TEASER
INT.- AH.COM SHIP- MEDICAL BAY – DAY
We see TORQ sitting at a desk looking at various medical charts and scans. DOCTOR WHAT is sitting in front of him. Sitting or standing in various spots of the Medical Bay are DIAMOND, LUAKEL, GREY WOLF, GBW, and IRONYUPPIE.
TORQ
(putting charts away and looking at DOCTOR WHAT )
Yup—it’s confirmed. DNA analysis proves it—ATTA’s kid is yours.
(beat )
I guess congratulations are in order, Doc.
You’re going to be a dad very soon.
We see DOCTOR WHAT grinning from ear to ear. Behind him, we see the reactions of the various crewmembers: DIAMOND looks mildly disgusted, LUAKEL looks very confused, GREY WOLF grins and pulls out a flask from his pocket and drinks a generous shot, GBW and IRONYUPPIE just shake their heads.
DOCTOR WHAT
(standing up )
Well—I’m off. Gotta see how ATTA is doing.
He leaves.
DIAMOND
So the kid’s going to be half-Neanderthal, huh?
TORQ
Pretty much. You learn something new everyday, it seems.
IRONYUPPIE
Doc is going to have a kid with a Neanderthal.
(glares at Torq )
I thought we had resolved this issue?
TORQ
I…I…
(hangs head )
I couldn’t go through with it.
IRONYUPPIE
(sighs )
Man–that’s going to be one hairy kid.
DIAMOND
(giggling )
Hopefully it takes after its mother and comes out not so hairy.
IRONYUPPIE
Good news for the Doc—I think being a parent will
be good for him. Too bad I don’t like her too much…
GBW
Guys—aren’t we forgetting the fact that ATTA is the
freaking Queen of a race of psychotic warriors that have
conquered or destroyed who knows how many worlds
and that WARD has vowed to spend the rest of his life
hunting down every single one of them? Don’t you think
that keeping her on board might be—oh, I don’t know—
dangerous?!
DIAMOND
We get our asses trashed every week and we survive—
like this is going to make things any different. In fact,
saying that our captain knocked up the Queen of a bunch
of psychotic world conquering multiverse spanning
empire could do some good for our rep.
]GBW
Depends on how you want our ‘rep’ to be seen.
THANDE
I thought we were going for a “We love Chemistry” reputation?
TORQ
In your methane sodden brain fantasy world, perhaps,
But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna support anything that
promotes the use or the continuation of chemistry!
GBW
(to Torq )
You realize that medicine relies heavily upon chemistry, right?
TORQ
That’s it! I’m not patching you up the next
time you get shot up on an away mission.
DIAMOND
I don’t think that’s much of a threat, Torq.
He never leaves the ship, much less goes on away missions.
GBW shakes his head and walks out.
DIAMOND
Man, GBW’s such a downer. What with all his logic
and pointing out the glaring obvious.
THANDE
I never get to leave the ship too..
(sighs )
INT. – DOCTOR WHAT’S QUARTERS- DAY
We see ATTA lying down on a bed, resting. She is obviously very pregnant.
We see DOCTOR WHAT poke his head around a corner.
DOCTOR WHAT
(quiet shy voice )
Hi.
ATTA
(smiling )
Hi.
DOCTOR WHAT
(stammering )
I…ummm…I brought you some food and some water.
He brings in a tray filled with various bowls of food and a large pitcher of water and places it on a table next to her.
DOCTOR WHAT
How…how….how long?
ATTA
(smiles again )
Very soon—maybe just a few days.
Maybe even sooner.
DOCTOR WHAT
(grinning )
Cool. Ummm…I have to go.
You know…Captain stuff.
ATTA
(waving )
(smiles )
Bye-bye.
DOCTOR WHAT leaves.
ATTA
Finally—a moment’s peace!
ADIKOR
We must find a way to get back to our fleet, Mistress.
ATTA
You think I do no realize that?
But we have a better plan now.
ADIKOR
What is that, Mistress?
ATTA
We steal this ship.
Then we kill Ward.
INT.- AH.COM CORRIDOR-DAY
We see DOCTOR WHAT walking down a very long corridor. The corridor is a mess—scorch marks everywhere, debris of all kinds scattered about, small chunks of the ceiling or wall missing, exposed wires showing, and so forth. We see several ah.commers running around making repairs or carrying supplies.
DOCTOR WHAT turns a corner and suddenly stops. He clutches his head and almost collapses next to a nearby wall.
CLOSE-UP – DOCTOR WHAT’S EYE
Flash of light F/X
A tranquil forest setting, late at night. There’s a bright moon shining down. A small village can be seen near a lake in the distance. Several people can be seen fishing, weaving clothes, talking or eating together. Suddenly a large shadow appears over them. They look up in fear.
View pulls back to reveal—
A gigantic black ship. It’s too big and too black for us to have a good look at it. It fires an impossibly bright white light at the camera.
View pulls back to reveal –
Earth as seen from space. A fist sized blue object. A flash of light appears on the Eurasian continent. We see an ugly looking dark spot. It spreads quickly, like a cancerous sore across the entire continent. Now Africa and Asia and Australia are consumed. Finally the American continents.
Earth has become a festering black globe rather than the familiar blue and green one.
Pan down to see an impossibly huge and black ship. We still can’t make out any details of the ship—it’s so big and so black that most details are obscured by the blackness of space.
Pan close to one section of the ship. We appear to slowly pass through the ship. We get tantalizing hints of corridors and rooms and bizarre machinery as we seem to tunnel through the ship. Finally we stop in a large chamber.
Even the room is black—black walls, black ceiling, black machinery—black everything.
Except for two things.
A large viewing window can be seen. We get a clear view of the dying Earth. Standing in front of the window is a human in a black uniform of some kind. We only see the person’s back but their blonde hair is in striking contrast to the blackness of everything around the person. The person suddenly turns around.
It’s Ian the Bartender.
Laughing.
Flash of light F/X
CLOSE-UP – DOCTOR WHAT’S EYE
We are back on board the AH.COM ship. We see DOCTOR WHAT leaning against the wall. He stands there, breathing heavily.
CUT TO OPENING CREDITS:
An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:
AH.COM: The Series
“REVELATIONS”
Written By : DOCTOR WHAT
ACT I
EXT. – SPACE – DAY
Bright stars.
Something dark floats across the view.
Pull out a big and focus on the object.
We see a dead Neanderthal, floating limply in space.
It slowly passes by the camera.
A moment later another Neanderthal floats by.
We pan the camera around and we see a ship not far away.
The CF.net.
We suddenly see something ejected from the ship.
Pull in on the object. It’s a Neanderthal, struggling vainly.
INT. – CF.NET SHIP – OUTER AIRLOCK– DAY
WARD stands, arms folded, looking out a large window showing the inside of the airlock. Inside is a Neanderthal, banging frantically on the glass separating them.
WARD
Tell me again.
Why you shouldn’t join your friends?
Pan camera about.
We see GRIMM REAPER, MERRYPRANKSTER, and in cuffs KILNGIRL.
KILNGIRL
They weren’t friends.
More like work associates forced on me, due to being
captured by a crazy wench cavewoman who wanted me
to add some pretty amazing pieces of technology to an
old rust bucket of a hull they claimed was their flagship.
WARD
You built the cannon they used against us.
KILNGIRL
Well, the massive engineering aspects weren’t my doing. I merely showed
them the way to cut it out of a captured ship and integrate it into their systems.
There were no creating or building, simply scavenging and adding big guns
wilynily to a ship that wasn’t built for them.
Pan to the Neanderthal still pounding on the glass.
WARD
You helped them.
You worked for them.
KILNGIRL
I was forced into doing it.
Honestly, I would never have agreed to doing such a thing,
I mean at the price they were asking, hell no.
WARD slams his fist down on a big red button.
A light blinks silently and the airlock pops open.
The Neanderthal gives one last look of horror before flying out.
KILNGIRL
I wasn’t paid for my job.
So I broke their cannon.
WARD grins.
WARD
You are lucky, I have need for someone to fix my ship.
KILNGIRL
(grins )
Will I get paid?
WARD
You’ll keep your life.
WARD walks out.
KILNGIRL
Real nice guy, huh?
GRIMM REAPER
Indeed.
MERRY PRANKSTER
You’ll report to my office.
There are paperwork that needs to be filled.
KILNGIRL
You’re kidding right?
GRIMM REAPER
Now, if you’ll excuse us.
There is a funeral we have to attend.
The two leave.
KILNGIRL
Anyone gonna untie me?
INT. – AH.COM CONTROL ROOM- DAY
We see MATT, KIT and FLOC sitting at various stations. Like the rest of the ship, there are scorch marks and several damaged areas to the control room as well. KIT is looking at various screens on his control panel while MATT and FLOCC are sitting side by side at the navigation and helm stations.
FLOCC
Pretty wild with all this ‘Doc being a daddy’ stuff, huh?
I wonder how’s he feeling about all this?
(shakes head )
Heh! Can you imagine how messed up that kid’s going
to be with all of us babysitting him or her?
What do you think about all this, MATT?
(beat )
MATT?
(turns to face MATT )
MATT is lost in thought and staring out into space. He doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to anything.
FLOCC
Yo, MATT! Wake up!
MATT
(shaking head )
Huh? Wha?—oh yeah—pretty weird, yeah….
FLOCC
You okay dude?
MATT
(turning to face FLOCC )
Actually….
(beat )
No. I’m not. We just got through a battle against Ward, which is
never easy, then we got this ATTA chick on board and who claims
she knocked up with Doc’s kid, and finally Doc himself is acting
even more weirder than usual…
(shaking head again )
I’ve got a bad feeling about all this.
FLOCC
Hey, I know I’ve only been here for a short while but
so far we seem to have a knack of surviving all kinds
of crap in one piece. We’ll get through this like always.
MATT
It’s not just that—I’m really
worried about the Doc. I think that…
MATT is suddenly interrupted by the arrival of DOCTOR WHAT walking into the control room. He sits down in the command chair.
DOCTOR WHAT
Report!
MATT
Still no sign of the CF.NET or any other enemy.
DOCTOR WHAT
Good!
(flicking a switch on the chair )
DAVE! What’s the status of the ship?
DAVE HOWERY
(o.v. )
(frazzled voice )
It’s coming along. Just a few more hours.
DOCTOR WHAT
(annoyed voice )
You said that a few hours ago! How much longer will
it take for you to put my ship back together again?
DAVE HOWERY
(o.v. )
I’m not the one who got us into a firefight with the CF.NET!
You have any idea how badly they trashed us?! We’re lucky
the ship is still in any shape to be repaired!
It will take a few more hours to fix, okay?
DOCTOR WHAT
(still annoyed )
Fine. Let me know when you’re done.
(flicks switch off )
LANDSHARK and DIAMOND come into the control room. They walk up to MATT and FLOCC.
LANDSHARK
Shift change. Better not have warmed
my seat up too much, Yank.
MATT
(distracted )
Huh? Oh yeah—sure.
MATT and FLOCC get up and leave while LANDSHARK and DIAMOND take over their stations.
LANDSHARK
(To Diamond )
See, there, my scathing remarks have left him nigh speechless.
DIAMOND
(sardonically )
Yeah, Sharky. You’re the master of whit and rhetoric.
MATT
(sotto voce to FLOCC )
FLOCC—gotta talk to you in the Mess Hall…
INT. – ENGINEERING ROOM – DAY
DAVE HOWERY
(talking into communicator )
–lucky the ship is still in any shape to be repaired!
It will take a few more hours to fix, okay?
DOCTOR WHAT
(o.v. )
(annoyed voice )
Fine. Let me know when you’re done.
DAVE HOWERY lets out a deep sign. PSYCHOMELTDOWN, G.BONE and DMA are in the background making various repairs.
PSYCHOMELTDOWN
What’s going on, DAVE?
DAVE HOWERY
(sighs again )
I have no idea but ever since she got on board,
that crazy Canuck has gotten more and more irritating.
G.BONE
Well—she IS pregnant with his kid and
Ward was trying to kill her—that kind of
stuff is enough to make any guy act a little crazy…
PSYCHOMELTDOWN
Stop being the logical one! That’s GBW’s job!
Just get back to oiling that hinge.
G.BONE
Oh right—sorry about that—won’t happen again.
DAVE HOWERY
Bah! Women! Who needs them?
PSYCHOMELTDOWN
In that case—can I have Kiera who
you’ve got stashed in your quarters?
DAVE HOWERY
No!
Touch her and you die, wrench monkey.
INT. – CF.NET – MESS HALL – DY
A feast is laid out and the crew is gathered around.
GRIMM REPAER, in a chef’s hat, enters bearing a large dish. Behind him comes MERRYPRANKSTER also carrying a large dish.
MERRYPRANKSTER
Hope, everyone’s hankering for some mashed potatoes.
The crew settles down and prepares to eat.
WARD rises to his feet.
WARD
Today we buried two of our comrades.
They were loyal and they did what needed doing.
When the ship was facing destruction, they gave
their lives to save all our hides. Let us give them a
moment of silence, for their sacrifice and for their valor.
Silence descends.
WARD
Our ship is shot to hell. We got our asses kicked by the AH.com.
(murmurs of anger )
Those dumbass sons of bitches kicked what is supposed
to be the most terrifying crew in the multiverse’s ass. That’s
a damned sad sight to witness. It’s time we stopped playing
nice and it’s time we killed them all.
(crew cheers in agreement )
Once we get the shift engine up, we’re going back to the Hub.
We’re gonna repair and refit, then we’re going to kill these
bastards, once and for all. Hear me?
{the crew cheers and whoops in response )
Now, let’s eat.
GRIMM REAPER
Someone, pass me those candied yams.
INT. – MESS HALL- DAY
We see GBW sitting at a table, deep in thought. He seems to be drinking a large glass of some kind of green fluid. There’s a half empty bottle of the green drink in front of him. GBW takes a sip of the drink and grimaces at the taste.
We see FLOCC and MATT come in. They’re in the middle of a conversation.
FLOCC
–is total bullshit, man! No way he did that!
MATT
I swear man, it’s the truth!
FLOCC
Doc almost killed an unarmed guy. OUR Doc?
The guy who freaks if he has to use a gun against
anything less dangerous than WARD, a Nazi. or
a giant evil purple dinosaur? That Doc?!
MATT
It’s not just that! Look—when GBW and I were
arguing about this last time, I didn’t believe it either!
But look at how much weirder he’s been acting lately!
There’s something pretty damn weird going on.
FLOCC
A whole fucking world got vaporized…
MATT
I thought that was the reason too but what’s with all the
mysterious running around looking for some kind of artifact
that could cause a Denial of Service?! We lost ANNA PYM
when that happened! He refuses to tell anyone why he needs
that! Tell me—what possible reason will he need something like that?
FLOCC
(dubious tone of voice )
Uh—maybe he…ummmm…
(beat )
(tries to sound more confident )
Well—look—why not try to ask him again?
GBW
(drinking another shot )
He won’t talk to us—not with her on board.
MATT
(glancing at GBW )
Yeah—that’s the other thing—I don’t trust that woman…
Things are already fucked up as it is, now add some creeped
out knocked up woman to the mix…
FLOCC
Okay, so she’s a bit a pain in the ass—what’s the big deal?
It’s only her and that big guy on the ship, it’s not like they’re
gonna make much in the ay of trouble.
GBW
She has her claws really deep into Doc or haven’t you noticed?
(turns to face FLOCC and MATT )
I don’t know how, but she’s got him and got him good. Doc is all lovey-dovey
over her but I swear I can feel that she’s up to something. Have you seen
the way he acts around her? Ye Gods—it’s like the Sharky and Yuppie show,
only with the mental abuse instead of the physical abuse! She shouts ‘Jump’
and Doc practically shouts back ‘How high?’
MATT
This is a whole messed up situation.
And that chick gives me the fucking creeps.
FLOCC
Ok, so she used to be leader of a universe-spanning empire that
hunted humans who claims now to have seen the light with the
help of Doc’s love and has renounced…all…that…stuff…
(beat )
(ponders this thought for a moment )
Yeah—ok—so that’s a bit unbelievable
even for us. What are we going to do?
GBW
We confront him of course!
Maybe make him see reason–!
VOICE
(o.v. )
Make WHO see reason, dude?
Camera pans over to show DOCTOR WHAT standing near the entrance of the Mess Hall. He looks really pissed off.
DOCTOR WHAT
(staring at GBW )
(angry voice )
Well?
GBW stares at Doc for a second, drinks a fortifying last drink in one gulp and gets up and staggers over to DOCTOR WHAT
GBW
She’s using you, Doc! I see this,
MATT sees this—all of us see it!
DOCTOR WHAT
(still angry )
You are walking on very thin ice, dude….
GBW
You’ve changed, man! I don’t know how it happened or
Why, but you’ve changed! Stop being a prick and tell us what’s going on!
DOCTOR WHAT
I have my reasons—and as captain, I don’t
have to share my reasons with my crew….
GBW
Crew?! CREW?! We’re your fucking friends! When we
all thought you died we mourned for you! We’re your
friends and we’re telling you that we’re worried about
you! That chick is bad news!
DOCTOR WHAT
(gritting his teeth )
That ‘chick’ is the woman I love and the mother of my kid.
Don’t say it! Don’t even think that word you’re going to say….
MATT
Uh—GBW, calm down for a -
GBW
She’s a bitch! A vicious bitch-queen from hell who has
you wrapped around her little finger and totally
mind-fucking with you! She’s using you!
DOCTOR WHAT screams and lunges at GBW. They both fall to the ground and start rolling. MATT and FLOCC jump in and pull them apart.
DOCTOR WHAT
(screaming )
GET OFF MY SHIP! GET THE HELL OFF MY SHIP!
AS OF RIGHT NOW YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS CREW!
GBW looks stunned. MATT and FLOCC look at each in shock.
FLOCC
Hey, Doc, chill—there’s no need to—
DOCTOR WHAT
You’re taking his side now?! Hell—you’re not even
a part of this crew—you just been hanging around here
for the last few months mooching off of us! Get the hell
off my ship—I’ve had enough of you too!
FLOCC
Huh—what the—
MATT
Doc please—just take it easy. This is
fucking crazy, man—calm down…
DOCTOR WHAT
I AM CALM! With all the shit that has been happening
in the last few days, you think it’s easy keeping this ship
going? Do you?! Now I act a little weird for a few days and
you suddenly start a fucking mutiny against me!
MATT
What the fuck? What mutiny?!
Doc -what the hell is going on with –
DOCTOR WHAT
(quiet menacing voice )
Get out. Now.
MATT
(stunned voice )
What?
DOCTOR WHAT
You heard me, jarhead.
The three of you. Get the fuck off my ship.
GBW
But we’re in the middle of nowhere.
DOCTOR WHAT storms off to a communication panel and savagely hits a button.
DOCTOR WHAT
DAVE! Are the fucking Shift engines able to handle a Shift?
DAVE HOWERY
(confused voice )
Uh—yeah—I guess. Barely. They can do two or three jumps
in the condition they’re in, I think. I thought we were staying
ere for a while until things cool down and we’re finished with all the repairs?
DOCTOR WHAT
Change of plans! Do an immediate jump to the Hub.
DAVE HOWERY
What—we’re doing a booze run now?!
Ten point out of ten for style, Doc, but
minus a couple million for good sense…
DOCTOR WHAT
We are NOT doing a booze run! We’re just sticking around
for a few minutes until some people get off and then we’re jumping back.
DAVE HOWERY
Uh—okay. I’m firing up the Shift engines in just a few minutes.
DOCTOR WHAT shuts the communicator off.
DOCTOR WHAT
I want you off the ship with all your stuff within
five minutes of us getting there. Get packing.
DOCTOR WHAT storms off.
REACTION SHOT – MATT, FLOCC and GBW staring at one another in shock and confusion.
MATT
(shaking head )
Jesus Christ, what the fuck just happened here?
INT- HUB STATION- CORRIDOR- DAY
We see MATT, GBW and FLOCC walking down a corridor carrying large duffel bags. They walk for about 20 or so feet, stop and turn around.
We see DOCTOR WHAT, with an angry look on his face, standing at the far end of the corridor. He turns around and walks away. The doors shut behind him.
MATT
(angrily )
ASSHAT!
INT. – CF.NET SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY
WARD is sitting at his Command Chair, reading a report.
GRIMM REAPER walks up to him.
GRIMM REAPER
Captain, the new girl says the shift engines
will get us to the Hub. But just barely.
WARD
prepare the ship for shift.
(a pause )
Faster than I had thought they would get it done.
GRIMM REAPER
Well, at least we got a decent looking face on board.
I was tiring of only seeing my handsome visage upon this ship.
WARD
Best not say that too loud, or else Dominus will take offense to it.
GRIMM REAPER
(nods )
Are we taking the gloves off, sir?
WARD
Definitely.
GRIMM REAPER
A pity, I kinda enjoyed our run ins with the AH.com.
May I call dibs on torturing the AH.com crew, when
and if we do capture them?
WARD
Of course.
GRIMM REAPER
Excellent.
END ACT I
ACT II
EXT. HUB – DAY
We see the AH.COM ship slowly drift away from the Hub. After a few seconds, its maneuvering jets fire and it moves away at high speed. Up ahead of it, a huge swirling vortex slowly begins to form.
INT- HUB STATION- CORRIDOR- DAY
We see GBW, MATT and FLOCC standing around.
FLOCC
Well—this is all turning into a god-damn Greek tragedy!
GBW
What do we do?
MATT
(grim look on his face )
We don’t leave a member of the team behind. Ever.
(beat )
Even if he’s acting like an asshole.
(turns to the other two ex-ah.commers )
I’m going to need your help. I have a plan.
GBW
Is this plan logical and reasonable in any shape or form?
MATT
(shaking his head )
Not really, no….
GBW
I’m in—lead the way.
FLOCC
(drinking a shot from his flask of appletini )
Me too. What’s the plan?
MATT
We look up this guy I know who just might be able to help us.
FLOCC
What if this guy can’t help us?
MATT
Then we’re fucked.
GBW
You see? Logic and reason….
They all leave.
SOMEWHERE IN HUB CITY
EXT- STOREFRONT DOOR – DAY
We see a nondescript wooden door on a small building on an equally small street. Above the door can be seen a small sign on which is written simply ‘MrP’. There is an inscription written in Latin under it- Oculi vident solum quid mens intellegere potest .
MATT
The inscription—it’s different…
GBW
Why am I not surprised?
This place gives me the creeps, man…
FLOCC
You really think this guy could help us?
MATT shrugs his shoulders.
MATT
Not like we have many other choices….
They walk in.
INT. –LARGE ROOM- DAY
As before, we see a large room. The four walls are completely covered with huge bookcases that stretch all the way to the top of the 20 foot high ceiling. Piles of books are scattered here and there on the floor. Sitting on one pile of books is MrP still in a 19th century Victorian style suit and a scarf (wrapped loosely around his neck ) . MrP is reading from a large book titled ‘De Vermis Mysteriis’
MRP
(Looking up from his book )
Ah yes—I’ve been expecting you.
MATT
You were?
MRP
(standing up )
It was only a matter of time before the inevitable return of one
of the players in this little sordid melodrama we have here. I was
actually expecting your captain to be the one to come back but
I suppose he’s got far more important things occupying his time.
MATT
And that’s why we came here. We need information
and you’re the only one who can help us.
MRP
(cheerful tone )
Really now? How delightful…
MATT
Can you help us?
MRP
Help is a relative term, my dear friend. I don’t ‘help’.
I advise. I assist. I offer aid. I grant succor. I ameliorate,
alleviate, meliorate, palliate and –from time to time—
even mitigate. But I don’t ‘help’. Not part of the job description.
MATT
Well—can you do any of that for us?
MRP wraps his scarf tighter around his neck and turns and sits back down on the pile of books he was sitting on previously. He picks up his book and goes back to reading again.
After a few seconds he glances up.
MRP
Are you still here? Shoo!
(makes shooing gesture with his hand )
No charity cases. I run a business here. No more freebies.
MATT
Hey—how do you know we can’t pay you?!
MRP
(looking up from his book with a look of mild amusement )
Really now? How so? You guys are wandering around the
city with nothing except the contents of your duffel bags.
GBW
Hey—how did you know that?
MRP
(shrugging shoulders )
Hmmm….maybe it has something to do with—and I admit that
I may be going out on a limb here and making some unsubstantiated
assumptions– but perhaps it has something to do with the fact that
I am –what was it again?—oh yeah–an information broker and that
it is my business to know everything about everything and—for the
right price—share some of that, hmmm?
(goes back to reading )
(glances up after a few seconds )
You’re still here.
MATT
(grim voice )
Look, pal—I’m asking you nicely—we need your assistance.
We need to know what the hell is going on with the Doc and
I figure that you know more about the situation then you’re letting on.
MRP
Oh, I know what’s going on with the good doctor,
old chap. I know everything about it.
REACTION SHOT- MATT, GBW and FLOCC looking at MRP in shock.
MATT
You do?! Then tell us, man! We’ll figure out
some kind of payment or something…
MRP
What I have is worth a lot—far more than you can pay.
(beat )
Far more than you will be willing to pay.
(beat )
Now for the last time—shoo!
(makes shooing gesture again )
MATT stares at MRP for a few seconds in deep thought. Finally making a decision, he reaches into his holster and pulls out a gun and points it at MRP.
MATT
Tell me what’s going on!
MRP
(looking up with a slightly annoyed look on his face )
Again with the gun? What is with you ah.commers
and pulling out guns on everyone?
(shakes head sadly )
Do put the gun away before you hurt someone, old chap.
(goes back to reading )
MATT
(pulling back safety on the gun )
I’m not bluffing.
MRP
(standing up )
(smiling slightly )
Ah—but you ARE bluffing, dear chap.
I read you very well—you can’t and w
on’t kill an unarmed man. So this bluff
won’t work with me.
MATT
You folded pretty quick when the Doc did it and if you are
so good a reading people you’ll know that Doc—despite how
he’s been acting—would never have been able to go through with it.
MRP
Ah—but I did submit in the end for a very good reason.
(beat )
The Doctor that was threatening me wasn’t the same Doctor you know.
REACTION SHOT –the ah.commers in shock and confusion.
MATT stares at GBW and FLOCC for a few seconds, then turns back to MRP and raises his gun again.
MATT
And what the fuck is THAT suppose to mean?
MRP
I mean what I say and I say what I mean. The Doctor that was in
this room before isn’t the Doctor that you knew before his rather
spectacular death last year.
MATT
Bullshit! TORQ ran a million tests on Doc when we rescued him!
He wasn’t some brainwashed alternate, he wasn’t a clone, he wasn’t
some shapeshifter or alien! He was OUR Doctor! Hell—even the
cf.netters were convinced it was him and tried to kill him! When Ward
sets out to kill a specific person, he’s damn sure it’s the right person he kills.
MRP
(smiling )
And yet—the good Doctor was able to survive being on ground zero
of an explosion that destroyed a creature that is known across the
multiverse for destroying worlds? An explosion that tore apart the
very molecules that made up this creature? Are you telling me none
of you people were the least bit curious how he did that?
MATT
(uncertain )
There’s…there’s…lots of reasons how…
MRP
Name one.
GBW
He was on ground zero of an explosion that rips apart
the very particles of matter—there could have been some kind
of weird transdimensional vortex that opened up at that very spot.
MATT
Hell—we don’t even need that as an explanation. You have any idea
how many timelines we’ve visited? How many worlds we’ve actually
saved just in the last five years? I can name a dozen just off the top of
my head where we’re treated as heroes. All it would have taken was
one ship with a half-assed functioning teleporter to rescue him. The
only reason we didn’t do it ourselves was because the teleporter got
trashed in that fight. There are lots of worlds that could have sent a
ship to follow us and decide to help us out.
MRP
And where was he for three months?
MATT
Ummm…maybe…uh…
GBW
….being healed?…
MRP
Or perhaps….being prepared, hmmm?
FLOCC
Prepared? By who?
MRP
In your misguided sojourn across the universes, you’ve not
only made friends but also enemies. LOTS of enemies.
(shaking head )
Still can’t believe you people missed all the clues that this was coming.
And you call him a close friend.
(laughs )
GBW
What clues?
MRP
(shaking head and raising head and seemingly addressing the heavens )
“What fools these mortals be and what mortals be these fools.”
(beat )
(looking at the ah.commers )
Remember back on the giant ant planet? The one where all the
B-movie monsters were running around? You guys broke into
the head monster’s lair and the head monster actually caught
the Doc. Remember what happened?
MATT
Uh—the monster ate him….
MRP
Before that—the monster talked to the Doc, remember? And then—
when it got no response—only then did it try to eat him.
MATT is staring at MRP with barely disguised suspicion and hate.
MATT
How did you know that?
MRP
(bows )
Information broker, remember?
I make it my business to know yours and everyone elses’ business.
(beat )
Ok—how about that world where the U.S. took over Canada and
several members of your crew were trapped in a Toronto prison?
Remember all the artifacts you guys had been helping Doc hunt for—
ostensibly on behalf of Ian? What ever happened to them, hmmmm?
(beat )
How about when you guys met your future alternate selves? You had
to navigate your way through some big space labyrinth. The entire crew
needed to be put unconscious for one month. Remember how everyone
was having nightmares—except the Doc?
The three ah.commers are staring at one another in confusion.
MRP
How about when the Shift engine malfunctioned and threw the good Doc
into some weird dimension based on his own mind? Remember that?
Remember the strange black doorway that Kit was going to open before
Diamond stopped him? Remember what LEO said—that the doors were
symbolic doorways to aspects of his personality.
(beat )
(sighing at the confused looks on the ah.commers )
The Spanish Armada timeline? You guys went down there
to get a supply of Hardaeznite? The stuff they make crosstime
bombs from? Supposedly Doc gave it to Ian for safekeeping—
but did anyone of you actually see him give it?
(beat )
Remember the Denial of Service attack we had here?
You guys tried to get back to your ship but the Hub shuttle
malfunctioned. Doc got a “feeling”, uncharacteristically
seized the controls of the shuttle, and right away—lo and behold! –
you found a Hub ship. The Gateway. How’s that for being
freaking lucky? Or was it not luck? How about your second
run-in with that Hornblower psychobitch where she admitted
that she had been given specific orders not to harm any of
the crew. And—for some strange reason—her emphatic lie
detection didn’t work on Doc, hmmmm?
MATT, FLOCC and GBW are staring at one another in total shock, shaking their heads in confusion. MATT pulls his gun out again and points it at MRP.
MATT
Stop screwing around and tell us already! What
happened to him and how do we get him back?
MRP grins.
MRP
The answer to the first question is obvious.
As for the second question…
(smiles and sits back down on a pile of books )
There is one way to do so.
MATT
And you just happen to know it?
MRP
(theatrically spreads arms wide )
Ta-da!
FLOCC
And what’s the price for this tidbit of information?
GBW
Will you be actually specific or will you be cryptic?
MRP
The price depends entirely on the level of sacrifice
you deem worthwhile. Getting what you want is not
nearly as important as giving what you have.
GBW
Yup—cryptic it is.
MATT
We’ll do it.
MRP grins. It’s a very large and very creepy looking grin. One gets the impression that there are far too many teeth than a normal human should have.
MRP
Positively delightful…..
(beat )
Very well—this is what you must do….
INT. – HUB STATION DOCKING BAY- DAY
We see a particularly decrepit looking corridor. It’s dirty, dark and there are several stains on the metal and concrete that probably shouldn’t be examined too closely if you know what’s good for you.
The camera slowly pans down.
We see GBW, MATT and FLOCC.
GBW
This is dumb. This is really dumb
This is so incredibly dumb.
MATT
I know.
GBW
No—I don’t think you really do know! This is beyond
our usual level of dumbness. This is so incredibly
mind-bogglingly dumb that they have to invent
a whole new word to describe it!
FLOCC
You sure that we should be doing this?
MATT
Fuck no! I’m not sure of anything!
But it’s not like we have much choice!
FLOCC
Man’s got a point.
GBW
Still think this is stupid.
FLOCC
I second that.
MATT
I’m open to other suggestions.
Silence from the two other ah.commers.
MATT
Ok—let’s do this.
They walk 50 or so feet down the corridor and stop. Up ahead, we hear footsteps slowly coming closer. Two figures can be seen approaching the ah.commers through the darkness. They finally come closer into the light.
We see that it is WARD and GRIMM REAPER.
WARD
And what the hell is this?
Come looking for a neat place to die, boy?
GRIMM REAPER
Well, this definitely makes things a whole lot easier.
GBW
Our captain kicked us off his ship.
GRIMM REAPER
(to WARD )
Told you, sir.
What’s gone, as they say it, bat shit crazy.
WARD
The hell you say.
MATT
GBW’s right. He kicked us off.
He’s a complete fuck-up. A total loser.
We want nothing to do with him. Best
thing he could have done to us was kick us off.
WARD
Bullshit.
(beat )
So—you got ten seconds to tell me why
you called me here before I get Grimm
here to flame-broil your nuts off.
GRIMM REAPER smiles and pulls out a very large lighter and points it at the ah.commers.
MATT glances at the other ah.commers. FLOCC and GBW come to attention. MATT turns back to WARD and walks a few steps forward and stops, coming to attention as well.
MATT
On behalf of my two colleagues here, we hereby request that…..
(voice breaks a bit but he quickly recovers) )
–We hereby request permission to join the crew of the CF. NET….
INT. – AH.COM CONTROL ROOM –DAY
We see LANDSHARK, DIAMOND, WEAPON M, KIT and GREY WOLF sitting at various stations or standing around. DOCTOR WHAT comes in with ATTA on his arm. He walks to the front of the Control Room and turns to face the ah.commers.
DOCTOR WHAT
It’s past time that I finally let you in on what’s
been happening here. What we’ve been doing
here and what we have to do.
(beat )
As you know, a few days ago the Hollow Earth
was destroyed. But before it was destroyed I was
able to touch the Shakti Stone. It gave me a vision
of the future—a vision that suddenly explained so much.
(beat )
(we see very confused and/or bored looks on the ah.commers )
Think about it. What is the best place to hide an enemy? The best place
to hide an agent? The best place to hide someone who will do you harm?
(beat )
In plain sight of course. Even better—you have them appear to be a member
on your own side. Nobody suspects what’s going one until its too late!
(beat )
We’ve had a few run ins with the ASBs so far. But think about it—most of their
plans have been foiled relatively easily. Strange isn’t it—how a supposedly super
powerful race of beings have been easily stopped? Maybe—just maybe—what’s
been going on is a show. A show for our behalf so that we can lulled into a false
sense of security. A false sense of complacency. A false sense of trust!
(beat )
(the ah.commers are looking at each other in confusion )
We are being used! There is an enemy who is toying with our minds!
Toying with our perceptions! Toying with our very souls!
(almost shouting now )
But no more! There will be NO repeat of the Hollow Earth! Not on our watch!
Not again! Not ever! I know what’s going to happen! I’ve SEEN it! And more
importantly—I know how to stop them! Once and for all!
LANDSHARK
(interrupting )
What the bloody hell are you talking about, man?
DOCTOR WHAT
(smiling grimly )
We’re going to attack the Hub.
REACTION SHOT: Entire bridge crew gasping in shock.
FADE TO BLACK
ROLL END CREDITS
