TEASER

INT. -  AH.COM SHIP – CONTROL ROOM – DAY

An armored robotic body stands in the middle of the bridge. The AH.com crew gathers around it, oohing and aahing appreciatively.

LEO CAESIUS
You like? I figure I can send an avatar
of me with you on missions. When you return,
I can reincorporate him and thus share in
all your planetary adventures…
(beat)
Thank you, OTHNIEL, for keeping the others
from stealing parts for their various sex-bots and
strange medical experiments.

OTHNIEL beams with pride, then realizes he isn’t supposed to have any pride.

OTHNIEL
Why, thank you Leo.

TORQUMADA
You know, that’s set my current
project at least two weeks
behind schedule….

INT. MEDICAL BAY—DAYS BEFORE

TORQUMADA leans over a glass tube in which an attractive nude blonde woman lays, apparently asleep.

TORQUMADA
My crowning achievement…
an intelligent Paris Hilton.

A dreamy grin crosses his face.

TORQUMADA (CONT’D)
Just needs a few more parts…

He turns around to a big box labeled “Brain Spider.” He eagerly opens it up and

SCREAMS WITH HORROR

INT. THE BOX

The box is empty. A big hole looks to have been cut in the side of it.

INT. – SHIP CORRIDOR

OTHNIEL scampers down the corridor. The BRAIN SPIDER, a brain with spider-legs and a small beak, wriggles in his hands. He strokes it while humming some hymns.

INT. AH.COM SHIP – PRESENT DAY

TORQUMADA’S eyes widen.

TORQUMADA
So what exactly did you do with the brain spider?

LEO_CAESIUS
Have you heard of something called “wetware”?
Biological brain tissue can hold much more
information than any metallic processor…

INT. THE CORE OF LEO_CAESIUS’S MECHANICAL BODY

The BRAIN SPIDER sits in a metallic cradle. Wires and fiber-optic cables emerge from various places on its body, while nutrient tubes run into it. It feebly opens its beak, then closes it again.
FADE TO OPENING CREDITS:

An Alternatehistory.com Presentation:

AH.COM: The Series

“THE RETURN OF MIKE COLLINS & MOLOBO”

Written By : MERRYPRANKSTER

EXT. – THE HUB – DAY

The Hub of the Multiverse sparkles like a galaxy of gemstones against the utter bleakness of the void. Sparks rise and fall from the greater light, the drives of numerous spaceships of all varieties, coming and going from the Hub.

INT. “BREAKER OF SOULS” – DAY

MIKE COLLINS relaxes in his command chair. He looks at the lights with envious eyes.

MIKE COLLINS
I was part of this once. Part of the
great dance of life…

MOLOBO stalks forward to join his master.

MOLOBO
So was I, my Master.

MIKE grins, a grin that would put out the eyes of lesser men.

MIKE COLLINS
And Ian screwed you over,
just as he screwed me.
(off MOLOBOb’s look)
But not in the good way…
(shakes his head)
Tyrants always create their own enemies.

He cracks his knuckles like a piano player and reaches forward towards a Big Red Button ™.

MOLOBO
May I, master? Ian dishonored
Poland with his simpering idiocy…

MIKE shakes his head.

MIKE COLLINS
Patience, my young apprentice.
You can fire the next round. I want
this one to hit the Ouroboros square-on.
If we take out Ian Himself in the initial attack,
we can take control quite easily…
(dramatic pause)
Mwahahahahahaha!

He jams the Big Red Button ™ down with all his might.

INT. – OUROBOROS – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT sits at the bar. IAN, Builder and Sustainer of the Hub and chief barkeep of the Ouroboros, fills the good Doctor’s mug.

DOCTOR WHAT
Now, don’t be shy with the booze.
It’s been a trying time for me…

The sound of a falling projectile fills all their ears. IAN’s eyes widen.

IAN
What the fu…

IAN vanishes. Seconds later, the first crosstime bomb strikes the Ouroboros.

EXT. – A MEDIEVAL SCENE – DAY

Peasants work the fields in the shadow of a medieval castle. The VILLAGE REEVE supervises their work and laboriously takes notes.

Suddenly, the castle vanishes and in its place is the bizarre art-deco sculpture that decorates the roof of the Ouroboros. The REEVE’S jaw drops and he furiously crosses himself. The peasants collectively faint.

INT. – THE OUROBOROS – DAY

Smoke fills the Pub in the Hub and the bar burns. Cries for help in hundreds of different languages echo through the chaos. DOCTOR WHAT rises to his feet.

DOCTOR WHAT
(groaning)
What the hell is going on here?

A siren begins wailing in the distance. DOCTOR WHAT pales as he hears a steady beeping sound, then a robotic voice prophesying doom.

EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM
Please be advised, this is the Emergency Broadcast
System. The Hub is under attack. Please in an orderly
fashion head to the nearest bunker.

EXT. – STREETS OF THE HUB – DAY

Crowds stare and then suddenly burst into movement. Screaming and shouting.

Chaos ensues.

INT. BRIDGE “BREAKER OF SOULS”

MIKE narrows his eyes.

MIKE COLLINS
I can’t feel the death of that so-called
Moderator. Perhaps he was doing something
else when we smacked the Ouroboros.

MOLOBO
What else could he be doing, my master?

MIKE shrugs.

MIKE COLLINS
Looking up obscure studies perhaps, or attending
some hate-Bush rally. Probably nothing important.

MIKE leans back.

MIKE COLLINS (CONT’D)
You may fire when ready.

MOLOBO jumps forward, grinning sadistically.

MOLOBO
I know just what to hit…

EXT. THE AH.COM SHIP

The AH.com ship sits in a dock. Some DOCKWORKERS are shining its metallic surface, while some are fitting new armor over a large, blackened hole.

None of the workmen see a cloaked, ominous figure approaching, bearing a large package. It’s DRACONIS_NOIR.

DRACONIS_NOIR
Just place this bomb in the right spot and…

A falling star—a crosstime bomb launched from the “Breaker of Souls”—hits the AH.com ship.

INT. “BREAKER OF SOULS” – DAY

An evil grin lights up MOLOBO’S face.

MOLOBO
Eat that Leo!
For Poland!

EXT. – THE DOCKS – DAY

The AH.com ship has vanished. DRACONIS NOIR stares then turns and runs.

INT. A SMALL CAFÉ IN THE HUB

MERRYPRANKSTER and a tall, bearded man in white robes and a circular dark cap sit in a small café, both of them totally oblivious to the fleeing hordes in the streets. MERRYPRANKSTER sips at a glass of ice water, while the other man drinks thick, Middle Eastern-style coffee.

MERRYPRANKSTER
I’ve always been a big fan…

NESTORIAN PATRIARCH
Why thank you, young man.

The shadow of MOLOBO falls over the two of them. MERRYPRANKSTER looks to the new arrival.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Have we met before?
You look vaguely familiar…

He extends his arm to shake hands.

MOLOBO’S reply is a swing from his club. MERRYPRANKSTER jerks his arm back, only to take the blow on his wrist.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Oww…oww.

He surges from his chair at the table, but a club-blow from MOLOBO sends him crashing into the pastry-display case. MOLOBO turns to attack the quivering NESTORIAN PATRIARCH.

MOLOBO
Nestorian heretic! For Poland!

He draws back the club to crush the PATRIARCH, but spins to deflect a slash from MERRYPRANKSTER’S samurai sword. However, his deflection of the club leaves his head open for a swift kick from MERRYPRANKSTER’S foot. The blow sends him staggering, but MOLOBO quickly recovers.

MERRYPRANKSTER knows that he’s in for a hard fight, and turns to the PATRIARCH.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Run!

NESTORIAN PATRIARCH
Back to Chicago!

He dashes out the door into the chaotic streets. MOLOBO and MERRYPRANKSTER circle each other. MERRYPRANKSTER’S sword whittles away pieces of MOLOBO’S club, but the sheer power of the mad Pole’s attacks forces him back. He tries to dodge far enough from the Fallen to use his gun, but MOLOBO’S attacks come too fast.

MERRYPRANKSTER decides that discretion is the better part of valor and dashes towards the door. A swing from MOLOBO’S club wings him and sends him through the picture window of the café. MERRYPRANKSTER turns his flight into a forward-flip and lands on his feet, bloodied but otherwise unharmed.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Damn it! Got to warn the others.

EXT. THE OUROBOROS – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT emerges from the ruins of the Ouroboros. He scratches his head.

DOCTOR WHAT
What the hell is going on here?

A bloodied IRONYUPPIE emerges from the smoke.

IRONYUPPIE
Not sure. Someone’s bombing the Hub
from orbit. There’re reports of a strange
attacker in one part of the city.

She whips out her killer yo-yo.

DOCTOR WHAT
Let’s go hunting.

INT. HUB FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

OTHNIEL is leading several denizens of the Hub into a hot tub-sized baptistery. All of them are wearing white robes.

OTHNIEL
Do you truly and honestly repent…

Something flashes, wiping out the scene.

EXT. – A PLACID FIELD – DAY

OTHNIEL and his converts materialize in the middle of an open field. The sun is shining and soon everyone is sweating.

Several FIGURES appear in the distance. OTHNIEL shields his eyes with his hand to see them better. As the figures approach, OTHNIEL’S eyes widen.

The figures are soon close enough to see. They’re ALT-OTHNIEL and several WOMEN.

ALT-OTHNIEL
Well hello there. My name is OTHNIEL, and
these are my wives…

OTHNIEL
Wait…wives?

ALT-OTHNIEL
Oh yes. I’m a good Mormon, like
all other citizens of the Republic of Deseret.
(he spots OTHNIEL’S converts)
You all look like you’re going to be baptized.
Want to join the Church of Latter-Day Saints?

OTHNIEL’S face is stricken with horror. His jaw drops…

OTHNIEL
(Vader-esque)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

INT. “BREAKER OF SOULS” – DAY

MIKE COLLINS is gleefully jamming the Red Button ™ over and over again. More and more sunbursts mar the Hub.

COMPUTER
Seventeen crosstime bombs fired, sir.
Do you wish to keep firing?
Such a continuous attack risks
destroying the Hub itself…

MIKE thinks a moment.

MIKE COLLINS
Hmm…can you scan the city and
see if Ian is dead?

The COMPUTER hums for a minute.

COMPUTER
He isn’t among the dead. The possibility exists
That he got caught in a blast and ended up in an ATL…

MIKE COLLINS
Perhaps.
(beat)
I’ll go take a look.

He steps over to the console and removes a remote control. The control has a Red Button ™ of its own.

Control in hand, MIKE steps into the teleporter…

EXT. – A STREET IN THE HUB – DAY

HENDRYK and two attractive ASIAN WOMEN walk down the street arm-in-arm.

HENDRYK
So, I was explaining to the others
about how nimble Asian women are and…

He looks up to see MIKE COLLINS standing there, looking downright evil.

HENDRYK is fast. He whips out his Chinese-made Mauser knockoff and opens fire. The Asian women run for cover.

MIKE is faster. He does a Matrix-esque “Agent dodge” and avoids all the bullets. He returns to his normal state and grins mercilessly.

MIKE COLLINS
(in Agent Smith-esque tone)
Where is IAN, Mr. HENDRYK?

He gestures with his gauntlets and HENDRYK lurches into the air. Despite his terror, HENDRYK is able to get another round off with his pistol.

MIKE isn’t fast enough to dodge this one. The bullet hits him in one of his gauntlets and cracks it. HENDRYK falls to the ground and squeezes the trigger, hoping to kill the Fallen this time.

TIGHT: THE BARREL OF HENDRYK’S GUN

The gun clicks empty.

TIGHT: MIKE’S FACE

He grins.

MIKE COLLINS
You’re empty.

EXT. – THE STREET – DAY

MIKE uses his other gauntlet to smash HENDRYK through the picture window of a small shop.

Suddenly, a shadow falls over him.

IAN (O.C.)
Collins.
(beat)
I told you to never come back.

Grinning mercilessly, MIKE turns to face IAN.

MIKE COLLINS
Go to hell, Mr. Montgomerie.

IAN raises his arms and the street’s surface becomes fluid in front of him. A great WAVE forms that hurtles towards MIKE.

MIKE swats his broken gauntlet and it sparks back to life again. When the WAVE approaches him, he raises both his gauntlets in the air.

THE ASPHALT WAVE IS REFLECTED BACK AT IAN! And it’s moving much faster.

IAN
Oh shit.

The wave hits IAN with all the force of, well, several hundred pounds of liquefied asphalt moving very quickly. The bloodied IAN flies backwards, knocking over a lamppost.

MIKE COLLINS
Mwahahahaha!

He extends a gauntleted hand for another attack, only for IAN to seize it telekinetically judo-style and slam him through another storefront window.

EXT. – THE CAFÉ – DAY

The battle between MERRYPRANKSTER and MOLOBO continues. The café has since been destroyed, and the battle is now destroying the street. MOLOBO’S club is merely a splinter of its former self, but MERRYPRANKSTER’S samurai sword is bent and twisted also.

MOLOBO
(swinging club)
Ian-lover! Ian-lover!

MERRYPRANKSTER continues to retreat, hoping to get enough time to draw his pistol. However, MOLOBO moves too quickly. Eventually, a strike from the Fallen’s still-substantial club tears the sword out of MERRYPRANKSTER’S hands.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Crap.

The back-swing sends him flying through the air to crash-land at the feet of…

IRONYUPPIE AND DOCTOR WHAT

The two AHers don’t know what to make of their battered enemy, who lies at their feet.

DOCTOR WHAT
One of the CFers.
I’ll bet they’re behind this.
(to IRONYUPPIE)
Should we kill him?

IRONYUPPIE
Not worth it. He’s just one of the minions.
Plus I’m thinking Ian’s rules still apply.
(beat)
Though we could rough him up a little…

MERRYPRANKSTER begins to crawl away. DOCTOR WHAT firmly puts his foot down on the CFer’s back, preventing him from escaping.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(weakly)
Y’all better run.
Trouble’s coming.

MOLOBO’S shadow falls over them.

MOLOBO
AHers! For Poland!

He raises his club before realizing just how unimpressive it is right now. He tosses it aside and picks up a fallen steel girder.

MOLOBO (CONT’D)
The Master wants Ian for himself!
You lackeys are mine!

IRONYUPPIE hurls her wicked yo-yo at MOLOBO. MOLOBO hoists the girder in front of him and the two weapons collide in an ear-torturing metallic chorus. DOCTOR WHAT leaps into the fray wielding nothing but a cricket bat he found lying randomly around.

The resulting battle looks vaguely like Darth Maul’s fight with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in “The Phantom Menace.” MOLOBO uses his girder like Maul’s two-bladed light-saber, deflecting the AH rain of blows. Meanwhile, MERRYPRANKSTER has reached into his pocket and retrieved his com unit.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Hey…it’s me.
(beat)
What do you mean “who is this?”
It’s me, MerryPrankster!
Look. I just found out just
what’s going on around here.
(beat)
No, it’s not another version of MEJ.
It’s MOLOBO, and if he’s here,
I bet MIKE’s here as well.
(beat)
We should have taken those two down
on that desert planet, but…
(beat)
Oh all right. Just follow the tracking device.

Meanwhile, IRONYUPPIE and DOCTOR WHAT are beginning to get the better of MOLOBO. Tired out from his battle with MERRYPRANKSTER, the Fallen is beginning to slow down. IRONYUPPIE manages to get a good hit on MOLOBO’S legs with her yo-yo.

With a cry of pain, MOLOBO topples over, but as he falls, the end of his girder catches DOCTOR WHAT on the chin. This sends him hurtling into…the CF.NET SHIP. There’s a resounding thud and a visible dent in the hull of the ship. DOCTOR WHAT smacks into the bow and with a moan crashes into the ground.

Tight: MOLOBO’s eyes.

MOLOBO realizes his just how screwed he is.

END ACT I

ACT II

EXT. THE CF.NET SHIP – DAY

The CF ship fires several missiles at MOLOBO. The resulting explosion sends him flying.

WARD, GRIMM_REAPER, BULGAROKTONOS, and DOMINUS_NOVUS materialize upon the battered street.. BULGAROKTONOS and DOMINUS_NOVUS quickly secure MERRYPRANKSTER and carry him into the ship, while WARD and GRIMM REAPER survey the scene.

WARD
It looks like we blew the little bastard away.

GRIMM REAPER
If MOLOBO is here on the ground,
that more than likely means that
MIKE is aboard the ship.

WARD snorts.

WARD
Get your head out of your ass, boy!
Do you think for a minute Mike wouldn’t
want to tangle with Ian if he got the chance?

GRIMM REAPER thinks for a moment.

GRIMM REAPER
Well, there haven’t been any crosstime
bomb strikes for several minutes.

WARD, however, is distracted by the sight of the moaning DOCTOR WHAT on the ground, and IRONYUPPIE standing a few feet away.

WARD
(evilly)
Well, well, well. The captain of the AH ship,
and their resident Valkyrie.
(beat)
They will make marvelous hostages.

WARD draws his .357. IRONYUPPIE lunges at him, but topples over, groaning.
GRIMM REAPER tosses a small metal disk upon the two and a moment later they vanish. WARD looks around and soon disappears in a crack.

EXT. – HUB STREET – DAY

The battle between MIKE and IAN continues. IAN is clearly more powerful, but MIKE’S gauntlets enable him to survive IAN’S onslaught and even slap him around a bit.

MIKE COLLINS
Mr. Montgomerie can you smell that?
(snaps his fingers and causes several sewage pipes to erupt)
That is the smell of inevitability.

IAN
Right.

He gestures and a building topples over. MIKE dances out of the way, but falling debris hits his damaged gauntlet and knocks it out again. A look of horror crosses MIKE’S face as he realizes how vulnerable he is to Ian.

Desperately, he seizes his remote control and jams the Big Red Button ™.

IAN
Got you now, Collins.

Despite his fear, MIKE grins wickedly.

MIKE COLLINS
I doubt it, Mr. Montgomerie.

Something whistles overhead and IAN looks up to see a crosstime bomb falling onto him.

FLASH!

IAN, ruler of the Hub and worshipped by some as a god, is gone. MIKE_COLLINS, Lord of Darkness, is triumphant.

MIKE COLLINS
Mwahahahahahaha!

INT. – CF.NET DUNGEON – DAY

DOCTOR WHAT and IRONYUPPIE are in a bamboo cage. They’ve been wired with various metallic devices. WARD sits in a lawn chair a beer in his hand and a look of satisfaction on his face. GRIMM REAPER stands at his side, a remote in his hands. WARD takes a swig of his beer and gestures to GRIMM REAPER, GRIMM REAPER presses a button on the remote control. Both AHers scream and bounce around inside the cage.

WARD
Grimm, how much more can they take?

GRIMM REAPER
DOCTOR WHAT, not much more.
Iron Yuppie on the other hand…
It seems as if she’s enjoying it..

WARD thinks for a moment. GRIMM REAPER interrupts him.

GRIM REAPER (CONT’D)
There is a transmission coming in.
It’s MIKE COLLINS.

WARD frowns.

WARD
Put it on.

The sound of fire crackles in the background. The voice of MIKE COLLINS fills the room.

MIKE COLLINS
Ian has fallen, I repeat, Ian has fallen.
My apprentice MOLOBO and I are now
rulers of the Hub. I suggest that all those
resisting the imposition of my rule cease,
or face a terrible death.

WARD raises an eyebrow

WARD
(takes a swig of his beer)
Mike, ruling the Hub.
Will this be bad for business?

The door to the dungeon slides open and MERRYPRANKSTER limps in.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Did you hear…?

WARD
Yes, I heard, boy.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Well, what’re we going to do, sir?

WARD
Nothing.

MERRYPRANKSTER
But, but…

WARD
Not our problem.

GRIMM REAPER
Ian leaves us alone. He doesn’t give a damn what we

do outside of the Hub, as long as we pay our tabs and keep our noses clean.

With Mike in charge, this could all change. He’s crazier than a rat in a tin shithouse.

WARD thinks for a moment.

WARD
I’m not saying you don’t have a point.
But regime changes are a part of life.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Think of reward that Ian will give if we kick Mike’s ass!
And kick his ass we can do. It’s not like he’s some all powerful

Admin or anything. He’s just a dumb ass with a big glove.

WARD ponders this for a moment.

GRIMM REAPER
We’ve been petty much doing
nothing for the last couple of days.

WARD
Alright then. We go and kick some ass.
(takes a swig of his beer)

GRIMM REAPER
Oh, joy.

MERRYPRANKSTER points to IRONYUPPIE and DOCTOR WHAT.

MERRYPRANKSTER
What about them?

WARD thinks for a moment.

WARD
I think they’d work very well as bait.
(beat)
MOLOBO went after you. It seems that
they might want to eliminate all us
crosstime adventurers. We drop them off, wired
to a very powerful bomb, and then when MOLOBO
or MIKE show up, bang!

MERRYPRANKSTER looks a bit queasy.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Sir, that’s their Captain.
And one of their other important
people, whose exact title I forget.
(beat)
We might be able to use them to
bargain with the AH.commers.

WARD looks at MERRYPRANKSTER ominously.

WARD
(sneering)
Always knew you were soft.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Gaining an alliance, however temporary,
with them and their ship is probably a better
course of action than simply leaving them
tied to a bomb sir.
(beat)
If worst comes to worst, we could use them all as bait.

GRIMM REAPER
The minions got a point sir.
If MIKE and MOLOBO have gotten
stronger since we last took them on,
why not use the damned AH.comers
to scout out the terrain first? If worse
comes, they’ll all die.

WARD grins.

WARD
I like that idea,
Boy, see if you can contact the AH crew!

MERRYPRANKSTER nods and scurries out of the Dungeon. DOCTOR WHAT groans from the cage.

WARD
It looks like we’re going to be allies.

WARD gestures to GRIMM REAPER who hits the button and DOCTOR WHAT lets out a ragged scream.

EXT. – RUINED BUILDING – DAY

WARD gives DOCTOR WHAT and IRONYUPPIE a kick and sends them staggering towards the gathered AH.com crew. The CF.net ship floats overhead and the CF crew is assembled on the ground below. Everyone is armed to the teeth and nobody looks relaxed.

WARD
Jesus freak here
(gestures to MERRYPRANKSTER)
thinks we should join forces
to defeat MIKE and MOLOBO.

GRIMM REAPER
what happen to your dinky little ship?
It finally fall apart?

DOCTOR WHAT glares weakly.

DOCTOR WHAT
It was at the docks when the attack began.
Not sure if it’s been destroyed or merely…misplaced.

BULGAROKTONOS grins

BULGAROKTONOS
We’ve got plenty of firepower on our ship here.
(beat)
Much more than yours.

MATT glares at BULGAROKOTONOS

MATT
Wanna bet?

MERRYPRANKSTER clears his throat.

MERRYPRANKSTER
Lets save this for MIKE and MOLOBO shall we?

DOCTOR WHAT
(interrupting)
Where might they be?

WARD
We sent MOLOBO flying with a series of
missile strikes. MIKE sent a transmission,
demanding surrender.

GRIMM REAPER
What information we have managed to gather
indicates that MIKE and MOLOBO have only
managed to secure a small portion of the Hub.
They’ve not managed to break into the
Inner City or the Citadel.

DOCTOR WHAT
No one gets in their without Ian’s permission…

MATT
He’s taken up residence in one of the
Defense Stations in the Markets.

DOCTOR WHAT
He’s just got control of a Defense Station and
he’s calling himself ruler of the Hub?

GRIMM REAPER
He’s got delusions of grandeur.

WARD
Quit your yapping and
let’s go.

INT. – HUB DEFENSE STATION – MAIN CONTROL AREA – DAY

MIKE lounges in a great chair.

MIKE COLLINS
It’s good to be king.

The great door creaks open and a burned MOLOBO staggers in.

MOLOBO
Master!

MIKE seems genuinely concerned.

MIKE COLLINS
What the hell!
You alright?

MOLOBO
The CF crew. Didn’t take them into account.

MIKE COLLINS
Damn. I figured they’d stay out of this.
(tents his fingers)
We’ll have to do something about them.

EXT. – DEFENSE STATION – DAY

The CF ship floats nearby, just out of the sight of the large weapons sticking out.

INT. – CF. NET CONTROL ROOM – DAY

The AH and CF crews cram the control room. DOCTOR WHAT is admiring a piece of Marian statuary.

DOCTOR WHAT
This is very nice. Where is it from?

DOMINUSNOVUS
A TL where you’re the Pope.
We killed your alter-ego, and stole it.

DOCTOR WHAT
(afraid)
Why did I ask?

WARD comes to the front, dressed in military gear.

WARD
They’re probably in the Main Control Area.
Some of us are going to into the station and
make our way up the stairs. The CF ship will
destroy the top part of the building. Mike and
Molobo will either be killed in the attack, or flee
into the teeth of our forces on the stairs.
(beat)
Objections?

DIAMOND raises his hand.

DIAMOND
Is there any alcohol involved?

WARD
Shut up.

INT. – THE STAIRS LEADING UPWARDS – DAY

The CF and AH crews make up their way up a long and winding stair towards Main Control Area.

EXT. – DEFENSE STATION – DAY

The CF ship slowly rises in the air.

INT. – CONTROL AREA – DAY

MIKE is lounging in a chair. MOLOBO continues to stand at attention.

MOLOBO
Now that we rule the Hub,
what should we do, my master?

As the CF ship fills a screen, MIKE thinks.

MIKE COLLINS
Well, I suppose use the resources of the Hub
to invade some TLs we don’t like. We can a
lways claim to be “spreading democracy.”
(pause)
Perhaps impose some new taxes. As new rulers
of the Hub, we should surely live like gods…

MOLOBO catches sight of the CF ship on the monitor.

MOLOBO
My master…

MIKE gestures imperiously at his apprentice, silencing him.

MIKE COLLINS
Please don’t interrupt my monologue.

MOLOBO’s eyes are wide with terror. His jaw works as he tries to overcome his fear of his master.

MOLOBO
The…the…

MIKE glares at him.

MIKE COLLINS
I’m not finished!

MOLOBO
The CF ship!

MIKE’s eyes snap to the monitor just as the CF ship opens fire. The Fallen overlord raises his hands in front of him. The missiles detonate harmlessly against an invisible field. MIKE and MOLOBO are safe.

However, as the CF volume of fire increases, bullets and shrapnel began to penetrate the shields.

MIKE COLLINS
I can’t keep this up!
Down the stairs!

MIKE and MOLOBO scramble the doorway.

INT. THE STAIRWELL

MOLOBO bursts down the stairs, MIKE following behind.

They come face to face with THE AH AND CF CREWS.

All hell immediately breaks loose.

MERRYPRANKSTER
(screaming)
Remember me?

He grabs MOLOBO by the collar and, using the Fallen’s momentum, hurls him down a flight of stairs. As MOLOBO falls, MERRYPRANKSTER draws his shiny new samurai sword and dives down the stairs, blade first, after him.

In the meantime, the others all pounce on MIKE. Gunfire roars. MIKE’s shielding holds up to the small-arms fire better than the heavy iron of the CF ship, so he survives the onslaught. A wave of his hand, and everyone goes tumbling down the stairs.

ON TOP OF MOLOBO AND MERRYPRANKSTER

The grudge match gets interrupted by the tremendous pile of bodies falling on top of them. MIKE COLLINS drops down to the steps above the moaning mass of crosstime travelers.

MIKE COLLINS
Ian could not defeat me.
Did you people think you
could…do any better?

WARD rises to his feet amidst the pile.

WARD
Get your head out of your ass, boy.

WARD’s .357 appears in his hand and he fires straight at MIKE’S head. MIKE swings his undamaged gauntlet to shield his face.

The bullet punches through the gauntlet and buries itself in MIKE’S forearm.

MIKE screams in agony. Then his face slowly returns to normal

MIKE COLLINS
I will enjoy watching you die…Mr. WARD.

Suddenly, a bright LIGHT appears behind MIKE. The chief Fallen spins to see

IAN.

A little worse for the wear, but still in command.

IAN
Teleporting me to an ATL
won’t kill me, idiot.

He punches MIKE in the face, knocking him out cold.

EXT. – THE BASE OF THE DEFENSE STATION – DAY

The bloodied MOLOBO crawls away from the tower.

MOLOBO
Got to…get to…the Breaker.

Suddenly, IAN materializes in front of him.

IAN
Forgetting this?

He drops a CROSSTIME BOMB in front of MOLOBO, then vanishes.

Tight: THE BOMB

There’s a timer on it. It ticks down to zero. Bright flash.

EXT. – A TOWN IN MEDIEVAL POLAND – DAY

MOLOBO materializes in the streets. He looks around and sees a giant Hollywood-style sign reading “POLAND” on a nearby hill.

MOLOBO
Poland? POLAND!

He starts kissing the ground, only to be spotted by… SOME POLISH NOBLES Lounging on a nearby porch.

POLISH NOBLE #1
Look, it looks like a Jew.

POLISH NOBLE #2
Let’s beat him.

The Polish nobles swarm MOLOBO and start beating the crap out of him.

MOLOBO
No! I am a free citizen of Poland!
Stop this at once!

POLISH NOBLE #1
No you’re not. You’re a Jew.

MOLOBO
I am not a Jew!

The beating continues…

END ACT II

TAG

INT. – THE OUROBOROS – DAY

The Ouroboros has largely been restored, though there’re still some ruined light fixtures. IAN is mopping up a spill on the bar and talking to DOCTOR WHAT

IAN
Luckily for me, I was flung into
the same ATL as OTHNIEL
(shivers)
A right-wing theocracy if there ever was one.
Fortunately, LEO and the AH ship rescued us
from that Deseret jail.

DOCTOR WHAT
How was he able to find all of you?

IAN
Othniel had some parts for the LEO
robot on him. I believe LEO was able to
track them.

DOCTOR WHAT
And where’s Mike?

IAN grins.

IAN
Don’t worry. He’s in a nice, safe place…

INT. – A DANK DARK CELL – DAY

MIKE COLLINS is sitting in a tiny cell, glowering.

MIKE COLLINS
I will have my revenge!
You hear me!
(long beat)
I’m hungery…

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL END CREDITS