector Seven got some
pixies on their scanners the past couple of days.
Figured we’d go in and have a look see, and
this here is what we came across.

NORBERT
Does it bite?

PAUL
You tell me, man.

PAUL signals to another man, who steps forward and pulls the black hood off the figure.

NORBERT stands a bit shocked.

NORBERT
How?

PAUL
Guy didn’t keep an eyeball on his scanners and we snuck up
on his arse. Gave a love tap to the ship, ginsued the hull, boarded,
and snatched up the bastard. Barely any resistance from the fella,
kinda a disappointment. Figured you wanted to see the prize.

NORBERT
(glances at the figure again)
We’re gonna have to call Ward.

Camera pans to the figure, we see it’s a gagged Neanderthal strapped to the chair. A red sun with a white hand upon the left best of the black suit it’s wearing gleams in the dim light of the room.

FADE TO BLACK.

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

COUNTERFACTUAL


“THE FIRST STRIKE”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN (Alex Claw)


ACT I

INT. – CF.NET – CORRIDOR – DAY

Opening scene

SCARECROW is running down the corridor.

SCARECROW
AHHHHHHH!!!!!
(runs out of the shot)

A moment late MIDGARD comes running down the corridor, a grim look on his face and a rifle clutched in his hand.

There is the sound of gunfire behind him… lots of gun fire. Camera pans down an empty corridor.

VOICE (OS)
Holy shit! It’s coming this way!
Run!
(a beat)
The other way, asshat!

Moments later we see BULGARKOTONOS round a corner, a weapon in hand. He points it down a corridor and begins spraying it with bullets.

A moment later a ragged looking MERRYPRANKSTER and FAEELIN run out of the corridor BULGARKOTONOS had just been shooting down.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(miffed)
Hey, couldn’t you have
waited until we got pass you?

BULGARKOTONOS
Sorry, sir.
Didn’t see you.
(grins)

MERRYPRANKSTER
(glaring)
Right…
(a glance back)
Does anything stop it?

FAEELIN
(panting heavily)
Aw, crap. I knew is should
have stayed in my quarters.

MIDGARD
(yelling)
Hurry up, damn it. It’s still coming!

The three glance back down the corridor and run off screen.

The camera stays put, suddenly from around the corner we see a huge Creature making it’s way down it. Snapping tentacles and slashing claws can be seen. It passes by the camera, making an evil hiss.

Pull out to:

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WARD is standing, watching the now empty corridor on the view screen.

WARD
What do you think?

Camera pans slightly to the right, we see GRIMM REAPER.

GRIMM REAPER
I’ve seen prettier things.

WARD
That’s for damn sure.
Uglier than a pig’s ass during mosquito season.

GRIMM REAPER
Couldn’t have put it better myself, sir.

WARD
Figure we should lend a hand?

GRIMM REAPER
I left my scythe in my quarters. You know
how awkward that thing is to lug around?

WARD
I tell you what. You should get a gun.

GRIMM REAPER
I figure I’ll end up shooting a toe off or
something. I need all my toes.

WARD glances at him.

GRIMM REAPER (CONT.)
You never know when I’ll need to count to twenty.
(grins)

WARD laughs.

WARD
If it comes to that, then we can probably lop one off a
crewmember. I’m sure they’ll be willing to hand one
over, if asked nicely enough.

GRIMM REAPER
Surely such a move would only turn my otherwise pristine
and well pedicure foot into a Frankensteinian abomination.
Plus there is always the fear of Athlete’s foot.

WARD
We could always find an alternate.
(suddenly stern)
Dominus!

DOMINUSNOVUS is sitting at his science station, a mirror in one hand and a comb in the other. He startles, dropping both and lunges at the console before him, punching buttons.

DOMINUSNOVUS
Yeah?

WARD pulls out his .375 from his holster and tosses it at DOMINUSNOVUS, who drops it and dives for it. After a few seconds of clattering and a slew of curses, DOMINUSNOVUS comes up with the gun.

WARD
Go kill that thing.

DOMINUSNOVUS
(gaping)
Huh?

WARD
Kill it. Then bring me back the gun.
NOW.

DOMINUDNOVUS scurries out of the Control Room. GRIMM REAPER watches as he leaves.

GRIMM REAPER
I think I might feel a bit of sadness and empathy
for the Herculean mission you’ve just given him.
Yet I don’t.

WARD
Well, I’ll tell you this.
If he can’t kill something as small as that,
then he’s got no place on my ship.

GRIMM REAPER
Spoken like a true deranged commanding officer.

WARD
Thanks, it means a lot.

GRIMM REAPER
(glancing at the viewscreen)
I wonder what stations this viewscreen can pull up?

WARD
Had to get all the pay per view channels blocked,
seems someone was running up a bill.

GRIMM REAPER
I’ve told Rommy to stop ordering all the soft core porn, especially
not when we can just raid some off an unsuspecting planet. It sullies
our name, that we should have to pay for something, when we can
easily gain it though force and mayhem.

WARD
I figure his definition of being evil is running up people’s bills.
I gave a week in the Hole and cut his pay by 90%.

GRIMM REAPER
Very good, sir.

BANG!

The two glance to the viewscreen, which is still showing the empty corridor.

BANG!

GRIMM REAPER
Do I hear the shots of a .375?

WARD
Figured the kid didn’t have the balls to actually do it…
(shrugs)
Go figure.

BANG!

DOMINUSNOVUS runs across the viewscreen, the .375 in hand and a look of pure terror on his face. He fires another shot behind him, at something.

BANG!

The Creature, moves across the screen, following DOMINUSNOVUS.

GRIMM REAPER
Five gold dollars says he gets eaten by that thing.

WARD
I don’t want to take that bet.

GRIMM REAPER
Easy money?
(grins)

WARD
Let’s just say I figure most of these kids couldn’t
find their dicks even if it were stapled to their hand.

GRIMM REAPER
Ten gold dollars?

WARD
Deal.

BANG!

DOMINUSNOVUS is backed into a corner and the Creature is coming up on him

WARD
Who should we send to
fish my gun out of that thing’s gut?

GRIMM REAPER
Merry. He seems the responsible sort.
What was that saying?
“Shit rolls down hill”

WARD
(grins)
You just don’t like him.

GRIMM REAPER
What was the give away?
Me trying to kill him on a weekly basis?

WARD
It was the training of Pumpkin to claw out his eyes.

GRIMM REAPER
Who’d have thought he’d carry catnip around in his pocket?

WARD
Resourceful.

GRIMM REAPER just glowers.

Back to the Viewscreen, The Creature rears up upon what would with a stretch of imagination be called it’s back legs, exposing an underbelly of scores of small salivating mouths filled with razor sharp teeth.

DOMINUSNOVUS stares, gaped mouth.

GRIMM REAPER
Dark Salvik out did himself this week, didn’t he?

WARD
(watching Creature)
It’s got a horrid nightmarish quality to it.

GRIMM REAPER
I want one…

DOMINUSNOVUS shakily raises the .357.

BANG!

There’s a grunt and a wheezing sound, the Creature suddenly lets out a strangled cry and collapses, a thick tentacle knocking down DOMINUSNOVUS. The Creature shivers once and lies still.

GRIMM REAPER
I think it’s dead.

WARD
Well, at least I won’t have to have my gun cleaned.
Now, pay up.

Sighing, GRIMM REAPER digs in the folds of his robes and pulls out ten thick gold coins and drops them into WARD’s hand.

VOICE (on viewscreen)
NOOOO!!!!
My baby!
NOOOO!!!

DARKSLAVIK runs into the shot and hugs the dead Creature, sobbing.

WARD
Boy’s not right in the head.

GRIMM REAPER
Figured that was why you ‘recruited’ him.

WARD
He does make pretty damned ugly things.
But I reckon it’s costing us more than we really need.

GRIMM REAPER
Seen the requisitioning orders?

WARD
The idea of having a horde of murdering, scary cannon fodder
sounded like a good idea at the time. But who’d figure this
kid would br competent in making a lot of these things.

GRIMM REAPER
It’s so hard to find good help these days.
And when you do, they’re just annoying.
(shrugs)
Figure if he gets too out of hand,
we can just toss him out an airlock.

WARD
I like the way you think, Grimm.

GRIMM REAPER
Thank you, sir.

The lift door opens and MERRPRANKSTER, FAEELIN, and SCARECROW stumble into the Control Room. They all look a little battered, FAEELIN is bleeding from a gash on the arm.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sorry about being late, sir.
We had trouble down the corridors.

WARD
I assume you did like any god officer worth his salt
would do and took charge of the situation?

MERRYPRANKSTER
Uh… No sir.
I figured it was more prudent to arrive at our duty stations on time,
than fight another one of Darkslavik’s creations that got a little out of hand.

There’s a rattle of gunfire from the viewscreen. MIDGARD is pumping bullets into the dead Creature and yelling something in Russian.

WARD
Gather those idiots down there and get that dead thing
out of my corridors. Then have another talk with Slavik
about keeping his damned lab locked and his creations
in cages. Either that or he gets to enjoy vacuum.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(nodding)
Yes, sir.

WARD
And get my gun from Dominus,
make sure it’s cleaned.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Yes, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
(to Faeelin)
You’re bleeding on my deck.

FAEELIN
Sorry, sir.
I’ll attempt not to bleed.

WARD
Scarecrow.
Make preparations to leave this universe.
I tire of bombarding a defenseless planet.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The CF.net is in high orbit and from it rains flashes of light striking the planet below.

INT. – CF.NET – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SCARECROW
On it, sir.

There’s a beeping sound.

FAEELIN
Sir, we’re just received a message.

WARD
On screen.

FAEELIN
Sir, it’s a Private Message.

WARD
(nods)
I’ll take it in my ready room.
Grimm, you got the bridge.

GRIMM REAPER
Yay.

WARD stands up and heads for a door.

INT. – CF.NET – WARD’S READY ROOM – CONTINUING

WARD takes a seat behind a large desk and taps out a command on a console. A moment later he is reading a message, his face hardens.

WARD (on comm)
Grimm, set coordinates to Tradepoint.

GRIMM REAPER
(surprised)
Yes, sir.

WARD
(leans back in chair)
Finally. Some news.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – ENGINEERING – DAY

Open up in black, we hear some clanking, banging, and welding.

Fade up from black, into a corridor.

Camera moves down corridor, we see Neanderthal crewmembers hurrying by, busy on some errand.

Enter a large area, it’s filled with computer terminals, scores of Neanderthals working busily on something. In the center of the large room is a massive device, alien looking and obviously nothing like the other equipment that’s in the room.

Standing on top of it, hammer in hand and a look of concentration on her face is KILNGIRL.

KILNGIRL
Alright, try it now.

A Neanderthal hits a button on a computer console and there’s a coughing sound and the massive device begins to light up.

KILNGIRL
Yay.
(jumps off device)
Now that’s how us Homo Sapiens do things.
(grins)

A Neanderthal pushes his way forward, he’s big, mean looking, and is glaring at KILNGIRL, this is OLAR, the previous head engineer.

OLAR
We could have figured it out on our own!

KILNGIRL
Yeah, after ten years and
a lot of head scratching.
It’s all the bone in your foreheads,
leaves less room for problem solving.

OLAR growls and raises a fist, but before he can do anything, another big Neanderthal, this one dressed in battle armor and carrying a big gun, shoves the business end of the weapon in the back of OLAR.

DAKLAR
Back to your station, Engineer.

OLAR glares at KILNGIRL.

OLAR
(whispering)
Your little guards will not be there
to protect you every moment of the day.

KILNGIRL
(dismissively)
Watch as I shake in my boots.
I’ve been whispered quasi death threats
by people bigger and more uglier than you, caveman.
I won’t lose any sleep over it.

OLAR stalks off.

DAKLAR
You should not push him so.

KILNGIRL
(shrugging)
I like to.
(grins)
Call it the only fun I get.

DAKLAR
It just causes him anger.

KILNGIRL
Exactly. Plus your Holy Queen Mother of Dirt and Rock
won’t let anything untoward happen to me, she likes me.
(grins again)

DAKLAR
Mistress of the Worlds.
And you’re her prisoner.

KILNGIRL
If you want to believe that.
Now, let’s see if these thick foreheads know what they’re doing.
There’s a reason homo sapiens control the Multiverse.

DAKLAR only grunts and follows her deeper into Engineering.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – MISTRESS’ COMMAND CENTER – NIGHT

ATTA stands looking at a large viewscreen, on it is KILNGIRL dong various jobs upon shiny bits of technology that looks nothing like the rest of the Neanderthal tech. From her silhouette we can see she is heavily pregnant.

ATTA
She’s managed to do more in the last few weeks than
our engineers have been able to in the last few months.
(does not look pleased)

DAKLAR
Yes, Mistress. She does seem to have a knack for integrating
the captured technology into our systems.

ATTA
This puts us ahead of schedule.
This is good.

ADIKOR
We can begin the assault as soon as the rest of the ships arrive.
There has been some.. ‘resistance’ from the colonies that have
been out of the fold of the Empire for a while. They assume
since they’ve managed to rebuild and prosper since the Fall,
they do not need to kneel before the Mistress of the Worlds.

ATTA
When the greater evil is destroyed, then we will
resolve whatever problems that arise in the Empire.
(glances at Daklar)
Keep an eye on the human. If she does anything
to ruin our plans, throw her out an airlock.

DAKLAR
Yes, Mistress.
(bows and leaves)

ADIKOR
We are nearly ready for the strike.
(allows himself a grin)
and we shall be revenged.

ATTA walks to a porthole and stands, looking out it. Her eyes are far away for a moment. She sets a hand upon her stomach.

ATTA
An Empire untied and strong, for my child.
Something even my father could not accomplish.
Something that has not been since the destruction
of the Homeworld by those cursed humans.
(clenches fist)
Soon, they will be destroyed…

Pull back, out of the Command Center, out the porthole.

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

We see a huge project going on, a massive ring shaped thing is being build in orbit around earth. We pull out even more and we see black ships as far as the eye can see. An armada of vessels preparing for an attack.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A vortex opens, out comes the CF.net.

Pull out and we see it’s the Dusty Universe.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP- CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SCARECROW
Insertion complete, all green.
Arrival at coordinates given.

WARD is sitting in his command chair, GRIMM REAPER is standing beside him, he wears an expression of interest. WARD remains emotionless.

WARD
Bring us in, they’ll be sending a vector.

SCARECROW
Got it.
Message also received,
putting it on comm.

VOICE
Welcome to Tradepoint,
the center of the multiverse.

DOMINUSNOVUS
(scoffing)
Guess they never heard of the Hub.

VOICE
Disengage all weapons, power down any defensive screens,
this is a no weapons zone. Peace ships will be escorting you in,
your pilot has been given the coordinates and docking berth.
Welcome to Tradepoint.

SCARECROW
Receiving instructions.

MERRYPRANKSTER
We’ve got a dozen ships forming a holding pattern around us.

GRIMM REAPER
Seems we’re getting the welcoming committee.
Don’t they know we’re friends?

WARD
Norbert’s cautious.
I would be in his situation.

GRIMM REAPER
I would imagine. Get raided
enough times, it does get a little tiring.

WARD watches the viewscreen of the space station.

WARD
Looks a far sight better when we last were here.

GRIMM REAPER
(pursing lips)
I like it better filled with holes and chunks of ships and
debris around it. Gave it a ‘We’ve just got the
crap nearly stomped out of us’ look.

WARD simply nods.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The CF.net ships pulls into dock. Clamps extend, along with various tubes and lines.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – AIR DOCK – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, BULGARKOTONOS, and MIDGARD are standing in the airlock as it whirs and clanks. There’s a loud hiss and the heavy metal doors slowly slides open.

Standing before them is NORBERT and several other men, all armed.

NORBERT
Welcome, Admiral.
(grins)

WARD
Captian, now, Norbert.
Captain.

The two shake hands and clap one another on the backs. NORBERT glances at the others in WARD’s group.

NORBERT
See you’ve been keeping nice company these days.

GRIMM REAPER
I find that description of my demeanor totally
taken out of context. Just because I didn’t push
that old lady out of my way, does not mean I’m nice.
(grins)

NORBERT
See you’re still alive, Grimm.

GRIMM REAPER
It’s the redshirts, Norb.
They die so that I may continue to
produce my witty sarcastic banter.

WARD
Got you message, what’s up?

NORBERT
Let’s head to my office. I’ve got some beer, piss poor
home brewed kind, but it’ll still take off the edge,
and we’ll discuss this.

WARD
(to Midgard and Bulgar)
You two. Stay.

The three and the guards walk off into the station.

INT. – SPACE STATION – NORBERT’S OFFICE – DAY

The three men sit around a battered looking table.

NORBERT
Caught the bastard only a couple of days ago.

WARD
Have you interrogated him?

NORBERT
Well, we were gonna, but seeing how you’re the guy
who likes to make these things talk, decided to drop
you a message. We’ve been keeping him on ice for
now, feeding him our food, letting him breath our air…

WARD
How are things on station?

NORBERT
(sighing)
Tight.
The Guild is still proclaiming a blockade against us. They won’t
come right out and attack us, not after what happened, but there’s
more ways to kill a guy rather than coming right out and shooting
him. Blockades, bribes, political pressure, it’ll kill a place, sure
as shooting someone, but it’s a damned slow and painful death.
War’s been spreading across the universes, just about every place
we contact is either killing themselves or fighting off some wannabe
expansionist mulitverse empire. So we’ve been keeping a low profile,
best not lure in trouble. Not that we can’t fight off what comes our
way, just we’ve seen enough war, peace is all we want now.

WARD
Time was when you preferred a different approach.

NORBERT
Time was when I was a damned fool.

GRIMM REAPER
(running a hand across the arm of his chair)
You need to get some one to dust up here more.

NORBERT
(laughs)
If I could spare someone to clean and keep this place looking
pretty, then I wouldn’t be worrying about cutting back rations
again, wondering how long our air scrubbers gonna last, if the
power plant’s gonna go kaput on us soon or not.

WARD
We ran across some jackasses
who wanted to play pirate,
with us being the bait. Guess
they figured they could take on
anyone coming through their space.

GRIMM REAPER
It’s been a while since anyone
right out and tried to attack us.
Normally, it takes us lobbing a
few missiles at them before
they want to play.

WARD
They bit off more than they could chew.
But it seems like they had done a fair bit
of raiding before they got it into their
heads that we were prey.

GRIMM REAPER
I got a nice crate of chocolates from them.

WARD
Whatever you need, it’s yours.

NORBERT
Much obliged, sir.

WARD
No need to call me sir, anymore, Norbert. You aren’t under
my command anymore, though there were some times I
wished you still were. There have been some scrapes we’ve
been in where we needed some good men who knew what they
were doing and not these kids we’re practically babysitting.

NORBERT
I’d be lying if I didn’t say there were a few times when I
wondered how things would’ve been if I had stayed with you guys…
(sighs)
But things kinda changed after Samara.

WARD
(hard flat voice)
Would be nice if you wouldn’t
speak that name again, Norbert.

NORBERT
(apologetic)
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.

WARD
(clearing throat)
I’ll get one of them dumb asses to send over the stuff,
just send over a list of what you need to the ship. Grimm’ll
make sure you get it. Food and medicine we got plenty off,
machine parts we can probably hand out a few.

GRIMM REAPER
I’ll toss in a box of chocolates, too.

NORBERT
Mighty kind of you, Grimm.

WARD
(laughs)
It’s unheard of, Grimm parting with sweets.

GRIMM REAPER
I’m in a generous mood today.
I’ve got an odd sense of a lot
of shooting and killing in our future,
and well, that just makes me giddy
as a schoolgirl.

WARD
(nodding)
Best we get to find out what
the caveman’s got to say.

NORBERT
Right this way, sir.

INT. – SPACE STATION – CELL – DAY

WARD, GRIMM REAPER, and NORBERT are walking down a dimly lit corridor. You can hear the sound of machinery in the background, and several armed guards are standing before the cell.

They move when they see NORBERT.

GRIMM REAPER
Only the best accommodations, no?

NORBERT
It’s not often we get to entertain guests.

GRIMM REAPER
We set up some nice cells by the airlock, that way we
can easily toss ‘em out when we get tired of them.
It’s called efficiency.

NORBERT
Right…

NORBERT hits a pad by the door and it slides open, revealing a small room with the Neanderthal tied to a chair. The Neanderthal looks back definitely, but then pales when he sees WARD.

WARD
Guess he knows me.

GRIMM REAPER
I wish I could inspire fear like that in my fellow man.

WARD
Takes a lot of learning, boy.
One day when you grow up, you’ll get it right.

NORBERT
It takes a hard stare and you gotta
make sure your reputation proceeds you.
(grins)

WARD enters the cell, looking at the Neanderthal.

WARD
You know who I am?

The Neanderthal nods.

WARD
You know what I can do?

The Neanderthal nods, looking even more scared.

WARD
My friend out there says you might know a few things.
And I’m willing to believe him.

CAPTIVE NEANDERTHAL
I’ll tell you everything…

WARD
‘course you will.
‘course you will…

WARD digs in his pocket for a second and then pulls out a pocket knife. He slowly unfolds it.

WARD (CONT.)
But before you spill you guts.
I’d like to introduce you to
something called absolute hate.
(advances upon the Neanderthal)

Fade to Black

END ACT I


ACT II


INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CARGO HOLD – DAY

MERRYPRANKSTER is standing on a large crate, checking off a clipboard.

GEDCA, FEDERATION X, and FORTYSEVEN are sitting around, half unloaded crates and supplies piled around them.

FEDERATION X
So what’s with this whole Neanderthal thing?

GEDCA
Guess the captain don’t
like anything that isn’t human.

FORTYSEVEN
Nah, it’s not like that. It’s more
like Captain Picard and the Borg.

GEDCA
(angry)
I told you before! DO NOT reference
The Next Generation when I’m around!

FEDERATION X
So, the Neanderthals like tried to make
him one of them to destroy humanity?

GEDCA
They invaded his universe and tried to
destroy it. He slagged their planet afterward.

FEDERATION X
Talk about holding a grudge, it’s like when Fortyseven
got all pissy because I wouldn’t give him that Captain Kirk
action figure from World 195235-X.

FORTYSEVEN
I did not get pissy.
Plus I called dibs on it and you still took it.

GEDCA
The point is that the captain goes out of his way to kill off
all the Neanderthals he finds. I guess you could call it some
sort of lame attempt to get revenge on them or something.
Whatever it is, he gets the ship damaged when he goes up
against those things. Remember the crazy cavewoman
who opened a vortex in the ship?

FORTYSEVEN
Yeah, took weeks to fix that.

FEDERATION X
You didn’t even help!

FORTYSEVEN
I was sick…

GEDCA
What was it again? Bad spinach?

FORTYSEVEN
Yeah…

Suddenly there’s the sound of crates moving and MERRYRANKSTER comes into view.

MERRYPRANKSTER
What are you guys doing?

FORTYSEVEN
We’re sitting around, plotting a coup to take over the ship
while the Captain’s away, then we’ll do an half assed attempt
to sells guns to savages, then we’ll lose half the cash we got,
because we’re threatened by some club waving primitives while
we, on the other hand, are armed with plasma rifles and
have a ship capable of slagging a continent.

FEDERATION X
Oh, wait, you already did that one.

GEDCA
Tell us again, what was it you said to N-red and the others
to get them to die so gallantly for you, Oh Fearless Leader?

MERRYPRANKSTER
(royally pissed off)
Get to work!

GEDCA
We’re waiting for the Glorious Leader
here to lead by example.

FEDERATION X
Plus we’re on break, half an hour every
two hours. Says so in the Contract we signed.

FORTYSEVEN
I think I might be coming down with a cold
(gives a fake cough)
Too bad we don’t got a medic on board…

MERRYPRANKSTER glares at the three before stalking off.

GEDCA
Prick.

FEDERATION X
He’s got a stick up his ass.

FORTYSEVEN
Oh, he’s been visiting Mistress Olga too?

The other two give him a look.

Fade out.

INT. – FLAGSHIP PONTER – ATTA’S CHAMBERS – DAY

ADIKOR enters ATTA’s chambers.

ADIKOR
Mistress, we are ready.

ATTA
Ready?

ADIKOR .
All the ships we can get our hands on are here.
The machine has been completed.

ATTA
Can we test the machine?

ADIKOR
From what the human says, you can test it, but it’s only
designed to open to one coordinates, therefore if we do
test it, then the humans will know there is a very large
vortex opening in their area. Plus the energy
requirements are beyond imagining.

ATTA
Then we get only one try.

ADIKOR
Yes, mistress.

ATTA
Prepare the fleet.
We attack!

ADIKOR
Yes, mistress.

ADIKOR leaves.

ATTA
A few days early.
(shrugs)
Too bad for the damned humans.

INT. – SPACE STATION – NIGHT

WARD is standing before a large window overlooking the beauty of the dust filled solar system. He’s got his hands behind his back.

NORBERT walks up to him.

NORBERT
There are moments, when you forget about the hunger,
the failing machines, and the worry of if you’ll see tomorrow,
when you just take in the sights.

WARD
Yeah, there are few and far between.

The two stand there for a moment, looking out.

NORBERT
What are you going to do, sir?

WARD
I’m going to make a species extinct.

NORBERT
Don’t think small, do you?

WARD
No.
First I’m gonna have to stop the bastards.

NORBERT
Figure if there’s anyone that can do it, its you.

WARD
I’ll need a man I can trust in this fight.

NORBERT
Call me flattered, sir.
But it’s no longer my fight.

WARD
These things nearly destroyed our world.
Don’t tell me you like ‘em now.

NORBERT
No, sir. I have no love for the bastards. After all they did kill
billions of us. But I also have no hate for them. I ain’t going
out of my way to see ‘em dead, nor am I risking what I’ve got
to see them erased from the multiverse.

WARD
(nods)
Figure simple revenge ain’t enough
to get you to change your mind?

NORBERT
There’s some things that
matter more than revenge.

WARD
Yeah? What’s that?

NORBERT
(long pause)
Was a time when you’d not have had to ask, sir.

WARD is quiet for a while, then turns to NORBERT, extending his hand.

WARD
Hope you and yours do well here.

NORBERT
Happy hunting, sir.

WARD
Reckon if we fail at this, I got a letter you could send
to my kin, if by some miracle you find a way back home.

NORBERT
Billions of universes out there, sir.
But if it does come to that,
I’ll find a way to get it to them.

WARD
If we do win, well, got anything
you need sent back home?

NORBERT
(shakes head)
Ties to back home were severed
long before we got lost, sir.
(a pause)
Can you really trust the bastard?
He could be telling you what you want to hear.

WARD
A possibility, but then again it could be the truth.
Either way, we got a coordinates to the bastards and
if the dead fellow’s right, we got them all in one
sweet spot, ready to be shot to hell and gone.
Like damned fish in a barrel.

NORBERT
Well, generally fish in a barrel aren’t
armed and ready for an invasion.

WARD
The won’t be expecting an attack.
We’ll catch ‘em with their pants down,
sow some chaos and destruction and
probably kill this bitch named Atta.
I still owe her for tearing out a chunk
of my ship, that one time.

NORBERT
Can’t believe that all this time
they knew the way back home.

WARD
Makes me kinda regret razing their cities and stations to rubble.
I could have at least taken a few moments to hack into
their computer systems before salting the earth.

NORBERT
Hindsight is always 20/20, sir.

WARD
Unfortunately too true.
Well, best we get going.
Thanks for the hospitality.

NORBERT
I should be the one thanking you.
With what you’ve given us, the future does look
indeed brighter than it did not two days before.

WARD
It’s no problem, Norbert.
You and yours ever need anything, just drop us a line.
You know how to get in contact with us.

NORBERT
Deeply appreciate it, Ward.
I wish you luck.
Kill a few of the bastards for me.

WARD
I intend to.
(grins)

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – MORNING

GRIMM REAPER’S pacing on the deck of the Control Room. He pauses and hits a button.

The ship’s intercom comes on.

GRIMM REAPER
Hear ye, hear ye.
This is Grimm.
You bothersome flotsam man your posts. We’ll be shifting
as soon as we clear of this dusty place and we’ll be heading
into a fight, so be on your toes of we’ll
be having a nice discussion later tonight.

WARD enters the Control Room, glances around.

WARD
We’ll be entering blind, the caveman we talked to had a lot to say,
but nothing specific as to locations and distance. So keep your eyes
peeled on the scanners, keep your trigger fingers ready, and if you
screw up in your job and we die, then I’ll be kicking your ass in hell.
Got it?

CREW
Yes, sir!

WARD
Now, lets go kill us some non humans.

EXT. – SPACE – MORNING

The CF.net disengages from the station and moves out, moments later a vortex appears and they vanish in it’s maw.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY – DAY

GEDCA is standing before FEDERATION X, MIDGARD, ROMULUS AGUSTULUS, BULGARKOTONOS, DARK SLAVIK and FORTYSEVEN.

GEDCA
We’ll be in the fight of our lives, form what the captain says.
They’ll be systems crapping out on us left and right. Cap says
we don’t need the teleporters and there won’t be any boarding
actions so you goons aren’t needed, so Forty, you’ll be down here.
I need you to watch the core, make sure that twitchy thing don’t
decide to go kaboom on us in the middle of the fight. Fed, you’re
on shield duty, keep the damn thing running or else we’ll just be a
tin plate ready for holes to be punched into. Bulgar and Rommy,
you two will be on emergency service, if there’s a fire, a breech, or
something, you’re the ones on it, Midgard you’re on weapons, make
sure those babies keep firing or Ward’ll be pissed, Slavik keep those
damn things you make in their cages, if any get lose and cause havoc
while we’re in a fight, Ward says I got permission
to toss you out the nearest airlock. Got it?

DARKSLAVIK
Sure.

GEDCA
Now get to your posts.

Everyone heads out. GEDCA stands for a moment and then walks to a bulkhead.

GEDCA
(patting bulkhead)
When this is all over, I’ll fix you up nice and pretty,
I’ll even dab on a nice coat of paint, okay?

INT. – CF. NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SCARECROW
Entering normal space, sir.

WARD
Everything up and running, boys.
Shoot anything that shoots at us first.
Merry, look for that damned portal, we destroy
it first before we entangle in an