AH.com: The Series

TEASER

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- RESTROOM- DAY

The scene opens with a panning shot of the AH.COM restroom, with typical stalls and urinals. The pan ends on the door, which swings open. MICHAEL and WEAPON M stand there in black suits and sunglasses, carrying pistols and walkie-talkies. They look around warily.

MICHAEL
Clear!

WEAPON M
Clear!

DOCTOR WHAT, looking peeved, enters.

MICHAEL
(into walkie-talkie)
DOCTOR WHAT is in the restroom,
repeat, DOCTOR WHAT is in the restroom.

WEAPON M
(voice heard from walkie-talkie)
For that last time, I don’t care! Stop bothering me!

DOCTOR WHAT
Guys, when I told you last week to increase
security due to all the time’s we’ve been boarded,
but this isn’t what I had in mind.

WEAPON M
Have to be alert, boss.
Enemies could be anywhere.

DOCTOR WHAT grumbles and walks over to a stall.

WEAPON M
Wait!

WEAPON M and MICHAEL run over to the stall, throw the door open and look all over inside it, guns pointing everywhere.

MICHAEL
Clear!

WEAPON M
Clear!

DOCTOR WHAT
Get the hell out of my way!

DOCTOR WHAT walks in and slams the door shut. MICHAEL and WEAPON M stand on alert. Suddenly, a loud Star Trek ‘Red Alert’ type alarm sounds through the ship.

MICHAEL
What’s that?! Are we under attack?

DOCTOR WHAT
(off camera, from behind stall door)
That’s just the signal on the microwave telling
Thande his frozen waffles are done. Relax.

Moments later, a loud ‘Ouuuga Ouuuga’ alarm sounds through the ship.

WEAPON M
Is that the ‘we’re under attack’ signal?

DOCTOR WHAT
No, that’s just YUPPIE’s alarm clock.

A soft and pleasant 4-note signal of harp music sounds through the ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
Now, that’s the
‘we’re under attack’ signal!

WEAPON M and MICHAEL look at each other in confusion.

WEAPON M
Uh, Doc, you might want to swap
around some of those signals.

DOCTOR WHAT
We need to get to the bridge!

WEAPON M and MICHAEL run out of the room, pistols drawn.

DOCTOR WHAT
Guys?! It’s times like this that
you’re supposed to be guarding me!

DOCTOR WHAT hobbles out of the stall, pants still down around his ankles as he shuffles out of the scene.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series

“GIVE ME A TALL SHIP”

Written By : DAVE HOWERY

ACT I

EXT- SPACE – DAY

The scene opens on a view high in orbit over Earth. The CF.NET ship enters the scene; it seems to be running. The camera switches to a view behind it. The AH.COM is seen, with four other large spacecraft around it. They have the flags of the USA, UK, Russia, and China on them, and are obviously advanced and well armed.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- CONTROL ROOM- DAY

Most of the crew is at their stations. DOCTOR WHAT is in his chair, watching the enemy ship on the view screen.

DOCTOR WHAT
At last! We have them cold! They shouldn’t
have picked on a timeline with advanced
spacecraft. We finally have enough firepower
to finish them once and for all.

GBW
They’re opening up a Vortex.
Looks like they’re going to run.

LANDSHARK
Wait. A second vortex is opening!
Two at once!

DOCTOR WHAT
They can do that? Why, though?
They can only use one.

EXT – SPACE – DAY

The CF.NET is seen maneuvering towards one Vortex, while the second opens nearby. A small jet of flame is seen at the side of the ship. Something small and round moves away towards the second Vortex.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- CONTROL ROOM- DAY

GREY WOLF
They launched something towards the
second Vortex. Let me scan it….
Damn! It’s an A.S.S.H.A.T!

GBW
We can only go after
one of them… which one?

DOCTOR WHAT looks hesitant for a moment.

DOCTOR WHAT
Chase the A.S.S.H.A.T. We can’t let it
destroy some unsuspecting world.
(pounds fist on armrest)
Damn it! We had them!

EXT. – SPACE

The CF.NET moves into the first vortex and vanishes. The AH.COM flies smoothly into the second one, which closes seconds later.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The space over a different Earth is seen. The vortex opens and the A.S.S.H.A.T. is seen emerging. The camera follows it as it moves towards Earth, becoming smaller and smaller until it vanishes. The camera swings back to the vortex. The AH.COM emerges and the vortex closes.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- CONTROL ROOM- DAY

DOCTOR WHAT
Leo, can you find the A.S.S.H.A.T.
or is the background electronic noise interfering?

LEO CAESIUS
Actually, there is no
background noise here.

DOCTOR WHAT
Why? Is this world
dead or something?

LEO CAESIUS
No. It has a technology level equivalent to
our timeline’s 17th century. There is no sign
of regression or nuclear war; it appears that
this world advanced that far and no further.

MATT
400 years of stagnation? That’s weird.

LEO CAESIUS
The A.S.S.H.A.T. has landed
in the Caribbean, on the island
of St. Thomas, near the town of Redhook.

DOCTOR WHAT
It hit land? That’s a stroke of luck. Recovering it
should be easy. But we need to do it quickly. The
locals probably won’t be able to open it or set it off,
but we can’t take any chances. Okay, a pre-industrial
world. Well, we’ll have to appear as locals. If we
go down in our full technological glory, we’ll screw
up their religion and culture to no end.

DOCTOR WHAT looks around the at the rest of the crew.

DIAMOND
Never stopped us before.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
It’s what we’re good at.

DIAMOND
That and nearly getting killed.

DOCTOR WHAT
Okay, the away team. We’ll take Torq
since medicine here is primitive. Thande,
to shut down the A.S.S.H.A.T. WEAPON M
and MICHAEL for security-

WEAPON M
Sweet. I can shoot up some locals.

MATT
Aw, why can’t I go???

DOCTOR WHAT (CONT.)
HENDRYK and STRAHA, just because they don’t
get off the ship often enough and they’re getting pasty
and flabby. All of you get clothing and gear appropriate
for this setting. And weapons… damn, flintlocks.
Anyone know anything about flintlocks
and muzzleloaders?

Nineteen fingers point at DAVE HOWERY and nineteen voices say, “He does”.

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh great… just him? Well, Dave,
it’s your lucky day. You’re going too.

DAVE HOWERY
No.

DOCTOR WHAT
What do you mean, no?! You’re always
whining you don’t get off the ship,
now you’re saying no?!

DAVE HOWERY
Sure. You never let me go anywhere fun.
I didn’t get to go to the Earth where all
women had three boobs…

DIAMOND
Yeah, they were fun, but
you only have two hands, so….

DAVE HOWERY
And you didn’t let me go to the
world where threesomes were
the normal sexual partnering…

GBW
Ooh! I remember that one! We had to
shoot WEAPON M with a tranquilizer gun
and drag him away.

DAVE HOWERY
And you didn’t let me go to that
world full of supermodel clones…

MATT
But, Dave, they were eating people!
None of us got laid!
( chokes back a sob)

DAVE HOWERY
So, now, you finally want me to go…
down to a world with people who
don’t shower or have dentists-

STRAHA
(snickering)
Then you’ll fit in.

DAVE HOWERY (CONT.)
(glaring at Straha)
- or refrigerators, and they think
leeches are a fine way to cure you.
No thanks.

DOCTOR WHAT
Hey, do you think this is a democracy?
I’m the captain, damn it! You’re going!

DAVE HOWERY looks rebellious.

DOCTOR WHAT
Besides, if you go, you’ll get to play
with flintlocks and drink rum.

DAVE HOWERY
Oh all right, I’ll go.
But you owe me one.

DOCTOR WHAT
Whatever. See if you can make up
some flintlock replicas and gear.
Everybody prep and be ready
to go in 12 hours.

MATT
But I wanna go too…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- CONTROL ROOM- NIGHT

The away team, except for DAVE HOWERY, is gathered here. They are wearing outrageous period clothing: very tight leggings, high black boots, white shirts with lots of ruffles, jackets of varying over bright colors and gold buttons, jaunty hats with bright yellow feathers, and powdered wigs. Most of the team is looking unhappy at these getups.

THANDE
Are you sure it was a good idea
to have KIT design this clothing?

DOCTOR WHAT
Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s fine.
Don’t you like it?

DAVE HOWERY walks into the room wearing a plain black and white commoner’s outfit and a three corner hat. He has a pair of flintlock pistols at his belt and is carrying a box filled with several more. He looks in shock at the flamboyant clothing of others and turns to leave.

DAVE HOWERY
I’m not going!

He gets halfway out the door before WEAPON M drags him back in, grumbling. DOCTOR WHAT sets up an easel with a picture of a large round spherical object on it.

DOCTOR WHAT
All right, listen up team. This is our target.
The A.S.S.H.A.T., or Automated Systemic
Subsumating Hyper Attenuating Transmogrifier.
Basically, if it goes off, you can kiss the
whole Caribbean basin here goodbye. It’s
shielded against teleportations, so we have
to go down and get it. Luckily, THANDE
knows quite a bit about them and can turn
it off. Once we get there, find it, and shut
it off, we’ll teleport it and ourselves out of
there. We don’t dare use the shuttle and risk
it being seen, so we’ll teleport down to an
isolated area near Redhook. Now, everyone
grab a pistol and lets go get us a big bomb.

The away team all crowd around the box and take a pistol out.

MICHAEL
Wow! These are pretty good.

STRAHA
Mine’s got something sticky on it.
(beat)
Oh, wait. That’s just my hands.

DOCTOR WHAT
These are pretty nice.
How did you make them up?

DAVE HOWERY smiles and draws one of the pistols at his belt.

DAVE HOWERY
Well, these are special. I made the metal parts
out of high carbon tool steel and added a
molecular bonding agent to make them pretty
much unbreakable. And I had THANDE make
up some stuff that looks like black powder, but
it has way more kick to it.

WEAPON M
Damn! We’ll kick some serious butt with these!

DAVE HOWERY
Well, I’ll be kicking butt with mine.
Those others are just cheap ones I made
with recycled parts from DOCTOR WHAT’s
worn out sex toys.

Everyone drops their pistols with a great clatter.

DAVE HOWERY
What?! I had to do something with them.
They were clogging up every recycling bin on the ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
Okay okay. Well, I have a com unit disguised
as a pipe, so we can talk to Leo. Everyone, to
the Teleportation Tube Room.

EXT. – OUTSIDE REDHOOK- NIGHT

The away team pop into view in an open field. They look around warily, but no one is in sight.

DOCTOR WHAT
(talking to pipe)
LEO, how far are we from Redhook?

LEO CAESIUS
Two miles east. But the A.S.S.H.A.T.
is moving away from you over the ocean.
It must be on a ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn it! Let’s hurry and get there
and see what’s going on.

EXT. – REDHOOK- DAY

The away team is walking through the muddy streets, looking around. Everywhere there are fires blazing, collapsed buildings, bodies in the streets, and people screaming and running. Redcoat soldiers are trying to restore order. DOCTOR WHAT stops a man in the street.

DOCTOR WHAT
What has happened here?

MAN
It’s those ‘orrible pirates, sir, the ones from
the Timewarp ship. They hit us just before
dawn, cannons shooting into the town, good
Christians dying in their sleep. They looted
the squire’s mansion and carried off his goods.

DOCTOR WHAT
How terrible! Where is the squire’s
mansion? Maybe we can help.

The MAN points to a large building overlooking the harbor and runs off. The away team moves that way.

INT. – SQUIRE’S MANSION- DRAWING ROOM- DAY

The away team is seated at a table with fine glasses of wine… except for DAVE HOWERY, who has been mistaken for a servant and is standing by the wall, looking peeved. Squire LEEJ is standing and looking out the window.

LEEJ
A bad business, this pirate raid, very bad indeed.
His Majesty’s soldiers killed, my property carried
off, ships damaged in the harbor. One wishes the
Royal Navy would clean out that nest of pirates
on Great Inagua. But men of such obvious good
breeding such as yourselves must realize just how
it is in London. The king and Parliament bother
little about the colonies.

Squire LEEJ turns from the window with a sigh.

LEEJ
The miscreants even took my round steel meteorite
my servants found last night, even though it had little value.

The away team all glance at each other.

DOCTOR WHAT
Round steel meteorite, sir?

LEEJ
Yes an oddity from the heavens. It was made of
seamless steel and perfectly round. It was found
in a pit of splashed soil, as it had fallen from a
great height, of course.

DOCTOR WHAT
How curious! I wonder if my associates could
charter a ship and chase down these pirates
and recover your property.

LEEJ
Kind of you, but that would be dangerous.
No doubt, they are in the pirate haven of
Michael Town on Great Inagua. Plus, their
ship outguns anything you would find here.

DAVE HOWERY
Great Inagua. That’s a good location. It covers
the Windward Passage and the long strait from
Florida to Haiti. It’s central enough to hit about
anywhere in the Caribbean.

LEEJ whirls around angrily towards DAVE HOWERY, and the other team members look at him curiously.

DAVE HOWERY
What, I can’t know strategy?

LEEJ
You talk above your station, varlet!!

DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning)
Yes, Dave, be silent and speak
only when spoken to.
(to LEEJ)
I apologize for our servant’s bad
manners, sir. I’ll have him beaten later.

DAVE HOWERY looks really pissed, but stays silent.

LEEJ
Of course. Can’t tolerate such boldness
in your inferiors. Well, if you seriously
intend to pursue these pirates, I’ll send
word to the harbormaster. You do have
funds, I presume?

DOCTOR WHAT hesitates for a moment.

DAVE HOWERY
Pardon my intrusion, but we do
have sufficient coin for this. I
have it here in my pouch.

DOCTOR WHAT
Uh… very well. Sir, can you tell us anything
about this pirate band? Their ship is called the Timewarp. Who is their captain?

LEEJ
What.

DOCTOR WHAT
Pardon, who is the captain?

LEEJ
He is What.

DOCTOR WHAT
Huh?

LEEJ
What is the captain.

DOCTOR WHAT
A man?

LEEJ
Of course. What is his name.

DOCTOR WHAT
That’s what I’m asking you.

LEEJ
It is What.

DOCTOR WHAT
Who?

WEAPON M
What?

MICHAEL
Huh?

THANDE
Who?

HENDRYK
Je ne sais pah.

STRAHA
(waving hand in front of face)
This is so cool… ooh. Fingers.

DAVE HOWERY is trying hard not to laugh. TORQUMADA leans forward and whispers to DOCTOR WHAT. Nothing can be heard except for ‘your counterpart’.

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh! I see. The captain’s name is WHAT.
With your permission, sir, we’ll go to the
harbormaster. Thank you for your hospitality.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good bye, fine sirs.
Hopefully you won’t die a horrible death
at the hands of those unruly pirates.
As does anyone who goes after them.

MICHAEL
Erm… is it too late to
head back to the ship?

EXT. – REDHOOK- DAY

The away team is walking along the docks.

DOCTOR WHAT
Well, at least we have a plan now.
What are the odds? A world as
different as this one and I still
have a counterpart here.

HENDRYK
That is odd. But what’s this about
money? I didn’t think to bring any.

HENDRYK turns to look at DAVE HOWERY, who is glaring at the others.

HENDRYK
Ah, you’re still not mad about
that servant thing, are you?

DAVE HOWERY
You could have told him the truth, you know!
Just because I don’t look as foppish as the rest
of you, I get stuck being your servant?! Well,
at least I remembered to bring money along.
I ran off a big stack of gold coins. It should be enough.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good thinking. Give me the pouch
so I can arrange for the ship.

DAVE HOWERY tosses him the pouch, and frowns.

DAVE HOWERY
Why can’t I do that?

DOCTOR WHAT
Servants don’t do such things. Now
walk along two paces behind the rest
of us. Must keep up appearances.

Everyone laughs as DAVE HOWERY audibly grinds his teeth in anger.

DOCTOR WHAT
Where’d you get all the gold anyway?

DAVE HOWERY
(nervously looking about)
uh.. earned it doing side.. jobs.

MICHAEL
(muttering)
He’s been selling spare
parts from the ship.

THUMP!

MICHAEL falls into the muddy street.

DAVE HOWERY
Whoops. Best watch where you’re stepping.

INT. -HARBORMASTER’S OFFICE- DAY

The camera shows Harbormaster WOZZA puttering around behind his desk as the away team walks through his door.

WOZZA
Ah, good day, gentlemen. You must be the
ones looking to charter a ship. I have a fine g
alleon for you, armed with the latest cannon.
The crew is experienced and their captain is
first rate. It will be expensive to charter it, but
it is the best. Just have your servant wait outside
and we’ll get this contract written out.

DAVE HOWERY looks ready to kill someone, but goes outside.

DOCTOR WHAT
We have enough coin for the ship.
Load it up with supplies, powder, and shot.

DOCTOR WHAT puts a handful of gold coins on the desk, and WOZZA picks one up and looks at it curiously.

WOZZA
These are unfamiliar to me.
Where were they coined?

DOCTOR WHAT
They are… uh… Tasmanian.

WOZZA
Strange… but gold is gold.

DOCTOR WHAT
Thanks for your help. We’ll go
check out the ship now.
Oh, what is it called?

WOZZA
The Butterfly, sir.

DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning)
I like that name!

STRAHA
Sounds gay.

EXT. – HMS BUTTERFLY- DAY

The away team is walking up the boarding ramp to the ship. looking around, they see Captain FELLATIO NELSON. He is dressed even more flamboyantly than the away team. His jacket is a fine shade of puce, his leggings are much too tight, and his powdered wig is built up into an airy pattern. He sees the team and motions to his ensign, GEDCA, and the pair walk over to them.

FELLATIO NELSON
Well met, sirs! These are our patrons, ensign.
Find them good quarters below. Oh, and find
a hammock for their servant down in the hold.
Some place cramped, dirty, and equal to his station.

DAVE HOWERY looks ready to explode.

DOCTOR WHAT
That won’t be necessary.
He can sleep on the floor in my cabin.

DAVE HOWERY
(muttering)
Swell. Guess I better learn to sleep
on my back the whole trip.

DOCTOR WHAT
(sotto voce)
Don’t flatter your self, Dave.

DOCTOR WHAT
Hey, you slept with a Neanderthal.

FELLATIO NELSON
Yes, having him sleep on your floor
will make it easier to beat him.
Well, sirs, we sail with the dawn!
Have your gear stowed aboard.

DOCTOR WHAT
Thank you, Captain.

The team looks around the ship. The camera pans across the tall masts, lines, the wheel, the capstan, and the sailors climbing the rigging.

DOCTOR WHAT
Ya know, this could be fun.

FELLATIO NELSON
Fun? No, sir! This will be a hard voyage
in search of a vile pirate vessel. Mark my
words, these pirates are hard and cruel men
who balk at nothing. Who knows what foul
tortures and indignities they would inflict
on our naked quivering flesh…
(a long pause)
sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yes,
the pirates. Make no mistake, they are
all black hearted scoundrels who have
broken all of God’s Commandments with glee.

EXT. – PIRATE SHIP TIMEWARP- NIGHT

The camera is tight on the Jolly Roger flying from the main mast. Singing can be heard faintly in the background.

INT. – PIRATE SHIP TIMEWARP- CAPTAIN’S MESS- NIGHT

CAPTAIN WHAT is seated at the head of a long table with some of the crew around it. The pirates are a dirty bearded lot, except for First Mate KIT (who is dressed even more garishly than FELLATIO NELSON) , and Cabin Boy LUAKEL (who isn’t old enough to grow a beard yet and who is busily serving drinks) . The pirates are singing lustily and beating their mugs of rum on the table. We hear that last few verses of their song.

THE PIRATE CHOIR
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me
We robs and we steals and we murders and rapes,
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho
We eat babies on Sundays with apples and grapes,
Drink up me ‘earties yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.
We take from the rich and we take from the poor,
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho
We drink rum all day till we puke on the floor
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.
We plunder and burn, we’re wicked and cursed,
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho
Of all the pirates, we’re really the worst
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for meeeeee….

The pirates cheer and yell as the song ends. CAPTAIN WHAT stands up and the rest quiet down.

CAPTAIN WHAT
Arrr, mateys, another good haul. Once again,
we sails away with a hold full ‘o swag.
More loot to bury on our secret island!

FM KIT
Captain, why is it we always bury our loot?
Why don’t we spend some of it and enjoy life?

The pirates all look at FM KIT in shock.

CAPTAIN WHAT
Because… we’re pirates, by damn!
An’ pirates always buries their treasure
on secret islands. It’s in the pirate code!

PIRATE DRACONIS NOIR
Arrr, that KIT shore do talk funny, by damn.

PIRATE THANDE
Aye, matey, that he does.
Not like a proper pirate a’ tall.

The pirates eat, drink, and yell as CAPTAIN WHAT looks on. After a moment, he walks over to a large cabinet on the wall and opens the doors. It is filled with golden plunder… and the A.S.S.H.A.T. sits on top of the pile. PIRATE MATT walks over to the captain.

PIRATE MATT
Arr, Cap’n, what be
that shiny round thing?

CAPTAIN WHAT
I dunno, matey, but it be treasure, so we buries
it with the rest. But first, it’s off to Michael Town
for provisions and sex with prostitutes!

The pirates all cheer and raise their mugs.

END ACT I

ACT II

EXT. – HMS BUTTERFLY – DAY

A MONTAGE of sailing scenes:

FELLATIO NELSON looking over the bow with a spyglass.

DOCTOR WHAT walking past a group of sailors scrubbing the deck.

The away team lined up at the rail and puking over the side.

The BUTTERFLY sailing across a setting sun.

DOCTOR WHAT gnawing on a piece of hardtack.

A sailor sounding the bell at night.

Fade to black.

EXT. – HMS BUTTERFLY – DECK – MORNING

The camera opens on a morning scene of the Butterfly moving slowly through a thick fog. DOCTOR WHAT walks onto the deck, followed by a bleary eyed DAVE HOWERY. FELLATIO NELSON is at the wheel, looking at the fog around the ship.

FELLATIO NELSON
Damn this fog! We’ll make poor headway today
if it doesn’t lift soon. At least we’re out on the
open sea, away from any…

The captain pauses and squints, looking sharply off the starboard side. A look of alarm crosses his face and he drops prone to the deck.

FELLATIO NELSON
Everyone down! Starboard crews to the cannons!

A series of low booms are heard and cannonballs are barely seen as they either shoot past the ship or crash into it. Chunks of wood fly as pieces of the railing explode. One shot hits the main mast, which comes crashing down. The camera switches to DOCTOR WHAT, who has dropped flat on the deck. He coughs, gets to his knees, and looks over the rail. The camera switches to his POV, and the Timewarp suddenly appears out of the fog, cannons at the ready and the deck crowded with snarling pirates. They are throwing grappling hooks at the rail of the Butterfly. The camera switches to FELLATIO NELSON, standing with saber drawn.

FELLATIO NELSON
Stand by to repel boarders!

The camera pans across the Butterfly, showing the crew drawing sabers and pistols. The away team have all come up on deck, looking uneasy.

WEAPON M
Christ, Doc, what do we do now?

DOCTOR WHAT
Well, we can’t hardly walk away from
this now, can we? Prepare to fight back.

The camera switches to the Timewarp, where dozens of pirates are running over to the Butterfly on boarding planks or swinging over on lines. One of the first to board is CAPTAIN WHAT, who lands in front of FELLATIO NELSON.

CAPTAIN WHAT
Kill the men! Loot the hold!
Rape the women and children!

FELLATION NELSON
Foul pirate! If you capture the ship,
I demand you rape me too!

CAPTAIN WHAT looks rather disgusted (and a little wistful) and begins a furious saber duel with FELLATIO NELSON.

The camera pans across the ship, showing pirates and sailors dueling and shooting.

The camera switches to MICHAEL who suddenly turns as PIRATE DRACONIS NOIR swings his cutlass at him. MICHAEL ducks and is barely missed. He looks for a place to hide, and is chased by the pirate. The camera switches to HENDRYK, who is confronted by CB LUAKEL, who is holding a knife and trying to look fearsome.

CB LUAKEL
Grrr! I’m a nasty bad pirate! Grrr! Grrrr!

HENDRYK glances at him and idly pushes him, which knocks him over the rail. CB LUAKEL comes sputtering up the surface and starts to swim, but a shark explodes from the water and drags him, screaming, under.

The camera switches to DAVE HOWERY, who is bemusedly watching the fight. He hears someone off camera call his name, and turns to see MICHAEL holding a deck chair for protection as PIRATE DRACONIS NOIR chops furiously at it.

MICHAEL
Damn it Howery, use your super
duper pistol and take this idiot out!

DAVE HOWERY
My pistols? Oh yeah, forgot about them.

DAVE HOWERY draws a pistol, tracks PIRATE DRACONIS NOIR with it a moment, and fires. A tremendous BOOM overwhelms all other noise on the ship, and we see a brief scene of DAVE HOWERY flying backwards from the recoil. The camera follows the bullet. It goes through PIRATE DRACONIS NOIR, the rail of the Butterfly, the rail of the Timewarp, three more pirates on that ship, the main mast, two more pirates, the further rail of the ship, and out of sight across the ocean.

The camera switches back to the Butterfly, where pirates and sailors alike are still with shock.

PIRATE WEAPON M
By damn!

PIRATE MATT
They killed DRACONIS NOIR!

PIRATE GREY WOLF
Them bastards!

CAPTAIN WHAT
Retreat!

The pirates break off the attack and run back to their ship. They cut all boarding lines and quickly sail away. The sailors from the Butterfly crowd the rail and cheer.
The camera switches to MICHAEL, who peeks out from behind his battered deck chair.

MICHAEL
Wow! That was some shot!

MICHAEL looks around to see DAVE HOWERY flattened upside down against the port rail. He walks over to him.

MICHAEL
Are you dead?

DAVE HOWERY
Mnitn frmlnu wutnhm irglfn.

MICHAEL
Huh?

DAVE HOWERY
Mnitn frmlnu wutnhm irglfn.

MICHAEL
That’s what I thought you said.

The camera switches to WEAPON M and DOCTOR WHAT at the starboard rail, watching the Timewarp disappear into the fog.

WEAPON M
Damn it, they’re getting
away with the A.S.S.H.A.T.!

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah, and with our main mast down,
we’re not gonna catch them. We’ll
have to make repairs and limp along
to Michael Town and hope we can
find them there.

The camera cuts to a scene of the Butterfly slowly moving in the wake of the Timewarp.

Fade to black.

EXT. – GREAT INAGUA- MICHAEL TOWN- DAY

The camera opens on a scene high over Michael Town, panning across the dirt streets filled with hundreds of pirates, drinking, fighting, and shooting. Dozens of pirate ships are lined up at the dock.

The camera switches to the jungle on the edge of the town. The away team emerges from it. They are wearing plain dirty clothing, typical pirate outfits.

DOCTOR WHAT
I hope these disguises work. Okay, let’s spread
out and ask around about the Timewarp. Let’s
all meet up tomorrow at noon at the town square,
by the well there.

The team moves into the town and head in different directions.

A MONTAGE of scenes in Michael Town.

WEAPON M is shown in a tavern, drinking and singing.

HENDRYK is seen talking to a pirate, but a pretty Chinese girl walks past and he immediately follows her with tongue hanging out.

Next, we see a long line of impatient looking hookers standing outside a door in a seedy inn. The door opens, a disheveled hooker walks out, and DOCTOR WHAT appears, grinning. He motions to the next hooker in line, and she walks into the room.

MICHAEL is seen cowering in an alley, curled up in a shaking ball. The camera pulls back and we see a mother duck and eight cute fuzzy ducklings nosing the ground in front of him.

TORQUMADA is seen being robbed at gunpoint and handing over his coin pouch to a pirate. The pirate takes it and turns away, and TORQUMADA sticks him with a hypodermic, and he drops. TORQUMADA takes back his coins, then takes the pirate’s pouch, his pistol, his knife, his belts, his boots, and the gold fillings out of his teeth.

STRAHA is seen leaning up against a wall in an alley, a vacant grin on his face; he’s not moving.

THANDE is seen struggling in the embrace of an incredibly fat and ugly tavern wench who seems to have the hots for him. In spite of his valiant efforts to escape, he is being dragged inexorably to a room at the back of the tavern.

The last scene shows DAVE HOWERY walking around and stopping when he sees a blacksmith working in front of his shop. A look of deep thought goes across his face, and then he grins and walks towards the smithy.

Fade out.

EXT. – MICHAEL TOWN- TOWN SQUARE- DAY

The camera opens on a scene of the center of town, a wide square surrounded by market stalls. A well is at the center of it. DOCTOR WHAT stands by it impatiently. The other team members, except for DAVE HOWERY, come into the square one by one and move over to the well. DOCTOR WHAT looks tired, MICHAEL is pale, STRAHA still looks dazed, WEAPON M looks hungover, and THANDE looks absolutely demoralized and shattered. DOCTOR WHAT looks at him curiously.

DOCTOR WHAT
What happened to you?

THANDE
Unclean. Unclean.
I need to shower.
Unclean.

DOCTOR WHAT
Ooookay. So, what did you all find out?

The team all look at each other expectantly.

DOCTOR WHAT
Great. None of you found out anything?
Damn, me neither. And I spent all night
questioning people. Wait… where is Howery?

WEAPON M
Do you suppose he got himself captured?

HENDRYK
He does have a knack for it.

DOCTOR WHAT
Well, let’s go over to the docks and see if
the Timewarp is there. Maybe we’ll have
to rescue him… again.

VOICE
(off camera)
And who’s gonna rescue you, mateys?

The team look around to see themselves surrounded by dozens of pirates, all pointing pistols at them. The crew of the Timewarp, led by CAPTAIN WHAT, is among them.

CAPTAIN WHAT
I hear you been asking questions about us all
over town, lubber. I don’ like nosey parkers
buttin’ into me business. So, we fills you
with lead and feeds you to the sharks. But
before we sends your carcasses to Davy Jones
…. Sing us a ditty.

DOCTOR WHAT
(confused)
Uh… you want us to sing you a song?

CAPTAIN WHAT points his pistol at DOCTOR WHAT’s nose and grins. The away team all look at each other and start singing different songs simultaneously.

WEAPON M
I’m a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world…

DOCTOR WHAT
When I think about you, I touch myself…

MICHAEL
Man! I feel like a woman…

THANDE
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg…

HENDRYK
I like big butts and I cannot lie….

TORQUMADA
Yo, tell you what I want,
what I really really want…

STRAHA
We’re gonna get high high high
in the midday sun….

T he pirates all look on in stunned disbelief for a moment and then CAPTAIN WHAT fires a shot into the air, and everyone quiets down.

CAPTAIN WHAT
Tha’s bloody awful! Maybe
you be dancers instead.

CAPTAIN WHAT fires a shot into the ground at DOCTOR WHAT’s feet, who hops in surprise.

CAPTAIN WHAT
Strike up a tune, lads!

The pirates all grin nastily and point their pistols at the feet of the away team. A low thud reverberates through the square. One pirate looks around curiously, but no one else seems to notice.

CAPTAIN WHAT
If ya dances for us real handily,
we won’t plug ya in the belly to die slow…

Another low thud, louder, is heard. This time, several pirates notice and look around.

CAPTAIN WHAT
We’ll plug ya in the head,
quick and easy like…

Another thud is heard, very noticeable this time, and most of the pirates and away team look around in confusion.

CAPTAIN WHAT
An’ after you’re food for the sharks,
maybe no other nosy lubbers will bother us…

A very loud and jarring thud is heard, shaking nearby windows and stalls. The pirates all look around, and then are seen looking at something behind and above the team. Their faces go slack with fear. The team members turn around, and we see their eyes go wide with surprise. The camera switches to their POV.

A gigantic iron figure roughly in the shape of a man is walking towards them, each footstep shaking the ground. It is made of welded iron and has jointed arms and legs. One arm is a crude multi-barreled Gatling gun, and the other is a brass smoothbore cannon. A steam engine is mounted on the back of the figure, with a long exhaust pipe sticking up out of it. The iron giant walks right up to the edge of the square and stops.

The camera switches back to the away team.

DOCTOR WHAT
I can’t believe he built that in
one day without power tools.

TORQUMADA
And yet he can’t fix the
air conditioning back on the ship.

The camera switches back to the steam-mech and pans it from feet to top and closes in on the head. We see the head is actually a cockpit. DAVE HOWERY is sitting there, in front of a bank of levers and wheels. With a slightly mad grin, he pulls on two levers. The camera switches to a different angle, and the steam-mech is seen swiveling with a metallic groan. Both arms point down at the pirates, who panic and shoot, but their shots just bounce off the iron.

HENDRYK
You don’t suppose he’ll shoot
with us standing here, do you?

MICHAEL
Depends… do you think he’s still
mad about that whole ‘servant’ thing?

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh hell. Uh… run!

The away team runs away from the pirates. A shrill steam whistle sounds from the mech and the Gatling gun fires. A storm of bullets plows through the massed pirates, and dozens of them go down; they break and run. The steam-mech moves after them. The away team stops and looks at the mech moving away. People are screaming and running as the steam-mech flattens buildings and shoots at the fleeing pirates. A swathe of destruction is left in its wake.

DOCTOR WHAT
Be quick and quiet, I said. Don’t want
to upset their culture or religion, I said.
Oh, this is gonna screw this world up good!

WEAPON M
See, this is why we don’t let
him off the ship more often.

DOCTOR WHAT
Well, he’s heading for
the docks. Let’s follow him.

EXT. – MICHAEL TOWN- DOCKS- DAY

The camera opens on a scene of the steam-mech walking along the docks, methodically shooting into pirate ships as it goes. It stops when it reaches the Timewarp, and points both arms at the ship. Pirates are jumping off of it and swimming away, until the ship is deserted. The camera switches to the away team, who are running up behind the mech, panting.

DOCTOR WHAT
Well, at least the ship is deserted. Now,
we can get on board, have THANDE
deactivate the A.S.S.H.A.T. and
teleport it and us off this world.

HENDRYK
If Howery doesn’t sink it first.

With a loud series of hisses and metallic clicks, the steam-mech freezes into position and shuts down. The cockpit hatch opens, a rope ladder is thrown out of it, and DAVE HOWERY climbs down out of it. He walks over to the away team, a huge grin on his face.

DAVE HOWERY
Hey guys! Well, our job is about over here.
Good thing I came along when I did, huh?
You looked like you were in a tight spot.
How do you like my toy here… it’s a beauty!

The rest of the team look at him with stony expressions.

DAVE HOWERY
What?

END ACT II

TAG

INT. – AH.COM SHIP- TELEPORTATION ROOM- DAY

The away team and the A.S.S.H.A.T. pop into view. G. BONE looks at their dirty pirate clothing.

G. BONE
What happened to the fancy duds
KIT made for you?

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s a long story.

G. BONE looks at DAVE HOWERY, who looks stunned.

G. BONE
What’s with you?

DAVE HOWERY
Banned. For life. Banned for life.

G. BONE shakes his head, and notices THANDE, who looks haunted and shaky.

G. BONE
And you?

THANDE
Never ask me about her!
Never! I’m unclean! Unclean!

THANDE runs from the room sobbing. The rest of the team shake their heads and leave also, except for DAVE HOWERY, who lingers behind. When the rest are gone, he walks over to G. BONE.

DAVE HOWERY
Hey, I need you to do a special teleport for me.

He whispers something to G. BONE.

G. BONE
I can’t do that!

DAVE HOWERY takes out a pistol and points it at G. BONE.

DAVE HOWERY
Please?

G. BONE
I find your arguments
convincing. Stand by.

EXT. – WASHINGTON DC- WHITE HOUSE- DAY

The camera opens on a scene of several people standing outside the White House, pointing at something behind the camera. A man in a military uniform appears, looking shocked. The camera switches to his POV, and we see the steam-mech standing on the lawn. A packet is taped to one leg. The officer goes slowly over to the mech and takes the packet. He opens it and finds a manual with the title “How to build, operate, and maintain your Mk. 1 Steam-Mech”. He finds another sheet of paper inside and opens it. The final shot is a close up of the page, which reads

“On to Canada!”.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

TEASER

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – ADMIRAL’S READY ROOM – NIGHT

SIX YEARS AGO…

WARD sits at his desk, staring at a blank computer screen.

Pan around the room and we see the signs of the fierce battle they had fought, broken items, dead monitors lie about.

The door to the ready room opens and GRIMM REAPER enters.

GRIM REAPER
Admiral?

WARD
Don’t call me that.

GRIM REAPER
Excuse me sir?

WARD
I’m not an admiral.
An admiral commands a fleet.
What do I command?

GRIM REAPER
Me, sir.

WARD
(scoffs)
A crew of one…

GRIM REAPER
And this ship, sir. She’s not destroyed.
She’s a tough old bucket and there’s
the possibility of repair…

WARD
An admiral with a single ship and a sole crewmember.
No, Grimm. I’m not an admiral anymore
Call me captain, for it is this ship I command now.

GRIM REAPER
Yes…
(slight pause)
Captain.
(a longer pause)
I’ve brought you something, sir.

GRIMM REAPER brings a box to the WARD’s desk. He sets it down gingerly.

WARD eyes the box, shooting GRIMM REAPER a questioning look.

WARD
What is it?

GRIM REAPER
I managed to extract it from the Archives,
before the Computer gave out. I know it’s
in a primitive medium, but it was all that I
could get, sir. I thought that you might want them…

WARD opens the box to reveal hundreds of small slides. He picks one up and looks at it, a smile suddenly appearing upon his previously morose face.

WARD
I can’t believe it.

GRIM REAPER
Back in the War you told me something.
There’s always a reason to fight on, there’s
always a reason to not give up. Whether
it be family, love, hope, belief. There’s
always something to keep fighting for.

WARD
Thank you, Grimm.
Thank you very much.

GRIM REAPER
It is my pleasure, sir.

WARD gets up from his desk.

WARD
Tell me something, Grimm.

GRIM REAPER
Anything, sir.

WARD
What’s keeping you in the fight?

GRIM REAPER
Belief sir.
I believe in you.

WARD pauses a moment, his bearing suddenly becoming straighter.

WARD
Our ship is nearly destroyed.
We are lost in the Multiverse.
But we have a mission. There’s
a monster out there that needs
to be destroyed. And We will
find it and we will destroy it.

GRIM REAPER
(grinning)
Yes, sir.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series

“ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN

ACT I

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

The crew is gathered, all looking hollow eyed and exhausted. DOCTOR WHAT looks at each of them.

DOCTOR WHAT
Report.

DAVE HOWERY
Shift engine’s shot. Take days to fix it.
I can get you in system drives by the end of the day…
But we’ve also taken some damage to the reactor, the
thing could go critical if we strain it too much.

GBW
Scanners are out. We can’t see anything.
Shields are down, all the generators are blown.

DAVE HOWERY
We have one more in storage.
God, we’re running through them fast…

WEAPON M
Weapons are down. The particle cannons
look to be salvageable. But the launch tube’s
shot to hell. We’ll be lobbing nothing anytime soon.

DOCTOR WHAT
The A.S.S.H.A.T?

WEAPON M
It’s okay. Tough little thing.
Though the only way we’re gonna
launch it is if we shove it out of an airlock.

G.BONE
Leo’s down. His core was damaged
in the attack. It’ll take a while to fix him.

DAVE HOWERY
Without Leo, we can’t shift anyway.
Along with targeting, navigating…

DOCTOR WHAT
(rubbing weary eyes)
Okay. Main things first.
Get us shields, weapons, impulse,
and Leo back online.

DAVE HOWERY
Psycho and I can handle the engines.

GBW
I can replace the shield generator.

G.BONE
I can fix up Leo, but it might take a while.

WEAPON M
Figure I can fiddle with the particle cannons
and see what happens.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good. We got jobs. Get to it.
We may be in an unfriendly place.

Everyone leaves and DOCTOR WHAT hangs his head in exhaustion.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

The crew is gathered.

GEDCA
We’ve got weapons back on line.
We’ve got shields back up to minimum.
One solid hit and the generators will fry.
We just don’t have a spare.
Scanners are down, comm is shifty, and
the engines are up and running.

WARD
Excellent.
(to GRIMM REAPER)
Were we able to get a reading
off the Devourer’s wake?

GRIM REAPER
(shaking head)
No. It decayed too fast.

WARD
Damn
What about the AH.com?

GRIM REAPER
The Beacon’s holding steady.
We know where they are…

WARD
Excellent.
Set a course for that universe.
If we can’t find the Devourer, we
might as well destroy one of our foes.

GRIMM REAPER nods ecstatically.

INT.- AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

KIT
Doc. We’re getting some kind of message.

DOCTOR WHAT
On screen.

The screen flares to life, showing a large man.

MAN
You have entered the realm
of the United Imperial Earth.
State your business!

DOCTOR WHAT
Our ship is damaged. We need to make some repairs.

MAN
We cannot allow such foreigners into
our space, prepare to be boarded and
taken into custody.

DOCTOR WHAT
What the fu-

The ship suddenly shakes.

HENDRYK
Internal scans show that there’s a
force landing in the Main Shuttle Bay.

DOCTOR WHAT
Why the hell didn’t we see them?

HENDRYK
Main scanners are down…

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn.
(into com)
MATT!

MATT
Yo?

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re being boarded.
Secure the Main Shuttle Bay.

MATT
On my way, Doc!

INT. AH.COM SHIP – OUTSIDE MAIN SHUTTLE BAY – DAY

MATT, STRAHA, MICHAEL, and OTHNIEL scurry down a corridor, armed.

STRAHA
Lets blow these sons of bitches
out of the air lock!

MATT
They’re already on the ship.

STRAHA
Then we fucking kill them!

MATT
That’s the plan, kid.

They hurry to the Shuttle Bay entrance, when suddenly there’s a loud explosion throwing them all back. MATT staggers to his feet, and watches as several amored figures march out of the door.

MATT
Shit!
(opens fire)

MICHAEL moves around on his hands and knees, reaching a groaning STRAHA crumpled up against a bulkhead. He notices OTHNIEL lying in a heap.

MICHAEL
(into comm)
Diamond! Get your ass down here!
Now!

MATT continues to fight the armored figures.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – ENGINEERING BAY– DAY

DAVE HOWERY and PSYCHOMELTDOWN are hunched over a monitor, behind them smoke rises and red lights are flashing.

DAVE HOWERY
Man. I don’t like the look of this.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Look of what?
The whole damn ship falling apart?
Or the core running redline for the last hour?

DAVE HOWERY
No. My reflection. That small fire singed
my luxurious beard, now it’s uneven.
You don’t happen to have a pair of
scissors do you?

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Er… No.
I think we have bigger problems at the moment.

DAVE HOWERY
Fine. Fine.

Suddenly the ship rocks and DAVE HOWERY and PSYCHOMELTDOWN are sent flying across the Engineering Room.

The sound of something snapping fills the rooma nd suddenly steam gushes from a broken pipe.

DAVE HOWERY
Aw, crap.
I thought I fixed that.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Duct taping is not fixing.

DAVE HOWERY
It usually works.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
And we wonder why our ship looks like crap.

DAVE HOWERY
Hey, at least it’s still flying.
Er… was still flying.

A alarm begins blaring, DAVE HOWERY and PSYCHOMELTDOWN rush to another monitor.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Shit.

DAVE HOWERY
Aw, hell. Looks like the venting system
from the reactor just crapped out.
(Dave hits various buttons)
The auto vent’s not working.
Crap.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
What are we gonna do?

DAVE HOWERY
We gotta get to the manual release,
vent the theta radiation and pray to
whatever gods you believe in that
the core doesn’t go critical.

Suddenly the ship rocks again, and another alarm begins blaring again, this time the Engineering Bay is flooded with red light and screaming sirens.

DAVE HOWERY
Radiation leak!
Get out of the Reactor Room.
It’s gonna be sealed off.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
But the vents?

DAVE HOWERY
You wanna die?
If we don’t get out now,
we’ll be dead!

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
If we just leave, the radiation is going
to flood this whole ship. And we’ll be
all dead. Not to mention the reactor
could go critical if the radiation isn’t vented!

DAVE HOWERY
Shit.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Go. I’ll open the manual vent.

DAVE HOWERY
Oh, hell no.
You’re not going to do something
brave while I’m around. I’m the
Chief Engineer, I do the crazy brave
stuff, not my kickrarounds.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
You know more about this ship than me.
It’s about who’s more useful, now. If
you’re incapacitated, then G.Bone and I
can’t fix the ship as well as you can.
So you’re needed.

DAVE HOWERY
(stroking singed beard)
You’re right…

Suddenly the siren changes pitch. There’s a groaning noise and a heavy blast door begins sliding down, separating the reactor from the rest of the ship.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Go!

DAVE HOWERY hurries out as the heavy doors slid down. He looks in from a small window.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN rushes over to a large machine that’s labeled: MANUAL VENT. He begins hitting some buttons, the lighting of the room changes.

DAVE HOWERY
No! No!
You idiot! That’s the light control.
The vent control is to the left!

PSCYHOMELTDOWN gives a thumbs up, moving over to another computer console. He hits buttons and suddenly a large lever pops up. He pulls it down.

DAVE HOWERY rushes over to a monitor and it displays; SECONDARY VENTING INITIATED. He rushes back to the small window and sees PSYCHOMELTDOWN collapsed upon the floor.

DAVE HOWERY
Aw, hell.
(opens comm unit)
Diamond! Get your ass down here, ASAP!

DIAMOND (on comm)
I’m kind of in a fucking situation here!
(sounds of gunfire)

DAVE HOWERY stares into the Engineering Room.

DAVE HOWERY
Aw, hell.

DAVE HOWERY hits a button upon the door marked: MANUAL RELEASE.

Cut to:

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – OUTSIDE MAIN SHUTTLE BAY – DAY

The sound of gunfire fills the air, Pan toward a group of figures huddled behind a barricade, exchanging fire with a large group of armored figures.

Pan to DIAMOND who’s applying bandages to an unconscious OTHNEIL, a bandaged and stunned looking STRAHA leans up against a bulkhead, arm in sling and clothing bloodied.

MATT
Shit.
We can’t hold this position.

MICHAEL
This is a bloody right fucked mess.
Where in the hell are the others?

DIAMOND
They said there was another attempt
to board the ship from the secondary bay.
They’ll be here in a minute.

The bulkhead above DIAMOND gets shredded by incoming fire.

MICHAEL
Hope they come friggin’ soon.

There’s a sudden yelling and several armored men begin running toward the barricade, firing as they come. MATT, MICHAEL, and DIAMOND open fire upon them.

MICHAEL suddenly lets out a yell, falling backward and withering from a hit. DIAMOND immediately moves to him, opening his med pouch. MATT takes care of the last charging soldier.

MATT
Damn it.
We gotta fall back.
Straha, grab Othniel.
Diamond grab Michael.
I’ll cover your retreat.

The two grab the injured pair and begin dragging. MATT suddenly rises up, firing away at the armored figures. DIAMOND keeps dragging, suddenly knocking into something. He turns around and sees IRON YUPPIE, LANDSHARK, ABDUL HADI PASHA, and DMA.

IRON YUPPIE
Any of the boys with toys left?

LANDSHARK
Oi, what’s with the depressed and
“we’re gonna die” look. The bloody
cavalry’s here to save your sorry arses.

ABDUL HADI PASHA
Move it, people.
Matt’s in trouble.
(cocks assault rifle)

DMA
Jihad!
(runs into the fight)

IRON YUPPIE
You gotta love his enthusiasm.

LANDSHARK
‘Course he’s gotta come up
with a better line than “Jihad”.

DIAMOND just shakes his head and STRAHA and he continue to drag the unconscious crew members down the battered corridor.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The Control Room is tense and we can see GREY WOLF and GBW busily trying to repair a computer console.

The Main Viewscreen is shot through with static. On it are shown the Imperial ships swarming like little bugs.

KIT
Doc, there’s heavy comm traffic.
Seems the Imperials are gathering
their forces for a full on attack.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn.
(into comm)
Hey, Lee. How long with that cannon?

Cut to:

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – WEAPONS CONTROL AREA – DAY

WEAPON M and THANDE are hunched over fixing a large device labeled: MAIN WEAPONS CONTROL.

WEAPON M
Give us a couple of minutes, Doc.
This thing’s fried to hell and gone.

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re running out of time here.
We need the weapons up and running…

WEAPON M
We hear you. But there’s no choice in the matter.

DOCTOR WHAT
Just get it done. Quickly.

THANDE
Damn it. I work with chemicals,
not bloody damned machines!

WEAPON M
Chill, Thande.
We’ll get it working.

WEAPON M inserts a chip and suddenly the consoles flares to life. WEAPON M gives THANDE a thumbs up sign.

WEAPON M (into comm)
Weapons are a go, Doc.
Fire away at the fucking bastards!

Cut to:

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

HENDRYK
Doc. Weapons online!

DOCTOR WHAT
Aim for the first ship and begin firing.

HENDRYK
(happily)
I’ve always wanted to do this.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

Light fires from the AH.com ship, slicing through the Imperial Ships flying in their direction. They begin blossoming into flames.

Cut to:

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

KIT
Dave’s reporting that the ship’s in system
drives are on line. Shift Engines are still
offline. MATT’s also reporting that the
last of the boarders have been repelled.
The Imperials are calling a retreat on all
remaining ships.

DOCTOR WHAT
Ha. Blast away a couple of
their ships and they go running.

KIT
No. They all got the retreat order moments
before the cannons were activated. It’s strange…

DOCTOR WHAT
Lucky us then.
(to Grey and GBW)
You two finished?
We need to hop skip outta here.

GBW
Almost.

GREY WOLF
The bloody consoles always fucking blow
when you get tapped by a baddie. Damn things.
We should get better ones…

KIT
(scared)
Doc? I’ve snatched up a transmission sent
out to all the Imperial Ships. They’ve got
bigger worries to worry about…

The viewscreen flashes on, showing a huge billowing vortex, almost as if a storm were brewing in space. The Control Room goes quiet as they see what comes out.

GREY WOLF
Aw, bloody hell.
The fucking thing followed us here.

DOCTOR WHAT (into comm)
Dave, you’d better get those Shift Engines
working, for we’ve got unwelcome company.

DAVE HOWERY (on comm)
What? You’re not saying…
Aw, crap. I’m on it.

DOCTOR WHAT (into comm)
G.Bone, hurry up and patch up Leo.
We’re gonna need his brainy power in a moment.

G.Bone (on comm)
Working on it, captain.
This is delicate work!

GBW
(sighing)
What else could happen now?

Suddenly the ship rocks, alarms begin blaring.

HENDRYK
We’re getting hull breaches on several decks.
Something just tore a hole into us.

DOCTOR WHAT
Was it the Devourer?

KIT
(scared)
Doc, we’re getting a transmission.

The screen flares to life and a truly pissed off looking WARD is shown.

WARD
You think you could run?
You think you could make
a repeat of your cowardice?
Well, I’m here to show you
what we do to cowards!

GREY WOLF
(glaring at GBW)
You just had to shoot off your
soddin’ mouth, didn’t you?

DOCTOR WHAT
Uh.. do we have shields?

HENDRYK
No.

DOCTOR WHAT
Aw, shit.

The CF.net begins firing upon the AH.com.

END ACT I

ACT II

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WARD is glaring at the viewscreen, showing the AH.com maneuvering and taking shots.

GRIM REAPER
Sir. We’re running the weapons system hot.
Without auto targeting we’re missing five outta seven shots.

WARD
Keep firing.
Destroy them.

GRIM REAPER
Yes, sir.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – COMPUTER CORE – DAY

G.BONE is floating in a large area, the huge pulsing orb that was Leo’s Brain is dead and unpulsing. G.BONE is fiddling with what appears to be chips.

The ship rocks violently, causing him to drop a few, they fly slowly away from him.

G.BONE
(growling)
I said this was delicate work!
I can’t work in these conditions.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT
Get us out of here, GBW!

GBW
Trying, sir.
I can’t shake them.

Suddenly the ship rocks and the lights dim.

DOCTOR WHAT
What the hell?

GBW
I’ve just lost helm control.

HENDRYK
I’ve lost weapons control.

KIT
Still got comm.

GREY WOLF
I just dropped by scotch!

DOCTOR WHAT (into comm)
Dave, what’s happened?

DAVE HOWERY (on comm)
That last shot just took out our pulse drive.
We aren’t going anywhere. Thursters are gone,
the Shift Engines are still hours of work from now…

GBW
So, we’re just sitting ducks out here?

DOCTOR WHAT
(looking at viewscreen)
Why are they destroying us?

INT. – CF.NET – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER is pounding a dead computer console.

GRIM REAPER
We’ve just lost weapons.

WARD
Damn.
What do we have to destroy them?

GRIM REAPER
(shrugging)
Teleporters are down.
Launch tubes are shot to hell…
(pause)
We could board them?

WARD
Do it!

FAEELIN
Sir. We’re getting a transmission from the AH.com.
Shall I patch it through?

WARD
Go ahead. I want to see What
beg for his life, before I kill him.

INT.- AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GREY WOLF
Just don’t beg for your life.

DOCTOR WHAT
How many times do I have to tell you?
I’m not begging for my life.

GREY WOLF
Just making sure…

KIT
We’re patched in.

WARD appears upon the screen. DOCTOR WHAT stands up straight.

DOCTOR WHAT
I see you survived.

WARD
I see you ran, like the coward you are.

DOCTOR WHAT
I think we have bigger issues than
my leaving the scene of battle.
Though I did not flee.

WARD
Quit your stalling.

DOCTOR WHAT
If your communication officer will scan the
local frequencies, he’ll notice something
going on. It seems we have a mutual enemy
that’s arrived to this universe also.

WARD talks off screen for a moment, when he comes back he still looks angry, but this time not directed at DOCTOR WHAT.

WARD
This means nothing. Only that I’ll
destroy the Thing after I destroy you.

DOCTOR WHAT
We still want this Devourer destroyed, same as you.
We’re willing to work with you to destroy it.
We also still have an A.S.S.H.A.T. left.

WARD
(long pause)
It looks like we have a few things to discuss…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MED BAY – DAY

TORQUMADA is stripping off bloodied gloves while DIAMOND is taking a fortifying shot of medicinal brandy.

TORQUMADA
There’s a reason that I love
futuristic medical equipment.
So much better than just hacking
away at a person’s body parts.

DIAMOND nods, taking another fortifying shot.

DOCTOR WHAT enters.

DOCTOR WHAT
How are they?

TORQUMADA
(nodding to Dr. What)
Psycho’s got a major case of
Radiation poisoning, We’ve
given him meds and he’ll be
okay, if we get the medical
equipment here working.
Othniel’s suffering form a
concussion and a couple of
shrapnel wounds, he’ll be okay.
Michael, we had to dig a couple
of bullets outta him. Messy stuff.

DOCTOR WHAT
And Straha?

TORQUMADA
Broken arm and from what I can tell,
shell shock. A couple of meds and
a few days rest should take care of that.

DOCTOR WHAT walks among the battered crewmembers, shaking his head.

DOCTOR WHAT
A miracle we didn’t lose anyone.

TORQUMADA
I had Psycho’s name in the pool
as the crew member to die in this battle.

DOCTOR WHAT
There’s was a pool?

DIAMOND
I had Straha…
(sighs)

DOCTOR WHAT looks at the unconscious members again and shakes his head.

DOCTOR WHAT
Make sure they’re comfortable. We’re still
not out of the fight yet. The Big Bad’s just
followed us here, along with Ward.

DIAMOND
(takes fortifying shot of medicinal brandy)
Damn.

TORQUMADA
(offers Doctor What a shot of medicinal brandy)
Of all the missions you’ve taken us on,
this has to be the shittiest one.

DOCTOR WHAT
(takes fortifying shot of medicinal brandy)
You’re telling me.

KIT
Doc. Ward’s arrived on board.

DOCTOR WHAT (into comm)
On my way.
(turns to leave, then stops)
Thanks for taking care of my crew, Torq.
You too, Diamond.

DIAMOND
It’s cool, Cap’n.

TORQUMADA
No problem, Doc. Just kill this
thing and we’ll call it even, alright?

DOCTOR WHAT
Consider it done.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – MAIN SHUTTLE BAY – DAY

WARD, GRIMM, DRACONIS NOIR, and N-RED walk from a shuttle, the latter two are heavily armed. DOCTOR WHAT, GREY WOLF, MATT, and WEAPON M head toward them, the latter two are also heavily armed.

DOCTOR WHAT
Let’s discuss our options.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT
The fight we engaged in against the Devourer
managed to eliminate most of it’s fighter escorts.

WARD
It still has it’s own personal defenses
and weapons. What do you think took
out the ‘Verse Crosser?

DOCTOR WHAT
We’ve managed to hurt it and
it’s managed to hurt us.

GREY WOLF
That’s a goddamn understatement,
if I’ve ever heard one.

GRIM REAPER
We still have weapons and minimal shields.
Same as you.

WARD
I get it your launching system is also shot to hell?

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah.

GRIM REAPER
We can’t launch the A.S.S.H.A.T.
We can’t teleport it.
What are our options?

DOCTOR WHAT thinks for a moment and then smiles.

DOCTOR WHAT
(to Grey Wolf)
Do we still have that dinky
ship we captured last time?
(he nods)
I think I have an idea…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

KIT
I don’t see why you’re the one who has to do this?

DOCTOR WHAT
I’m the captain, I make the decisions.

KIT
Can’t you use one of the cannon fodder?
Take GBW, he’s almost useless.

GBW
Hey, I’d take offense if it weren’t so true!

DOCTOR WHAT
No. I must do this myself.

KIT
No you don’t. You’re just being stupidly brave.
Get over yourself!

DOCTOR WHAT
(smiles briefly)
I have to do this.

KIT
(glaring)
Bastard.
(stalks off)

GREY WOLF
I’ll hold the ship while you’re gone.

DOCTOR WHAT
I trust you, Grey.

GREY WOLF
Fuck.
Guess that’ll me I can’t drink.
(tosses aside flask)

DOCTOR WHAT
See you all in a bit, after we kill this thing.
Beer’s on me at the Pub.

GBW
‘bout time you actually bought a round!

DOCTOR WHAT smiles and heads off into the Lift.

GREY WOLF
(to crew)
Get yer arses to work.
I want all systems on go when this shit starts.
If What buys it out there, I’m holding
you fuckards responsible, hear?

CREW
Yes, sir!

INT. AH.COM SHIP – MAIN CARGO BAY – DAY

A vast room, filled with storage containers. In one corner a lot of people are gathered, busily moving items. Pull in and we see, G.BONE, DAVE HOWERY, GEDCA, FORTYSEVEN, and FEDERATION X.

FORTYSEVEN
Where’s Psycho?

G.BONE
Med Bay. Radiation Poisoning.

FEDERATION X
Ouch. That sucks.

GEDCA
Can’t believe you all have
this stuff in storage.

DAVE HOWERY
(smugly)
Got replacements for every
major system on this ship.

GEDCA
Why?

DAVE HOWERY
Hell, we’ve had our ship trashed in
almost every universe we arrived at.
We’ve been shot, nearly blown up,
our ship nearly taken over a couple of times.
(shakes head)
Give us a couple of days after a fight
and we’ll be good as new again.

GEDCA
Thanks for letting us snag a few parts.

DAVE HOWERY
Not much call for spare parts, huh?

GEDCA
We don’t get our asses kicked.

Long pause.

DAVE HOWERY
Right.

INT. AH.COM SHIP – MAIN SHUTTLE BAY – DAY

Debris and scorched marks litter the Shuttle Bay. DOCTOR WHAT and WEAPON M walk around a small craft.

WEAPON M
Always wondered why
we never used this thing.

DOCTOR WHAT
Mainly cuz it’s wanted
in nearly fifty universes.

WEAPON M
Aw, well. She works fine. We’ve
loaded her up and she’s set to go.

DOCTOR WHAT
Good.

WEAPON M
Here.
(hands Dr. What a device)

DOCTOR WHAT
What’s this?

WEAPON M
It’s a locator. Leo’s tracking system’s
a bit on the fritz. We might mistaken
your ship for that of the enemy.
So locator.

DOCTOR WHAT
Cool.

WEAPON M
Hell, we could track you into another
universe with it, if we wanted.

DOCTOR WHAT
I won’t be in another universe.

A silence descends

WEAPON M
You sure you want to do this?

DOCTOR WHAT
(looks about)
Hell no. But it has to be done.

WEAPON M
Right.
Best of luck to you, Doc.
We’ll keep that bitch off your
back so you can fuck it in the ass.
(grins)
Heh. At least you’re good at that.

DOCTOR WHAT
(mock outrage)
That’s slanderous lies, Lee.
Good luck to you guys.

WEAPON M
Nah. You’ll be doing the hard part.
We’ll just be out there poking the bull.

The two shake hand and part ways. DOCTOR WHAT entering the small ship.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

We see the ship leave the AH.com and with a blast of it’s engines is lost in the darkness of space.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

HENDRYK
Doc’s just left the ship.

GREY WOLF
Inform Ward and begin the plan.

GBW
Course set.

LEO
Weapons ready and armed.

DAVE HOWERY (on comm)
We’re ready as we’ll ever be down here.

TORQUMADA (on comm)
Patients secured.
Just don’t get us blown up, Grey.

GREY WOLF
Sure and maybe I’ll pull a
unicorn outta my arse.

KIT
Ward’s acknowledge.
Entering attack vector.

LANDSHARK
Damn, here we go again…

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A long shot of the earth, the two ships, the Devourer, and scores of Imperial ships still battling away at the Devourer. Light blossoms from the Devourer, striking down at the planet below.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

KIT
Oh my. The Imperial ships
are taking a major beating…

GREY WOLF
Begin attack approach, power to
defensive screens and weapons!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The two ships blaze their way toward the ship, both battered.

A spherical ship is chasing after an Imperial ship; suddenly it explodes into debris as the cannons of the CF.net open up. A barrage is sent against the Devourer. The Ah.com commences bombardment, the two ships begin maneuvers as a lance of pure white light shoots out at their position.

The two ships are weaving in and out of the Imperial Ships, firing their cannons upon the Devourer. Small spherical ships disengage from attacking the Imperial ships and begin giving chase.

Lances of light strike upon the hulls of the ships, bits and pieces falling off. They fire back, shredding the spherical ships. The spherical ships are giving chase now, the Imperial ships swarm the Devourer, but they get cut down, one by one.

INT. – COCKPIT OF THE SMALL SHIP – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT intently watches the scanner before him, watching as Imperial ships explode, spherical vessels detonate, and the two ships fending off the swarm of spherical ships.

DOCTOR WHAT hits a couple of buttons on the console before him and the ship begins to surge forward.

DOCTOR WHAT
Here we go.

He looks back and we see the A.S.S.H.A.T.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Sparks shower from a shattered console, the light is dim, and everyone’s clutching to whatever surface they can, as the ship shakes violently with hits.

GREY WOLF
How long?

WEAPON M
Shields down to forty percent.
Weapons running hot.

GBW
Dave’s having problems with the
pulse engines. They’re being overworked.

HENDRYK
Doc’s ship is moving in.

GREY WOLF
Oh, thank god.

WEAPON M
Aw, crap.
The Devourer’s firing upon Doc…

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The Devourer begins firing at the small ship. The small ship moves gracefully, avoiding the lances of light and continues to plow toward the Devourer.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
Ward’s firing his main cannon!

A flash of light fills the screen.

It clears and the crew begins cheering as they see a series of explosions rock the hull of the Devourer.

HENDRYK
Reading damages along the outer hull.
Their weapons are off line.

GREY WOLF
Take us in for an attack, all wea-

A blast of white light suddenly hits the ship, alarms begin ringing and the ship comes to a stop.

GREY WOLF
What the hell?

DAVE HOWERY (on comm)
We’ve just lost pulse drives!
We’ve just lost shields.
We’ve just lost weapons!
We’re fucked.

GREY WOLF
Aw, hell…

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A white light flashes again.

Suddenly a ship appears between them and the light. The CF.net. The white light hits them full on and they’re suddenly adrift like the AH.com. small explosions can be seen erupting from their hull.

The Devourer seems to ignore them, instead it begins firing upon the small ship that’s still speeding it’s way toward it. With a single cannon it fires repeatedly, the small ship dodging the blasts.

Suddenly a blast strikes out, the small ship barely manages to maneuver out of the way, but it gets grazed. The small ship spins, out of control.

As if a last gasp, the CF.net belches out another blast, destroying the last cannon of the Devourer.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

KIT
Doc!
Doc!
Are you alirght?

DOCTOR WHAT (on comm)
(heavy with static)
Yeah. I’m here.
Ship got grazed, no control…

GREY WOLF
Just arm the A.S.S.H.A.T. and
teleport your arse off the ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
Can’t. The teleporters are shot…

KIT
What?
No.
No.

GREY WOLF
We’ll launch a shuttle to get you.

DOCTOR WHAT
No. The Devourer is already repairing
itself. I can see it from here. It’ll be
minutes before it’s functioning again…

GREY WOLF
You can’t stay on that bloody ship.
It’s gonna blow!

DOCTOR WHAT
(softly)
I know…

KIT
No.
Doc, don’t do this.
Don’t be stupid.
(into intercom)
MATT get a friggin’ shuttle
ready and get the Doc!

DOCTOR WHAT
Kit, no.
Too many people have been hurt and
have died because of this thing. I’m
not letting anyone die to try and save me.
No.

KIT
But, Doc…

DOCTOR WHAT
No.

GREY WOLF
Damn it, Bruno.
What the hell are we going to do?

DOCTOR WHAT
(long pause)
Take care of the ship. Take care of one another.
I said it before. We’re all family. We’ve been
through a lot. We’ve seen a lot. A ragged bunch
of people, when you all came on board. Now look
at you. You’re heroes, everyone of you. Be proud
of that and remember it. You’ve faced something
today that very little people would willingly face.
You stood up against a great evil and now we’ve
fought it to a standstill. I’m proud to have had the
opportunity to be on a ship with you all.
(a long pause)
This is where our paths separate, but one day
we may all end up together again, in another
universe. In another place.

KIT
Doc..
Don’t.

DOCTOR WHAT
(heavy static)
I can see it now. The Devourer
is almost finished repairing itself.
You guys be good.
(hastily)
And no one touch my porn!

KIT
Doc!

Nothing.

INT. – COCKPIT OF THE SMALL SHIP – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT walks toward the back of the ship and flips a switch upon the A.S.S.H.A.T.. A counter begins, counting down from 10.

9…

8…

He sighs, leaning against it.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn. They’re gonna get into my porn…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

7…

6…

KIT
(screaming)
Someone!
Rescue him!
Please…

INT. – COCKPIT OF THE SMALL SHIP – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT looks around and grins to himself. He straddles the A.S.S.H.A.T..

DOCTOR WHAT
I’ll ride this fucker in.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

A suddenly violet shockwave encompasses the screen, washing out everything.

The crew stands there, unable to say anything.

Utter silence.

KIT
No…

END ACT II

TAG

MONTAGE

CREW REPAIRING THE SHIP

Dave leading the crew to patch up the hull and the engines.

Parts being taken out of storage.

Welding sparks as things are patched up.

CLEANING THE INTERIOR

the rest of the crew tear down battered bulkheads and scrub away marks of fire and fighting.

CREW VISITING THE INJURED

The crew is gathered in the Med Bay, laughing, talking, and drinking with those that were injured in the fighting on the ship.

THE TWO CREWS SHAKING HANDS

The crew of the CF.net and the AH.com are shaking hands as they make their farewells.

WARD
(to Grey Wolf)
He died bravely.

GREY WOLF only nods, unable to say anything.

Fade to black.

OVER BLACK

MAN (Voice Over)
To say that he was our leader, does not describe him.
To say that he was a great man, does not describe him.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – LARGE TEMPLE – DAY

HENDRYK is standing upon a raised step, talking to the gathered AH.com crew, before him is a picture of a grinning DOCTOR WHAT.

HENDRYK
He was our friend.
He was our comrade.
He was our brother.
He was there when we needed him,
He was there when times were tough.
He never let us down.
( a pause)
In the end he gave his life for us.
He made a sacrifice so that we all
should live. Remember him. Who
he was and what he did. For there are
few men like him in the Multiverse.
(Hendryk looks at everyone, taking them all in)
Remember this.
(long pause)
Doctor What died once.
And he rose up again.

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS

TEASER

Over black

MAN (voice over)
Since the dawn of Mankind,
we have been fighting.
Our history is one of
violence and destruction.

Opening shot:

EXT. – FOREST – DAY

Two men in animal skins fight each other with sticks and stones. One of the men gets the upper hand and begins clubbing the other.

MAN (voice over)
Tribes went to war. Then nations.
Finally the whole world plunged itself
into three wars that nearly destroyed us.

EXT – BATTLEFIELD – DAY

Tanks and infantrymen march across the screen. Rockets, jets, and artillery light up the Background.

Suddenly a mushroom cloud appears, blindingly bright, then another, and another, and another.

White out:

MAN (voice over)
Our fighting was not contained to the Earth.
We launched ourselves into the heavens and
spilled our blood in the vacuum of space.

EXT – SPACE – DAY

Large clunky looking ships fire rockets and projectiles at one another. One explodes silently.

Twisted bodies float among shattered debris.

Fade out:

MAN (voice over)
Humanity was never united.
In each other we saw an enemy.
In each other we saw a threat.
Then the true Enemy came.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A vortex opens and from it spill ships, dark and deadly.

Upon their hulls there is a flag. A black flag, a stylized red sun, with a white hand in the center.

MAN (voice over)
A world divided faced an Enemy.
One who had conquered scores of worlds.
An Enemy who’s power dwarfed our own.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

Huge ships hover around earth, raining down deadly light upon cities.

MAN
We were invaded, but we fought back.
The divided nations of the world United.

INT. – COUNCIL OF MEN AND WOMEN – DAY

From all nations, they stand united, grim faced, and stoic. Upon a battered wall behind them is raised a flag.

Blue, Gray, and White.

Earth cupped in a pair hands with the word Unity written beneath them.

MAN (voice over)
Together. United. We faced the enemy.
We fought them in our cities.

EXT. – SHATTERED CITY – NIGHT

Explosions rock the city as troops battle against an unseen enemy. Men scurry among the ruins, firing back and in the distance we see tanks and other weapons being deployed.

MAN (voice over)
We fought them in the sky.

EXT. – SKY – DAY

Fighter jets battle other strange looking aircraft.

MAN (voice over)
We fought them in space itself.

EXT – SPACE – DAY

Ships that aren’t clunky anymore fire upon the black vessels. The Unity flag can be seen upon the hulls of the attacking ships.

Pull back and we see a large fleet of these ships, battling against the Enemy ships. They fill the screen, explosions blossom upon the screen.

MAN (voice over)
Humanity united and as a single Union we fought them.
We fought them when all around us the world was reduced to rubble.
We fought them when death rained down upon us all.
We fought them because we had hope.

INT. – BRIDGE OF A SHIP – DAY

The bridge is red lit, men and women can be seen huddling in front of monitors. In the center of the bridge a man can be seen, his features darkened.

MAN (voice over)
We had hope, because of one man.
When all seemed lost, he continued the fight.
When it looked like we were doomed, he brought us victory.

EXT. – A HUGE FLEET OF SHIPS – DAY

They fill the screen. Upon the hulls are the Unity flag and they engage a equally huge fleet.

MAN (voice over)
He brought us our salvation.
He brought us hope and victory.

INT. -A HUGE AUDIENCE CHAMBER – DAY

A man is standing at a podium, a huge crowd is gathered, uniformed men and women stand behind the MAN.

MAN
Our savior, our defender!
The Sword of Freedom,
The Champion of Democracy,
And the Protector of Humanity!
Admiral Ward.

Ward steps forward from among the uniformed men and women, to the thunderous applause of the gathered men and women.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series

“OF SHIPS & CAPTAINS”

Written By : PSYCHOMELTDOWN

ACT I

INT. – ASTERIOD BELT – UNITY FREE ZONE – DAY

EIGHT YEARS AGO….

Two men are talking and walking down a corridor, it has a dim, grim, and battered look about it. Workers hurry by, all looking tired and their clothing battered. We pull in on the two men, WARD and GRIMM REAPER.

WARD
They need to work faster.

GRIMM REAPER
There’s only so much time in the day, and
we’re already pulling twenty four seven on
the construction. Any faster and we’ll be
losing workers faster than ever.

WARD
They need these ships back on Earth.

GRIMM REAPER
I’m not saying they don’t. It’s just
we’re losing workers on a daily basis.

WARD
I thought accidents were cut down?

GRIMM REAPER
They are, but depression, lack of sleep.
They’re taking their toll.

WARD
They should be so damn lucky that they’re not getting
bombarded by the Bastards back on Earth. They should
be giddy with happiness that they’re not being slaughtered
like cattle. They’ve got food, they’ve got a place to
sleep, and they’ve got work to do. What else do they want?
(scowls)
You get those weak willed bastards back on the
production line or space them. If they’re not
doing shit, then we sure as hell don’t need them.

GRIMM REAPER
Bit harsh, ain’t it, Sir?

WARD
There’s a billion things that need doing and
we don’t need to be wasting damned resources
on people who aren’t contributing anything!
There’s a war to be fought and this is no time
to coddle the useless.

GRIMM REAPER
(looking over a clipboard)
On that note. The Council is sending a ship over from earth.
A group of scientists who are researching a way to reverse
engineer the Bastards’ shift engines. You’ll like them, they’re
Canadians and Americans. They’ll be here in two days.

WARD
Why not just send the whole
damn population of China here?
(scowling)
It’s not like we’re already overcrowded as it is.

GRIMM REAPER
(looking about)
After what happened in Asia, all of
China would probably fit here.

WARD
This base is not a safe haven for the cowardly
to run to. If they’re not pulling their own weight,
then by God I’ll space them like I did with those
useless politicians that flocked here.

GRIMM REAPER
Council says they’re close to a break through in
getting the shift engine to work. Who knows they
might actually do it. And then we can take this
war back to the Bastards’ own universe.

Ward stops and suddenly grins.

WARD
That would be nice. Make sure
they get whatever they need.

GRIMM REAPER
(grins)
Got another bit of good news. ETA on
the Martians is in about three days. From
what I’ve read they’ve stripped their
defenses clean and are sending us everything
they’ve got.
(shakes head)
They must be really pissed.

WARD
How would you feel if the Bastards
had slagged New Jersey?

GRIMM REAPER
Happy?
(laughs)

WARD
The Bastards slagged Hong Kong last week.
After what? Seven years of laying siege to the place?

GRIMM REAPER
I guess they got tired of the waiting.
The Martians will fill out the remaining
crew slots. We’ll finally have a full
compliment of personnel.

WARD
Then we’ll be finally ready to launch.

The two men come to a large window, overlooking something.

They stare out of it.

GRIMM REAPER
That’s the plan, sir.

WARD stares intently out the window.

WARD
And we’ll crush them.

Pull out from WARD.

A wide shot of what appears to be a huge hanger. Three huge bulks dominate the space, machines and men swarm around it, putting the final touches.

Pan across the Hanger and we see the names, COUNTERFACTUAL.NET, ALTERNATEHISTORY.COM, and ALTERVERSE.ORG upon their massive hulls.

WARD
We’ll win this war…

Fade out.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

PRESENT DAY…

A planet spins before us, a gleaming blue gem, perfect and clean. Suddenly a dark shape crosses it, a black on black thing that screams menace.

Pull in on the shape and it becomes a huge ship.

There are markings upon it: COUNTERFACTUAL.NET

Beams of energy suddenly lance out from the ship, striking down upon the planet below.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BRIDGE – DAY

The bridge is dimmed, the crew are all standing, many them armed with plasma rifles, and aiming them at a group of men and women kneeling before a chair that dominates the room, Ward’s Command Chair.

Upon it sits Ward, his face older and more lined, his beard gray, and a hardness about him. He slowly pulls off a pair of black leather gloves, taking his time.

WARD
What was it you said, when I first arrived here?
Violence never solves anything?

KNEELING MAN 1
(pleading)
Please…

WARD
But you were wrong on that account.
Violence is the supreme power. Naked
Violence has solved more problems in
history than foolish negotiations or talks.
Violence solves everything. It protects,
it defeats, it keeps you alive.

KNEELING MAN 1
Please. You got what you came for.
My people…

WARD
Right now, your cities are being pounded to dust.
Your people are running screaming in terror.
What are you going to do?

KNEELING MAN 1
Please…

WARD
We’ve been here, what? Three days now?
Three days in which you’ve not lifted one
finger to defend yourselves. Three days,
in which you caved to every demand, three
days in which you did not once try to fight back.
(stands up, towering over group)
What I cannot abide is those that won’t
even fight to save themselves.

A beeping noise begins upon one of the consoles. GRIMM REAPER snaps up his rifle and looks at the screen. He taps a few buttons and frowns.

GRIMM REAPER
Looks like we got company.

WARD
(glancing to Grimm)
Type?

GRIMM REAPER
Vortex. On main screen.

The main view screen lights up and it shows a huge orange grey cloud. Not your usual vortex, instead it looks like a rolling thunderstorm, lighting flashes within the billowing cloud.

Shot of WARD as he begins to visibly pale.

WARD
Wha…
Is it?

GRIMM REAPER punches keys upon the computer console, frowning and grim. The computer gives a beep and a message flashes upon the monitor before him.

GRIMM REAPER
(gravely)
Yeah. Yeah it is.

The gathered crew begins muttering among themselves, confused as to what’s going on.

WARD suddenly turns to CREW.

WARD
Full power to the shields!
Arm all weapons.
Prepare the Shift Engines!
We’re getting the hell out of here!
(to stunned crew)
GET!

The crew scatters. Running for their positions. WARD sits back down, his face still pale and drawn.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(gesturing to the kneeling people)
What about them?

WARD
Space them. We have bigger things to worry about.

GRIMM walks up to the command chair, he’s as pale and drawn as WARD.

GRIMM REAPER
What are we gonna do, sir?

WARD continues to stare at the screen, his face troubled.

Fade out:

INT. – CF.NET – ADMIRAL’S READY ROOM – DAY

FIVE YEARS AGO…

Center on the stern visage of WARD. He’s glaring at someone, off screen.

WARD
(reading off a computer monitor)
Seven counts of drunkenness.
Three counts of fraternizing with female officers.
Six counts of disobeying a superior officer.
One count of smuggling livestock on board?
(looks up from computer monitor)
Normally this would be handled by your captain.
Normally such behavior would
not even be brought to my attention.
But then there are circumstances.

Camera pans around to reveal DOCTOR WHAT slumped in a chair across from WARD.

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah.

WARD
You’re a Name, Mr. What.
You’re one of the men and women
who worked on the Shift Project.
People know who you are and
some even look up to you.

DOCTOR WHAT
That was a long time ago.

WARD
Three years ago.

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah.

WARD
But you’re also an officer in the Unity Fleet.

DOCTOR WHAT
I remember. The ceremony was pretty.
They pinned stuff to my uniform.

WARD
Are you drunk, Mr. What?

DOCTOR WHAT
A little, maybe…

WARD
I’ve been informed of other various
incidents aboard the ship you’re serving on.

DOCTOR WHAT
The AlternateHistory.

WARD
A fine ship, commanded by a fine captain.
One who bravely fought in the War.

DOCTOR WHAT
Yeah. I remember. He killed a lot of the Enemy.

WARD
(glaring at DOCTOR WHAT for a moment)
Tell, me, Mr. What.
Why did you join the Unity Fleet?
You’re position as a scientist was
established, why forsake it all and
join the Fleet?

DOCTOR WHAT
(long silence)
I wanted to see the Multiverse.

WARD
(suddenly begins laughing)
An explorer? You fancy yourself an explorer?

DOCTOR WHAT
(frowning)
Shift travel is restricted to Unity Fleet ships only.
It’s the only way I could see other universes.

WARD
Why not become a colonist then?

DOCTOR WHAT
And grub dirt? No. I want to explore.
To see new things, new places, people, civilizations…

WARD
Is that what you think we’re out here for?
Exploration?

DOCTOR WHAT
We have ships exploring.

WARD
For our own protection.
We have ships out there, looking for those
that savaged our world and for those that
might savage it again one day. We are not
in the business of exploring. This fleet is
here to defend our colonies and our
home world from other universe attack.

DOCTOR WHAT
It was the closest I could get…

WARD
There are dangerous things out there, Mr. What
and it’s my job to make sure that we don’t get
our asses stomped again by some unknown enemy.
You know what the “explorers” have seen?
Savage world upon savage world. Worlds ripped
apart by war, by disease, by infighting. Worlds
that attack first and not ask questions at all.

DOCTOR WHAT
Every world can’t be a bad one.
I’m sure there are good
and beautiful worlds out there.

WARD
(scoffing)
You’re a disgrace as an officer. You’re
a disgrace to the uniform you wear and
what it means. Once we return to Earth Prime
in two weeks, your commission as an
officer will be terminated. You will be
reassigned to the duties you were involved
in, prior to your joining the Fleet.

DOCTOR WHAT
You can’t do that.
You can’t-

WARD
You are dismissed, Mr. What.

DOCTOR WHAT just stares at WARD.

WARD
DISMISSED!

DOCTOR WHAT walks from the ready room, looking shocked.

The comm suddenly activates, as the door to the ready room closes.

COMM OFFICER
Sir. We’re getting a distress
call from one of the picket ships.

WARD
I’ll be in the Control Room in a moment.

Fade out.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

PRESENT DAY…

A vortex opens, bright swirly colors.

The AH.COM ship appears.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT and OTHNIEL are walking down the corridor in animate discussion.

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s all about the exploration, finding the unknown,
seeking out those things that you didn’t know existed
or thought could never be.

OTHNIEL
I thought you just did it because
you had nothing else to do?

DOCTOR WHAT
That too. But there’s also more.

OTHNIEL
Porn?

DOCTOR WHAT
There’s also that. You’ve got to give
it to humanity, that in every universe
we visit, they come up with porn that’s
almost completely different from the
other universe.

OTHNIEL
It all looks the same to me.
(quickly)
Not that I watch such filth.

DOCTOR WHAT
(looking at OTHNIEL sadly)
It’s like scotch. Every universe makes it in
a slightly different way, giving it a flavor that’s-

OTHNIEL
I don’t drink either.

DOCTOR WHAT
(confused)
Then what are you doing on this ship?

OTHNIEL
(shrugs)
I bring the word of God to you heathens.

DOCTOR WHAT
(nodding)
Who’s that again? Wait. Is he the guy that ate
all those Pterodactyl eggs? That was some funny stuff.

OTHNIEL glares at DOCTOR WHAT.

Suddenly the ship shakes.

DOCTOR WHAT opens a comm-unit.

DOCTOR WHAT
Hey? What are you guys
doing to my beautiful ship?

GBW (on comm)
Uh.. . we’re passing through a
debris field. A pretty big debris field.

DOCTOR WHAT
I’ll be in the Control Room in a moment.

DOCTOR WHAT and OTHNIEL walk to a hatch and pull it open.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – CONTINUING

DOCTOR WHAT ambles to his command chair.

DOCTOR WHAT
What’s up?

GBW
We’ve run into some debris, seems
to be ship debris or something.

DOCTOR WHAT
On screen.

The main viewscreen activates, showing a vast scene of what looks to be chucks of metal and trash.

DOCTOR WHAT
Status of the planet.

GBW
(long pause)
uh.. there’s no planet on scans.

DOCTOR WHAT
Huh?

GBW
I’ve got a reading on one of the large debris.
It’s giving out a low powered distress call.

DOCTOR WHAT
On screen.

GBW
It’s already on screen, Doc.

Pan to the screen and we see the hulk of what appears to be a ship.

The outside lights of the ship play upon the hull of the vessel, huge gaping holes decorate the vessel.

GBW
Massive damage. I don’t think
anything would survive.

The lights continue to play upon the hull of the ship. They suddenly come across markings on the ship, ALTERVERSE.

GBW
Alterverse?
Looks to be the ship’s name.

GBW turns around and sees DOCTOR WHAT sitting there, slack jawed and pale.

GBW
(concern)
Doc?

DOCTOR WHAT
(shakily)
Is there signs of a planet?

GBW
(running scan)
Uh… no.
Scanners pick up nothing, just debris…
(thoughtful pause)
That’s pretty str-

DOCTOR WHAT
Get us out of here.
Get us out of here, now!

GBW gapes for a moment, but glancing back at DOCTOR WHAT again, he quickly complies.

DOCTOR WHAT continues to sit in the command chair, pale and frightened.

Fade out:

EXT. – HUB DOCKS – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT, HENDRYK, and DIAMOND are walking through a busy walkway, traffic is headed toward a large sign labeled, TRANSPORT.

DIAMOND
(looking at DOCTOR WHAT)
What’s up Doc?
Normally we get shot up before
we go running from a world.

DOCTOR WHAT is silent.

HENDRYK
I-

They all stop as they see WARD and GRIMM REAPER walking across the catwalks. They seem to be in a discussion.

DIAMOND
Small Multiverse, ain’t it.

HENDRYK
I suggest we run back into the ship and
hope they leave the docks soon. There’s
no shame in running, right?

DIAMOND
Hope not, since we do it all the time…

DOCTOR WHAT watches the two, they don’t notice the three.

DIAMOND
From this angle, they don’t look all that tough.
(flexes)
Say we can take them. What
do you think, Hendryk?

HENDRYK
That’s what you always say.
Then comes the screaming, the sobbing,
and the yellow running down the trousers…

DIAMOND
Hey! That was only once!

DOCTOR WHAT
I need to talk to Ward.

The two stare at him.

DIAMOND
Dude. It’s your funeral.

HENDRYK
Surely anything you need to say to him,
can be sent over the com, with you safely
secure in the protection of your own quarters?

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s important.

DIAMOND
I call dibs on your porn, then.
After they kill you, that is…

HENDRYK
Too late.
(grins)

DIAMOND
Don’t tell me-

HENDRYK
He’s signed it over to the Church of Whatinity.
Once he dies, again, it all reverts to Church property.

DIAMOND
Man, that sucks.

HENDRYK
It’s called keeping Holy Artifacts with in the Church.
Don’t want any grubby Sheep worshiping heathens
getting their hands on it.

DIAMOND
I don’t see how a stained copy
of Backyard Honeys is Holy.

DOCTOR WHAT walks toward where WARD and GRIMM REAPER are standing.

DIAMOND
(watching DOCTOR WHAT)
I’d call in some back up about now.

HENDRYK
(opening com unit)
Way ahead of you…

Pan to WARD and GRIMM REAPER.

WARD
We need to contact the others.

GRIMM REAPER
Be a might difficult.
Seeing how they’re scattered across the Multiverse.

WARD
I don’t need your sass now, Grimm.
Just get it done.

GRIMM REAPER
Righto.

DOCTOR WHAT comes up and the two turn to face him.

WARD ‘s eyes suddenly narrow and he glares. GRIMM REAPER just grins sourly.

WARD
You have a bad habit of showing
up when you’re not wanted, boy.

DOCTOR WHAT
I get that a lot.
Mainly from women…

GRIMM REAPER
(sneering)
Oh, look a stray. Coming up to us, tail tucked
between his legs, whining for a milk bone.
Can I keep him WARD?
(walks around DOCTOR WHAT)
‘Course I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t
have fleas and get him his shots.
I’ll even make sure he’s housebroken.
(stands very close to DOCTOR WHAT)
It’ll be ever so much fun…

DOCTOR WHAT
We need to talk, WARD.

WARD
I have nothing to say to you
(sneering)
Doctor. What.

GRIMM REAPER
(still standing very close to DOCTOR WHAT)
I think I’ll get him fixed.

WARD
You got five seconds before
I fill you with lead, boy.
(cocks a pistol in his hands)

DOCTOR WHAT backs off.

DOCTOR WHAT
I need to know.
I need to know what happened.

WARD
(angry)
You NEED to know what happen?
(scoffs)

DOCTOR WHAT
I need to know…
I found the Alterverse…

WARD looks at him for a moment.

WARD
(to GRIMM REAPER)
Get everything ready. Contact the others.
(looking at DOCTOR WHAT)
Me and the good doctor here have things to discuss.

Fade out:

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

FIVE YEARS AGO…

WARD enters the Control Room, around him there are dozens of techs and personnel doing a variety of duties. The Control Room seems crowded, but by WARD’s reaction, all is normal.

WARD
Status?

COMM OFFICER
Sir. We’ve got a distress call from the JUMPER.
They’re reporting some kind of enemy attacking
Colony Hastings.

WARD
Any visuals?

COMM OFFICER
They’ve transmitted only this image.

The screen activates to show a huge ship and scores of other vessels surrounding it. Weapons fire upon what was a Unity colony. The Control Room suddenly goes quiet.

GRIMM REAPER
Wow. That’ s a big one, sir.

WARD
(frowning)
The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
(to Comm Officer)
Status Red for the fleet.
Prepare for Shift, prepare for combat.

GRIMM REAPER
Going huntin’, Admiral?

WARD
Damn straight.
Nothing attacks us and gets away clean.
If it runs, I’ll hunt the bastich to the end of the Multiverse.

GRIMM REAPER
I was getting tired of all this Peace crap, anway.

Suddenly white light fills the screen, GRIMM REAPER, WARD, and the rest of the Control Rom crew stare at the screen mouths agape.

GRIMM REAPER
Maybe peace isn’t such a bad thing after all…

Fade out.

INT. – HUB OF THE MULTIVERSE– OUROBOROS– DAY

PRESENT DAY…

A pitcher of beer is set upon a table and a single glass before WARD.

DOCTOR WHAT looks at him.

WARD
It’ll be a cold day in hell, with the Devil
dancing the two-step, before I share a drink with you.

DOCTOR WHAT nods, as a drink with a large umbrella arrives and is set before him. DOCTOR WHAT takes a sip.

WARD
The damned thing is back.

DOCTOR WHAT
(surprised)
You saw it?

WARD
Damn straight.
We saw the bastard and
we lit out of there.

DOCTOR WHAT
You ran?

WARD
No. We retreated.
We’re not freakin’ cowards.
(glares at DOCTOR WHAT)

DOCTOR WHAT
Where is it?

WARD
Why the hell do you want to know?

DOCTOR WHAT
I…

WARD
Right.
You just go back to your ship
and watch your porn.

DOCTOR WHAT
I want to help.

WARD
You can help by staying
the hell out of our way.

DOCTOR WHAT
(determinedly)
I want to help.

WARD watches DOCTOR WHAT for a moment, drinking his beer.

WARD
(snorts)
There’s a lot of crap that needs to be
organized first. Things that need doing.

DOCTOR WHAT
I understand.

WARD
No. Understand this.
We’re going to kill this thing and
we’re going to make sure it stays dead.
Understand?

DOCTOR WHAT
(fuming)
I get it, old man.

WARD drains his glass and rises to his feet.

WARD
We’ll call you when we’re ready.
You’d better be ready.

DOCTOR WHAT
Got it.

WARD suddenly grabs DOCTOR WHAT by the collar and throws him upon the table. The glass and pitcher tumble off and patrons stare at them.

WARD
(threateningly)
You pull the same shit you did last time,
I’ll hunt you down to the ends of the Multiverse
and make sure you feel a world of hell before you go.
Clear?

WARD walks off.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CORRIDOR – DAY

GBW, DIAMOND, and LANDSHARK are walking down the corridor.

GBW
Seriously.
Somethng’s up. Doc just doesn’t just scream
for us to hop out of a universe for no reason.

LANDSHARK
Unless he’s drunk…

DIAMOND
It has something to do with the
missing planet and the wreckage.

LANDSHARK
What gave it away, Sherlock?

GBW
We need to know what’s going on.

DIAMOND
Who knows the mind of DOCTOR WHAT?

GBW
Hendryk?

LANDSHARK
Grovels at What’s feet.

DIAMOND
Why not ask the only other person
who’s been here the longest?

GBW
Right.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – GREY WOLF’S QUARTERS – DAY

There’s the sound of clattering cans and clinking bottles. GREY WOLF is digging among a large pile of dirty clothing and empty bottles. The door to GREY WOLF’s quarters open and the three enter.

LANDSHARK
Oy, Grey!

GREY WOLF looks up, a little confused.

GREY WOLF
What?

GBW
We need to know if you know anything
about a ship called the Alterverse.

GREY WOLF
The what?

DIAMOND
The Alterverse.

GREY WOLF
Oh, bloody hell.
Where did you hear that name?

GBW
We ran into the wreck of it in
a universe we just got back from.

GREY WOLF
Where’s DOCTOR WHAT?

DIAMOND
Sauntered off arm in arm with
Ward, of all damned people.

GREY WOLF
(long pause)
Damn.

LANDSHARK
Spill it, Grey. What the hell is going on?

GREY WOLF stares distantly, his eyes going unfocused.

GREY WOLF
(sighing)
You got a strong drink and
some time to kill?

Fade out.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

KIT, HENDRYK, DIAMOND , GBW, and LANDSHARK all sit in the Battle Room.

KIT
So there’s this whole chapter of DOCTOR WHAT’s
life we don’t even know about?

HENDRYK
Yeah. It looks like it.

GBW
A life he lived before we all
became the crew of this ship.

DIAMOND
What did you think? How did
you think he came by this ship?

HENDRYK
I figured he built it himself.

LANDSHARK
Yeah. I always figured he cobbled it
together out of tin cans and rubbish
he found. Would explain the smell.

DIAMOND
Huh? Dude, look at the size of it.
The complexity of it.
No one man could have built it himself.

HENDRYK
He’s DOCTOR WHAT.

DIAMOND
Okay, I get it. So he eats out a chick and
dies and we all build a religion around it,
but that doesn’t make him the
Johnny Appleseed of Multiverse Ship Builders.

KIT
(confused)
Johnny Appleseed?

HENDRYK
But. He’s DOCTOR WHAT.

DIAMOND
I’m guessing logic’s not working on you guys?

GBW
Hey. That’s my line.

DIAMOND
You haven’t used it in a bit, so I’m using it.

KIT
(confused)
Who’s Johnny Appleseed?

LANDSHARK
Kitty, dear. Don’t think
so hard. You’ll hurt yourself.

DIAMOND
The point is: we all had lives before this.
We all have our own tales about how we got here.
We all have our reasons why we ended up here.

GBW
It doesn’t matter how we came here.
It doesn’t matter why we’re here.
What matters is that we’re here.
That at this moment we have decisions to make.
Do we go along with this mission or not?
Do we put our lives on the line, to stop this thing,
or do we go our separate ways?

LANDSHARK
Damn. If you put it that way…

KIT
Seriously who’s Johnny Appleseed?

DIAMOND
Going for the dramatic, eh GBW?

GBW
I prefer it sometimes.

LANDSHARK
Bugger all this nonsense about the bloody Canuk’s past.
There’s a Big Bad out there that needs killin’ and
I aim to blow it’s sodding head off.

DIAMOND
Earthfish’s right.

GBW
Aw, come on.
I wanted a deep and dramatic moment where
we all realized where our loyalties lay…

LANDSHARK
(rising to his feet)
C’mon, you lollygagging buggers.
We got us a monster that needs killing.

DIAMOND
(rising to his feet)
The bigger they are…

KIT
(hopping to his feet)
The harder they are to fuck.

Silence

Fade out.

END ACT I

ACT II

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

FIVE YEARS AGO…

Smoke fills the Control Room, sparks fly everywhere.

WARD gets up off the deck and staggers to his command chair.

WARD
Status?

GRIMM REAPER
Shields down.
Weapons down.
Hull integrity near zero.
We’ve got the shit kicked out of us.

WARD
The other ships?

GRIMM REAPER
Reading transponders from the
Alterverse and AlternateHisotry.
Nothing for the support ships…
(long pause)
Damn.

WARD
Helm. Get us the hell out of here!

GRIMM REAPER
He’s dead, sir.

WARD
Then get us the hell out of here.
General retreat, Delta Point.
Slave it to their nav comps.
Get us out of here now!

EXT. – SPACE – NIGHT

A large portal opens and three large ships disappear into it, scores of small vessels attempting to follow.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

WARD walks to the station GRIMM REAPER is standing over.

WARD
What’s our status?

GRIMM REAPER
That thing just kicked out asses…
We’ve lost all our support ships,
I’m getting heavy casualties from
the Alterverse, a lot of our own
personnel don’t seem to be responding.

WARD
The A.H.?

GRIMM REAPER
Reading nothing. Though she seems
to be running, no one’s at the helm,
comp’s showing no one’s in charge.

WARD
Give me a link to the ship.

GRIMM REAPER
Comm open, sir.

WARD
AlternateHistory, This is
Admiral Ward of the Counterfactual.
Respond.

Static booms on the comm. Suddenly a voice comes on.

DOCTOR WHAT
(frantic)
This is What. I-

WARD
Rank and name, soldier!

DOCTOR WHAT
Junior Lt. Science Office Bruno What.
I-i think I’m the only one alive…
Some kind of beam hit the ship.
Everyone just died.

GRIMM REAPER
DOCTOR WHAT’s alive?

WARD
And seems to be the only one on the AH.

GRIMM REAPER
Damn.

WARD (into comm)
These are your orders, soldier.
Assess the damage to your ship,
Gather any survivors.

DOCTOR WHAT
I got it, sir.
I’ll do it…

WARD
He’d damn well better.

GRIMM REAPER
What are we going to do, sir?

WARD
We look for survivors, we repair what we can.
As long as we draw breath, we’re not out of this fight yet.

Fade out.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

The CREW is gathered, all looking to DOCTOR WHAT who’s standing facing the large observatory window, his back to the CREW.

DOCTOR WHAT
(still facing window)
We’ve seen a lot.
We’ve visited scores of universes,
we’ve seen the brightest and the
darkest side of humanity. We’ve
seen civilizations that have inspired
us to reach for greatness and others
that have shown us what inhumanity
is. For the last four years, we have
been a crew, more than a crew.
Almost a family.
(turns to face the CREW)
Now. I’m going to ask you to do something.
Something more than I’ve ever asked.

MATT
(jokingly)
Get to the fucking point!

A scattering of laugher among the CREW.

DOCTOR WHAT
(not smiling)
There is a great evil out there.
One that’s destroyed worlds,
killed billions. This is a great
evil that must be stopped.
What I’m asking-

DIAMOND
Hey, we already know, man.

DOCTOR WHAT
(confused)
Huh?

DAVE HOWERY
Grey told everyone,
a couple of hours ago.

DOCTOR WHAT looks to GREY WOLF

GREY WOLF
The buggers yanked it outta me.
(long swig of booze)

DOCTOR WHAT
So you know, then. What-

HENDRYK stands up, DOCTOR WHAT stops talking.

HENDRYK
We already decided.

DOCTOR WHAT pauses, looking a little shocked.

DOCTOR WHAT
And?

HENDRYK
We’re with you all the way, Doc.
Everyone.

WEAPON M
Fuck yeah, Doc. You said it.
This bitch’s killed billions.
Of course we’re gonna help
you stop the bastard.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Man, think of all the chicks that’ll
wanna screw us, once they hear we
killed this Big Bad Whatever.

MICHAEL
Yeah.

MATT
I just wanna kill something this big, man.

DOCTOR WHAT shakes his head and crumples the sheets of papers in his hand.

DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning)
I had a big speech planned out.
It was supposed to be filled with awe inspiring
wording and heartfelt comments about all of you.

HENDRYK
We know, Doc.
I’m sure all of us didn’t sign up to be heroes,
when we first came aboard, but over the years
we’ve faced some pretty hairy situations.
We’ve seen evil, we’ve seen good, like
you said. If you say this thing needs killing,
then we’re behind you, Doc. 99%
(off DOCTOR WHAT’s look)
Straha only voted for 80%

STRAHA
Dude. I don’t wanna die.
But I’m still going. Don’t want
you fuckers taking all the glory.
And like what Psycho said,
might get me laid.

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Plus, when the shit hits the fan,
Doc always knows what to do.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

FIVE YEARS AGO…

DOCTOR WHAT
What are you serious?

WARD (over comm)
Yes, I am. As the only surviving ranking officer,
you are to take control of the AH.com and prepare
it for the upcoming battle.

DOCTOR WHAT
But.
But I can’t.
I don’t know anything about
commanding a ship!

WARD
We are running a serious man power shortage here, soldier.
You will do as you are command. If we don’t stop this thing,
then it may destroy our very home!

DOCTOR WHAT
Yes, sir…

WARD cuts communication.

DOCTOR WHAT
What the hell am I supposed to do?
(turns)
Huh?

GREY WOLF
Sorry, sir. I don’t know.

DOCTOR WHAT
Can’t you take command?

GREY WOLF
Sorry, sir. I’m not an officer.
There’s rules and such.

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh, god. We’re going to fight that thing again…

GREY WOLF only nods.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

PRESENT DAY…

WARD stands before his assembled CREW.

WARD
There is something out there that needs to be killed
and we are going to kill it. We are awaiting reinforcements
from other sources and will be commencing this
mission in less than twelve hours. By that time
I want all systems checked, rechecked, and
checked again. All weapons systems, all defensive
systems are to be at full operational, emergency
systems prepped and ready to go. Commander
Grimm Reaper will answer all your remaining
questions, that is all.

WARD walks out of the Battle Room.

GRIMM REAPER walks to the head of the table. From a holster he pulls out a heavy blaster and slams it on the table, causing everyone to jerk.

GRIMM REAPER
Ward is your captain.
It is not your place to disobey him.
It is not you place to question him.
You’re all on this ship for whatever
reason and you can all be off this
boat even faster, though an airlock.

MERRYPRANKSTER
We’ve all read the briefing. We know
what we’re up against. This is an evil
that needs to be-

GRIMM REAPER
Shut your trap, Goody Two Shoes.
There’s only one thing I want to here
from all of you and I know you all know what it is.

EVERYONE IN UNISON
We hear and we obey, sir.

GRIMM REAPER
(smiling)
Good. You have two days of work
and only ten hours to do it. Get to.

The crew shuffles out, a few shooting angry glances back at GRIMM REAPER. After they are all gone, GRIMM REAPER re-holsters his blaster and heads out the other door.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GBW
We got a call from Ward,
He says to meet them on the docks.

DOCTOR WHAT
Looks like we’re gonna meet these allies of his.

LANDSHARK
Ward’s got allies? Why don’t we have allies?
Aren’t we the good guys?

DOCTOR WHAT
He’s been planning for this for a long time, it seems.
Not surprising.

LANDSHARK
Were you planning for this too?

DOCTOR WHAT
(shaking head)
It kinda slipped my mind.

LANDSHARK
Inspiring words from our leader.

DOCTOR WHAT
Tell Ward we’ll be there.
Grey? Meet me in the airlock.

EXT. – HUB DOCKS – DAY

Several men stand upon the docks, talking to WARD. They all stop as GREY WOLF and DOCTOR WHAT arrive.

WARD
It looks like we’re all here, then.
Make your introductions.

MAN #1
I am captain Flocc of the “Verse Crosser.

MAN #2
I am captain Hermanubis, of the Alterworld.

MAN #3
I am captain Count Deerborn, of the Sliding Infinity.

WARD
And we all have one thing in common.

COUNT DEERBORN
The Beast.

FLOCC
The Devourer.

HERMANUBIS
The Destroyer.

DOCTOR WHAT
This thing’s destroyed your worlds too?

Everyone nods.

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn.

WARD
Now, that we’re all the best of buddies,
it’s time to get this damned show on the
road. We’re huntin’ big game now kiddies,
and we need a big weapon for that.

DOCTOR WHAT
What’s that?

WARD just grins.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CARGO HOLD – DAY

A tarp is pulled back, revealing several large crates. CF.,net crewmembers attack one crate and pull the lid off, revealing what looks to be a torpedo.

DOCTOR WHAT
What is this?

WARD
It’s a weapon of great power.

GRIMM REAPER
A weapon of mass destruction.
(laughs)

FLOCC
I know what this is.
(reverently touches missile)
I thought they were all destroyed?

WARD
Most were, but there’s always TLs
the Purifiers hadn’t reached yet.

COUNT DEERBORN
Wow.
Conventional weapons can barely
dent this thing, but with this…

DOCTOR WHAT
What is it?

GRIMM REAPER
A.S.S.H.A.T.s
Automated Systemic Subsumating Hyper Attenuating Transmogrifier warheads
When the weapon is detonated, near a mass,
it causes a disruption in the bonds in atoms
in molecules. Causing them to break apart
from one another, thereby causing the whole
molecule to break down. A side effect is it
also creates an energy field that continues to
expand as it hits other molecules and breaks
those down.
(pause)
Now, if you hit a ship with this, in a matter of
moments it’d be turned into it’s basic elements.
A planet…

DOCTOR WHAT
Oh, god. You’ve had this weapon all this time?

GRIMM REAPER
The Purifiers have been hunting down the last of these;
after all in the wrong hands you can probably destroy
a planet or more.
(grins)

WARD
There’s six missiles, there’s five ships.
The plan is simple, we go in, we hit this
bastard hard, we get close enough to launch
the missile, and then we get the hell out
of there. Knock out the main vessel and
all the other vessels will cease functioning.
Schematics and information will be dumped
into your computer banks. Read up on it,
study them, in six hours we leave to kill
this thing once and for all.

The gathered captains all nod, grimly.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – TORPEDO BAY – DAY

MATT and WEAPON M are gingerly pushing the long missile toward the launch tubes.

MATT
Dude. Easy with the thing.

WEAPON M
What you’re scared of this?

MATT
Oh, hell no. Do you know
what you have in your hands?

WEAPON M
A big bomb.

MATT
Lee, you’ve taught me everything I know
and love about blowing shit up.
But this… you gotta know what this means, dude.

WEAPON M
(Beat)
Big Boom.

MATT
(grinning)
Big-Badda-Boom.

WEAPON M
I’m getting hard just thinking about it.

MATT
Me too, Lee. Me too.

The two gingerly push the missile toward the launch tubes

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – BATTLE ROOM – DAY

The CREW is gathered.

DOCTOR WHAT
Okay, the main things we’re going to have
to worry about, are emergency systems,
power, weapons, and communications.

HENDRYK
What about navigation?

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re slaving the navigation and
piloting to Leo. Along with weapon control.

WEAPON M
You sure about that?

DOCTOR WHAT
I know what we’re facing.
Trust me, Leo will be better able to target and
eliminate any threats that come near us, along
with piloting through the hell we’ll be facing.

LEO CAESIUS
I’m thrilled at the chance to prove myself.
It does get kind of boring only running sensor
sweeps and spying on you guys.

DOCTOR WHAT
Landshark will be secondary pilot, in case Leo is down.
I’ll handle Operations from the bridge. KIT will handle
secondary communications, and Weapon M will be handling
secondary weapons systems. Hopefully those won’t be
needed. The rest of the crew will be broken down into
Engineering and Emergency Response. Diamond you’ll
be with Torq, there’s bound to be a few injuries. Dave you’ll
take whoever’s able and make sure power is continued to be
distributed, it’s the main concern. The rest will be there to
put out the fires and patch up the major breakage that’s
bound to happen.

IRON YUPPIE
Expecting a lot of damage?

DOCTOR WHAT
Yes.

MATT
I’ve looked over Ward’s attack plan.
It’s suicide.

DOCTOR WHAT
Looks that way. We’ll be heavily outnumbered, out gunned.
We need to strike at the heart as quick as possible,
kill the Heart and we win. Simple as that.

LANDSHARK
Damn. If Ward’s willing to kill himself over this.

IRON YUPPIE
Making us look bad if we don’t try to do the same, right?

DIAMOND
So what does this make Ward? A hero?

DOCTOR WHAT
(shaking head)
No. This isn’t about doing the right thing, this is about revenge.
Pure and simple revenge. This thing kicked his ass and
he wasn’t able to destroy it. Now he’s got a chance and
he’s willing to destroy himself. Just so that he can kill it.

STRAHA
Talk about ego.

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s not his ego that’s driving him.
It’s simple hate. He hates this thing and
he’ll do what ever it takes to destroy it.
It’s the same thing he did in the War.
The Invaders nearly destroyed my world
and in the end it was Ward’s unstoppable
hate that destroyed them.

LANDSHARK
Damn. I just thought he was a bumbling
pirate or something.

LEO CAESUIS
I’m getting a transmission.
It’s the Counterfactual.
They’re moving out.

DOCTOR WHAT
(sighing)
It’s begun.
Staions!

DMA
The Holy Sheep Protect us!

PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Amen!

EXT. – HUB DOCKS – DAY

Five large ships move out of the docks, the Counterfactual, the AlternateHistory, the ‘Verse Crosser, the Sliding Infinity, and the Alterworld. A moment later they vanish into a vortex.

DOCTOR WHAT (Voice Over)
Here we go…

EXT. – SPACE – THE ‘VERSE CROSSER – DAY

The huge ship moves across screen, suddenly it’s hit by energy weapons from an unseen vessel. The blast smashes into the ‘Verse Crosser, but the massive ship continues.

The ‘Verse Crosser returns fire.

Follow the Crosser’s fire to –

A small spherical ship. locked in battle with the ‘Verse Crosser. The warship destroys the spherical ship in a fiery blast.

As the ‘Verse Crosser flies away from the wreckage of the decimated vessel we see that this is just one small part of –

A MASSIVE SPACE BATTLE

Involving scores of spherical ships and Ward’s Fleet of five ships, engaged in a fierce firefight as far as the eye can see. Ships turning, twisting, firing, exploding. The larger ships fly through the smaller vessels, leaving destruction in their wake.

But in the distance there are bigger ships approaching, like lumbering rhinos among a herd of gazelle. They look menacing and deadly, their surfaces seemingly covered with weaponry.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
The Assault Ships are coming in range.

WARD
All hands. All hands.
Prepare for firing of Main Cannon.

The lights flicker red and there’s a whining noise.

WARD
God. I love this part.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The CF.net is suddenly enveloped in light, just as suddenly a lance of pure white light tears out from it. Everything in its path is destroyed, including two of the huge Assault Ships. The CF.net plunges into the cleared path, the other four ships flanking it, their energy weapons and torpedoes shredding the surrounding vessels.

But the ships of Ward’s Fleet are taking damage, the spherical ships are plunging at them, weapons firing. Explosion rock the hull of the Alterworld as scores of ships descend upon it. It’s weapons still fire a deadly barrage, but suddenly the whole vessel detonates, a huge super nova of energy, destroying all the vessel about it.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
Alterworld’s gone.
Core went critical.

WARD
Continue engaging the enemy.
They died with honor.

GRIMM REAPER
Right.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
Holy shit!
Did you see that?

DOCTOR WHAT
Damn. Was that the Alterworld?

LEO
It was.

DOCTOR WHAT
Poor bastards.

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The four ships continue to plunge into the mass of ships, their weapons firing, brilliant flashes of explosions and detonations follow them.

Suddenly a great flash of light whites out everything.

A moment later we see the ‘Verse Crosser suddenly shred apart as the vessel is swallowed by the white light. In a flash it’s gone in a massive explosion.

Suddenly a violet shockwave begins expanding out of it.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
Sir!
The ‘Verse detonated it’s MD Device!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The shockwave expands rapidly, destroying all the vessels that was giving chase to Ward’s Fleet. The trialing vessels are enveloped in the shockwave and begin breaking apart.

The rest of the ships keep plowing on and more spherical ships are attacking them.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
Aw, crap. This red light is blinking.

LANDSHARK
All the red lights are blinking.

WEAPON M
No. this one’s for the shields.

DOCTOR WHAT
Shit. Dave, shove everything you’ve
got to the shields. Screw the particle cannons.

INT. – CF.NET – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WARD
Fire cannons one through seven.

GRIMM REAPER
We’re getting pounded sir!

WARD
Keep firing.

GRIMM REAPER
But-

WARD
Keep pouring it on!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The SLIDING INFINITY explodes in a fiery ball, ships tear through the debris field. They head toward the last two remaining ships.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The ship is rocking from continuous hits, smoke, debris, and shattered monitors fill the room.

WARD
Fire first A.S.S.H.A.T.!

GRIMM REAPER
Where?

WARD
Into the damn ships!

GRIMM REAPER
On it’s way!

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

LEO
Alert!
Ward’s just launched an A.S.S.H.A.T.

DOCTOR WHAT
He’s trying to clear the fighters off.

WEAPON M
Fuck. He’s shooting too damn close!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A spherical ship detonates as the missile hits it, there’s a violet flash and the ship seems to begin breaking apart. A shockwave expands from it, hitting all the clustered ships trying ot destroy the CF.net and the AH.com.

Soon spherical ship upon spherical ships begin detonating, the shockwave spreading wider and faster, blossoming toward the AH.com.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

WEAPON M
Damn. That wave’s coming right for us.

DOCTOR WHAT
Leo. Get us the hell out of here!
Evasive actions!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The AH.COM peels away from the main battle, as the ships that had been attacking them begin detonating, the CF.net still plows forward, spiraling toward the Mothership, which is getting very close.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
the Ah.com is pulling away.

WARD
Those damn cowards!

GRIMM REAPER
Coming in range of the Mothership.

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

DAVE HOWERY (On comm)
We’re getting the hell pounded out of us down here!
Either get us killed or win this freakin’ battle, cuz
we can’t last much longer down here!

WEAPON M
Shields are down!

A sudden explosion rocks the ship.

DAVE HOWERY
We’ve just lost a shield generator!
I’m putting everything into the last generator,
hopefully it’ll hold for a few more minutes.

LEO
Incoming hostile vessels.

DOCTOR WHAT
Take us back on the attack vector.
We need to cover Ward in the attack.

WEAPON M
We’re getting our own asses stomped here, Doc.

LEO
Odds are stacked against us.

DOCTOR WHAT
They always are.
Forward!

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
In range, sir!

WARD
Fire!

EXT. – SPACE. – DAY

The missile launches out and streaks toward the Mothership, but suddenly a spherical ship smashes into it. It detonates, again the wave begins expanding, striking the once more packed ships attack the CF.net.

INT. – AH,COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

LEO
The CF. net won’t survive that wave.
They can’t get away in time.

WEAPON M
Boo-fucking-hoo!

LEO
We are unable to launch an attack upon
the Mothership also. The wave blast is
still expanding and we can’t go around.
Incoming attack!

The ship suddenly begins shaking as more spherical ships begin attacking the vessel.

WEAPON M
No shields!
Weapon systems are down.
(to DOCTOR WHAT)
We need to retreat, Doc.
Now.

DAVE HOWERY (On Comm)
Get us the hell out of here, Doc!

DOCTOR WHAT looks at the screen still showing the expanding wavefront and the Mothership. He looks around the Control Room, trashed.

DOCTOR WHAT
Leo, get us out of here!
(a beat)
Leo?

LANDSHARK
Main computers are down,
switching to back up.

DOCTOR WHAT
Get us out of here!

LANDSHARK
It’s gonna be a blind shift, Doc.

DOCTOR WHAT
Do it!

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

A vortex opens, badly erected and already seeming to collapse upon itself. The AH.com barely squeezes through before the vortex collapses with an explosion, tearing through the ship that had been following it.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
The Ah.com’s just shifted.

WARD
(face suddenly going still)
Understood.
(calmly)
Gedca, put everything we have into
the engines or this damn wave will
consume us.

GEDCA (on comm)
On it, sir!

GRIMM REAPER
Sir!
The Mothership is retreating!

WARD
What?

The screen flickers on, showing a large vortex opening. The Mothership and the few surviving ships vanish into it.

GEDCA (on comm)
I’ve given everything I can, sir.
The engines are redlining!
(sounds of explosions)

EXT. – SPACE – DAY

The violet shockwave is disappating and the CF.net ship manages to outrun it, suddenly alone in empty space, the wreckage of ships filling the area.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

GRIMM REAPER
Did we win, sir?

WARD
No.
No we didn’t.

END ACT II

TAG

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

FIVE YEARS AGO…

DOCTOR WHAT
We have to retreat!

GREY WOLF
We have our orders!

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re getting killed!
(Pounding console)
I’m not reading the Counterfactual!

GREY WOLF
Were they destroyed?

DOCTOR WHAT
I don’t know!
The sensors are down.
Everything is down!

The ship continues to rock from attacks.

DOCTOR WHAT
We can’t do anything more…

GREY WOLF
We need to retreat…

DOCTOR WHAT begins the shift sequence.

DOCTOR WHAT
It’s going to be a blind Shift.
We might be lost.

GREY WOLF nods and DOCTOR WHAT hits a button, the ship vanishes into a vortex.

INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SIX YEARS AGO…

GRIMM REAPER
The Ah.com’s just jumped.

WARD
What?
Damn you Lt. What!

GRIMM REAPER
Sir!
The Mothership is also retreating!

WARD
What?

The screen flickers on, showing a large vortex opening. The Mothership vanishes into it.

WARD
Follow it!
We’ll destroy it!

GRIMM REAPER
Our nav comp’s shot, sir.
We won’t know where we are!
We’ll be lost.

WARD
Do it!

GRIMM REAPER
Yes, sir…

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

SILENCE.

A light suddenly flickers on, showing a devastated Control Room. DOCTOR WHAT and GREY WOLF look about, the only survivors on the ship.

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re alive…

GREY WOLF
Horray.

DOCTOR WHAT
What do we do now?

GREY WOLF
I’m getting a drink.
(walks off)

INT. – AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

PRESENT DAY…

SILENCE.

A light suddenly flickers on, showing a devastated Control Room. DOCTOR WHAT , WEAPON M, LANDSHARK, pick themselves up from off the deck. GREY WOLF suddenly enters the Control Room.

DOCTOR WHAT
We’re alive…

GREY WOLF
What happened?.

DOCTOR WHAT
We blind shifted.

GREY WOLF
What about the CF?

DOCTOR WHAT
I don’t know.

GREY WOLF
(mumbling)
History fucking repeating itself.
I need a drink.
(wanders off)

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS